Book SummaryCrucial Accountability, by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, et al.

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of Crucial Accountability

Accountability conversations are the discussions we have when someone breaks a promise, violates a commitment, behaves badly, or fails to meet our expectations. These conversations are important because without them, our relationship with the other person could end up permanently damaged. Unfortunately, people tend to handle these conversations incorrectly—or not have them at all. In Crucial Accountability, communication and management experts Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, David Maxfield, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler explain how we can effectively have these conversations to solve the issues at hand while preserving our relationship with the other person.

Why Accountability Conversations Are Crucial

Holding others accountable is a crucial skill because if we handle our issues incorrectly or not at all, we may experience negative consequences. If we neglect the issue and remain silent, we could permanently damage our relationship with the other person by developing toxic communication and passive-aggressive behaviors. If we bring up the issue and handle it improperly, we could risk offending the other person, thereby damaging our relationship and reputation with them. In either case, if we fail to bring up the issue or do so incorrectly, we allow the issue to continue and possibly get worse.

(Shortform note: In 12 Rules of Life, psychologist Jordan Peterson corroborates the authors’ argument that you must plan a crucial discussion to effectively execute it. He explains that if we communicate our interpersonal conflicts without planning ahead, we risk inciting emotional reactions from the other person such as resentment, jealousy, frustration, and even hatred. Like the authors of Crucial Accountability, Peterson notes that if we ignore an issue because we fear these emotional reactions, we may end up creating more negative consequences, such as building up negative emotions and allowing the issue to persist. Either way, these outcomes will damage our relationship with the other person.)

Consequently, the authors wrote Crucial Accountability to help bosses, employees, parents, friends, and others effectively handle these conversations. They have written several best-selling books on communication, performance, and leadership skills and have created a leadership training company, Crucial Learning, that offers supplemental courses. Overall, they refer to these fundamentals as “crucial skills.” Crucial Accountability hones in on one of these crucial skills—holding others accountable.

Crucial Accountability is a step-by-step guide that teaches us how to properly prepare for, execute, and follow up on our accountability conversations. As an added bonus, the authors discuss a few exceptional situations that may require a slightly different approach from the steps in their guide, and advise us on how to handle these situations.

Preparing for the Discussion

The authors explain that to prepare for your discussion, you first need to identify the key issue at the root of the accountability grievance and then determine whether or not you should discuss it. You also need to avoid making assumptions by trying to see the issue from the other person’s perspective.

Identify the Key Issue

The first step to an accountability conversation is identifying the key issue and then determining whether or not it’s worth bringing up. The authors explain that accountability grievances usually come in bundles; instead of just one problem, there are often a whole host of issues that make up the grievance. However, there is usually one key issue at the root of the grievance—the underlying problem causing all the other issues. When the key issue is identified and solved, the other issues will likely be resolved as well.

If we don’t pinpoint the underlying problem, we could end up addressing the wrong issue or addressing too many issues at once, neither of which will solve the problem.

Avoid Gunnysacking

Sometimes when trying to identify the key issue, you’ll end up with more than one fundamental issue that’s bothering you. This may be because you’re actually dealing with several key issues that are independent of each other rather than linked to a single accountability grievance—in other words, an older set of issues that you’ve harbored over time.

Harboring small resentments over time is called gunnysacking and can severely damage or even end your relationship. To address this kind of problem, you’ll need to have multiple conversations so each individual key issue can be discussed and addressed.

Determine Whether or Not to Address the Issue

The second step is deciding whether the issue is worth bringing up. The authors explain that sometimes, the issue we’re upset about doesn’t warrant an accountability conversation. They explain that the purpose of holding an accountability conversation should be to maintain a positive and productive relationship with the other person. If your intent for the conversation doesn’t match this definition, or having the discussion won’t achieve this goal, you should probably cope or get over the issue rather than bringing it up.

For example, if you want to have an accountability conversation because your adult daughter dyed her hair, this probably isn’t a valid issue—your intent for the discussion isn’t to improve your relationship or its productivity—rather, it’s to impose your worldview on her. And, the consequences of the discussion will neither improve your relationship nor resolve the problem—instead, it will probably make both of them worse.

**How to Get Over an Unjustified Accountability...

Crucial Accountability Summary Shortform Introduction

Accountability conversations are the crucial and complicated discussions we have when someone breaks a promise, violates a commitment, behaves badly, or otherwise fails to meet our expectations. If we don't manage these conversations effectively, our personal and professional relationships can suffer and even collapse. Crucial Accountability was written to address these problems, offering a step-by-step guide that teaches people how to effectively plan, execute, and follow up on accountability discussions so they can maintain healthy relationships and effective organizations.

About the Authors

Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, David Maxfield, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler are the founders of Crucial Learning, a company dedicated to creating best-selling books and courses focused on improving people’s communication, performance, and leadership skills. For over 30 years, the authors have been working together to help individuals and organizations, and have worked with more than 300 of the Fortune 500 companies. In addition to co-writing Crucial Accountability, the authors also worked together on three other national best-sellers: _[Crucial...

Crucial Accountability Summary Preface: What’s an Accountability Conversation?

Accountability conversations are the crucial and complicated discussions we have when someone breaks a promise, behaves badly, or otherwise fails to meet our expectations. When these situations arise, we are forced to decide whether or not to address the issue. We make this decision by drawing up a cost-benefit analysis in our head—is the effort of bringing up the affront worth the possible consequences?

Most people choose to remain silent after doing this mental math due to the underlying fear that speaking up will damage their relationship with the people involved—even if it means perpetuating and worsening the issue. However, management and communication experts Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, David Maxfield, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler argue that if we learn to effectively hold accountability conversations, we can achieve our desired outcome and improve our relationship with the other person.

Accordingly, Crucial Accountability is a step-by-step guide that teaches people how to plan, execute, and follow up on accountability discussions to maintain healthy relationships and effective organizations.

(Shortform note: Experts explain that we often choose silence...

Crucial Accountability Summary Part 1: Identifying the Issue and Whether to Discuss It

The authors argue that the effectiveness of an accountability conversation largely depends on the preparation we do ahead of time. To prepare for your accountability conversation, you must identify and fully understand the key issue that underpins the problem. Then, you must decide whether or not the issue is worth addressing. In Part 1, we'll explore how the authors recommend you approach each of these steps.

Identifying the Key Issue

Accountability grievances often come in bundles, so that instead of just one problem, there are a whole host of issues that make up the grievance as a whole. However, there is usually one key issue at the root of the grievance—the underlying problem causing all the other issues.

The authors argue that when you identify and target the key issue, you’ll likely resolve the remaining issues as well. However, if you fail to identify the key issue, you risk either pursuing the wrong issue or trying to address too many issues at once, neither of which will result in a positive outcome.

• For example, imagine you’re upset with your spouse because they promised to wash the dishes and take the dogs out before leaving for the day....

Crucial Accountability Summary Part 2: See the Whole Story

The authors assert that in order to have an effective accountability discussion, we must first consider the other person’s side of the story. Otherwise, we’re likely to charge into the conversation with unfair assumptions that will cause us to handle the situation poorly.

When someone fails to meet our expectations, the authors explain that the following process subconsciously unfolds in our heads:

First, we see and hear what the person did. Second, we tell ourselves a story (make assumptions) about why they did it. Third, we develop a feeling based on the story we imagined. And fourth, we act based on that feeling.

• For example, we see that our roommate didn’t wash their dishes. We tell ourselves a story that they didn’t wash the dishes because they’re lazy. This causes us to see the roommate as a villain and develop aggressive feelings towards them. When they get home from work, we act by accusing them of never helping out.

Unfortunately, because the stories we tell ourselves are typically negative stories, we tend to then handle the situation poorly by either acting aggressively or avoiding the issue altogether. Either way, these approaches...

Shortform Exercise: Understand the Other Person’s Story

When someone breaks a promise or otherwise fails to meet our expectations, we’re quick to become angry and blame the other person’s character for their bad behavior. In reality, the other person might not have broken the promise because they don’t care about you, but because something was preventing them.

Consider an accountability issue you’re currently dealing with. Think about how upset it makes you. Using these negative emotions as fuel, what are your immediate assumptions about why this person failed to meet your expectations?

Crucial Accountability Summary Part 3: Initiating the Conversation

The authors assert that the first step in initiating an accountability conversation is creating a safe space. To do this, you’ll need to establish both mutual respect, so the other person doesn't feel you’re belittling them, and a feeling of a shared purpose, so they understand that you’re working toward a common goal rather than trying to point out their faults.

Establishing Mutual Respect and Shared Purpose

The authors explain that to begin your conversation with mutual respect and a shared purpose, you must explain the issue succinctly and respectfully. If we fail to do this, we could risk overwhelming the other person with information, compromising their feeling of safety.

To accomplish this:

1. Lay out the facts of the situation. Explain what your expectations were and how the other person broke them. Remember to focus on facts rather than emotions. For example, if you’re discussing the issue of someone constantly interrupting you, you could say, “It’s important to me to allow other people to finish speaking before chiming in to show respect and consideration for what they have to say, but at dinner last night, I noticed that you frequently cut...

Shortform Exercise: Maintain Safety

Sometimes when we’re in the heat of a conversation, we miss signs that the other person might be feeling unsafe. In order to have an effective conversation, we need to be able to identify these signs and restore safety as quickly as possible.

Think about an accountability conversation you’ve had in the past that ended badly because the conversation lacked safety—the other person felt attacked or uncomfortable. What behaviors was the other person exhibiting that hinted that they felt unsafe?

Crucial Accountability Summary Part 4: How to Discuss Motivational Barriers

Before initiating the conversation, the authors explain that you must identify whether the other person failed to meet expectations due to a lack of motivation or a lack of ability. In this section, we’ll explore their advice on how to deal with motivational struggles.

The Importance of Relaying Consequences

The authors write that if someone fails to meet our expectations, we must explain to them the consequences because people make decisions based on the consequences they anticipate.

If the other person doesn’t anticipate negative outcomes for neglecting to meet expectations (for example, believing that nothing “bad” will happen and they can get away with it), then they’ll likely continue to not meet expectations. On the other hand, if they foresee negative consequences happening (for example, getting in trouble, letting people down, or depreciating their reputation) they’ll most likely choose to meet expectations to avoid these outcomes.

The authors note that people are more motivated to avoid negative outcomes than they are to pursue positive outcomes. They theorize that this happens because rewards create extrinsic motivation—the desire to do...

Crucial Accountability Summary Part 5: How to Discuss Ability Barriers

If we’ve determined that the accountability issue is due to an ability barrier, the authors assert that we can help the other person overcome that obstacle by making our request both possible (by removing ability barriers) and easy (by removing extraneous or arduous steps).

We can accomplish this and enable the other person to meet expectations by:

1. Involving the other person
2. Identifying the root cause of the ability barrier

We’ll explore each of these in the sections below.

Involving the Other Person

The authors explain that there are three primary benefits of involving the other person in the process of identifying ability barriers:

1. It makes it much easier to identify the primary barrier because the other person is likely to know better than you whether it’s personal, social, or structural.
2. Jointly brainstorming ways to solve the problem will likely produce more effective solutions because the other person is closer to the problem than you are, therefore they will likely have a more complete view of the issues and how they can be fixed.
3. People are generally more motivated to enact a solution when they are involved in developing it.

To...

Crucial Accountability Summary Part 6: How to Handle Emergent Issues Mid-Conversation

The authors explain that unexpected issues often arise in the midst of accountability conversations. When these new issues are more urgent (time sensitive, serious, emotional, or important to the other person) than the original problem, we must solve them before returning to the primary conversation.

It’s vital that you address new, urgent issues like these when they arise because if you ignore them, you’ll likely finish your conversation without finding an effective solution.

Urgent Issue or Distraction Tactic?

In Thanks for the Feedback, Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen explain that sometimes when an urgent issue arises, we need to finish the original discussion and schedule a later time to discuss the new issue rather than addressing it immediately. This is because sometimes, the other person will bring up a new issue as a distraction tactic to avoid accountability. They call this practice switchtracking, and warn that if we pivot the conversation to...

Shortform Exercise: Handle Emergent Issues

When holding an accountability conversation, there’s always the possibility that a new and unexpected issue will arise. When this happens, we need to identify the issue at hand and respond appropriately.

Imagine that you’re having an accountability conversation with your coworker about them eating your food from the fridge. You lay out the facts, describe the gap between your expectations and what’s happening, and then invite the other person to share their story. When they respond, they inform you that it wasn’t them who ate your food, it was John. You know it wasn’t John because you saw John eating his own lunch. Your coworker is lying. How would you handle this situation?

Crucial Accountability Summary Part 7: What NOT to Do While Discussing Accountability

The authors stress the importance of understanding what not to do in an accountability conversation almost as much as what to do. Because we’ve likely grown up watching people handle accountability issues incorrectly, these learned behaviors slip out when we least expect them to. By understanding what not to do, we can recognize and halt these behaviors as soon as we see ourselves enacting them.

(Shortform note: The authors emphasize what not to do during accountability conversations because these bad behaviors are common practices for many people. Experts second this assertion, explaining that in order to develop better habits, we first need to identify what we’re doing wrong, which is the purpose of this section.)

Before Giving Advice, Listen to the Other Person’s Perspective

The authors assert that we need to listen to the other person’s point of view in order to make accurate judgments and solutions. The issue is about the other person, therefore,...

Shortform Exercise: Identifying Your Bad Behaviors

During accountability conversations, there are a handful of common mistakes that people make which could negatively affect the outcome. Often, we don’t realize that we're making these mistakes because they happen unconsciously. By looking at our past failed conversations, we can identify what went wrong so we can avoid making the same mistake in the future.

Think about the last time you had an accountability conversation that didn’t end well—for example a sibling or partner blew off the agreed-upon solution or an employee became annoyed at you. Now consider the above mistakes. Did you do anything either consciously or unconsciously that caused the adverse consequences?

Crucial Accountability Summary Part 8: Making a Plan and Following Up

After you’ve successfully discussed the accountability issue and determined a solution, the authors recommend creating a plan of action and then following up to ensure that everyone follows the agreed-upon plan.

While this step seems pretty straightforward, don’t underestimate its importance; leaving the plan of action and follow-up vague could undermine the hard work and planning you put into preparing for the conversation and developing a solution.

Determining Who Does What and When

The first part of creating a plan of action is identifying the specific tasks that need to be completed, who needs to do them, and when they need to be done. For example, if the agreement is that the other person will work on being more creative, you might say: “I want you to come up with three new ideas for how to market our product each week by noon on Friday.”

The authors especially emphasize the importance of being clear about who will complete each task. Avoid using vague statements like “let's come up with three new ideas.” Terms like “let’s” and “we” undermine accountability. If one person is required to complete the task, make it clear that they are the one...

Shortform Exercise: Create a Plan

When you’ve finally finished the conversation, you must make a plan of action and set a time to follow up to ensure that commitments are followed through on. How you approach the follow-up, though, depends on the situation.

Think of a recent accountability problem you’re having with an employee, coworker, or someone in your personal life. How has this person been failing to meet your expectations? For example, maybe you’ve noticed lately that a coworker, who usually does a great job, has been overlooking details and thus adding to your responsibilities, as you’re the one who then has to catch these details.

Crucial Accountability Summary Part 9: The Truly Tough Situations and How to Handle Them

While the steps laid out above are sufficient to solve most accountability issues, the authors note a few situations where extra steps or precautions may be necessary. The section below will discuss these novel situations and how to handle them.

Dealing With an Obstinate Person

When the other person is impossible to hold accountable because they either refuse to have an accountability discussion or refuse to change their ways, your options are unfortunately limited. When you’ve done your best to converse and it seems the situation is a lost cause, you have two options: endure or end the relationship.

Are You Dealing With a Narcissist?

People who refuse to be held accountable or to change their behaviors tend to have narcissistic tendencies and could even have narcissistic personality disorder—a condition that causes people to lack empathy for others and to struggle to see their own faults. Because narcissists are masters at making people like them, it can sometimes be hard to tell when you’re dealing with one. [The traits below are common to...