Book SummaryMoms Moving On, by Michelle Dempsey-Multack

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of Moms Moving On

Emotional and Psychological Adjustment During a Divorce

This part of the guide will focus on coping with the emotional turmoil that results from divorce, as explained by the author. It will cover everything from grieving the loss of the marriage and moving past anger and resentment toward your ex, to finding your identity outside the construct of "wife" and using self-care to help smooth the transition.

Processing Grief, Anger, and Loss After Divorce

A union ending is a loss. You're grieving the loss of your familiar existence, the loss of a person you loved, and the loss of the future you had planned. Dempsey-Multack emphasizes that It's natural to feel anger, sadness, resentment, and loneliness during this time, and you shouldn't be ashamed of feeling these things. Avoid burying these emotions within yourself. Let them out so you can start healing and move forward. This is a recurring theme throughout the book.

Embracing Challenging Feelings

Dempsey-Multack insists that giving yourself permission to fully experience your emotions—even the really ugly ones—is critical to moving on. Remember that grief isn't tied to a timeline. It's not possible to put a date on your calendar dictating when you'll feel happy again. Your sadness will ebb and flow. You'll also feel like running your ex over with your car. Feeling anger toward an ex-spouse or a partner who betrayed you is a normal response to the intense pain of relationship failure. The author shares from personal experience that her anger was completely justified. Her marriage had left her with almost zero self-esteem. Her husband, the person she vowed to have and to hold for the entirety of their lives, was emotionally absent in the relationship. Their relationship lacked the profound personal bond she craved, and she constantly felt she was lacking in confidence and security. You must begin by understanding that these emotions are normal before you can start handling them in a healthy manner.

Other Perspectives

• In certain professional or social situations, it may be necessary to moderate the expression of emotions to maintain decorum and respect the boundaries of others.
• The statement could be interpreted as normalizing the idea of wanting to harm an ex-partner, even in a metaphorical sense, which might not be a healthy or constructive way to deal with anger for some individuals.
• The intensity and expression of anger can vary greatly among individuals, and unchecked anger can sometimes lead to destructive behaviors or hinder the healing process.
• Emotional absence in a relationship is often a two-way street, and it might be worth considering the dynamics that led to both partners feeling disconnected.
• The impact of emotional absence on confidence and security can vary greatly depending on cultural, social, and individual factors, suggesting that this is not a universal outcome.
• The concept of what is "normal" can vary greatly from person to person, and what is normal for one might not be for another, potentially leading to confusion or additional distress.

Managing Intense Feelings: Journaling and Support

When that urge to yell into a pillow or send an angry text to your former partner arises, Dempsey-Multack suggests journaling instead. Write down those emotions of rage and pain to release them. Try turning this into a regular practice. Document your fears, desires, and aspirations. She even recommends writing a message addressed to your former partner to get your anger out, without sending it. When you're feeling especially lonely, she suggests reaching out to a close friend who is a good listener. If you're suffering from intense sadness and anxiety, therapy and even medication can help, and you shouldn't feel ashamed to seek professional support at this point in your life. Just keep in mind the difference between healthy venting and dwelling in negativity. A good friend will listen and help you through, and won't wish to live in that space with you.

Context

• The act of writing can activate the parasympathetic nervous system, promoting relaxation and reducing stress levels.
• It provides a safe space for self-expression, where individuals can freely articulate their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or repercussions.
• Documenting emotions can reduce stress by externalizing worries and concerns, which can decrease their intensity and make them more manageable.
• It helps in avoiding unnecessary conflict that might arise from impulsive communication, preserving a more peaceful post-relationship dynamic.
• Having someone to check in with can help you stay accountable to self-care practices and personal growth efforts.
• Many communities offer resources such as sliding scale fees or online therapy options to make mental health care more accessible.
• Professional support is bound by confidentiality, ensuring that individuals can speak openly without fear of their personal information being disclosed.
• The goal is to gain clarity and emotional release, helping to move forward. It should ideally lead to insights or a sense of relief.
• They offer constructive feedback when appropriate, helping you gain perspective on the situation and encouraging personal growth and...

Moms Moving On Summary Practical Considerations of Parenting Collaboratively and Daily Life Management

Leaving a union that’s no longer a fit doesn't mean the relationship obligations to your former partner are over. On the contrary, it's likely that this dynamic is now more important than ever before, especially if children are involved. This section of the guide will cover the challenging process of co-parenting, and ways to use it to your advantage, so that you can create the structure and opportunity necessary for your children to thrive. After all, your goal is to be as effective and fulfilled as possible, as both a mother and a person, now that you and your ex are on different teams.

Navigating the Challenges of Co-Parenting With a Former Partner

Co-parenting with someone who’s hurt you isn't easy. Sometimes, co-parenting can feel harder than staying married—especially if your former spouse is trying to continue the hurt as deeply as possible. You have to separate your emotions from your obligation to jointly raise your children.

Clear Boundaries and Communication to Prioritize Children's Needs

Dempsey-Multack shares from her own experience that she, too, was forced to deal with a combative former spouse during the divorce proceedings. His fury and resentment...

Moms Moving On Summary Rebuilding Confidence, Identity, and New Relationships

When you're by yourself, you have time to focus on all parts of your life, even the parts that felt "off" (or "off limits", for that matter) while you were married. This part of the book explores connecting with your true self, dating again, and allowing yourself the fulfilling sexual experiences you deserve.

Rediscovering Your Authentic Self Through Hobbies

Dempsey-Multack shares that she, too, had a hard time believing in herself again after years of letting herself be gaslit in relationships. She realized that she had a tendency to be a "people pleaser", which had left her with feelings of being disconnected and unfulfilled. However, she explains, you must first have faith in your value. You have to know it, feel it, and identify it within you to let someone into your life in a healthy way.

Engaging In Activities That Bring Joy and Empowerment

Here, the author reminds her readers of the importance of being committed to things that inspire you—things that will help quiet the doubt in your mind. She worked on building her confidence by connecting to old passions, things she found joy in prior to her marriage. For her, it was exercising, going out with girlfriends,...