Book SummaryWho Will Cry When You Die?, by Robin Sharma

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of Who Will Cry When You Die?

In Who Will Cry When You Die?, self-help guru and author Robin Sharma argues that most people prioritize the wrong things in life—money, success, and status, for instance—and then end up filled with regret at its end, having not made a positive impact on the world or those around them. His goal is to convey the importance of seizing control of your life so you can lead it in a way you won’t regret.

To help you seize control, Sharma presents digestible and diverse life lessons based mainly on existing wisdom, philosophy, and personal experience. In this guide, we’ll first present Sharma’s proposal that most people waste their lives, but that they can seize control of it by defining their purpose. We’ll then present his advice for how to seize control, which we’ve grouped into eight tactics that apply to many realms of life.

The Goal | Stop Wasting Your Life by Seizing Control of It

The book is founded on Sharma’s belief that humans have lost sight of what really matters in life. We’re caught up in unimportant details, such as career success and social status, rather than the big-picture considerations that make life worth living, like family, love, and community.

(Shortform note: Sharma provides a few examples of the big-picture priorities that make life worth living, but mainly lets the reader decide what their own top priorities should be. Others specifically recommend the pursuit of purpose, proper use of time, maintenance of health, and strengthening of relationships as life’s most critical priorities.)

If you want to look back on your life with satisfaction, Sharma says, first understand that you and only you are in control of your life. To lead a life you won’t regret, take action to make that possible: Seize control of your life.

(Shortform note: Sharma tells you to take control of your life, but this can be difficult for someone with an external locus of control. The locus of control indicates how in-control of their own life a person feels. An external locus means a person doesn’t believe they have much control, while an internal locus indicates that person feels in control. You can shift your locus of control internally by taking responsibility for your actions, strengthening your belief in your agency, and viewing failure as a learning opportunity.)

To Seize Control, Set a Purpose

Understanding that you’re in control of your life is only helpful if you know what you want your life to look like, writes Sharma. To understand how to craft a life you’re proud of, figure out what your life’s purpose is. Your purpose is the special ability you were born with that you can use to make the world a better place. If you’re not sure of your purpose, Sharma suggests you ask yourself what strengths you have and how you can put them to good use—that’s your purpose.

(Shortform note: Sharma recommends finding your purpose or special ability, but this is easier said than done—especially if, due to low self-esteem or lack of confidence, you struggle to see what your strengths and abilities are. If you struggle to define your purpose, consider reading more. Adolescents who read poetry and fiction have a greater sense of purpose because they access new ideas that can unlock the door to their purposes. You might also find your purpose by helping those who’ve suffered in the same ways you have. If, for instance, you’ve always struggled with anxiety, you might help others with it.)

The Tactics | Tactic 1: Stay Focused on Your Purpose

We just described Sharma’s belief that humans waste their lives by prioritizing the wrong things and discussed how you can stop wasting your life by determining its purpose. Now, we’ll discuss the first tactic to seize control of your life, according to Sharma: staying focused on your purpose at all times. We’ll cover two strategies to maintain focus on your purpose each day.

Strategy #1: Every Morning, Align Yourself With Your Purpose

First, Sharma advises you to take 30 minutes of each morning to align yourself with your purpose. This ensures that everything you do that day is in service of achieving that purpose. A tool to aid with this alignment is a written set of personal principles, says Sharma. Write down the values you hold most dear and the precepts you want to govern your conduct and thoughts, and refer to this every morning.

(Shortform note: Sharma dives into greater detail on the importance of mornings in The 5 AM Club, describing a morning routine that differs from the written alignment exercise he recommends here. In The 5 AM Club, Sharma recommends breaking the first hour of your day into three equal parts: exercise, reflection, and growth. The reflection and growth portions are similar to what Sharma advocates for here: time to reflect on your purpose and ensure you’re pursuing it. However, he also feels that exercise produces worthy health and cognitive benefits and that you should therefore allocate 20 minutes to it.)

Strategy #2: Set More Goals to Keep Pursuing Your Purpose

To constantly pursue your purpose, Sharma recommends setting plenty of goals. Goals are the bite-sized chunks of your overall purpose you can tackle every day. By setting goals, says Sharma, you give yourself the agency to accomplish them.

For instance, if your purpose is to be a caring parent, your goal might be to spend one screen-free hour with your child every evening. Now that you’ve set a goal, you won’t wait around for your child’s tablet to break, for example, to organize...

Who Will Cry When You Die? Summary Shortform Introduction

In Who Will Cry When You Die?, Robin Sharma demands you ask yourself if, on your deathbed, you’ll look back on life and feel you got the most out of it. If right now, your answer to this is “no,” Sharma provides 101 pieces of advice to help you build a life you’ll feel good about. These range from broad perspective shifts to specific actionables, all with the aim of giving you greater control over your life so you can make it one worth living.

About the Author

Robin Sharma is a world-renowned leadership expert, author, and speaker. Sharma started a career as a litigation lawyer, but he quit that high-stress, high-pay lifestyle at age 25 because he felt unfulfilled. In 1995, he penned and self-published MegaLiving: 30 Days to a Perfect Life, a self-help book based on his takeaways from biographies of people he admired. However, it wasn’t until the release of his second book, The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari, a spiritual guide in the form of a...

Who Will Cry When You Die? Summary Part 1: The Goal | Stop Wasting Your Life by Seizing Control of It

In this guide, we’ll discuss Robin Sharma’s recommendations for how to seize control of your life so you’ll have nothing to regret on your deathbed. We’ve grouped those recommendations into eight categories:

• Staying focused on your purpose
• Living fully every day
• Being mindful
• Asking for help
• Being disciplined
• Coping appropriately with difficulty
• Practicing kindness
• Letting go

In this chapter, we’ll first discuss Sharma’s proposal that you might be wasting your life and that the first step toward seizing control of it is setting a purpose. We’ll then show how the pursuit of a purpose attracts happiness and success.

Most People Live Lives They’ll Regret on Their Deathbeds

Sharma argues that humans have lost sight of what really matters in life. We’re caught up in unimportant details, such as career success and social status, rather than the big-picture considerations that make life worth living, like family, love, and community.

(Shortform note: Sharma provides a few examples of the big-picture priorities that make life worth living but mainly lets the reader decide what their own top priorities should be. Others specifically recommend the pursuit of...

Who Will Cry When You Die? Summary Part 2: The Tactics | Tactic 1: Stay Focused on Your Purpose

In the last chapter, we described how humans waste their lives by prioritizing the wrong things and how you can stop wasting and gain control of your life by determining its purpose. In this chapter, we’ll discuss the first way to seize control of your life, according to Sharma: by staying focused on your purpose at all times in our distraction-filled world.

Here, we’ll cover six strategies to maintain focus on your purpose each day:

• Every morning, align yourself with your purpose.
• Pursue only purpose-aligned activities during the day.
• Regularly step back to gain perspective.
• Ask for what you want to pursue your purpose.
• Set more goals to keep pursuing your purpose.
• Reflect on your day by writing about it.

Strategy #1: Every Morning, Align Yourself With Your Purpose

First, Sharma advises you to take 30 minutes of each morning to align yourself with your purpose. This ensures that everything you do that day is in service of achieving that purpose. A tool to aid with this alignment is a written set of personal principles, says Sharma. Write down the values you hold most dear and the precepts you want to govern your conduct and thoughts, and refer...

Shortform Exercise: Set Purpose-Aligned Goals

Create a set of goals that move you closer toward your purpose each day, month, and year.

Note down your life’s purpose (or purposes). (As a reminder, your purpose is the special ability you were born with that you can use to make the world better. This might be: “to be a good caregiver,” “to always spread kindness,” or “to bring joy to the world through my art.”)

Who Will Cry When You Die? Summary Tactic 2: Live Every Day Fully

Now that you know how to stay aligned with your purpose every day, we’ll tackle a similar topic: the ways you can live fully every day. We’ll first cover Sharma’s definition of living fully. We’ll then discuss five strategies to carry out this practice in your daily life.

What It Means to Live Life Fully

According to Sharma, living fully means imbuing every moment with intention and significance even when you’re not actively pursuing your purpose. For instance, if you’re watching a movie with your partner, you may not be actively pursuing your purpose of becoming a concert pianist. However, you can still make this a meaningful experience by connecting with your partner.

You don’t have to start grand, world-changing projects, like founding a charity, to live fully, assures Sharma. You actually live most fully in the small moments—like in a supermarket queue. Rather than scrolling through social media, strike up a conversation with someone in line or notice a baby smiling at you. Use the moment to form connections or find joy.

Other Ways to Live Fully

Sharma defines a full life as one in which you make every moment—especially the small...

Shortform Exercise: Take Smarter Risks

Assess the benefits and disadvantages of risks to strengthen your risk-taking muscle.

Note an area of your life in which you feel you’re holding yourself back. Describe what you wish to do or try more in that area. (An example area might be your social life, and your wish might be to meet more neighbors.)

Who Will Cry When You Die? Summary Tactic 3: Be Mindful

In the last chapter, we talked about gaining control of your life by living every moment fully. In this chapter, we’ll introduce another way of seizing control of your life: being mindful at all times.

(Shortform note: Living fully and living mindfully have much in common. They both help you to get the most out of every moment of life. But while living fully may involve doing things you wouldn’t ordinarily do or shifting your perspective in some way, being mindful doesn’t imply this. Instead, mindful living simply means being more present and self-aware at all times.)

We’ll begin this chapter by discussing the need for mindfulness and the ways to achieve it. We’ll then move on to some specific areas of your life where mindfulness is especially useful.

Always Be Mindful

Mindfulness is key to seizing control of your life, writes Sharma. If you focus fully on the task at hand, you execute it to the best of your ability. You gain more control over what you do and your impact.

(Shortform note: Intense focus on the present can be helpful in your work life, too, according to Cal Newport in Deep Work. Newport’s concept of deep work is an [activity that demands all...

Shortform Exercise: Exercise Mindfulness During Downtime

Most people have times during the day in which they regularly “tune out.” This might be on the commute, during a class, or in front of the TV at the end of the day. Rather than disconnecting, you can actually use these times to practice mindfulness.

Identify one or two times during the day during which you normally disconnect from reality. What are the circumstances in which you do this, and how do you disconnect? (For instance, you might disconnect on your train ride home by listening to music or scrolling through social media.)

Who Will Cry When You Die? Summary Tactic 4: Cope Appropriately With Difficulty

Another way Sharma suggests you take charge of your life is by handling difficulties with grace. Challenges and hardship are an unavoidable part of life, but you don’t have to let them wrest control from you.

We’ll first cover two changes to your thinking that will help you cope more effectively with challenges. We’ll then discuss three actions you can take to handle problems and remain in control of your life.

Change Your Thinking by Focusing on the Present and Future, Not on the Past

To handle difficulty more gracefully, Sharma demands you exert mental energy only on what you can improve in the present and future rather than on the past. Beating yourself up over unchangeable mistakes only prevents you from moving on.

Instead, says Sharma, figure out what lessons you can derive from your mistake. View mistakes as blessings because they provide you with insights that help you become a better person.

(Shortform note: Sharma tells you to avoid backward-looking and non-productive thinking. This specific type of thinking is called rumination: the act of dwelling on or obsessing...

Shortform Exercise: Use Mistakes to Grow

View your mistakes objectively as learning opportunities, rather than as personal shortcomings.

Describe a moment in the last month when you made a mistake and the context in which you made the error. (This can be a big or a small mistake.)

Who Will Cry When You Die? Summary Tactic 5: Seek Help From Others

Now that you can handle challenges more gracefully, we’ll discuss how to take the reins of your life by benefiting from the support and wisdom of others.

Sharma believes that you can’t possibly accrue all the experiences you need to pursue your purpose first-hand. However, you can gain the learning you’d acquire from those experiences second-hand from others. In this chapter, we’ll talk through five specific ways to gather the wisdom and support of those around you.

Refer to Your Personal Panel of Imaginary Mentors

Sharma’s first recommendation for gaining input from others is to create an imaginary panel of specialized mentors and turn to them for guidance. When you need advice on a tough problem, imagine what a mentor would tell you.

You don’t have to know these mentors, and they don’t have to even be alive, assures Sharma. They should just be figures you admire and who have something to offer to your life. For instance, your panel might consist of Steve Jobs for advice on innovation, Oprah for advice on self-care, and the Dalai Lama for advice on spirituality.

(Shortform note: Sharma recommends heeding the (imaginary) advice of a panel of specialists in...

Shortform Exercise: Create Your Personal Panel of Imaginary Mentors

Assemble a team of imaginary mentors to guide your decision-making.

Write down all of the different realms you can break your life into. (These might be realms like work, friends, family, and creativity.)

Who Will Cry When You Die? Summary Tactic 6: Be More Disciplined

In the last chapter, we described the ways you can seize control of your life by availing yourself of the wisdom and support of others. In this chapter, we’ll focus on how you can develop your self-discipline to get a handle on your life. We’ll first discuss how you can see discipline as a form of self-care, rather than self-punishment. We’ll then introduce six approaches to building your self-discipline.

See Self-Discipline as a Form of Self-Care

Sharma argues that being disciplined is a form of self-care. When you exert discipline over yourself, you make choices that are unpleasant in the short term but better for you in the long term. These hard choices also often guide you toward your purpose. Additionally, by putting in the work to improve yourself, you don’t wait around for the world to force you to improve—an experience that’s usually more painful, claims Sharma.

(Shortform note: Sharma’s a big believer in self-discipline, but others take a more critical stance toward it. Some feel that [self-discipline stems from deep-seated...

Shortform Exercise: Take Better Care of Your Time

Assess how carefully you spend your time and make necessary changes to spend it more effectively.

Pick a recent day to perform a time analysis on. Write down what your planned activities were for that day and the amount of time you wanted to allocate to each activity. Ensure each minute of the day is allocated in some way, even if it was just for downtime. (Don’t write down how you actually spent your time—we’ll look at that in the next step of this exercise.)

Who Will Cry When You Die? Summary Tactic 7: Practice Kindness

Sharma also discusses kindness as a tactic to develop your control over your life and steer it toward your purpose. We’ll first describe why Sharma feels kindness is integral to pursuing your purpose. We’ll then cover six ways in which you can spread kindness to yourself and others.

Be Kind to Yourself and Others Every Chance You Get

Sharma’s recommendation is to simply be kind to yourself and others as often as possible. When you do this, you more effectively pursue your altruistic purpose in life. Let’s say your purpose is to add value to your community. When you perform community service with a kind disposition, you add more value than if you had a sullen or even neutral disposition.

(Shortform note: Beyond enabling you to more effectively pursue your purpose, practicing self-kindness has other benefits. Being kind to yourself turns off your body’s threat response, thereby calming your heart rate and reducing damage to your immune system. In this...

Shortform Exercise: Spread Kindness by Educating Yourself

Find an area to expand your knowledge in the service of others.

Think about your friends and family: Who in your life is struggling in some way? (This might be a mental health struggle, an academic struggle, or some other struggle.) Note who this person is and be as specific as possible about what their current challenge is.

Who Will Cry When You Die? Summary Tactic 8: Let Go

Now that you know how to use kindness to exert greater control over your life, we’ll end by talking about how you can use downtime and mental breaks to be more in control and pursue your purpose more productively.

We’ll first cover three different breaks you can incorporate into your daily and weekly routines. We’ll then move on to five other ways to step back and let go that have the power to rejuvenate you and restore your control over life.

Take Intentional Breaks

Sharma recommends you incorporate several types of intentional breaks in your daily life. The point of these breaks is to refresh your mind and energize you to live the rest of your day or week in service of your purpose—not to disengage from reality, for instance, by scrolling through social media feeds.

(Shortform note: In The Gifts of Imperfection, Brené Brown elaborates on the idea that we need intentional breaks in our days by introducing the acronym DIG. People who DIG are good at taking intentional breaks: They’re Deliberate in their choices of what to dedicate their energy toward, Inspired to make things better for...

Shortform Exercise: Create Your Own Rejuvenating Break

Devise your own break that will keep you energized and purpose-aligned. Sharma proposes three types of specific, periodic breaks to build into your schedule. But you can also reflect on your unique needs and build in breaks specific to you.

First, think about your week: On what days or at what hours do you become unmotivated or sluggish? When do you find your energy sinking? (Do you often feel sluggish after lunch? Do you start your weeks with little energy and end them with lots of energy?)