Book SummaryHow Women Rise, by Sally Helgesen and Marshall Goldsmith

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of How Women Rise

Many women feel barred from advancing their careers but can’t identify the barriers holding them back. In How Women Rise, Sally Helgesen and Marshall Goldsmith argue that these barriers seem invisible because they’re self-inflicted and uniquely female. The barriers arise due to women’s overly self-critical mindset—the product of their desire to meet the rigid gender expectations placed on them by society and to avoid the backlash that occurs when they don’t. This mindset causes most women to develop at least one of 12 common habits that limit their professional success. To break free of these self-inflicted limitations, women must recognize and deconstruct their detrimental thoughts and behaviors.

Sally Helgesen is an author, speaker, and coach specializing in women’s leadership. She’s a member of the Thinkers50 Hall of Fame, which honors...

How Women Rise Summary Pattern #1: Selling Yourself Short

Helgesen and Goldsmith explain that women tend to sell themselves short. This is because society praises modest women while viewing ambitious women as arrogant or brash. This rigid line between acceptable and unacceptable causes women to develop binary thinking—a woman is either a good person who is humble and modest, or she’s a selfish person who brings attention to her goals and achievements. Their attempts to meet the “humble and modest” standard result in detrimental behavior such as downplaying their goals and achievements.

(Shortform note: In Lean In, Sheryl Sandberg reiterates that society’s tendency to dislike successful, ambitious women causes women to develop counterproductive habits in their attempt to appear humble and modest. Sandberg describes the 2003 “Heidi/Howard” study, which asked two groups of participants to review a case study of an ambitious entrepreneur and rate the entrepreneur's likeability. The two case studies were identical, except that one was about a female entrepreneur named Heidi, while the other featured a male entrepreneur named Howard. The group...

How Women Rise Summary Pattern #2: Pleasing Others

Helgesen and Goldsmith explain that women tend to focus too much on pleasing others. This is because society tells women to be caretakers—they must be empathetic and accommodating of others at all times. Women who focus on themselves and leverage individual opportunities risk being seen as selfish and manipulative. This causes them to neglect their own needs and desires, overlook opportunities for growth, and struggle to find effective solutions to problems.

(Shortform note: In Burnout, Emily and Amelia Nagoski add that societal and internal pressure to meet the “caretaker” standard causes women to neglect their own well-being and best interests. They add that when women partake in this behavior for too long, they risk burning themselves out mentally, physically, and emotionally—they become exhausted, they stop caring about things that were once important to them, and they struggle to connect with others. This impacts not only their career success, but also their ability to maintain important relationships and their mental and physical...

How Women Rise Summary Pattern #3: Perfectionism

Helgesen and Goldsmith explain that women tend to strive for perfection because success boosts their confidence and society views failure as disgraceful. Further, because women are less recognized for their accomplishments than men, they feel they need to go above and beyond to be seen as successful. However, these attitudes cause women to overwork themselves, experience negative emotions, damage relationships, and focus on details that may not be important in the long term.

(Shortform note: The outcomes discussed by the authors above aren’t the only negative side effects of perfectionism. For example, experts warn that perfectionism can cause some people to be less productive—this is because perfectionists may avoid or procrastinate on tasks they don’t think they can do perfectly. Further, perfectionism makes people more vulnerable to other issues like depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, loneliness, and anger.)

Helgesen and Goldsmith discuss two main detrimental behaviors that result from perfectionism.

Behavior #1: Unrealistic Expectations

**In pursuit of perfection, women tend to develop...

How Women Rise Summary Pattern #4: Overthinking

Helgesen and Goldsmith explain that women tend to absorb a broader range of information at a time than men do. However, this ability causes women to overthink things—they get caught up in hyper-analyzing past situations and focusing on details of present situations that may not be that important. This often prevents them from advancing their careers because it causes them to get stuck in a negative mindset (due to feelings like regret), struggle to find effective solutions, and lose their ability to focus and be present.

(Shortform note: In The Confidence Code, Katty Kay and Claire Shipman list a few biological differences that explain why women tend to overthink. First, women have a proportionally larger cingulate gyrus than men on average—this is the part of the brain that spots mistakes, considers options, and worries about things. Further, unlike men, women have relatively more brain matter in the prefrontal cortex (used for reasoning) and the limbic cortex (used for processing emotions). These differences cause women’s...

How Women Rise Summary Tips For Overcoming Detrimental Behaviors

Helgesen and Goldsmith provide three main tips to help women effectively overcome the four main thought patterns and accompanying behaviors discussed previously. First, they must start small by working to change one behavior at a time. Second, they must recruit a support system to help them progress. Third, they must refrain from being self-critical.

Tip #1: Start Small

The authors explain that effectively changing your behavior requires you to take things one step at a time. If you try to make too many changes at once, you’ll see fast results but be much more likely to relapse into bad behavior.

To start small, identify the thought pattern that’s most prevalent and detrimental for you—you’ll focus on this one area at first. Next, select one specific behavior you experience due to that thought pattern and choose one solution to that behavior that you can start implementing. For example, if perfectionism is the most detrimental thought pattern for you, you might want to begin by preventing yourself from setting unrealistic expectations. You can start by learning to prioritize certain tasks and details over others.

(Shortform note: The authors support the traditional...

Shortform Exercise: Overcome Your Most Prevalent Habit

Helgesen and Goldsmith say that the best way to overcome your bad habits is to identify the most pressing issue and start small. In this exercise, you’ll determine which habit to tackle first and how to overcome it.

Out of the four negative thought patterns discussed in this guide—selling yourself short, pleasing others, being a perfectionist, and overthinking—which do you find yourself engaging in the most? This will be the area you target first.