Book SummaryThe Explosive Child, by Ross Greene

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of The Explosive Child

Some children get angry quickly and are remarkably stubborn. For parents of these children, dealing with their behavioral issues can be draining at best and extremely disruptive to home life at worst. Drawing on his experience with long-term behavioral problems, clinical child psychologist Ross W. Greene outlines a method for addressing these “explosive” children in The Explosive Child. By using open communication and collaborating with...

The Explosive Child Summary Part 1: Understanding Explosive Children

Greene defines “explosive” children as children who have frequent and severe outbursts: moments of heightened frustration, anger, and inappropriate behavior. Behaviors during an outburst might include extended screaming fits, physical violence, or shutting down entirely. All children have outbursts occasionally, but explosive children have them often enough to overwhelm or even endanger themselves and their families.

(Shortform note: Greene describes his method as a way to deal with problems counselors have been unable to address, but he doesn’t view it as a replacement for counseling. In fact, one of the main functions of Greene’s non-profit Lives in the Balance is to work with pediatricians, counselors, and other mental health professionals. So, while the method covered in this guide is helpful to a great extent, if you’re in a situation where your child is showing particularly concerning violent or aggressive behaviors, know that there is nothing wrong with[ getting a mental health professional...

The Explosive Child Summary Part 2: Managing Outbursts

After explaining the main components of outbursts, Greene discusses the pros and cons of three common strategies parents use to manage outbursts.

Strategy #1: Demand

The first strategy Greene discusses is to make demands of your child using one-way communication—you make a decision independent of your child and then expect them to obey. For example, Liz’s parents tell her to get out of bed by 8 a.m. If she fails to complete this practical challenge, they don’t give her dessert in the evening. These are both decisions Liz’s parents made on her behalf.

Pros of “Demand”

Greene says the strategy of making demands is often crucial in the heat of the moment when your child is putting themself or others in danger. For example, grabbing your child to keep them from running into traffic and demanding they stop is not only appropriate but necessary.

(Shortform note: While a “demand” style of parenting can help with safety in specific instances or in the short term, psychological research shows continued use of this parenting style can often cause [children to rebel against authority figures later on and engage in riskier...

The Explosive Child Summary Part 3: Preventing Outbursts

As we noted in Part 2, Greene contends the “discuss” strategy is best for addressing long-term behavioral problems. In Part 3 of our guide, we’ll outline the four main steps of this strategy: prepare topics, gather information, share your perspective, and brainstorm solutions.

Step #1: Prepare Topics

Before discussing outbursts with your child, Greene says you should prepare two lists, one for each component of an outburst:

1) Practical Challenges

Make a list of the specific tasks your child has trouble completing and the rules they have trouble following. Don’t frame this in terms of their problem behaviors—prevention requires focusing on what causes outbursts, not on what happens during outbursts. For example, Liz’s parents would list “Has trouble getting out of bed in the morning.” They wouldn’t write down “Screams at us when we tell her to get up.”

(Shortform note: It can be difficult to deemphasize your child’s problem behaviors, especially when those behaviors are hurtful to you. If you’re struggling with this, [try to avoid taking their behaviors...

The Explosive Child Summary Part 4: Common Challenges

As you work to prevent outbursts by using Greene’s method, you’ll likely encounter challenges. In Part 4 of our guide, we’ll discuss three common challenges parents face during this process, as well as Greene’s suggestions for how to deal with them.

Challenge #1: Reluctance

Greene acknowledges that especially early on when you adopt the “discuss” strategy, your child might be reluctant or unwilling to talk. This is normal and usually occurs for two main reasons:

1. Your child still expects a one-way “demand” strategy and isn’t used to this new two-way approach. Therefore, they might still be somewhat defensive or not yet have the executive skills to communicate openly.
2. Your child genuinely doesn’t know why they struggle with a practical challenge or why they had an outburst.

Even if your child is reluctant early on, keep at it. Continuing to have these conversations will help them get better at reflecting on and communicating their feelings.

(Shortform note: While Greene’s advice to manage reluctance mainly centers around reducing negative feelings in a discussion, other parenting experts suggest you can also increase positive feelings your child has...

Shortform Exercise: Plan Your Collaborative Approach

Plan how you’ll use Greene’s method to collaborate with your child on solving a behavioral problem.

What are the practical challenges your child struggles with most? Which ones tend to lead to the most outbursts?