Book SummaryIf You Tell, by Gregg Olsen

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of If You Tell

In If You Tell, Gregg Olsen describes how notorious abuser and murderer Shelly Knotek, with the help of her husband Dave, abused their three daughters, as well as how the couple abused, tortured, and murdered two friends and their nephew. Olsen examines how the three daughters survived and how their bond ultimately led to their mother’s arrest. The story was compiled through interviews, primarily from the daughters Nikki, Sami, and Tori, Shelly’s stepmother Lara (a pseudonym), and Dave Knotek. Nikki, Sami, and Tori asked Olsen to write this book as a warning to the world about their mother—they feared she’d kill again after her...

If You Tell Summary Shelly Knotek’s Childhood: Early Warning Signs

According to Olsen, Michelle (Shelly) Watson was born to Sharon and Les Watson in 1954. She was raised primarily by her father and her stepmother Lara after age six. Prior to that, she lived with her mother Sharon, whom Les described as an alcoholic who was unable to raise kids. Little is known about Sharon’s relationship with Shelly, but Sharon cut off contact after bringing Shelly to Les’s, and when Shelly was later informed of her mother’s death, she barely reacted.

Shelly’s grandma Anna, whom she often went to see after school, was known for being cruel and demanding. She had two employees of her nursing home staying with her, and she treated them like slaves and abused them when they didn’t work quickly enough. According to Lara, she took joy in others’ suffering. She wouldn’t allow her mild-mannered husband George to sleep in the house, forcing him to sleep in a shed outside instead. Shelly was Anna’s favorite grandchild, though once in a while Shelly became the victim of Anna’s anger. However, most of the time Shelly was by Anna’s side watching the way she treated people—and learning.

**As a child, Shelly was impossible to please. She threw tantrums, lied, and started...

If You Tell Summary Marriages and Children

Shelly was married three times and had a daughter with each husband.

Husband Randy and Daughter Nikki

At 19, explains Olsen, Shelly married her high school sweetheart Randy Rivardo. They had Nikki in February 1975. Shelly was extremely persuasive and charismatic, and she used these traits to get what she wanted no matter what. She spent money they didn’t have, always convincing people to let her leave unpaid tabs even after Randy told them not to let her do so. After financial troubles and marital problems—including Shelly locking Randy out of the house regularly—Randy filed for divorce and left Shelly.

(Shortform note: Charisma and the ability to influence others are often present in people with ASPD and psychopaths and can help them get away with harmful behavior. Shelly’s tendency to lock her husband out of the house also echoes Anna’s tendency to do the same to her husband.)

Husband Danny and Daughter Sami

Next, Shelly married Danny Long....

If You Tell Summary Child Abuse

As Olsen explains, Shelly began abusing her daughters at a young age. Nikki, the oldest, has a memory from when she was very young in which she woke suddenly to find a pillow pressed over her face, suffocating her. She screamed and her mother showed up instantly to comfort her. As she consoled her, Shelly insisted that Nikki’s perception of someone putting a pillow over her face had been a dream, observing Nikki’s reaction with interest. Nikki knew it wasn’t a dream but backed down in the face of her mother’s insistence. When her third and final husband, Dave, was around and not at work, he either watched passively or participated as Shelly ordered him to.

Shelly used extremely harsh punishments for even the slightest misbehaviors. She beat her children and husband with implements from around the house and took pleasure in their pain. She also locked them in closets or out of the house, forcing them to sleep outside. Frequently, the children didn’t know what they were being punished for, but she told them they were bad, ungrateful, and spoiled. However, she also showed great affection toward the children on some days. Nikki never knew what would set her mother off and bring...

If You Tell Summary Shane Watson’s Arrival: A New Target

According to Olsen, in 1988, Shelly’s nephew Shane came to live with them at age 13. His parents were unable to take care of him, and Shelly sent him loving letters saying she wanted to help him.

The girls loved Shane and viewed him as a brother. Shelly set him up with a bedroom in the basement, but not long after he arrived, she put him to work around the house and yard. She began subjecting him to abuse as well, first confiscating his things as punishment until he was forced to sleep pillowless on a mattress on the floor, then restricting his shower and bathroom access. When the family moved to a smaller house, he had no room at all and had to sleep in Nikki’s closet with nothing but a blanket.

**Many of Shelly’s punishments were...

If You Tell Summary The Abuse, Torture, and Murder of Kathy Loreno

Shortly after Shane came to live with them, explains Olsen, Shelly’s best friend Kathy moved in with them. She’d had a string of bad luck, had a strained relationship with her family, and was broke and needed a place to stay. She was described as a pleaser and a giver, kind and empathetic to everyone. Shelly offered to let Kathy stay with them in exchange for helping out with the kids—whom Kathy adored—and around the house. She also helped care for Shelly during her cancer “treatments,” unaware that she was faking them. Kathy needed help, but the most enticing thing Shelly offered her was the chance to be needed herself.

(Shortform note: Kathy’s personality is reflective of people-pleasing tendencies and fits the “pleaser” personality archetype. Pleasers are particularly vulnerable to being taken advantage of by people with controlling or toxic personalities because of their [willingness to appease others through any means...

If You Tell Summary Escape: How Nikki and Sami Got Away

Nikki graduated from high school in 1993, and she desperately wanted to go to college and move away, Olsen explains. She enrolled in community college, but her mother began sabotaging her, taking away her school clothes and refusing to give her money for the bus so she had no transportation. One day when Shelly was abusing her, Nikki resisted and knocked her mother to the ground, to Shelly’s astonishment. Having someone fight back for the first time ever made Shelly change tactics: She’d remove Nikki from her presence.

(Shortform note: Shelly’s surprise at Nikki’s reaction—and her surprise at Kathy’s death—may be related to a reduced ability to understand the consequences of her actions. Psychopaths process reward and punishment differently than other people, which can lead them to persist in behaviors that result in punishment—like continuing to commit crimes after being released from prison. But in Shelly’s case, finding that her victim was no longer compliant seemed to prompt her to send the victim away, perhaps so she could focus on the less defiant ones.)

**Shelly told Nikki, who was 20 at that point,...

If You Tell Summary Ron Woodworth: Repeating History

According to Olsen, around 2001, another friend named Ron Woodworth moved in with the Knoteks. Like Kathy, he had run into financial problems and was broke, emotionally vulnerable, and estranged from his family. Shelly invited him to stay with them so he could get back on his feet.

Nikki no longer had contact with anyone in her family except Sami, and Tori was too young to remember what had happened with Kathy, but Ron’s arrival set off alarm bells in Sami’s head. Still, she forced herself to believe that what had happened with Kathy wouldn’t happen again and that Ron would be strong enough to withstand Shelly. She was wrong.

Again, the relationship between Ron and Shelly started out as a loving friendship, but soon Shelly began degrading him and chipping away at his self-worth. The slide into abuse happened much more rapidly than it had with Kathy, but the pattern was the same: physical abuse, restricting bathroom usage, drugging, and isolating him from family.

As punishments got worse, Shelly forced Ron to drink his own urine, to punch himself in the face as hard as he could over and over, and to repeatedly jump barefoot off their two-story house. His feet became...

If You Tell Summary Arrest and Conviction: The Lead-Up

According to Olsen, the first time anyone in the family went to the police about the Knoteks’ activities was in 2001, while Ron was still alive. Nikki, then 26, had gone to stay with her grandmother Lara, and the second day there, Nikki told her what happened to Kathy. Lara was shocked, but she knew Nikki was honest and believed her.

They reported the information to the police and faxed a detailed account of what happened to Deputy Jim Bergstrom of the Pacific County Sheriff’s Department. Nikki thought things would change, but after the police were unable to reach Sami—then 22 and still away at college—to verify Nikki’s story, they didn’t follow up on the case. When Lara followed up months later to ask about Kathy’s case, Deputy Bergstrom told her it had gone cold, that he was in the middle of a big trial and would get back to work on it when he could.

(Shortform note: In an investigation, police often interview anyone who may have information that could prove helpful in the case. While it can hamper an...

Shortform Exercise: Expand Your Understanding of Abuse Dynamics

Society often unfairly judges victims of abuse to be at least partially responsible for their circumstances. For instance, many people question why victims didn't simply leave the abusive situation. In this exercise, you’ll have the chance to reflect on how your perception of the dynamics of abuse may have changed after reading this guide.

What have you learned in this guide about the dynamics of abuse that was new to you?