Book SummaryConversational Intelligence, by Judith E. Glaser

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of Conversational Intelligence

In Conversational Intelligence, Judith Glaser argues that your success in life and at work depends on your ability to hold a high-quality, trusting conversation—in other words, on your conversational intelligence. Being conversationally intelligent means you understand how important conversations are to human development and connection, why trust is a critical piece of a good conversation, and how you can foster trust with your conversation partner. Glaser contends that conversational intelligence is especially important in the workplace, as it can eliminate distrust between leaders and employees that stymies growth and understanding, thus allowing both companies and employees to thrive.

In this...

Conversational Intelligence Summary The Importance of Good Conversations to Human Connection

Before we can explain what conversational intelligence is, we need to discuss the importance of conversations and the qualities that define a good conversation according to Glaser.

Glaser claims that good conversations aren’t just about sharing information: They’re a complex form of social interaction that influences how we see the world, how we act in it, and how we come across to others. They have the potential to change how we relate to others and give us the opportunity to practice empathy toward them.

(Shortform note: Archaeological research seems to confirm the evolutionary importance of language to human development. Some researchers believe that [humans first started speaking with each...

Conversational Intelligence Summary Defining Conversational Intelligence

Conversational intelligence is essentially the ability to orchestrate a good, effective conversation that fosters trust and respect based on your understanding of how the human mind works.

So what is a good conversation? According to Glaser, a high-quality conversation is one in which you build a dialogue with others, innovate together, let ideas change and evolve, and focus on your community, rather than on yourself. In short, in a good conversation, you don’t cling to your own ideas or try to be right, but instead open yourself to changing from the input of others so that you can come to a solution together.

As a leader, you want most conversations in your workplace to be such high-quality conversations because they’re the most productive and lead to the best outcomes and higher employee happiness.

(Shortform note: Glaser writes that you should focus on your community or team rather than on advancing your own ideas to hold a good conversation. In _[The Ego Is the...

Conversational Intelligence Summary Trust is the Foundation of a Good Conversation

Glaser writes that high-quality conversations are built upon a foundation of trust. Trust is the sense that you can express your true thoughts and feelings to the other person and that they will understand and respect these. If other people don’t trust you as a leader, your conversations will never be productive and you’ll never be able to create a collaborative, functional working environment.

(Shortform note: You might also conceive of trust in your workplace interactions as feeling safe in the workplace—this is how Daniel Coyle refers to this concept in The Culture Code. He elaborates that a safe workplace facilitates strong chemistry among employees and a willingness to go above and beyond normal responsibilities—two outcomes that Glaser would likely consider part of a collaborative, functional working environment.)

The Neurological Underpinnings of Trust

Glaser explains that feelings of trust and distrust have neurological roots and evolved as a survival mechanism, which demonstrates how important trust is to our...

Conversational Intelligence Summary How to Become Conversationally Intelligent

Let’s now discuss how to become more conversationally intelligent and foster more trusting dialogue in the workplace. We’ll cover seven techniques that Glaser recommends can help you do this.

1: Help Employees Answer Five Questions in Every Conversation

To establish trust right away in the conversation, you must be aware that everyone unconsciously asks themselves five questions about the person they’re talking to at the beginning of every conversation. These questions are related to whether or not they can trust the other person. As a leader, whenever you talk to an employee, be sure that their answers to these five questions indicate a positive attitude toward your organization.

1. Do I need to protect myself emotionally and how?
2. Does this person like me, and can I trust them?
3. How am I a part of this group?
4. What do I need to learn or acquire to be successful in this moment?
5. How can I work with others to create and build something?

How to Help Employees Positively Answer the Five Questions

Glaser says you must ensure employees can answer the above five questions positively, but she doesn’t indicate how to do so. Let’s go over each question...

Shortform Exercise: Set Up the Right Context for an Important Upcoming Conversation

Consider how you can change the context of an upcoming conversation to ensure the other person can easily trust you.

Think about an important (or simply necessary) conversation you need to have with someone in the near future. Briefly note the topic of the conversation and the outcome you’d like to see. (For instance, you might need to tell your adult child you can no longer support them financially, and the ideal outcome would be for them to calmly accept this.)