The Sun and Her Flowers is a collection of poems by poet and visual artist Rupi Kaur. In this collection, Kaur explores the end of a relationship, her traumas and insecurities, and the people and relationships that inspire her and help her heal. Through her minimalist style of verse and drawings, Kaur connects her own deep emotional experiences to larger social issues around her—misogyny, rape, female infanticide, and negative body image. In our guide, we’ll explore the main themes of...
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In the “Wilting” section of The Sun and Her Flowers, Kaur recounts the days, weeks, and months following the end of a long-term relationship. These initial pages express her rage, love, and sorrow, as well as her conflicted feelings toward her abusive ex-partner. Over the course of the first section, Kaur shows that leaving her relationship was the right choice—even though it wasn’t an easy one.
Many of the poems in “Wilting” talk about the attraction and love Kaur felt toward her partner when they were together. They express the insecurities and desires that kept her in the relationship despite her partner’s abuse. Kaur expresses how she was attracted to the idea of a relationship, rather than being attracted to her partner. She expresses two feelings in particular:
1) Desiring affection: Kaur describes how much she needed to feel wanted in her relationship, both romantically and sexually. When her ex cheated on her or seemed uninterested in her, Kaur wondered how she could change her appearance or behavior so he’d show her affection again.
(Shortform note: Melodie Beattie (_[Codependent No...
Even after leaving her abusive partner and beginning to recover emotionally, Kaur still had a long road of healing ahead. After describing her abusive relationship in “Wilting,” the “Falling” section of The Sun and Her Flowers then reflects on the root causes that led Kaur to that relationship in the first place. Many of the poems in “Falling” explore Kaur’s feelings of emptiness, depression, and anxiety stemming from deeper traumatic events and powerful insecurities.
(Shortform note: Kaur isn’t alone in her experience of “re-victimization,” or ending up in an abusive relationship after childhood abuse. Studies find that women who suffered childhood sexual or physical abuse are far more likely to end up with abusive partners in their adult lives. Some experts suggest that childhood abuse directly leads to further abuse by teaching a victim that...
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Despite the challenges she faced and the pain and emptiness they brought her, Kaur ends The Sun and Her Flowers on a positive, hopeful note. In the last three sections of the book (“Rooting”, “Rising”, and “Blooming”), she describes feeling a sense of belonging in her family and romantic life. Though challenges remain, Kaur knows she has the strength to face them and that the people she loves will help her along the way.
In particular, Kaur talks about two places where she finds meaning, hope, and a sense of belonging:
Kaur talks about finding a new sense of belonging through family and cultural background. In the “Rooting” section of the book, Kaur shows newfound appreciation for her Indian heritage and her family’s experience emigrating from India to Canada. While she appreciates many aspects of her cultural background, Kaur also criticizes certain aspects of South Asian culture as misogynistic.
Kaur expresses newfound gratitude and appreciation in her poems that discuss her family and culture. She’s come to recognize all of...
Recognize challenges that you’ve overcome in life and the strength it took to do so.
What are some significant challenges you’ve overcome in the past few years? They could be emotional, financial, or professional—anything that took a lot of effort but that you accomplished.
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Consider what you appreciate in your life and relationships and how they give you strength.
What’s a small act or experience that you appreciate, or that helps you through tough times? (For example, petting your dog, watching the sun rise, or listening to the blues.) How does this experience help you?