Book SummaryWhen Things Fall Apart, by Pema Chödrön

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of When Things Fall Apart

Life naturally cycles through easy, enjoyable times and difficult, painful times. When life becomes challenging—when we endure significant losses, grapple with conflict, and witness our loved ones suffer—it can feel overwhelming, disorienting, and unfair.

In When Things Fall Apart, Pema Chödrön argues that pain and suffering are inevitable parts of life but that these experiences can also be opportunities for growth and transformation. She draws on ancient Buddhist wisdom and practices to offer a path through life’s most challenging moments, writing that when things feel unbearably difficult, we can navigate them by staying in the present moment, cultivating compassion for ourselves and others, facing our fears, and accepting reality as it is.

Pema Chödrön is an American-Tibetan Buddhist nun who studied under the Tibetan Buddhist meditation master, Chögyam Trungpa. She is a teacher, public speaker, and author of 20 books on Buddhism and...

When Things Fall Apart Summary Why We Suffer

Navigating hardship, loss, and uncertainty is something we all must do at some point in our lives. Many things can fall apart with or without notice—our images of ourselves, our beliefs, our health or the health of a loved one, important relationships, and so on. When things change for the worse, we can become overwhelmed by negative emotions like worry, doubt, anger, fear, and despair.

Challenging times may be inevitable, but is it inevitable that we suffer because of them? Chödrön argues no. She explains that we suffer because the strong beliefs we hold are in conflict with reality.

(Shortform note: Chödrön doesn’t clarify if people are generally aware of the beliefs she addresses above, though they’re likely unconscious beliefs for many. Many psychology experts contend that we hold strong beliefs consciously and unconsciously—each driving our behaviors and attitudes towards the world and shaping our experiences. Our languages, personal experiences, cultural norms, education,...

When Things Fall Apart Summary How to Ease Suffering and Navigate Difficult Times

Chödrön writes that the key to getting through difficult times with less suffering is to let go of the idea that there’s a cure for pain and uncertainty and recognize these are constant and ever-present parts of life—you will experience constant change, and to live fully, you must stop trying to make things permanently ideal. Learn to relax and accept the instability and the fundamental uncertainty of being alive.

Chödrön also writes that you can turn negative experiences into opportunities for growth. Doing this can help you cultivate more inner peace, which benefits you, those around you, and the whole planet.

You can let go of unhelpful beliefs, relax, and remain steady amidst chaos by learning to stay in the present moment. Chödrön explains that in the present moment, we can drop the painful and unhelpful stories we tell ourselves about who we are, what is happening to us, and what is true about the world. In this state, we can experience more courage, strength, and appreciation for reality. And we can live more fully without constantly seeking pleasure and striving to avoid and eliminate pain.

(Shortform note: Embracing uncertainty, giving up on trying to make our...

Shortform Exercise: Practice Cultivating Compassion for Yourself and Others

Chödrön teaches that developing an attitude of loving-kindness towards yourself and others is key to navigating painful and challenging circumstances. This exercise walks you through reflections that will help you cultivate compassion.

Take a moment to think of a challenging situation you're currently facing. Now ask yourself: How do I feel about this situation? Can I recognize the emotions that I have about my circumstances? Write a few sentences about your emotions.