Book SummaryThe Advice Trap, by Michael Bungay Stanier

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of The Advice Trap

In The Advice Trap, leadership coach Michael Bungay Stanier argues that managers should refrain from giving advice when they're called on to help solve problems, and instead should approach problems with a question-driven management style. By adopting this style of leadership—a coaching style—you can improve your performance as well as that of your team and your organization.

Stanier is one of the foremost experts in coaching and the founder of Box of Crayons, a company dedicated to leadership training and development. Published in 2020, The Advice Trap is considered a companion to his previous bestselling book, The Coaching Habit.

In...

The Advice Trap Summary The Problem With Advice-Giving

Stanier defines advice as suggestions of what another person should do, and he notes that in the workplace, many situations seem like they can be solved with an advice-driven approach. Such an approach may sound like, "You should try—" or "Have you thought about doing—".

However, he argues that advice-giving can create several problems, including unproductive work environments, lack of team confidence, and overburdened managers.

Advice-giving can be problematic for two reasons: 1) It can lead to inaccurate solutions and 2) It can generate negative emotions that hinder workplace productivity.

Reason #1: We might think we know what the problem is when, in reality, we’re addressing an irrelevant issue. This can happen when we give advice too quickly before fully understanding the situation. When we lack a clear understanding of a situation, we can only give lackluster suggestions, which get in the way of finding solutions to the actual problem and hold back team productivity and generative thinking.

(Shortform note: The authors of Crucial Accountability echo Stanier’s claim that jumping in with advice without...

The Advice Trap Summary Understanding the Advice Habit

According to Stanier, breaking the advice habit is difficult because advice-giving can feel natural and beneficial in the moment—in many situations, it might feel like the most effective approach, even when it’s not. He presents three common beliefs that drive compulsive advice-giving:

1) Offering advice gives you value: You might feel driven to offer advice because you think that’s why you’re here—it’s your job to have the answers.

(Shortform note: From an evolutionary perspective, researchers say that the need to feel valued is a central drive that triggers our survival instincts and is intertwined with our sense of identity. When our status is threatened, our fight-or-flight response is triggered, resulting in us channeling our energies...

The Advice Trap Summary How to Break the Advice Habit

Now that we’ve examined the three mindsets that fuel the need to give advice, Stanier offers four steps to break your advice habit: Identify your triggers, acknowledge your bad behaviors, weigh the rewards and costs of giving advice, and commit to doing better next time.

Step 1: Identify Your Triggers

According to Stanier, the first step in breaking the advice habit is to figure out what awakens it. In other words, in what situations do you find yourself giving advice the most?

Different people and different situations can set off your urge to give advice—it varies from person to person. Triggers can often be a certain situation or a person that activates one of the beliefs mentioned above—that we, for example, must save the day or provide value.

You can identify your triggers by writing the name of someone in your life and describing the categories that switched on your advice-giving habits. For example, you might find yourself inclined to give advice to someone less experienced than you (person) or when the project is due in a couple of hours (situation).

(Shortform note: Sometimes, it’s not just a person or a situation that provokes your advice-giving habit. In...

The Advice Trap Summary Think Like a Coach

Now that we’ve learned the drawbacks of wielding advice, what habits should we develop instead? According to Stanier, the key to thinking like a coach is to shift our focus away from ourselves and onto others.

To be a good coach, you should:

1. Be supportive
2. Ask questions
3. Focus on the main challenge

Be Supportive

Stanier writes that a conversation can only be productive if the people involved feel safe. He offers four suggestions to make people less defensive:

1) Be on their team—be with them, not against them. Validate their feelings with encouraging words and body language such as: “That’s a very smart point,” or a simple, “Great thought!”

2) Be communicative—talk about what’s next in your conversation so that people know what to expect. Transition between topics so that people can follow comfortably.

3) Help them feel important—ask, praise, and affirm their opinions. Lower your authority so that communication can be open and effective.

4) Help them make choices—ask them for their thoughts so they can help direct the conversation. Instead of giving advice, ask: “What options are you considering?”

**Conversational Intelligence: Cultivating Good...

The Advice Trap Summary Turning Habits Into Lifestyle

Stanier encourages you to make coaching a part of your lifestyle—whether you’re communicating in a face-to-face meeting or chatting informally over text message. Now that we’ve learned how to think like a coach, we can explore the three guiding principles that a good coach should follow:

Principle #1: Listen and Communicate More

According to Stanier, a good coach is generous in both their silence and their words. When you’re not speaking, he suggests you embrace long pauses as opportunities to practice active listening. When you are speaking, try to express your thoughts and feelings more, especially when giving out praise.

(Shortform note: While Stanier promotes active listening as an important pillar of a coaching style of management, he doesn’t elaborate on the techniques you can practice to improve this skill. To be a better listener, you should focus on both your body language and speech. Researchers suggest you focus entirely...

Shortform Exercise: Identify Your Advice-Giving Belief

Stanier acknowledges that when we give advice, we often think we’re being helpful. Think of a time when you gave advice to someone recently and consider Stanier’s three common beliefs that drive the advice-giving habit.

Describe the situation in which you gave advice. Were you talking with a coworker, an intern, or perhaps a friend? Was it at your workplace or somewhere else? What was the subject of the conversation?

Shortform Exercise: Focus a Conversation With Questions

We’ve learned that asking questions can help us differentiate between a distracting issue and a primary challenge. Now, we can practice applying Stanier’s questions to difficult conversations.

Think about a recent time when you had an unproductive conversation with someone. What was the situation? Describe what obstacle(s) made that conversation confusing or even irritating. (For example, was the conversation focused on blaming someone who wasn’t present?)