Book SummaryThe Laws Of Human Nature, by Robert Greene

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of The Laws Of Human Nature

In The Laws of Human Nature, author Robert Greene lays out 16 laws that will help us understand and predict the behavior of ourselves and others. Typically, we have no idea why anyone (including ourselves) does anything. This is because feelings and thoughts are controlled by different parts of the brain—we can’t consciously access the source of an emotion or mood.

With the help of the laws, we can dive deeper into the workings of human nature and learn to:

1. Manage toxic types. The laws will help us identify toxic people so we can stay away from them or fight them.
2. Control our own nature. The laws will help us understand our characters, our repressions, our patterns, and other elements of self that we might want to improve or change.
3. Make us more empathetic. The laws will help us form stronger connections with other people.
4. Make people like us. The laws will help us lower people’s resistance, encourage them to think and feel the same way we do, and make us likable.

(Shortform note: The Laws of Human Nature contains 18 laws. We’ve rearranged and combined some of the laws for concision and clarity.)

Here are the laws, organized by categories:

Category #1: People Have Unrealistic Self-Images

A self-image is our internal assessment of ourselves. Our assessment is usually a little more flattering than reality, and most of us believe we’re autonomous, intelligent, and good. Assessing and validating the self-image is critical to the following three laws:

Law #1: People Are Self-Absorbed

Attention is both a fundamental human need and a limited resource, so to get as much as we want, we often turn inward and admire our self-images. Use this knowledge to:

1. Manage toxic types. When it comes to self-absorption, the toxic types are narcissists, who have weak or nonexistent self-images and therefore spend their lives seeking attention from others. Here are some examples of traits you can use to identify (and then avoid) them: They take everything personally, can’t listen, and try to control others.

2. Make yourself more empathetic. Like everyone, you’re at least a little bit self-absorbed, and the best way to keep your self-absorption from controlling your life is to focus on others instead of yourself. Some ways to do this are: learning more about people’s backgrounds, assuming the best of them, and trying to feel what they’re feeling by recalling similar experiences or copying their body language to trigger the associated emotions.

Law #2: People Are Grandiose

Grandiosity is our natural tendency to inflate our self-image and assume that we’re significantly more skilled than we actually are. We do this by, among other things, assuming that we single-handedly achieved success and that our skills are transferable. Use this knowledge to:

1. Manage toxic types. People with high grandiosity can be dangerous in personal contexts (because they demand attention but don’t reciprocate) and professional ones (they take on projects they can’t handle). Here are some examples of traits you can use to identify (and then avoid) them: They break rules, can’t take criticism, and act invincible like they’re fated to succeed.

2. Control your own nature. To keep your own grandiosity under control, try some of these strategies: Acknowledge that when you succeed at something you didn’t do it single-handedly, and pay attention to your body’s signals—when you try to do things that are beyond your limits, you’ll get headaches and feel tired, grouchy, and nervous.

Law #3: People Can Be Influenced

We all need our self-image confirmed because we know it’s not always objectively accurate. We tend to like and listen to the people who validate us. Use this knowledge to:

1. Make people like you. People will drop their defenses and become more open to influence if they feel like you’ve confirmed their self-image. Here are some ways to validate: Flatter people’s insecurities, listen deeply, or ask for their advice (which makes them feel smart).

2. Control your own nature. When it comes to using this law on yourself, the goal isn’t to resist influence, it’s to open yourself to it. This allows you to be a lifelong learner and re-experience some of your childhood openness. Try some of these example strategies: Focus on only the positives when you encounter new ideas and break your own rules occasionally.

Best Category Example: Law #1

Explorer Sir Ernest Henry Shackleton used his knowledge of Law #1 (people are self-absorbed) to make himself more empathetic. For example, when he and his crew were trapped in Antarctica, he assessed individuals by reading their mood, trying to feel the same way, and predicting what he (and therefore they) might do in the thrall of a particular emotion. For instance, Shackleton knew that Frank Hurley was a snob, so Shackleton shared a tent with him, which made him feel important because he was rooming with the leader.

Category #2: People Hide Their True Selves

All of us keep some of our thoughts and feelings to ourselves because if we didn’t, we’d offend everyone and become social outcasts. We’ll learn how to figure out what people are hiding in the following laws:

Law #4: People Wear Masks

We all display a persona, or a mask, that pumps up our positive qualities and shows ourselves in the best light. However, it’s not always easy to hide our true natures—while we have good control of our words, we don’t always have good control of our body language and nonverbal cues. Use this knowledge to:

1. Manage toxic types. Some people try to hide their socially inappropriate traits such as aggression, overambition, or arrogance. You can see through them (and then avoid them) by noticing their nonverbal cues (for example, a tall posture can indicate a desire to dominate), hypocrisy, or how they blame their actions on circumstance.

2. Make people like you. Design and...

The Laws Of Human Nature Summary Introduction

In The Laws of Human Nature, author Robert Greene lays out 16 laws that will help us understand and predict the behavior of ourselves and others. Typically, we have no idea why anyone (including ourselves) does anything, and if it even occurs to us to wonder about motivations, we tend to come up with simple explanations, such as “they were drunk.”

This is because our feelings and actions aren’t nearly as conscious as we’d like to think. In the earliest times, organisms evolved to sense danger and respond instinctively, with no cognitive delay. Later, in some organisms, this sensing of danger developed into the emotion fear. Fear served the same purpose of arousing and alerting animals to danger but gave them a few seconds to choose a response. Eventually, in social animals, fear developed into more complicated emotions and emotions became a form of communication. (For example, hissing showed anger.) Finally, humans developed the ability to think and use language.

This process of evolution resulted in the creation of three different parts of the human brain:

1. Reptilian, which is responsible for instincts and automatic responses.
2. Limbic/mammalian,...

The Laws Of Human Nature Summary Part 1: People Have Unrealistic Self-Images | Intro: What Is Self-Image?

Attention is a fundamental human need that motivates almost all human behavior. For example, some people who don’t get enough attention turn to the spotlight of crime. However, while everyone wants constant attention, it’s a limited resource—everyone has to spread their attention among all the people they know and interact with. We need attention in two ways:

• Physical. We need eye contact and for people to look at us to confirm that we exist.
• Psychological. We need high-quality attention to maintain our self-worth.

While we can’t always control how much physical attention we get, we have come up with a way to cope with a psychological attention deficit—we create (usually unconsciously) a self-image or self-opinion, which is an internal conception of ourselves that we can use to give ourselves our own attention. When we need more attention, have low self-esteem, or feel bad about ourselves, we can turn inward and admire our vision of ourselves.

Understanding, assessing, and validating people’s self-images is a large part of applying the laws in Part 1.

What Do Self-Images Look Like?

**Self-images are rose-tinted versions of what we’re...

The Laws Of Human Nature Summary Law #1: People Are Self-Absorbed

Because attention is a fundamental human need, we’re all at least a little bit self-absorbed and narcissistic, whether that’s an obsession with our self-image or an obsession with collecting external attention. Also, we become more self-absorbed as we age because we realize we’re the only ones interested in our own well-being.

We’ll use this law to manage toxic types and make ourselves more empathetic.

Manage Toxic Types: Narcissists

There are three different categories of narcissists:

Category #1: Deep Narcissists

Deep narcissists lack a self-image, so the only way they can meet their need for attention is by getting it from others.

As children, some extroverted deep narcissists do perfectly well. They learn how to attract attention, and people often think they’re vivacious and social. Introverts, on the other hand, inaccurately create a fantasy self-image that’s far superior to themselves and any real people. This image is unrealistic, so no one, including themselves, will validate it, and they’re constantly editing it to try to come up with something that sticks.

**Both extroverted and introverted deep narcissists struggle once they’re in...

Shortform Exercise: Develop Empathy

There are four skills associated with being empathetic: changing your attitude, mirroring, analyzing, and seeking feedback.

Think of someone you’d like to better empathize with. What’s your attitude towards her currently? What could you do to change your attitude? (For example, you might try giving her the benefit of the doubt.)

The Laws Of Human Nature Summary Law #2: People Are Grandiose

In the previous law, we learned about narcissists who have malformed self-images. In this law, we’ll look at people who have inflated ones.

Grandiosity is our natural tendency to inflate our self-image and assume that we’re more skilled than we actually are. It increases as we age—the more we experience successes, however small, the more people confirm our grandiose self-opinion.

There are two types of grandiosity:

1. Fantastical. This grandiosity is divorced from reality—we think that everything that goes right is due to our superior skills, and anytime something goes wrong, it’s someone else’s fault. We focus more on our dreams and wishes than on actually getting anything done. Fantastically grandiose people see themselves as gods.
2. Practical. This grandiosity acknowledges that our success comes from our work and our skills.

First, we’ll study the development of grandiosity. Then, we’ll use this law to manage toxic types and to control our own nature.

Study the Law: The Development of Modern Grandiosity

Grandiosity develops in early childhood. As we realized that we were separate beings from our mothers, **we also realized that we were dependent and...

The Laws Of Human Nature Summary Law #3: People Can Be Influenced

In the previous laws, we looked at how a lack or overdose of self-image affects our behavior. In this final law of Part 1, we’ll use what we learned about self-image to influence people.

Everyone is influenceable and has the power to influence others, and the degree of influence is related to how the influencer manages the influencee’s self-opinion. People are more likely to listen to and associate with people and groups that appear to validate their self-image, agree with their values, or share the same qualities. In contrast, people get defensive when their self-images are challenged.

As we age, we get more defensive as we encounter others’ judgment and demands. By our twenties, our walls are fairly well-established.

Many people dislike the idea of influencing others because it feels dishonest and manipulative, but there are four reasons to learn influence:

1. It’s impossible to avoid influencing others. People are constantly trying to interpret and react to others’ actions, so no matter how sincere you are, you’ll affect others.
2. Honesty is a form of laziness. It doesn’t take effort to be yourself or be honest. To truly benefit society (what most honest...

The Laws Of Human Nature Summary Part 2: People Hide Their True Selves | Intro: Nonverbal Communication

In Part 1, we learned to develop empathy, manage toxic types, control our own nature, and make people like us. In Part 2, we’ll look at how to continue developing these skills when faced with people who hide their true selves.

Humans communicate both verbally and nonverbally, but we tend to focus on words, which often don’t accurately (intentionally or not) represent our emotions. In fact, 65% of our communication is nonverbal, and body language usually more accurately communicates what we’re feeling than words. Most of us, however, only manage to read about 5% of nonverbal communication cues.

In this introduction, we’ll learn how to read nonverbal cues to find out what people are really thinking and feeling, even if they’re trying to hide it. Then, in subsequent laws, we’ll look at some of the things they might be hiding.

How to Read People

Reading people’s nonverbal cues isn’t just a matter of noticing what their bodies and voices are doing. You have to actually feel the same physical cues in yourself to empathize viscerally.

• For example, when psychologist Milton Erickson saw one of his sisters tense her neck, to figure out what she was feeling, he had...

The Laws Of Human Nature Summary Law #4: People Wear Masks

Now that we understand how to observe and interpret nonverbal cues, it’s time to look at some of the traits and feelings almost everyone hides.

No one acts true to themselves all the time. Starting from birth, we learn how to use our faces and bodies to get our parents to give us things, and we continue to act throughout our lives to fit into society. Acting completely honestly would result in social ruin—we would offend people and open ourselves up to so much judgment and insecurity it would affect our mental health.

We hide our negative feelings—such as superiority or insecurity—with words and sometimes mixed signals. A lot of the time we don’t even know we’re acting, and this conviction is part of what makes the mask believable.

However, no matter how good we are at hiding our feelings and masking, our real feelings are underneath somewhere, and they’re impossible to fully suppress, especially when we’re stressed, tired, angry, frustrated, or drunk. Accurate nonverbal cues leak out, often in microexpressions or in the tone of voice—people can look in mirrors to train their faces, but the voice is harder to change. Learn to spot these leaks and you’ll be able to...

Shortform Exercise: Control Your Shadow

There are four strategies to control your Shadow: Describe it, redirect it, channel it into creativity, and occasionally release it.

Describe your Shadow. (Consider what you’re sensitive about, what you project, what other people have said about you, and so on.)

The Laws Of Human Nature Summary Law #5: People Feel Envy but Mask It

In the previous law, we looked at some of the idiosyncratic traits and feelings people hide. Now, we’ll look at an emotion everyone hides—envy.

No one wants to consciously acknowledge envy because it would necessitate feelings of inferiority—to want something someone else has, we have to admit that the other person has it, which makes them superior. As a result, envy is rarely expressed as envy, even to ourselves.

For example, if you’re angry at someone, you might hide it from them, but inside, you know you’re angry. If you lose control and your anger leaks out, the other person will be able to recognize the emotion as anger, and often, they’ll be able to figure what caused your anger.

If you’re envious of someone, on the other hand, you’ll transform this feeling into something else. Often, you’ll decide that the person has whatever you don’t because she’s lucky, ambitious, or underhanded—she doesn’t actually deserve it. Then, you can feel anger or resentment at the unfairness. Because your envy is buried under layers of other emotions, other people can’t usually tell that what you’re actually feeling is envy, and they see only anger or resentment, which is...

The Laws Of Human Nature Summary Law #6: People Are Aggressive

Like envy, aggression is an emotion no one wants to admit to having. For example, we all acknowledge that there are aggressive people out there, such as criminals, but we draw a hard line between us and them. We prefer to sketch peacefulness and cooperation into our self-images.

In reality, aggression is a natural part of human nature and everyone has it. Interestingly, it isn’t driven by any violence inherent in our species. In fact, aggression stems from a desire for control, which is driven by a fear of helplessness. Our helplessness comes from many sources: We need other people for validation and love but they’re unpredictable, we have childhood insecurities, and death comes, sometimes unexpectedly, for us all.

We can see this latent aggression in our dealings with others—unconsciously, we compare our aggression levels to everyone else’s. When we meet someone who’s more aggressive, we tend to act meek and obedient. But when we encounter someone less aggressive, we tend to feel superior. We might help them, or we might use them. Usually, we rationalize our aggression—for example, someone else started the fight.

There are two myths associated with...

The Laws Of Human Nature Summary Law #7: People Have Both Masculine and Feminine Traits

In the previous two laws, we looked at emotions (envy and aggression) that everyone hides. In this law, we’ll look at traits that almost everyone represses.

Everyone has both masculine and feminine traits, regardless of their gender. These traits come from two sources: genetics, and the influence of our parents, particularly the one of the opposite sex who is the first person we meet who’s significantly different from us.

• For example, young boys tend to be emotional, empathetic, and sensitive, which they learn from their mothers. Young girls are strong-willed and adventurous, which they learn from their fathers. Children are also affected by their parents’ Shadow sides.

As we grow out of infancy, we start seeking independence from our parents, and the easiest way to do this is to start fitting ourselves into the existing identity of gender roles.

• For example, boys tend to develop aggression and independence as a way of differentiating themselves from their nurturing and loving mothers.

Gender roles create psychological distance between the sexes, and sometimes **this difference is so vast it makes people of different genders seem incomprehensible to...

The Laws Of Human Nature Summary Part 3: People Behave Differently in Groups | Intro: Social Force

In the previous part, we looked at some of the emotions that everyone experiences. Now, we’ll look at how our emotions change when we’re around others, in groups, or following a leader.

Social force is the energy of collective emotions, and it affects all of us. When in groups—at a concert, rally, and so on—we all feel the same emotions, based on what the rest of the group is feeling. This comes from a survival mechanism—in older times, if one person noticed danger and felt fear, their emotion would spread throughout the group and quickly alert the others to a possible threat. If multiple people felt the same emotion, presumably there was a good reason, so the emotion legitimized as it spread.

Social force also affects us when we’re:

• Speaking to a group. If the crowd supports us and we don’t get stage fright, as speakers, we feed off the group’s energy. We might become more animated than usual.
• Being addressed by a charismatic leader. This person’s energy rubs off on us.
• Working in a group. When we have a collective goal, we feel more energized and work harder. We might not even have to talk to communicate.
• Outside a group. When we...

The Laws Of Human Nature Summary Law #8: People’s Individuality Is Overpowered by Groups

No matter how highly we think of our individuality, social force and group dynamics affect us all. If you think you’re exempt, ask yourself:

• Have you ever long-term openly supported an idea that doesn’t agree with your group's values? (You probably haven’t, or if you have, it was probably only once or twice.)
• Have you gone along with a bad group decision? (You probably do this regularly.)

Being in a group influences us in the following ways:

Influence #1: We want to belong. When we first join a group, we’re an outsider, and we can feel the members of the group judging us and assessing if we’re dangerous. There are two ways to fit in, and the first is most important, but most people chose to do both:

• Match our ideas and values to the group members’. You might keep your own opinions on certain things, but not on topics that the group is passionate about.
  • (Shortform example: If the group values the environment, you’ll start to value the environment too.)
• Match our physical appearance to group members’.
  • For example, your workplace might have a dress code that everyone follows, and you’ll follow it too.

Most of this matching happens...

Shortform Exercise: Gain Power in Groups

There are three ways to gain power in groups: Flatter the leader, be useful, and manage other group members.

Think of a group you belong to that you’d like more power in. How might you flatter the leader? (For example, what are they insecure or uncertain about that you could praise them for?)

The Laws Of Human Nature Summary Law #9: People Are Influenced by Their Generation

In the previous law, we looked at how people are influenced by the groups they belong to. Now, we’ll look at one of the groups that everyone belongs to—their generation. Generations are huge groups consisting of everyone who was born within the same 22-year period. Sometimes, the people born on the fringes may identify more with an earlier or later generation than their own.

Even though everyone who lives at a particular time experiences the same conditions, we all see the world through a generational perspective, which is a collective mindset we develop based on our age. (For example, when we’re teenagers, we find that our parents’ way of seeing the world doesn’t match our experience.) Our values are shaped by the generation we live in and how our generation reacts to the previous one.

Not everyone in a generation is the same, of course—there are more aggressive people who become leaders, people who prefer to follow, and rebels who try not to fit into their own generation. (However, even though the rebels might outwardly try to be different from other members of their generation, their actions are usually motivated by the same spirit. For example, the young...

The Laws Of Human Nature Summary Law #10: People Are Conflicted, Especially About Authority Figures

In the previous two laws, we learned how to manage human nature when belonging to a group. Now, we’ll learn how to manage human nature when it comes to leaders and authority.

By nature, humans have conflicted emotions about almost everything. However, people tend not to admit these conflicts to themselves, or even notice them in others, because they’re confusing and require extensive self-reflection to untangle. This is for three reasons:

1. Right from childhood, we experienced the conflicting desires of independence from and dependence on our parents.
2. Pure, unmixed emotions are so powerful they can be overwhelming and frightening. We have to dilute them with other emotions to feel in control.
3. Our goals and directions are constantly shifting because we’re a painful mix of changing moods, masks, and contradictory traits.

We especially have conflicted feelings about authority figures because they remind us of the conflicting feelings we experienced toward our parents. Like our parents, we depend on authority figures—without them, we don’t have people to learn from, we fall victim to short-term thinking (more on this in Law #12: People Are Bad at Long-Term...

The Laws Of Human Nature Summary Part 4: People Self-Sabotage | Law #11: People Are Irrational

In Parts 1, 2, and 3, we learned to develop empathy, manage toxic types, control our own nature, and make people like us. In Part 4, we’ll look at how to contend with our inherent self-sabotaging tendencies and stop them from derailing our progress.

We’re All Irrational

By nature, everyone is ruled by their emotions, not their minds, and we’re all a bit irrational. Everyone is constantly feeling emotions, and these emotions affect our thinking and push us towards thoughts that make us feel good. Yet almost no one knows or accepts the influence of emotion—almost all of us think we’re rational and make decisions based on logic and reason.

As a result, whenever something bad happens, we blame outside forces, not ourselves. The explanation we come up with is nearly always vague, such as attributing the failure to other people or groups sabotaging us or bad luck. Most of the time, however, we’ve caused the failure ourselves with our inherent irrationality.

• For example, there were numerous explanations for the 2008 economic crash, ranging from greedy lenders to inappropriate government oversight. The real cause, in fact, was the decisions that individuals made....

The Laws Of Human Nature Summary Law #12: People Are Bad at Long-Term Thinking

In the previous law, we looked at irrationality, a potentially self-sabotaging trait we all share. Now, we’ll look at a second universal trait—our inability to think long term.

Humans tend to be concerned with the present rather than the future because our brains evolved to look for immediate rather than far-off danger. This was beneficial in earlier times when all our problems were animal-like—eat, sleep, avoid predators, and so on. We didn’t need to understand complex situations or reason; we needed to notice the most dramatic elements of a situation and react quickly. We also tended to assume the current conditions were permanent.

Now, however, this evolutionary adaptation is to our detriment. The world is more complicated and long-term dangers are larger problems than most of what we’ll encounter in the present. For example, we pay more attention to terrorism than global warming, even though global warming is far more dangerous. Additionally, our attention spans are even worse because of technology, which is distracting.

In this law, we’ll learn how to control our own nature by replacing shortsightedness with long-term thinking.

Control Your Own Nature:...

The Laws Of Human Nature Summary Law #13: People Are Compulsive According to Their Character

In the previous two laws, we learned two of the self-sabotaging traits (irrationality and inability to think long term) that everyone possesses. Now, we’ll look at the idiosyncratic characteristics we have that might sabotage us, starting with our compulsiveness.

Our characters are at the core of our being and determine our actions, even when we’re not consciously aware of them. While we can shape our characters, we can’t change them. This is why we tend to repeat the same mistakes, even when we try to do things differently, and this compulsiveness can be so strong that we believe that it’s fate or predisposition.

• For example, some people continually choose to date the same kind of unsuitable partner.

There are four layers to character, all of which determine our character traits. The first two are unconscious and we have to actively look for them to understand them.

1. Genetics. Our genes determine our moods, whether we’re introverted or extroverted, and potentially certain traits such as greediness, anxiety, or openness. (Psychoanalyst Melanie Klein believed that greedy infants were born that way.)

2. Upbringing. This layer of our character is formed...

Shortform Exercise: Shape Your Character

There are four ways to shape your character: Become aware of your behavior patterns, create new habits, transfer your skills, and spend time with good influences.

What’s a recurring theme in your life? How might you become aware of this theme as it happens rather than only in hindsight? (For example, if you find yourself regularly being fired, consider whether there are any similarities in your behavior at any of the jobs.)

The Laws Of Human Nature Summary Law #14: People Have Attitudes

In the previous law, we learned about the first idiosyncratic element of self-sabotaging (compulsiveness). Now, we’ll look at the second: attitude.

People think that they see the world objectively, but in fact, everyone sees a slightly different version of things, filtered by their perception, or attitude. (You can also think of attitude as your soul or life force.) Our moods vary, but in general, we all have an overarching emotion that we filter the world through. This is caused by our brains’ inherent and unconscious sensitivity to particular stimuli.

• For example, if our overall attitude is sadness, when we see sad things, our brain fires strongly, and the strength of the firing makes us pay attention and feel sad.

Our attitudes are determined by some of the same factors that set our characters: genetics and upbringing. We further hone our attitudes as we meet other people and have new experiences. When we encounter people we admire or like, they influence how we see the world. When we have a negative experience, we want to avoid the same thing happening, so we narrow our perspectives. Our attitude is constantly reformulating but we always have traces of its...

The Laws Of Human Nature Summary Part 5: People Want the Wrong Things | Law #15: People Want What They Don’t Have

In this last set of laws, we’ll study our inability to want what’s actually good for us. Armed with this knowledge, we’ll be able to control our own nature and make people like us.

The Grass-Is-Greener Syndrome

By nature, people are unable to be content with their current situation. As soon as we get something we want, we want something else, a phenomenon that’s known as the grass-is-always-greener syndrome. And even though getting what we want is never satisfying, we still pursue our next want, hoping that one will make us happy. Desire motivates us, not possession.

• For example, many people search for the perfect romantic partner. However, no one’s perfect, so always searching for someone new isn’t going to bring satisfaction.

The farther away or more difficult our want, the more we want it—people want things that are taboo and elusive. For example, older adults who have a lot of distance from their childhoods often wish they could be kids again, which is impossible.

The grass-is-greener syndrome is wired into the human brain and comes from three sources:

1. Survival instinct. By nature, the brain considers the worst possible outcome of any...

The Laws Of Human Nature Summary Law #16: People Want to Avoid Thinking About Death

In the previous law, we looked at what people want. Now, we’ll look at what people don’t want—to die.

Humans are the only animal aware of our inevitable mortality, and while this awareness and cognitive ability are why we’re top of the food chain, they also make us sad. To avoid this sadness, we try to think about anything but death. Most people take this so far that they don’t even think about being alive—instead, their minds circle the same few fears, irritations, and hopes, and they only give their surroundings half of their attention.

Interestingly, the more we try to repress death, the less alive we feel, which is known as the paradoxical death effect. This is because when we avoid thinking about death or desensitize ourselves, our anxiety about it strengthens. To avoid feeling this anxiety, we try to make our life more controllable by doing less, dulling our psyche with an addiction, avoiding new things so we can’t fail at them, and avoiding spending time with people because they’re unpredictable. All these responses actually make our life more death-like—isolated and unchanging.

Similarly, **when we don’t repress death, we actually feel more alive. An...