Book SummaryThe Confidence Code, by Katty Kay and Claire Shipman

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of The Confidence Code

In The Confidence Code, journalists and authors Katty Kay and Claire Shipman examine confidence—what it is, why it’s important, and why women seem predisposed to have less of it than men. (While the book focuses on confidence in women, much of the confidence-building advice applies to men too.)

What Is Confidence?

Confidence is believing so strongly that you can do something that you’re driven to actually do it. The belief stems from mastery—you know you can do something because you’ve worked hard and pushed through past difficulties and failures.

• For example, when Katty learned to kiteboard, it was challenging. The kite would drag her around, she’d fall, she’d get frustrated, and she’d get sore. After a few years of practice, she figured out how the sport worked, and now she can do it confidently.

Confidence is contagious—once you’ve mastered something, this gives you the confidence that you can master (or at least try) something else.

Why Confidence Matters

Confidence is important for three reasons:

1. If you don’t have it, you won’t act, even if you have the desire and skills to do so.

• For example, Jessica Grounds cofounded the organization Running Start, which teaches young women to run for office, because many smart, competent college-aged women who wanted to change the world were qualified but not confident enough to run.

2. It’s more important than competence (provided the gap between competence and confidence is small). Humans admire and respect people who display confidence, and when people genuinely believe they’re good at something (even if they’re objectively not) they naturally give off nonverbal cues and behave in ways that make them seem confident. Keeping your head down and working hard isn’t as visible.

• For example, in 2009, psychologist Cameron Anderson gave a group of students a list of historical events and names, some of which weren’t real. Anderson asked the students to check off the names and events they knew of. The students who picked the most fakes were the most overconfident but also the most influential and respected.

Interestingly, many confident-but-not-extremely-competent people never run into problems. Others don’t think they’re narcissistic because they’re not faking their confidence; they genuinely believe they’re as good as they think they are.

3. It contributes to emotional well-being. Being confident offers more rewards than workplace or personal success. Confidence contributes to making you feel engaged, rewarded, accepted, fulfilled, and purposeful.

Women Are Less Confident Than Men

Researchers have found evidence that women have less confidence than men, and women tend to underestimate their abilities. Men tend to overestimate their abilities:

• Example #1: Columbia Business School found that on average, men think their performance is almost a third better than it actually is.
• Example #2: Marilyn Davidson of Manchester Business School found that her male students both expect and think they deserve higher salaries (on average $80,000) than what the women expect and think they deserve (on average $64,000).

Biological and Environmental Factors Affect Confidence

Confidence comes from biological factors (genetics, brain biology, and hormones) as well as environmental factors (upbringing, societal expectations, and so on).

Confidence and Genetics

Scientists estimate that 25-50% of our confidence comes from our genes. Four notable genes affect confidence and their variants are evenly distributed between genders.

Gene #1: The serotonin transporter (SLC6A4). This gene regulates serotonin levels in the body. Serotonin calms the amygdala, the two primitive parts of the brain responsible for fear and strong, often negative emotions that further survival. Serotonin also de-stresses the prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain responsible for, among other things, rational thought). A calmer prefrontal cortex makes you feel happier, less anxious, and more confident in your decision-making.

SLC6A4 comes in three variants that process serotonin: well, inefficiently, and poorly, respectively. People with the quick-processing variants are resilient, which helps them be confident, and people with the slow-processing one are at a higher risk of anxiety and depression

Gene #2: OXTR. This gene controls [restricted term] levels. [restricted term], like serotonin, aids the prefrontal cortex processes and calms the amygdala. Additionally, it encourages positive thoughts about others, which increases optimism. Optimism supports confidence because it’s easier to take risks if you believe things will turn out all right.

Like SLC6A4, this gene also has two variants. One makes people more resilient and outgoing; the other can lead to low self-esteem and low optimism.

Genes #3 and #4: COMT and DRD4. These genes control [restricted term], which aids concentration and is linked to action and risk-taking.

COMT is responsible for clearing [restricted term] out of the prefrontal cortex and there are three variants that clear [restricted term]: quickly, medium speed, or slowly. When there’s excess [restricted term] in the prefrontal cortex (in times of stress), the brain shuts down, so the quick-clearing variant restores balance more quickly, aiding confidence.

DRD4 comes in two variants and those with DRD47R are more adventurous because the variant encourages pushing limits and extreme risk-taking.

Epigenetics

Even if you have genes that don’t enhance confidence, that doesn’t mean that you’re doomed to be under-confident. Certain genes related to character traits can turn on and off, depending on life experiences, thus changing our brain chemistry—and our confidence levels.

• For example, the authors have the same combination of confidence-related gene variants—slow-clearing COMT, resilient OXTR, and medium SLC6A4—but they have...

The Confidence Code Summary Chapter 1: Confidence Backgrounder

In The Confidence Code, journalists and authors Katty Kay and Claire Shipman examine confidence—a personality trait that’s a major contributor to success. In this chapter, you’ll learn what confidence is, why it’s important, and how women seem predisposed to have less of it than men. (While the book focuses on confidence in women, much of the confidence-building advice applies to men too.) In later chapters, you’ll learn where confidence comes from and how to build it. Finally, in the appendix, you can assess your current confidence levels.

(Shortform note: We’ve rearranged the book’s material for concision and clarity.)

What Is Confidence?

Confidence is believing so strongly that you can do something that you’re driven to actually do it. The belief stems from mastery—you know you can do something because you’ve worked hard and pushed through past difficulties and failures.

• For example, when Katty learned to kiteboard, it was challenging. The kite would drag her around, she’d fall, she’d get frustrated, and she’d get sore. After a few years of practice, she figured out how the sport worked, and now she can do it confidently.

**Confidence is...

The Confidence Code Summary Chapter 2: Genetics and Confidence

In the previous chapter, we discussed confidence and some of its associated psychological traits. Now, we’ll explore where it comes from. This chapter looks at the first of three biological factors that affect confidence: genetics. In the next chapter, we’ll cover brain chemistry and hormones.

Genetics and Confidence

It’s scientifically accepted that the big five personality traits—agreeableness, neuroticism, conscientiousness, extroversion, and openness are responsible for around 50% of our personalities. Confidence and optimism are related to these traits, and scientists estimate that 25-50% of our confidence comes from our genes.

• Example #1: Behavioral geneticist Robert Plomin studied identical twins and fraternal twins and found that identical twins had more similar answers than fraternal twins on both self-assessments of their ability and their actual ability. He found that the correlation between confidence and genes could be as high as 50%, which might be even higher than the correlation between IQ and genes.
• Example #2: Neuropsychologist Steve Suomi found that rhesus monkeys (which have similar genes to humans) that aren’t exposed to any...

The Confidence Code Summary Chapter 3: Brain Biology, Hormones, and Confidence

While there are no genetic differences between men and women—the confidence-related gene variants are evenly distributed between genders—the sexes do have physiological differences in their brains, think in different ways, and have different amounts of relevant hormones. Understanding the differences can help you with self-compassion—if you know your brain is predisposed to something, it’s easier to take it less personally. First, we’ll talk about brains, then, hormones.

First, it’s important to note that while there are differences (the subject of this section), men’s and women's brains are far more alike than different.

• For example, if you looked at brain scans of men and women, you wouldn’t be able to tell which belonged to which gender.

Brain Differences and Confidence

Women’s and men’s brain differ in the following ways:

Size and Distribution of Brain Matter

• Women’s brains are smaller and lighter relative to body size than men’s. This doesn’t affect IQ. (Though some tests have found that women do better than men in language arts, and men are stronger in spatial skills and math.)
• Women have a larger cingulate gyrus (the part of...

The Confidence Code Summary Chapter 4: Environmental Influences on Confidence

In the previous chapters, we discussed how genetics, brain biology, and hormones affect confidence. But confidence isn’t a matter of nature versus nurture—both our biology and our environment affect us and neither will win out. In this chapter, we’ll look at what role the environment plays in confidence development, focusing on the influences and obstacles that affect women, who often lack the self-belief men have.

Influence #1: Expectations of “Goodness”

One of the first environmental factors girls face is behavioral expectations. Starting in elementary school or even earlier at home, children, especially girls, are rewarded for being “good”—quiet, neat, compliant, and well-behaved. Encouraging goodness discourages confidence-building behavior like taking risks, being rowdy, or teasing and roughhousing (both common ways boys play). These expectations affect girls more than boys because:

• They’re more often directed at girls. Society expects girls to be good.
• Girls learn to pick up emotional cues faster than boys. They’re capable of being compliant at a younger age, and because being compliant comes with approval and rewards, they pursue it.

This leads to...

Shortform Exercise: How Has Your Environment Affected You?

Several external and internal factors affect confidence.

When you were a child, were you pressured to be good? Did you succumb to this pressure? Why or why not?

The Confidence Code Summary Chapter 5: How to Build Confidence

As we discussed in the previous chapters, biological and environmental factors contribute to confidence, but confidence isn’t a fixed trait—you have to build it. Psychologists believe that 50% of developing confidence might come from choice and will.

The Confidence Code

The confidence code—the building blocks of creating confidence—consists of three principles:

1. Don’t overthink.
2. Act.
3. Be authentic.

You can increase your confidence by practicing this code in two ways:

1. Regularly expose yourself to these confidence builders:

• Hard work (pushing yourself, or being pushed by others)
• Persistence (having another go after setbacks)
• Risk (leaving your comfort zone)
• Failure
• Willingness to be different and stand out (working toward what you want, rather than what society tells you to do)

2. Try the following techniques:

Technique #1: Fail Fast

The first technique is to fail fast—failing fast is a business strategy that involves trying lots of ideas, expecting that most of them will fail. Then, you abandon the failures early (saving time and money) and only pursue the ideas that have promise.

This is useful as a...

Shortform Exercise: Build Your Confidence

This exercise practices the confidence-building technique of shifting your focus from yourself to others.

What’s something you want to do but haven’t yet because you lack confidence?

The Confidence Code Summary Chapter 6: How to Encourage Confidence in Others

The previous chapter discussed techniques for building your confidence. In this final chapter, you’ll learn how to build confidence in your children and the women you know.

Building Confidence in Children

The earlier in life we encounter the confidence builders (risk, failure, and so on), the faster and more effectively we build confidence.

• For example, when Jane Wurwand was four and a half, on her first day of school, her mother walked her to class but expected her to get home by herself. Jane was afraid and cried, but she successfully navigated home that first day and continued to do so, developing confidence. As an adult, Jane used her confidence to risk her life savings to start the skincare company Dermalogica.

Failure in particular builds resilience—the more you experience it, especially when you’re young, the less you fear it.

Here are some strategies for raising a confident child of any gender:

1. Slowly expose children to risk—too much all at once might traumatize them. Celebrate successes and discuss what worked. Be intentional and constructive about failure. For example, if your child needs to learn to swim, don’t push her off the boat in...

Shortform Exercise: Build Confidence in Other Women

The authors provide several suggestions for building confidence in others.

Think of a woman you know who’s achieved something impressive at work recently. How might you encourage her to acknowledge and talk about this achievement? (For example, you might remind her that her boss wants to know the employees she’s chosen to hire are capable.)

The Confidence Code Summary Appendix: Assessments

Now that you have a good handle on how confidence works, try this assessment of self-esteem (which is related to confidence) and an assessment of confidence.

Self-Esteem Assessment

Give yourself a score of 0-3 on each of the following questions. 0 means you strongly disagree, 3 means you strongly agree.

1. You have at least as much worth as everyone else.
2. You have many positive qualities.
3. You can do things as well as almost everyone else.
4. You think positively about yourself.
5. Overall, you’re happy with yourself.
6. Overall,...