Book SummaryThe Confidence Gap, by Russ Harris

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of The Confidence Gap

In The Confidence Gap, psychotherapist Russ Harris provides an approach to dealing effectively with the negative, limiting thoughts and fears that prevent you from achieving your goals. Rather than trying to speak to, tamp down, or ignore negative thoughts—all ineffective methods—Harris recommends you relate differently to your thoughts. This will allow you to pursue your goals without your thoughts interfering with your efforts.

Harris is a trainer in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and has held workshops on this approach all over the world. He’s also authored...

The Confidence Gap Summary What Is the Confidence Gap?

According to Harris, the confidence gap is the misconception that you can only live your life in a rich and fulfilling way—doing the activities, meeting the people, and gaining the skills that matter to you—once you become confident.

For instance, you might want to try stand-up comedy but believe you can’t sign up for an open mic night until you feel confident about your abilities.

(Shortform note: In You Are a Badass, Jen Sincero contends that the reason people don’t go for the things they want is that their egos, which feel undeserving of success and happiness, prevent them from doing so. Sincero would likely echo Harris by saying that you can’t wait around for your ego to develop confidence and self-love before you pursue your goals.)

The Problem With Waiting for Confidence: It Will Never Come

However, if you wait for confidence to naturally arise, you’ll wait forever and never be able to live the rich life you want, claims Harris. This is because you can’t get rid of the negative thoughts and feelings that stymie your confidence—especially the...

The Confidence Gap Summary How to Relate to Thoughts and Fears: Detach, Expand, Be Present

Now that you know that you can build confidence by relating differently to your thoughts and fears, let’s look at how you can relate to your thoughts and fears differently. According to Harris, you can do this in three parts.

Part 1: Detach From Negative Thoughts

Detaching (what Harris calls “defusing”) is the process of seeing the thought not as an objective truth but rather as merely a string of words with no foundation in reality.

(Shortform note: It might help you see your thoughts as merely fleeting concepts if you conceive of them as the product of your power-hungry ego, as Eckhart Tolle advises in A New Earth. He claims that all humans possess an ego that’s afraid of being “less than.” To prove itself superior to other humans, the ego creates thoughts that help define itself.)

You can detach from thoughts in three steps, writes Harris:

Step 1: Recognize the negative thought: Recognize when you’re having a negative thought by familiarizing yourself with four common types:

• Barriers: Your...

The Confidence Gap Summary Pursue Your Goals in the Long Term by Relating Productively to Success

At this point, you’re hopefully able to do more of the things that matter to you because you’re preventing negative thoughts from hijacking your actions by relating more effectively to them. However, to pursue meaningful goals over the long term, you must also relate productively to the idea of success so you don’t become disillusioned along the way and give up.

Harris writes that it’s dangerous to believe that fully achieving your goal is the only way to be successful and to feel good about yourself. Often, achieving your goals is contingent on factors outside of your control, which can make it hard to reach them and thus to ever feel that you’ve “succeeded.” When you feel like your goal is unattainable and that success is elusive, you’re more likely to give up pursuing the goal.

(Shortform note: In perhaps no other field is success more outside of your control than in the creative field. In Big Magic, Elizabeth Gilbert stresses that professional creatives have little control over their careers because there are so many creative gatekeepers:...

Shortform Exercise: Practice Detaching From a Negative Thought

Using Harris’s three-step process, practice detaching from a negative thought.

Think about the last few days: Did you have any negative thoughts that prevented you from doing something or that simply dampened your happiness? Categorize that thought as a barrier, self-judgment, comparison, or prediction, and write the category here.