Book SummaryThe Happiness Trap, by Russ Harris

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of The Happiness Trap

Instincts hardwired into us from humans’ earliest days lead us to relentlessly pursue happiness. But these instincts make us miserable today—our continual efforts to be happy lead instead to stress, anxiety, and greater unhappiness. We’re caught in a happiness trap.

As an antidote, therapist and life coach Russ Harris advocates ACT, or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, which will help you accept pain as part of life and deal with it productively. While Harris didn’t develop ACT—it originated in the mid-1980s—his 2007 book helped popularize ACT, which uses a combination of behavioral and mindfulness strategies.

ACT is related to but moves away from CBT, or cognitive behavioral therapy, in that CBT focuses on changing your thoughts to lessen suffering, while ACT teaches awareness and acceptance of negative thoughts and feelings.

In this guide, we’ll explain ACT’s principles, and explore other ideas and practices for increased awareness and acceptance.

Humans Aren’t Naturally Happy

Harris explains that we have many misguided beliefs about happiness. These widely held beliefs trap us in vicious cycles that actually increase—rather than decrease—our suffering. The primary myth is that everyone can and should be happy.

Harris points out that we regard happiness as the most desirable human state. The pursuit of happiness is even enshrined as a fundamental human right, alongside life and liberty, in the US Declaration of Independence. Media and the internet bombard us with images of people who are beautiful, intelligent, and wealthy—and presumably happy. We envy them and believe we should strive to be like them. (Shortform note: Many companies also sell happiness by promising their products will make you happy. The late Zappos CEO Tony Hsieh wrote a 2010 book, Delivering Happiness, in which he argued that the way to build a successful business, and to be happy yourself, is to take extraordinary steps to make your employees and customers happy.)

While we expect to be consistently happy, Harris contends that our minds weren’t designed to work that way. He notes that the human brain has evolved with three traits that primitive humans needed to survive:

1. The ability to detect threats and avoid them.
2. The ability to fit into a group. A primitive human couldn’t afford to be kicked out and left to fend for himself.
3. An accumulate-and-improve mentality. A primitive human needed to accumulate enough food to last his clan through lean times.

These traits have persisted on the evolutionary time scale, although they’re not helpful to us today.

(Shortform note: Another often-unhelpful adaptation is our inclination to accept our perceptions as reality, rather than seeking the truth. In some cases, this adaptation persisted because our ancestors simply didn’t need to know the truth—if they wrongly believed that the sun revolved around the earth, it had no impact on their survival. In other cases, acting on perceptions was a form of threat-aversion: For example, believing that people who are different are inherently dangerous helped our ancestors avoid threats from potentially hostile strangers and tribes. However, this fear creates harmful divides in diverse modern societies.)

Harris notes that these three traits have become dysfunctional because:

1. We no longer need threat detection and avoidance to protect us from predators in the wild. Instead, this instinct makes us detect imaginary threats, such as the possibility that we’ll never get married, or that a random ache is a symptom of a serious disease.

(Shortform note: At least some evidence supports the idea that the threat detection and avoidance mechanism is a vestige of our ancestors: Researchers found that anxiety is partially attributed to genetics in rhesus monkeys, which are similar to human primates. That means that there is some credence to the idea that an overactive threat detection and avoidance mechanism has a genetic component and could therefore be passed down from our ancient ancestors to modern humans.)

2. The ability to fit in is no longer the deciding factor in whether we starve to death, but we still compare ourselves to others and worry about whether we are normal. In the world of social media, where everybody is pushing an idealized version of themselves, this part of our brain looks at others and makes us worry that we compare unfavorably.

(Shortform note: Social comparison theory describes this human inclination to determine our self-worth based on how we compare with others. At its best, social comparisons can sometimes motivate us to improve, which raises our self-esteem—but at its worst, social comparison can make us feel insecure when we judge ourselves against people we deem superior.)

3. Our ability to accumulate and improve no longer determines whether we live or die. Still, our brains drive us to constantly accumulate more wealth, status, and happiness and to improve our lives as much as possible—but even when we accomplish these goals and improve our lives, the satisfaction doesn’t last long. So we quickly return to the cycle of accumulation and try to get even more.

(Shortform note: Marketing and idealized media portrayals of celebrities reinforce this psychological adaptation and make us believe that a material gain—like a job or house—will be the key to happiness. However, in our relentless pursuit of that one thing, we often neglect our health and relationships,...

The Happiness Trap Summary Shortform Introduction

Instincts hardwired into us from humans’ earliest days lead us to relentlessly pursue happiness. But these instincts make us miserable today—our continual efforts to be happy lead instead to stress, anxiety, and greater unhappiness. We’re caught in a happiness trap.

As an antidote, therapist and life coach Russ Harris advocates ACT, or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, which will help you accept pain as part of life and deal with it productively.

While Harris didn’t develop ACT—it originated in the mid-1980s—his 2007 book helped popularize ACT, which uses a combination of behavioral and mindfulness principles strategies.

He touts it as a “revolutionary” development in human psychology based on behavioral science. ACT is related to but moves away from CBT, or cognitive behavioral therapy, in that CBT focuses on changing your thoughts to lessen suffering, while ACT teaches awareness and acceptance of negative thoughts and feelings. The “commitment”...

The Happiness Trap Summary Introduction

In The Happiness Trap, Russ Harris explores Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, or ACT, a psychological discipline developed by Steven C. Hayes in 1982. Hayes developed ACT in the context of evolutionary psychology, which holds that our early survival instincts influence our modern brains—and that failing to recognize this connection undermines our happiness.

The Happiness Trap contends that humans are not wired to be naturally happy. To the contrary, the psychological mechanisms that helped our ancestors survive and reproduce make us uncomfortable (and unhappy) in the modern world.

Harris argues that fighting the natural inclinations of our brains in an effort to be happy all the time is a futile endeavor and only makes us more unhappy in the long term. Harris calls this paradox “the happiness trap.” He offers ACT as an empirically supported remedy to this universal problem of human experience.

Happiness—and Unhappiness—Are Essential to Motivation

Although many scientists agree that the human brain is not wired to be consistently happy, happiness...

The Happiness Trap Summary Part 1.1: Myths About Happiness

Harris explains that we have many misguided beliefs about happiness. These widely held beliefs trap us in vicious cycles that actually increase—rather than decrease—our suffering.

This chapter will discuss four common myths about happiness, and debunk them with human psychology rooted in empirical evidence, rather than cultural misconceptions.

Myth #1: Humans Are Naturally Happy

Our society constantly reinforces the idea that everybody can (and should) be happy.

Harris points out that happiness is widely regarded as the most desirable human state. The pursuit of happiness is even enshrined as a fundamental human right, alongside life and liberty, in the US Declaration of Independence.

Harris writes that the media and the internet bombard us with images of people who are beautiful, intelligent, and wealthy—and presumably happy. We envy them and believe we should strive to be like them. (Shortform note: Many companies also sell happiness by promising their products will make you happy. The late Zappos CEO Tony Hsieh wrote a 2010 book, Delivering Happiness, in which he argued that the way to build a successful business, and to be happy yourself, is to take...

Shortform Exercise: Explore Your Beliefs About Happiness

Harris contends that our erroneous beliefs about happiness (that humans are naturally happy; if you’re unhappy, there’s something wrong with you; and you can and must eliminate negative thoughts and feelings) lead to misery.

Which of Harris’s happiness myths has had the greatest impact on your life; how has it affected you?

The Happiness Trap Summary Part 1.2: Defining the Happiness Trap

In the previous chapter, you learned some of the common myths about happiness, which rely on a misunderstanding of how our brain has evolved to function.

In this chapter, you’ll learn how these mistaken beliefs about happiness lead people to adopt “control strategies” to deal with negative thoughts and feelings and how these control strategies create vicious cycles that generate, rather than eliminate, negative thoughts. This, in a nutshell, is the happiness trap.

We’ll define control strategies and explore the most common ones. Then, we’ll examine why and how these control strategies make us feel worse.

Introduction to Control Strategies

Harris explains that we use two types of control strategies: fight strategies and flight strategies. A fight strategy involves trying to confront and overpower your negative thoughts and feelings, forcing them to abate or disappear. A flight strategy involves retreating from or trying to ignore negative thoughts and feelings in the hopes they’ll disappear. Following are examples of each strategy:

Fight Strategies

• Suppression: You attempt to suppress your negative feelings by pushing them away. For instance, if you...

The Happiness Trap Summary Part 2 | Principle #1: Connecting With the Observing Self

In the last chapter, you learned about how our attempts to escape negative thoughts and feelings create what Harris calls the happiness trap.

In this chapter, we will begin delving into Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) by focusing on ACT’s first principle: connecting with the observing self. (Shortform note: In the book and in ACT literature, this is listed as the fourth of the six principles. However, we’ve chosen to examine it first because it provides helpful context for understanding the following principles.)

According to ACT, our minds encompass a thinking self and an observing self. By harnessing the power of the observing self, we can engage in mindfulness techniques to help us accept our negative thoughts and feelings and connect more meaningfully with the world around us.

In this chapter, we’ll define the thinking self and the observing self. Then, we’ll explore the relationship between them to prepare for the mindfulness techniques we’ll learn in the next few chapters.

Defining the Thinking Self

In order to understand the observing self, we first need to define the thinking self.

Harris explains that **the thinking self, or “conceptualized...

Shortform Exercise: Does Your Thinking Self Help or Hinder?

Harris explains that we have two minds or “selves” that affect our response to events: The thinking self provides a running (judgmental) commentary on events, while the observing self neutrally observes this running commentary.

Describe a time when you acted in a situation based on the interpretation or judgment of your thinking self (for example, taking something your partner said as criticism and responding angrily).

The Happiness Trap Summary Principle #2: Defusion

In the last chapter, you learned about the observing self, the part of your awareness that notices what you’re thinking, feeling, and doing.

In this chapter, you’ll learn about a mindfulness technique called defusion. Harris explains that, in ACT, mindfulness means being aware of our thoughts, feelings, and the world around us. Defusion allows us to separate ourselves from our thoughts, which enables us to accept negative thoughts rather than being engulfed by them.

To begin, we’ll define the concept of fusion (the opposite of defusion), then explain the process of defusion. Next, we’ll outline four defusion techniques that you can use to detach from negative thoughts. Finally, we’ll explain the goal of defusion within the context of ACT.

Defining Fusion

When you mistake your thinking self—the part of you that thinks, judges, and acts—as a direct reflection of reality, ACT says that you are in a state of “fusion” with your thoughts. Let’s take a closer look at how fusion functions.

Harris reiterates that the thinking self operates primarily through thoughts and images.

A thought is a word or phrase that you experience within your mind. For instance, if...

Shortform Exercise: Distance Yourself From a Negative Thought

Defusion allows you to separate yourself from your thoughts, so you can simply accept and consider negative thoughts rather than being engulfed by them.

Recall a situation in which you “fused with” or treated a negative thought or feeling as reality. Was the thought helpful—why or why not?

The Happiness Trap Summary Principle #3: Expansion

In the last chapter, you learned about defusion, a mindfulness technique that allows you to recognize your thoughts as thoughts rather than as reality.

In this chapter, we’ll examine the next principle of ACT: expansion. In a nutshell, expansion does for the feelings and urges of our physical body what defusion does for the thoughts and images of our thinking self. With the technique of expansion, we learn how to use our observing self to create space for the negative feelings and urges in our bodies, allowing us to stop struggling with our emotions and instead focus on taking meaningful action to improve our lives.

This chapter begins by discussing what, exactly, emotions are and how they function. Then, it tackles the subject of the “fight button,” a metaphor for the fight-or-flight response we experience in response to strong emotions. Finally, we’ll dive into the technique of expansion and how to apply it.

What Are Emotions?

Harris begins by pointing out that there is no scientific consensus about what emotions are. However, experts generally agree on three things:

1. The “midbrain,” or middle portion of the brain, is the source of emotion.
2. Emotions...

Shortform Exercise: Surf an Urge

Urge surfing can help you accept problematic urges, and act on them constructively.

Describe an urge, or tendency to act, that you’ve struggled with in the past, such as an urge to play video games rather than complete a work project that’s due.

The Happiness Trap Summary Principle #4: Connection

In the previous two chapters, you learned about defusion and expansion: how to use your observing self to accept negative thoughts, images, feelings, and urges.

In this chapter, you’ll learn about the fourth principle of ACT: connection. Harris writes that connection is the technique of using your observing self to connect to the external world through your five senses. The first four principles of ACT, taken together, constitute a group of skills we can call mindfulness.

In this chapter, we’ll begin by exploring connection. Then, we’ll walk through some exercises that will help you practice connection. Finally, we’ll discuss the first four principles of ACT as a whole, and how they connect to ACT more broadly.

The Thinking Self, Revisited

As we’ve already covered, the thinking self produces a running commentary on our lives, both internal (through your emotions) and external (through your five senses). Harris asserts that we go through most of our lives not questioning our thinking self. Often, despite what’s going on around us, we’re focused on the world of the thinking self: our memories, our plans, our judgments.

The thinking self focuses on the past...

Shortform Exercise: Practice Being Mindful

Connection, according to ACT, means using our observing self to shift our attention away from the past and future to fully engage in the present moment, or achieve mindfulness.

Describe a recurring experience in which you would like to be more mindful of or attentive to your environment—for instance, when your child comes to you to describe her school day.

The Happiness Trap Summary Principle #5: Clarifying Values

In the last chapter, you rounded out your mindfulness skill set by learning the skill of connection. By this point, you have learned the skills necessary to practice the “acceptance” portion of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.

In this chapter, we will explain how to use mindfulness skills to apply the fifth principle of ACT: clarifying your values. Values are the principles that govern how you want to act. Harris writes that, by clarifying your values, you set yourself up for the final step in the ACT process: committed action.

We’ll begin by discussing what values are and how they differ from goals. Then, we’ll look at a method for clarifying your values. Finally, we’ll explore common problems that emerge when trying to clarify values, and how you can resolve them.

Values vs. Goals

Harris argues that we don’t necessarily choose our values. Instead, we develop them throughout our lifetime in response to the problems we face and how we choose to resolve them. Even though we may not be able to choose our values, we can identify them.

A value involves continuous behavior. For instance, “I want to treat my family with respect” is a value, because the behavior...

Shortform Exercise: Clarify Your Values in a Neglected Area

Psychologists Kelly Wilson and Tobias Lundgren identified four domains in which we should know our values: relationships, education and work, personal development and wellness, and leisure.

In which of the four domains are you least clear on your values? Why do you think that’s the case? For instance, you may not have clear values around leisure because your family prioritized work or success over personal enjoyment.

The Happiness Trap Summary Principle #6: Committed Action

In the last chapter, you learned about values, the deep-seated principles that govern how we act.

In this chapter, you will learn about the final principle of ACT: committed action. Harris explains that committed action happens when we consistently take actions that align with our values—even when we fail. This final principle will give you all the tools you need to achieve psychological flexibility, enabling you to adapt to difficult situations and take effective action to build a rich and meaningful life.

This chapter begins by demonstrating how to translate our values into action via goal-setting and action plans. Then, we’ll discuss the two components of committed action: fortitude and commitment. Finally, we’ll tie together everything we’ve learned throughout this guide and present the ultimate choice of the ACT practitioner.

Translating Values to Goals

Harris argues that knowing our values isn’t sufficient for us to live fulfilled lives—we also have to take effective action, or action aligned with our values. In order to take effective action, we have to translate our values into achievable goals.

Goal-Setting: A Five-Step Exercise

In the last...

Shortform Exercise: Practice Commitment

Harris writes that commitment in the face of failure requires three steps: Recognize and fully accept your situation, determine what action you can take now that’s in sync with your values, and take the action.

Apply Harris’s three commitment steps to a current problem or goal you failed to meet. Accept the situation using one of the mindfulness techniques: defusion, expansion, or connection. How has this affected your view of the situation?