Book SummaryFierce Conversations, by Susan Scott

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of Fierce Conversations

In Fierce Conversations, Susan Scott argues that to achieve happiness and success in life, you must constantly have courageous conversations—honest and sometimes uncomfortable discussions about your thoughts, feelings, desires, and issues. This is because these aspects are constantly changing, and if left unaddressed, will likely cause you to become misaligned with your goals. Further, failing to have these conversations or doing so ineffectively, risks escalating issues and damaging relationships. Scott provides a model for having courageous conversations that will effectively solve critical issues, enable learning, and improve relationships so you can achieve happiness and success in all aspects of your life.

Susan Scott is a leadership development specialist, executive coach, public speaker, and best-selling author. She’s the founder of [Fierce...

Fierce Conversations Summary Guideline #1: Uncover and Prepare to Share Your Truths

Scott explains that the first step in having courageous conversations is uncovering your truths—the most important aspects of your life currently. These aspects include your thoughts, feelings, desires, and concerns regarding important relationships and circumstances in your life. For example, you might need to discuss the truth of your concern for your best friend’s mental health, or as a business leader, the truth of the decrease in employee satisfaction at work.

(Shortform note: In High Performance Habits, Brendon Burchard reiterates that you must regularly monitor the most important things in your life (your “truths”) in order to maintain happiness and success. However, while Scott argues that your truths are your thoughts, feelings, desires, and concerns about important relationships and circumstances in your life (like your job or your relationships with your child), [Burchard puts forth nine specific categories in which you should monitor your overall...

Fierce Conversations Summary Guideline #2: Structure The Discussion

Once you’ve uncovered your truths and determined who you need to discuss them with, Scott explains that you must choose an effective conversational model to structure the discussion. Following a conversational model is crucial because it allows you to respectfully introduce the topic, learn about the issue from all perspectives, and build mutual understanding so you can uncover effective and sustainable solutions. Scott presents two methods for doing so: one for intimate discussions with one or a few people and one for larger meetings (such as in corporate settings).

(Shortform note: Many people resist structuring conversations because they believe adding structure is unnecessary, feels unnatural, and limits what they’re able to talk about. However, in addition to the benefits Scott discusses, experts note that structuring conversations is beneficial because it clearly shows your intention for the discussion, tells you and the other person what to expect next, and provides a goal.)

Model #1: Conversing In Small Groups

Scott’s first model is intended to be used for intimate conversations with...

Fierce Conversations Summary Guideline #3: Conduct Yourself Properly During the Discussion

Scott explains that your behavior, body language, tone, and communication style are critical to courageous conversations. Regardless of how you structure the conversation, these smaller details largely influence how the other person will respond and whether they’ll be comfortable enough to share their truth with you. Scott discusses three principles to follow that will establish mutual trust and understanding with the other person(s) so you can have an effective courageous conversation.

(Shortform note: Leil Lowndes reiterates the importance of nonverbal communication in How to Talk to Anyone, adding that nonverbal cues contribute to more than 80% of people’s first impression of you and largely influence how they react to you (including whether they’ll feel comfortable enough to engage and share their truth).)

Principle #1: Give the Other Person Your Full Attention

First, Scott explains that you must give the other person(s) your complete, undivided attention. If the other party...

Shortform Exercise: Identify Your Truths

Scott argues that the key to having courageous conversations is uncovering the most important aspects of your life that need to be discussed. In this exercise, you’ll examine your thoughts, feelings, concerns, and desires about your life path so you can determine what you need to talk about, and who you need to talk to.

What about your life at the moment is making you unhappy, and what might you be avoiding thinking or talking about? To answer this question, consider your relationships, goals, circumstances, and so on. For example, maybe your best friend is moving away and you haven’t yet addressed that situation.