Book SummaryThe Good Life, by Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of The Good Life

What’s the secret to having a good life?

Many of us believe that our happiness depends on how successful we are in our careers. But in The Good Life (2023), psychiatrist Robert Waldinger and psychologist Marc Schulz argue that the key to a good life is to cultivate good relationships. They draw this conclusion from years of directing the Harvard Study of Adult Development. (Waldinger is the study’s current director, while Schulz is the study’s co-director.)

The Harvard Study is the world’s longest-running longitudinal research study on how adults develop. The study originated in 1938, when two independent groups of researchers who wanted to know what makes people successful recruited two groups of study participants: 268 male students at Harvard College and 456 boys from inner-city Boston. Over the years, the study expanded greatly in scope and now includes over 2,000 people—including the spouses and descendants of the original participants.

The Harvard Study is unique not just for its length and scope but also its methodology. Unlike most longitudinal studies, which ask participants to remember what happened in their lives and so are susceptible to the fallibility of memory, the Harvard Study learns about...

The Good Life Summary Understanding the Good Life

Knowing that relationships help you achieve a good life isn’t helpful unless you understand what a good life is. In this section, we’ll explore what constitutes a good life, how it helps us, and why we’re so bad at doing what’s necessary to live it.

Waldinger and Schulz argue that a good life consists of what Greek philosopher Aristotle called eudaimonia and what scholars today call “eudaimonic happiness.” Eudaimonia represents a sort of flourishing, and it’s neither a temporary state of being nor a goal you can achieve. Rather, eudaimonia is a long-term sense of contentment or purpose—the concept you’re referring to when you say, “I’m happy with my life.”

Waldinger and Schulz specify that this good life—this eudaimonic happiness—depends mostly on the quality (not the quantity) of your relationships and how often you interact with others. In other words, having many friends won’t improve your life if they’re all toxic. Positive relationships contribute to your happiness because they improve your health; these relationships act as a buffer to life’s many health-reducing stressors (such as old age).

(Shortform note: [Relationships that aren’t high-quality don’t buffer...

The Good Life Summary Know Where You Are in Life

Now that we’ve discussed why relationships are central to happiness, we’ll share Waldinger and Schulz’s advice on understanding where you stand. In this section, we’ll explore two frameworks for understanding your current relationships. First, we’ll describe the life stages we all experience so you can better understand what you and others in your life might be going through. Then, we’ll share how to evaluate the current state of your relationships.

Understanding the Life Stages

Waldinger and Schulz divide human life into four main stages: adolescence, young adulthood, midlife, and late life. They argue that understanding these stages will help you better understand the challenges you’re facing in your life and be more empathetic to people in different life stages.

Waldinger and Schulz explain that adolescence occurs between the ages of 12 and 19 and is characterized by a struggle to establish one’s identity. Adolescents benefit greatly from having supportive adults in their lives, as these adults serve as exemplars of different lives one might live. However, adolescents themselves tend to prioritize relationships with their peers as they navigate friendships and...

The Good Life Summary How to Improve Your Relationships in General

Now that we’ve shared Waldinger and Schulz’s tips for understanding the current health of your relationships, we’ll discuss their tips for improvement. In this section, we’ll share two things you can do to improve any relationship: Pay better attention and replace bad habits.

Pay Better Attention

Waldinger and Schulz assert that paying better attention to your relationships can help you improve them. In the modern world, our brains have grown accustomed to constant distraction from our devices. As a result, we struggle to maintain our focus on a single thing—including whoever we’re spending time with. This lack of engagement hampers our ability to connect with others.

So how can you pay better attention to the people you’re with? Waldinger and Schulz recommend that you improve your ability to be present in general (and therefore, present with others) by practicing mindfulness. To do so, make it a point in your daily life to spend some time noticing things that haven’t captured your attention before in places you frequent—perhaps the breeze in your office.

Waldinger and Schulz add that you can apply this practice in your relationships: When speaking with...

The Good Life Summary How to Improve Specific Relationships

Now that we’ve discussed Waldinger and Schulz’s strategies for improving your relationships in general, we’ll discuss their strategies for improving specific types of relationships. In this section, we’ll discuss the unique characteristics and challenges of your relationships with your partner, your family, your colleagues, and your friends, and how to improve each type.

Your Relationship With Your Partner

Waldinger and Schulz assert that a positive and long-lasting relationship with a romantic partner can provide comfort to your life. Psychologists have found that adults who feel like they have a “secure base”—someone they can rely on for comfort and support no matter what—recover faster from stressful situations.

Not All Romantic Relationships Are Created Equal

Just because you have a romantic partner doesn’t mean that they’re your secure base. In Attached, Amir Levine and Rachel Heller explain that people relate to intimacy in three ways: Secure attachers are comfortable with intimacy, avoidant attachers prefer to maintain...

Shortform Exercise: Pay Better Attention by Managing Your Screen Time

The authors write that one way to improve your relationships is to pay better attention to them and suggest that one way to do this is by managing your screen time. Evaluate how your screen time is affecting your relationships, and create a plan to minimize any damage.

How much time do you spend on screens each day? Write down a rough estimate.