Book SummaryThe Power of Regret, by Daniel Pink

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of The Power of Regret

Is there something you wish you could change about your past? If so, you're not alone. Most people live with regrets—yet believe that an ideal approach to life is to live with "no regrets." In The Power of Regret, Daniel H. Pink, New York Times best-selling author of Drive and To Sell Is Human, argues against this approach. Regret is a normal, healthy part of life, according to Pink, and he maintains that regret plays an important role in improving your life....

The Power of Regret Summary Part 1: What Is Regret?

Before we explain the benefits of regret, it helps to ground our discussion in Pink’s definition of regret. Most people identify regret as a painful feeling that arises while reflecting on past decisions and wishing they had acted differently. However, Pink argues that we should view regret not as a feeling, but as the outcome of a process—not as something we have, but as something we do.

He explains that our brains must engage in a multi-step process to create an experience of regret. In this section, we'll walk you through the three steps of regret and explain the different factors that enable it.

The Three-Step Process of Regret

Pink explains that the process of regret involves three steps: telling a story about the past, inventing a new story about an alternative past, then comparing the two.

Step #1: Telling a Story About the Past

Pink explains that the first thing someone needs to experience regret is a story about their past. He suggests that we as humans are unique in our ability to tell stories and to “time travel” in our imaginations. We begin the process of regret by creating a narrative about something we did or didn’t do in the past....

The Power of Regret Summary Part 2: Common Regrets

Now that we understand how people come to experience regret, we'll explore the kinds of things people regret most. In this section, we'll cover the difference between regrets of things done and regrets of things not done, and we'll also explore Pink's four categories of regret.

Regrets of Things Done vs. Regrets of Things Not Done

Pink first divides regrets into two categories: regrets of things done and regrets of things not done. A regret of things done occurs when people do something and then wish that they hadn't, such as stealing from a grocery store or cheating on their spouse. A regret of things not done occurs when someone doesn't do something they wish they had. This could be an opportunity they let pass by, such as starting their own business or asking someone out on a date.

Most people tend to have more regrets of things not done than regrets of things done. Pink also notes that the ratio between the two types also grows more lopsided with age: Young people tend to have an equal number of regrets of things done and regrets of things not done, but as they age, they gain more regrets of things not done. This is because, as time goes by, they...

The Power of Regret Summary Part 3: The Wrong Ways to Handle Regret

Now that we understand how regret works and the types of regret you'll most likely experience, we can turn to Pink's insights on the worst and best ways to handle regret. Handling regret the wrong way will prevent you from growing from your regrets and using them to improve your life. In this section, we'll cover his explanation of the three wrong approaches to regret: the philosophy of no regrets, avoiding, and wallowing.

Wrong Way #1: The Philosophy of “No Regrets”

Pink explains that many people hold the view that they should live life without any regrets. This philosophy appears in popular music, self-help books, commercials, and celebrity culture, just to name a few. Pink explains that this philosophy views regret simply as something to avoid because it is painful and because no one can change the past. Therefore, the reasoning goes, a life without regrets is well-lived.

However, Pink counters that this view is foolish and can even prevent people from living their best life. He makes two counterarguments which we will discuss in depth: 1) Regret is a universal part of life, and 2) it is highly beneficial to our lives.

(Shortform note: Those who espouse the...

The Power of Regret Summary Part 4: How to Turn Regret to Your Advantage

As we’ve seen, Pink argues that regret has the power to benefit our lives, but only if we know how to use it. In this section, we'll cover Pink's strategies for processing and growing from regret, and how to improve decision-making by anticipating future regrets.

Processing and Growing from Regret

Pink identifies processing as the best approach for dealing with regret. Broadly speaking, processing includes thinking and reflecting on your past decisions, analyzing the source of your regret, and making new decisions to guide your future actions. Pink considers this a proactive approach that leads directly to action. Once you process and understand your regrets, they can lead you toward a better life.

Pink identifies five steps to help you process and grow from your regret: reveal the regret; forgive yourself; find something positive; find a lesson; commit to action.

Step #1: Reveal the Regret

Pink explains that before you can begin processing regret, you’ll need to reveal it, either to yourself or others. People often carry regret around as a personal secret, which can make it much more difficult to process.

Pink cites research that demonstrates...

Shortform Exercise: Grow From Your Regret

This exercise will give you a chance to consider a regret and use it to guide you toward improving your life.

Write down one thing you regret about your life. How do you imagine your life would be different if you had acted differently in the past?

Shortform Exercise: Forecast Regret to Inform Your Decision Making

In this exercise, you will have a chance to forecast future regrets to help you make a decision.

Write down a decision for your future that you’re currently considering. What are the different options you are weighing?