Book SummaryMilk and Honey, by Rupi Kaur

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of Milk and Honey

Rupi Kaur experienced oppression and abuse throughout her life. From an uncle who raped her as a child to a father who demanded she stay silent, she grew up in an environment that taught her she was worthless. However, as she grew up, her experiences with love and heartbreak taught her how to find the beauty in herself and how to heal in the face of painful experiences.

(Shortform note: This summary has been written to be as objective as possible. However, poetry naturally lends itself to individual interpretation. This summary is one interpretation of the work's themes and isn’t meant to be definitive.)

Abuse and Oppression

Kaur compares her journey through childhood to someone pinning her legs to the ground then demanding she stand. She felt as though people expected a lot from her while actively working against her instead of supporting her. Throughout her childhood, she experienced the fallout of a distant father, gender oppression, and sexual assault.

A Distant Father

Kaur states that your father is supposed to be the first man you love, but that she didn’t have that experience because she never connected to her father. When they would speak, her father often screamed at her. He claimed this was out of love, but this confused Kaur. She began to associate love with aggression. In fact, she began to develop angry tendencies like those of her father.

Gender Oppression

Growing up, Kaur and her mother were told to be silent. Any time Kaur would try to speak up, her father and other men in her life would shut her down. Because she was told to stay silent, Kaur began to view herself as unimportant. She would look at herself in the mirror and tell herself that she was nothing.

Sexual Assault

As a child, Kaur was raped by her uncle. She recalls her assault in graphic detail. For a while, her trauma led her to feel unsafe in sexual or physical situations, even when they were safe and consensual. She explains that she would sometimes flinch when someone touched her because she was afraid it was her abuser. Though it took time, she did overcome her trauma. It significantly impacted her life, but she didn’t let it destroy her.

Love and Sex

As Kaur got older, she began to discover the true meaning of love. Though her trauma initially created significant obstacles, she began to break down those barriers through her recognition of the power of mothers and her first significant relationship.

The Power of Mothers

When her mother was pregnant with her sister, Kaur asked how her mother had gotten so large so quickly. Her father explained that a woman’s body is the closest thing to God on earth because it produces life. This revelation made Kaur see the female body as powerful for the first time in her life.

Falling in Love

The first serious love of Kaur’s life focused on her intellect before her body. They would read together and talk about their hopes and dreams. He related to her struggles and helped her work through them. She finally met a man...

Milk and Honey Summary Introduction

Rupi Kaur experienced oppression and abuse throughout her life. From an uncle who raped her as a child to a father who demanded she stay silent, she grew up in an environment that taught her she was...

Milk and Honey Summary Chapter 1: Abuse and Oppression

When asked about her tendency to show kindness, Kaur explains that people weren’t kind to her growing up and she doesn’t want to make anyone else feel the way she felt. She believes everyone is capable of love, yet many choose to be toxic.

She compares her journey through childhood to someone pinning her legs to the ground then demanding she stand. She felt as though people expected a lot from her while actively working against her instead of supporting her. Throughout her childhood, she experienced the fallout of a distant father, gender oppression, and sexual assault.

A Distant Father

Kaur states that your father is supposed to be the first man you love, but that she didn’t have that experience because she never connected to her father. Kaur’s father was an alcoholic. She explains that there’s no such thing as an alcoholic parent. Instead, there are just alcoholics who fail to parent. When they would speak, her father often screamed at her. He claimed this was out of love, but this confused Kaur. She began to associate love with aggression. In fact, she began to develop angry tendencies like those of her father.

While Kaur had to beg her father to have a...

Milk and Honey Summary Chapter 2: Love and Sex

As Kaur got older, she began to discover the true meaning of love. Though her trauma initially created significant obstacles, she began to break down those barriers through her recognition of the power of mothers and her first significant relationship.

The Power of Mothers

When her mother was pregnant with her sister, Kaur asked how her mother had gotten so large so quickly. Her father explained that a woman’s body is the closest thing to God on earth because it produces life. This revelation made Kaur see the female body as powerful for the first time in her life.

When she was young, Kaur struggled to understand how a mother could focus all of her love and energy into a child without expecting anything in return. She couldn’t relate to it, but she was intrigued by it. **She looked to her loving mother...

Milk and Honey Summary Chapter 3: Heartbreak and Mixed Emotions

While her first serious relationship started in a strong place, it deteriorated over the years. She stayed in the relationship for a while because she believed they could solve their differences. When the strains of her relationship began to surface, Kaur’s mother told her that she could do better. Kaur jumped to her lover’s defense. She believed that their love would be able to endure the issues they were facing. She thought that she would never experience love with anyone else in the way that she experienced it with him.

However, they ultimately couldn’t salvage their relationship. This resulted in a nasty breakup that caused a variety of emotions to surface. He said that if the universe wanted them to be together, they would get back together. Kaur rejected this premise. She knew that relationships could only thrive if both parties wanted them to. Immediately following the split, she grappled with her mixed feelings and tried to hold onto the self-worth she’d begun to build.

Seeing the Toxicity

After they broke up, Kaur noticed the red flags she had ignored throughout their relationship. Her partner had sometimes claimed to have to stay at work for a...

Milk and Honey Summary Chapter 4: Healing and Moving On

As she moved on from her first love, Kaur learned that the key to happiness in life is self-love. Throughout her childhood, she felt defined by her surroundings. In her relationship, she felt defined by her lover. With distance from both of those, she realized the only person who could define who she was as a human being was herself.

Finding Self-Love

Kaur saw that there was no use in clinging on to someone who didn’t want her in return. In fact, she realized that there was no use entering a relationship at all until she loved herself. She concluded that the only way to have a healthy relationship was to embrace that she deserved more than love that hurt her.

While she felt lonely after the breakup, she found that waiting for someone to make her feel whole was a futile task. She realized that the cure to loneliness isn’t finding another person to complete you. It’s embracing that you are a complete human being without anyone else. If you learn to love yourself when you’re alone, the feelings of loneliness won’t feel as crushing. Other people can complement your strengths, but they can’t give you the things you think you lack.

Kaur views pain as part of being...

Shortform Exercise: Love Yourself

Kaur asserts that the only way to feel fulfilled in life is to love yourself.

Describe a recent relationship or close friendship in which you felt you gave more love than you got.