Book SummaryEmotional Agility, by Susan David

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of Emotional Agility

When you experience a negative or stressful event, do you think through your responses carefully and act exactly as you want to? Or do you find yourself caught up in the emotions of the moment, acting in ways that you later feel embarrassed or ashamed of? Are your emotions knee-jerk reactions that you can't seem to control?

In Emotional Agility (2016), clinical psychologist and management consultant Susan David explains that most people react instinctively to the way they perceive events—and these perceptions are based on emotional, often-untrue narratives explaining why those events took place. Driven by their narratives, people often react in ways that don't match the practical needs of the moment—like blowing up over their spouse's simple mistake—and don't align with their values, the things most important to them in life.

David argues that you can break free of your controlling narratives through emotional agility, the skill of seeing events and your emotions objectively. It allows you to choose your responses—rather than reacting based on emotion-driven instincts—and thereby manage negative events with calm clarity. You’ll live more intentionally within your values.

(Shortform note: While David focuses almost exclusively on the control negative emotions have over you, it’s important to consider how positive emotions control you, too. Research suggests that emotions usually seen as positive can also negatively impact your choices. For example, optimism can make you more likely to take risks—for example, a feeling of optimistic excitement at the casino may drive you to spend much more money than you’d intended. Throughout the guide, consider how emotional agility’s principles...

Emotional Agility Summary Part 1: The Controlling Power of Narratives

Your brain is programmed to take in sensory information and interpret it through narratives explaining how and why the world works. David explains that people instinctively believe these narratives are true because they’re informed by emotions, which we’re wired to pay attention to. Emotions serve the evolutionary purpose of creating a physiological reaction in your body in response to external stimuli. You may not need to run from danger like your ancestors, but your brain is still neurochemically wired to react to emotions—and their associated narratives.

(Shortform note: The human brain contains hundreds of millions of pattern-recognizing neurons—in other words, it’s constantly seeking to find meaning in the information it processes. Because it’s so good at this, it’s prone to seeing patterns where there aren’t any—a phenomenon called apophenia. Because apophenia drives us to associate irrelevant pieces of information with one another, it often leads to irrational narratives. For example,...

Emotional Agility Summary Part 2: Developing Emotional Agility

The good news is, you don't have to let your narratives—or your emotional responses to them—control you. Instead, David advocates cultivating the skill of emotional agility—viewing events and emotions objectively and responding deliberately.

David describes four steps for developing emotional agility:

1. Label your emotions.
2. Accept your emotions.
3. View your emotions objectively.
4. Choose your values.

Let’s explore each step in detail.

Step 1: Label Your Emotions

The first step to achieving emotional agility is labeling your emotions—that is, using honest, specific language to describe what you’re feeling. David argues that the combination of honesty and specificity forces you to understand the exact nature of your emotions, no matter how uncomfortable. Otherwise, you might feel tempted to ignore them or to use vague words to avoid painful vulnerability.

(Shortform note: While David focuses on the importance of fully understanding negative emotions, as we noted earlier, it’s also important to understand and engage with your positive emotions. Research suggests that doing so can [improve your resilience to...

Emotional Agility Summary Part 3: Pursuing the Life You Want

Even after you develop the skill of emotional agility, your past still affects you—a past shaped by narratively and emotionally driven decisions. Changing the life you spent years building according to your narratives won’t be easy, but living by a couple of David’s principles will put you on the right path:

1. Grow through gradual change.
2. Live for the future, not the past.

We’ll explain how these principles can help you start living by your values while avoiding falling back into the trap of narrative and emotional control.

Principle #1: Grow Through Gradual Change

Though emotional agility gives you techniques to choose how you act and respond to events in your life, shifting from living by your narratives to living by your values involves making many small, deliberate choices every day that serve your values.

Studies show that setting small goals for change is more likely to result in success than committing to huge, life-changing goals all at once. When your goals are smaller, the stakes for failure are lower. David says that because you won’t be held back by emotions that often accompany failure, like fear of shame or embarrassment, you’ll...

Shortform Exercise: Assess Your Emotional Agility

Consider a recent event to which you reacted poorly in a way you later regretted. This exercise will help you reflect on the event—and determine a better course of action in the future—using the principles of emotional agility.

What was the situation and how did you feel in the moment? Be specific in labeling your emotions. (For example, you made plans to meet up with a friend for coffee, and she brought her friend without asking you. You were annoyed, so you didn’t talk much and left early. Upon reflection, your emotions were more accurately those of hurt and anxiety.)