Book SummaryThe Courage to Be Happy, by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of The Courage to Be Happy

What can the earliest days of psychology teach us about being happy? In The Courage to Be Happy (2016), Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga explore the work of early 20th-century psychotherapist Alfred Adler and discuss why his ideas are still relevant. This is a sequel to the best-selling book The Courage to Be Disliked (2013); like that book, it takes the form of a long discussion between a pessimistic young man (called the Youth) and an elderly Philosopher. However, while The Courage to Be Disliked was simply an introduction to Adlerian psychology, The Courage to Be Happy discusses how you can find happiness by applying Adler’s principles to your life.

Kishimi is a certified counselor and consultant for the Japanese Society of Adlerian Psychology, where he provides guidance to young psychiatric patients. In addition to his writing and counseling work, Kishimi also lectures on Adlerian...

The Courage to Be Happy Summary Setting Up the Story: the Youth, the Philosopher, and Adler

The Courage to Be Happy takes place three years after the Youth and the Philosopher’s conversation in The Courage to Be Disliked, when the Philosopher introduced the Youth to Adlerian psychology. During those three years the Youth became a teacher, believing that it was his mission to pass Adler’s ideals on to the next generation. However, he became disillusioned when it seemed like Adler’s methods weren’t effective; in trying to live and teach by Adler’s principles, the Youth lost the respect of his students and his coworkers.

Therefore, the Youth goes back to the Philosopher, intending to tell him that Adler’s ideas were nonsense. Instead, the two have a long conversation wherein the Youth comes to realize that he misunderstood some crucial points in Adler’s teachings, and that was why he’d been unable to implement them properly.

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The Courage to Be Happy Summary Goal #1: Independence

The first goal of Adlerian psychology is independence. Kishimi and Koga say that everyone has an innate drive to overcome their natural helplessness through self-improvement. This is evident from a very early age—for example, children often insist on doing things for themselves as soon as possible.

The authors also say that this desire for independence is actually a desire for freedom. What people really want is the ability to choose their own course of action and carry it out without needing anyone else’s help or approval.

(Shortform note: Though it’s counterintuitive, the authors’ definition of freedom has an inherent aspect of self-control. This kind of freedom doesn’t mean just doing whatever you want at any given moment; it means that you have the skills and discipline to achieve the goals you choose for yourself. This is also the main thesis of the book Discipline Equals Freedom, by former Navy SEAL Jocko Willink. Willink writes that discipline is the only way to free yourself from bad habits and negative...

The Courage to Be Happy Summary Goal #2: A Sense of Community

While independence is crucial for self-esteem and overall well-being, it’s only one of the two goals of Adlerian psychology. Next, Kishimi and Koga explain Adler’s concept of Gemeinschaftsgefühl, which translates to “community feeling,” or sense of community.

The authors say that humans are social by nature, so interpersonal relationships are a fundamental part of life and happiness. In fact, Adler taught that all hardships and joys stem from our interactions with other people. Therefore, the quality of our relationships shapes our well-being and overall life satisfaction.

In this section, we’ll discuss why contributing to your community can boost your happiness, why you should offer respect freely to everyone (and what “respect” really means), and the three fundamental types of relationships in Adlerian psychology.

Contribute to Your Community

The authors start by saying that contributing to your community is essential for your personal happiness and fulfillment. Adler taught that happiness comes from feeling useful; that feeling, in turn, helps you develop a sense of worth and belonging in your community, which are crucial for your overall...

The Courage to Be Happy Summary Educating and Rearing Children

Adler’s work frequently discusses how to raise and educate children, so Kishimi and Koga spend a lot of time on that topic as well (recall that the Youth originally went back to the Philosopher because he was struggling in his role as a teacher).

According to the authors, instructing children—whether as an educator or a parent —means guiding them toward the same goals that everyone else has: independence and a sense of community. In this section, we’ll discuss how common mistakes in raising and educating children sabotage those goals. We’ll start by explaining how interfering too much in a child’s development stifles their ability to grow into independent adults, then we'll discuss how imposing punishments and rewards (rather than letting children experience the natural consequences of their actions) hinders their ability to develop a strong sense of community.

Excessive Interference Stifles a Child’s Independence

Kishimi and Koga say that well-meaning parents and teachers often hinder children's ability to become self-sufficient by meddling too much in their lives. **When children are constantly subjected to direction and supervision, they may struggle to function...

Shortform Exercise: Consider Your Independence and Sense of Community

Now that you’re familiar with Kishimi and Koga’s interpretations of Adlerian psychology, think about how you could apply those principles to your life. This includes how you approach your relationships with the children in your care, if there are any.

How independent do you feel at this point in your life? Are you more-or-less free to do what you want, or are you subject to someone else’s authority (such as your parents, your boss, or a parole officer)?