Book SummarySplitting, by Bill Eddy and Randi Kreger

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of Splitting

Understanding the influence that personality disorders have on divorce proceedings.

This section of the book delves into the significant impact that personality disorders have on divorce cases, highlighting their commonality, unique characteristics, and their contribution to intensifying disputes.

Grasping the typical characteristics and behaviors associated with borderline, narcissistic, and antisocial personality disorders is essential.

Eddy and Kreger emphasize the growing prevalence of personality disorders and their profound impact on personal relationships, particularly during the dissolution of a marriage. The writers offer insightful viewpoints that help readers grasp the fundamental traits of these conditions and how they can result in difficult behavior during the course of a marriage ending.

The prevalence of personality disorders is on the rise, impacting as many as 15% of individuals.

Eddy and Kreger observe that personality disorders, often undetected, are becoming more prevalent in modern society and increasingly manifest within the realm of family law disputes. The prevalence of personality disorders in American adults, as indicated by the Fifth Edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, is comparable to or exceeds that of substance use disorders.

The most extensive research on personality disorders by the U.S. National Institutes of Health (NIH) revealed that 5.9% of individuals in the U.S. are affected by disorders characterized by instability in interpersonal relationships and self-image, while 6.2% display traits associated with narcissistic personalities, and 3.6% demonstrate behaviors indicative of antisocial personality tendencies. In the United States, it's estimated that around 10% of adults may show symptoms associated with conditions such as Borderline Personality Disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or Antisocial Personality Disorder, due to the overlapping characteristics of these disorders. Additionally, studies have shown a concerning trend: a growing number of younger people are being diagnosed with these psychological disorders, suggesting an increase in their occurrence in future generations.

Individuals with these conditions frequently have intense emotional reactions and are prone to exaggerating their own significance, while displaying indifference to the emotions and welfare of others.

People affected by these disorders often show a significant contrast in their demeanor, presenting as congenial and normal during social engagements, but revealing a more unpredictable and intense character within the confines of close relationships. They frequently encounter difficulties in recognizing their own contributions to problems, often ascribing challenges to outside circumstances and engaging in problematic behavior. The authors detail specific actions associated with each disorder.

For instance, individuals with borderline personality disorder typically grapple with feelings of unworthiness, emptiness, and a lack of a stable sense of self. They exhibit an intense fear of abandonment, leading to a cycle of intense clinginess followed by sudden displays of fury. Their behavior is characterized by rapid shifts in emotions, impulsive decisions, and actions that may result in self-injury or aggressive outbursts, demonstrating their capacity for swift emotional transitions. People with BPD frequently exhibit behaviors characterized by a dichotomous perspective, leading to a repetitive cycle where they oscillate between idealizing and devaluing others.

People with narcissistic traits typically have an inflated view of their importance and a deep-seated need for admiration. They exploit others for personal gain and exhibit intense anger when their identity is questioned, lacking any empathetic awareness. They frequently exhibit demeaning or insulting behavior towards individuals in their immediate circle.

Individuals displaying characteristics of antisocial personality frequently demonstrate disregard for social norms and the welfare of others. They often engage in deceit and may employ aggression or commit illegal acts to achieve their goals. They frequently display an alluring charisma externally while skillfully masking their disregard for social norms, without any remorse for their behavior.

The presence of these behavioral characteristics can complicate and escalate the intricacies of the divorce proceedings.

The authors describe how such personality traits and behaviors escalate straightforward legal proceedings into intensely personal conflicts, fueled by emotional tactics and the pursuit of assigning fault and establishing...

Splitting Summary Dealing with the intricacies of a highly contentious split.

This section of the book focuses on strategies for managing a challenging divorce, providing guidance on maintaining strength, steering through the complexities of matrimonial legalities, and protecting personal stakes throughout the process.

Developing an approach based on assertiveness that focuses on concrete proof during engagements with a former partner who tends to assign blame and provoke disputes.

The authors stress the importance of having a solid plan in place when navigating a divorce involving a person prone to high-conflict situations. This approach entails gathering knowledge about personality disorders, managing your emotions, and strategically presenting evidence to court professionals. This approach helps you maintain your independence and protect yourself from the Blamer's tactics of manipulation while avoiding retaliatory actions that may be looked upon negatively by the legal system.

Keep a detailed log of occurrences, exercise prudence during your interactions, and avoid behaviors that might put you at risk.

The authors recommend meticulous documentation as a crucial first step. Maintain a detailed record that thoroughly chronicles instances of...

Splitting Summary Navigating the common obstacles present within the family court system, including accusations of abuse and baseless assertions.

This part of the book delves into the typical difficulties one might face within the judicial system, including allegations of abuse, estrangement, and monetary misconduct, and offers advice on how to properly handle these issues when facing an accuser.

Confronting claims related to mistreatment, estrangement, and fiscal improprieties

Individuals with personality disorders may exploit these delicate matters, necessitating a grasp of the judicial environment they operate within and the adoption of a methodical strategy grounded in evidence.

Grasping the pervasive characteristics of these difficulties and how often individuals with personality disorders take advantage of them.

Eddy and Kreger emphasize that family law conflicts often involve allegations such as substance abuse, child abuse, domestic violence, parental alienation, and financial misconduct, especially when the actions of one or more parties are consistent with the characteristics associated with Borderline, Narcissistic, or Antisocial Personality Disorders. The authors emphasize that, within the legal framework, allegations might initially be regarded as credible based on the importance the court places...

Splitting Summary Investigating various strategies to circumvent the need for judicial intervention and manage post-divorce interactions.

This section of the book highlights strategies for amicably resolving conflicts that arise from divorce when possible and for managing ongoing engagements following the end of a union with a former partner diagnosed with a personality disorder.

Seeking out different methods for resolving disputes, like mediation and collaborative divorce, is frequently recommended instead of engaging in litigation.

The authors emphasize the importance of considering options other than court battles, including participating in mediation, opting for a collaborative divorce, and encouraging cooperative parenting techniques, when possible. The authors outline strategies that, while not always effective when dealing with a high-conflict former partner, offer several benefits including reducing disagreements, cutting costs, and increasing control over outcomes.

Evaluating the effectiveness of these methods when interacting with a former partner known for intense conflict and disordered personality traits.

The authors acknowledge that the feasibility of options outside of court is significantly shaped by the blamer's traits and their sincere willingness to participate in earnest...