Book SummaryThe New Bottoming Book, by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of The New Bottoming Book

The authors incorporate their unique viewpoints and individual backgrounds into an extensive discourse on BDSM.

The writers share their insights, highlighting their involvement as educators and practitioners within the BDSM community.

Dossie Easton, with her extensive three-decade experience in BDSM communities, collaborates with Janet W. Hardy, who contributes her perspective as a heterosexual dominatrix and her nearly twenty years of expertise as an author and educator in the field of human sexual behavior.

The publication reflects the combined expertise of two writers, each with unique experiences in the domain of BDSM. During her extensive involvement spanning almost thirty years in the community, Dossie Easton evolved from acknowledging her attraction to people of all genders to embracing her lesbian identity, thus becoming an integral part of the queer community. Drawing on her Bay Area counseling background, she offers deep understanding of the psychological and emotional aspects of BDSM, enhanced by her extensive involvement across different roles and practices in the community.

Janet W. Hardy, initially identifying as a heterosexual top, has embraced her authentic self as a bisexual and polyamorous switch, adept at both taking charge and yielding within her roles, reflective of the Northern California cultural ethos. Her contributions to sexual education and literature have widely spread her knowledge, particularly through her guide "The Sexually Dominant Woman," which has made it easier for women to embrace and articulate their assertive tendencies. She has imparted knowledge to a multitude of individuals about the core tenets of BDSM, thereby shaping a generation of aficionados through her insights into power dynamics and the nuances of erotic roles.

Practical Tips

• Create a personalized checklist of safety measures and aftercare steps to use as a reference for any future activities. This could include items like having safety scissors on hand for quick release from any bindings, establishing a safe word, and planning for emotional aftercare such as cuddling or debriefing conversations.
• You can explore your own identity by journaling your feelings and attractions over time to observe any patterns or shifts. Start by writing daily or weekly about your emotional responses to different people and situations. This can help you notice if your attractions are consistent or if they change, similar to how someone might track their diet to understand food sensitivities.
• You can enhance your emotional intelligence by practicing active listening during your conversations, focusing on understanding the speaker's emotions and perspective without immediately offering advice or judgment. This can be done by summarizing what the other person has said and asking clarifying questions to ensure you've understood them correctly. For example, if a friend is sharing a problem, instead of jumping to solutions, say, "It sounds like you're feeling overwhelmed because of X. Did I get that right?"
• Create a private, anonymous online forum or chat group with friends or like-minded individuals to discuss and share insights on sexual behavior. This safe space can facilitate open conversations, allowing you to gain diverse perspectives and learn from others' experiences without the fear of judgment. It's a way to broaden your understanding and comfort with various aspects of human sexuality.
• Create a personal "relationship roadmap" to clarify what you want from your relationships. Use a simple flowchart or diagram to map out different relationship scenarios, including monogamy, polyamory, and bisexuality, and how you might navigate them. This visual tool can help you articulate your desires and the potential paths you could take.
• Volunteer for a local organization that supports sexual education and health to gain firsthand experience and knowledge. By engaging with the community, you can learn from others' experiences and contribute to spreading awareness. Look for opportunities like helping at educational workshops, distributing informational materials, or participating in community outreach programs.
• Create a personalized 'dominance affirmation...

The New Bottoming Book Summary The core tenets of BDSM rest upon ensuring safety, establishing mutual consent, and maintaining open communication.

The authors emphasize the importance of self-awareness, the creation of clear personal limits, and the necessity for open communication between partners.

They recommend using a method known as the "Yes-No-Maybe" to effectively communicate one's personal desires, restrictions, and limits.

The authors stress the importance of understanding oneself and engaging in clear communication as essential elements for a fulfilling and safe journey within the realm of BDSM. Prior to interacting with another person, it's crucial to have a clear comprehension of what you seek and to define your individual boundaries. They recommend employing a method favored by sex educators, which involves sorting activities into groups of pleasurable ones, those that are prohibited, and those you might consider given appropriate conditions.

This endeavor involves creating a comprehensive list of activities associated with sexual expression and power dynamics, then categorizing them into three separate clusters: those that captivate you, those you dismiss, and those you might contemplate. The column labeled "YES" enumerates activities that excite you or that you're eager to experience. Activities...

The New Bottoming Book Summary Approaches to delve into BDSM.

Participating in BDSM communities can lead to self-exploration and help in building connections with others.

The authors suggest composing personal ads, engaging in communal events, and fostering relationships within the community as ways to establish connections with potential partners.

Individuals looking to transition from solitary fantasies to active participation with other BDSM aficionados will find that Easton and Hardy map out various routes to establish rapport with like-minded individuals. They recommend investigating digital forums as well as placing personal advertisements in print media. Express your likes, detailing the activities that bring you happiness and the type of relationship you seek. Open and honest communication is crucial for attracting partners who share your genuine interests.

Attending munches and various BDSM events provides opportunities for casual social interaction, getting to know others with shared interests, and observing diverse playstyles. They caution against solely seeking out individuals for future relationships. Build connections and nurture ties that provide crucial backing, mentorship, and insight into the unique...

The New Bottoming Book Summary The practices associated with BDSM

Bottoming encompasses a wide range of emotional and physical reactions.

The book explores various motivations and psychological states sought by bottoms, such as seeking a state of flow, releasing profound emotions, striving for spiritual upliftment, and delving into the realms of role-playing and sensory exploration.

Easton and Hardy recognize the wide array of activities associated with being a submissive, reflecting the varied individuals who engage in these practices. They encourage acknowledging your unique needs and personal journeys, especially when they deviate from the common stereotypes or beliefs held by the community. Your sensual voyage may deeply resonate with your own desires, but it may not stir the same passion in another whose tastes are distinct.

The authors delve into the various motivations and psychological conditions sought by bottoms, encompassing a spectrum of physical and emotional sensations. Many aim to achieve "flow"—a heightened state of focus and effortless action where each component seems perfectly harmonious. Individuals engage in activities that provide an outlet for expressing deep-seated feelings, serving as a means to mitigate...

The New Bottoming Book Summary The incorporation of BDSM elements into spiritual ceremonies

The authors regard BDSM as a conduit to intense experiences that can lead to different levels of awareness, seeing a profound connection between spirituality and sexuality.

The writers explore techniques that enable participants in BDSM to deepen their spiritual awareness and establish more profound bonds by practicing mindfulness, concentrating on energy centers, and conducting rituals.

Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy challenge the prevalent Western notion that spirituality and sexuality are distinct, arguing instead for their profound interconnection. They assert that every peak moment is essentially an encounter that transcends the physical and mental boundaries, characterized by profound bonding and an elevated state of awareness. Surrendering to the power dynamics within BDSM, coupled with the profound physical feelings, can act as a driving force for significant changes in awareness, emphasizing the deep connection between sexuality and spirituality.

They describe practices like meditation, chakra work, and ritual as tools for deepening this spiritual awareness within BDSM. Participants can improve their focus, quiet the incessant noise of everyday life, and...

The New Bottoming Book Summary Empowerment and personal growth through BDSM

Individuals who identify as bottoms may find strength and independence through recognizing and accepting their own limits and desires.

The authors dispel the myth that those who assume submissive roles lack agency or are passive, instead depicting them as individuals who consciously leverage their experiences to foster personal development.

Easton and Hardy address the common misconception that individuals who take on the bottom role are devoid of power or are diminished in status. This common misconception, often reinforced by societal standards and mainstream portrayals, fails to recognize the considerable wellspring of resilience, independence, and self-knowledge that many bottoms bring into their partnership.

They explore the concept of a submissive person who fully embraces their desires, acknowledges their limits, and plays an active role in shaping the relationship dynamic. This empowerment stems from deep self-awareness and the ability to articulate one's boundaries and wishes, along with a preparedness to take responsibility for one's choices and the outcomes they produce.

Choosing to bottom does not equate to a loss of power; rather, it is a conscious...