Book SummaryThe Rational Male, by Rollo Tomassi

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of The Rational Male

There are many conflicting messages about what it takes to be a “real man.” Some people call for men to be strong and aggressive. Others insist that men need to be nicer, gentler, and more emotional.

This confusion, says blogger and podcaster Rollo Tomassi, is part of the feminine agenda that keeps men constantly unsure of how to act in any given moment—always responding to women’s needs and wants rather than freely defining the course of their lives. In _The Rational...

The Rational Male Summary Why Masculinity Is in Peril

Tomassi argues that women have been operating a feminine agenda since the late 1960s. This agenda has a singular focus: to tame and manipulate men’s normal masculine impulses.

In this section, we’ll first describe the male and female sexual strategies that underpin the feminine agenda. Then, we’ll explore the feminine agenda itself and its ultimate consequence: women holding dominance. Finally, we’ll explain why men are complicit in supporting the feminine agenda.

The Sexual Strategies Underpinning the Feminine Agenda

To understand the feminine agenda, we first need to understand how men and women operate sexually. According to Tomassi, women and men are biologically programmed to execute two distinct sexual strategies. On the one hand, men are compelled to have sex with as many women as they can to ensure the continuation of their genetic line. On the other hand, women want to find the best possible mate—one who’ll pass down the most advantageous physical traits to her offspring, and who’ll serve as a great protector and provider for the long term.

To ensure she fulfills her sexual strategy, **a woman is genetically predisposed to seek out the highest-status...

The Rational Male Summary Lies You’ve Been Told By and About Women

Now that you know what the feminine agenda is and why it’s so effective, let’s examine the main lies women tell to keep men compliant with their agenda. We’ll examine each lie in turn along with the underlying truth, according to Tomassi.

Lie #1: Men Are Privileged

Tomassi says that women label any action or belief that threatens women’s dominance as “male privilege.” The lie of male privilege, says Tomassi, is designed to guilt men into sacrificing their interests to the further advantage of women. Men are always encouraged to “check” or give up their alleged privilege and to empower women—sacrificing their interests in the process.

However, the truth is that women are in control. As we’ve seen, they shape the overarching narrative and social conventions in our culture, which all serve women’s interests. This is why, Tomassi says, it’s common practice to ridicule or attack anyone who makes a statement or action that challenges women’s priority—calling them sexist, juvenile, or out-of-touch.

Digging Deeper Into Privilege

Although Tomassi argues that women, not men, enjoy privilege, it’s not clear what his definition of privilege is. A commonly accepted...

The Rational Male Summary How Men Can Get Their Masculine Swagger Back

Now that you know the main lies women use to subjugate men, let’s look at how men can reclaim control of their lives. Tomassi explains that men can loosen the grip of the feminine agenda and step into their power, but it’s a process that takes time. Men must become aware of their own value and embrace their natural masculine impulses.

In this section, we’ll look at the three main rules Tomassi outlines for men to recognize their value, have more sex, build better relationships, and feel good about themselves: postpone long-term relationships, don’t negotiate for sex, and keep women curious and uncertain.

Rule #1: Postpone Long-Term Relationships and Build Your Value

Tomassi advises men to remain single until their 30s, the time when their sexual desirability is highest. Delaying commitment will allow them to gain experience with many women so they’re better able to judge character and identify good female mating partners.

(Shortform note: Tomassi’s advice to postpone relationships could backfire, as some women avoid men who have never been in a long-term relationship. These women assume...

The Rational Male Summary The Truth About Long-Term Relationships

Now that you know what men need to do to regain control of their lives, let’s discuss how long-term relationships fit into this picture. Are long-term relationships good or bad for men? Should men try to build a long-term relationship, or will that undermine their efforts to gain control of their lives?

In this section, we’ll examine three of Tomassi’s fundamental truths about committed relationships so you know how to navigate this important domain. Tomassi doesn’t prescribe a particular relationship goal for all men. Rather, he shares his insights and leaves men to decide what’s best for them.

Truth #1: Men Don’t Need a Long-Term Relationship

The feminine agenda upholds monogamous, committed relationships as the ultimate achievement in our culture. Men are led to believe that they have one true soulmate and it’s up to them to find that elusive “one” and settle down.

(Shortform note: Many areas of our culture promote belief in a soulmate, including films, books, magazines, and television shows. For example, the reality show The Bachelor showcases a single man who dates several women in an effort to find his true love....

Shortform Exercise: Feel Confident and in Control on Your Next Date

Tomassi says that men need to define the terms of their relationships with women by being assertive, confident, and in control.

Describe your most recent date. How did you feel while you were on the date? (For instance, consider whether you felt confident or insecure, sexy or unattractive, and appreciated or taken for granted.)

Shortform Exercise: Define Your Ideal Romantic Partner

Tomassi says that men need to be clear about what they want and need in a partner so they choose partners who satisfy them and ignite true passion.

Describe your ideal romantic partner. (Consider qualities like appearance, values, social status, occupational status, how she acts around you, and any other qualities that are important to you.)