Book SummaryHow to Do the Work, by Nicole LePera

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of How to Do the Work

According to Nicole LePera, bestselling author of How to Do the Work, self-sabotaging patterns create recurring problems that prevent people from feeling happy. These patterns can include irrational emotional reactions and damaging behaviors such as chronic worrying, outbursts fueled by insecurities or anger, and self-destructive habits—for example, procrastinating or overeating.

Since these sorts of patterns create undesirable symptoms, it’s important to overcome them and adopt more positive patterns. However, many people fail to make the changes they want. As a result, they feel like they must accept their patterns as an unchangeable part of who they are.

(Shortform note: Psychologists add insight into what self-sabotaging patterns are and why people might fail to overcome them. You’re self-sabotaging when you engage in behaviors that thwart your goals—for example, wanting to be in a committed relationship but cheating on your partner....

How to Do the Work Summary Part 1: Self-Sabotaging Patterns Stem From Childhood Trauma

According to LePera, before you can overcome your self-sabotaging patterns, you first need to understand why you engage in them. This knowledge will empower you to take control of your unwanted behaviors.

(Shortform note: Like LePera, James Allen (As A Man Thinketh) argues that you must understand why you behave the way you do before you can change your behaviors. Without this understanding, you’re more likely to believe that you have no control over the way you act, and you won’t feel motivated to improve your behaviors.)

LePera argues that the reason it’s difficult to overcome self-sabotaging patterns is that you never consciously chose to engage in these patterns. Rather, you subconsciously adopted them as a way to cope with painful childhood experiences that made you feel unsafe or unloved.

In this part of the guide, we’ll first explain how your parents conditioned you to think, feel, and behave in specific ways. Then we’ll explore how painful childhood experiences led you to develop the defensive beliefs and behaviors that form the...

How to Do the Work Summary Part 2: Engaging in Childhood Patterns Creates Negative Effects

Now that we’ve examined how self-sabotaging patterns form and why they’re so difficult to change, let’s explore how continuing to engage in defensive childhood patterns negatively affects you. This knowledge will help clarify why it’s so important to become conscious of and replace the childhood patterns that don’t serve you.

According to LePera, automatically engaging in defensive childhood patterns creates three negative effects:

1. You don’t know how to recognize and fulfill your needs.
2. You unintentionally replicate childhood relationships.
3. You suffer from elevated stress levels that damage your health.

Let’s explore these three negative effects in detail.

Negative Effect #1: You Don’t Know How to Recognize and Fulfill Your Needs

According to LePera, conforming to your parents’ expectations as a child caused you to lose touch with who you really are and your true needs. This makes it difficult for you to feel at peace with yourself.

She explains that your current beliefs and behaviors have nothing to do with who you really are—they only reflect how you adapted yourself to achieve feelings of love and security. However, because you’re not conscious of...

How to Do the Work Summary Part 3: Replace Unwanted Childhood Patterns With Healthier Patterns

Now that you’re aware of how automatically engaging in defensive childhood patterns impacts your ability to feel satisfied with yourself, your relationships, and your overall well-being, let’s work on replacing these patterns with healthier ones.

LePera argues that the most effective way to overcome defensive childhood patterns is to consciously address the childhood experiences that caused you pain. According to her, the reason your defensive patterns hold so much sway over you is that you’re still using them to avoid feeling your childhood pain. And, because you didn’t consciously feel and process these painful emotions, they continue to live within your subconscious mind and influence all your behaviors.

Therefore, she suggests that you revisit the childhood beliefs and experiences that instigated your defensive patterns, acknowledge how they impact your current patterns, and create new beliefs that support healthier patterns.

(Shortform note: Tony Robbins (Awaken the Giant Within) expands on what LePera says here by claiming that **[the more you attempt to avoid painful emotions, the more likely you are...

Shortform Exercise: Consciously Address Your Self-Sabotaging Patterns

According to LePera, consciously addressing painful experiences helps create healthier patterns.

Reflect on an unwanted circumstance in your life and write down how it makes you think, feel, and behave. (For example, seeing your reflection makes you think about how overweight you are. You feel ashamed of your appearance and avoid leaving the house.)