Book SummaryBetter Decisions, Fewer Regrets, by Andy Stanley

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of Better Decisions, Fewer Regrets

Making decisions is difficult. Even when we have lots of time and information to help us make good choices, we all make bad judgments and end up regretting them later. This happens even with decisions that have long-lasting consequences, like decisions about our careers, families, and finances. And it can be frustrating to know that no matter how hard we try to make the right choice, the future is unpredictable and things can turn out in unexpected ways.

In Better Decisions, Fewer Regrets (2020), evangelical Christian pastor Andy Stanley contends that to make a good decision, you have to ask yourself the right questions about the situation. He points out that your decisions shape your life. If you’re like most people, you probably have a plan for what you want your life to look like—but you don’t have a plan for making the decisions that get you there. Stanley contends that if you take the time to ask yourself five essential questions, you’ll have the tools to make decisions that get you where you want to go.

In 1995, Stanley founded the nondenominational North Point Ministries, which has since grown to eight churches in the Atlanta metro area and more than 150 churches worldwide. He’s also the author of more than 20 books, including Parenting (2023), Not In It to Win It (2022), Irresistible (2018), The New Rules for Love, Sex, and Dating (2015), and How to Be Rich (2013).

In Better Decisions, Fewer Regrets, Stanley writes that good decisions enable you to build a life you feel proud of. In this guide, we’ll examine how Stanley defines a good decision—and how he defines a bad one. Then we’ll dive into his explanation of the reasons we tend to make bad decisions and break down the questions he recommends using to structure your decision-making process. We’ll also put Stanley’s advice into the context...

Better Decisions, Fewer Regrets Summary What’s a Good Decision?

We’ve all made decisions that we’re happy with and decisions we’re not so proud of. But few of us have stopped to ask ourselves: What makes a good decision? According to Stanley, it’s a combination of three factors:

First, a good decision moves you in the direction you want to go, whether in your relationships, career, finances, or another area of your life. A decision that’s right for you makes sense as part of your vision for where you want your life to go.

Second, a good decision accords with your values. Stanley is a pastor, and he’s writing about making decisions that align with Christian values and help you follow the path God has chosen for you. (In the book, Stanley illustrates his points with stories about decision-making in the Bible.) A good decision helps you to embody the values that mean the most to you.

Third, a good decision is made purposefully and thoughtfully. Stanley contends that we often don’t make good decisions when we feel rushed or if we make a choice without thinking through all the options. He writes that a good decision is one that you approach purposefully—by asking yourself a series of questions that we’ll explore later in the guide....

Better Decisions, Fewer Regrets Summary What’s a Bad Decision?

We’ve defined a good decision. But then what makes a bad decision? Stanley writes that a bad decision creates regret. He explains that bad decisions can be inconsequential or very consequential—but either way, they make you want to go back and make a different choice. However, you only regret a decision after you’ve made it. So while regretting a decision might help you if you face a similar choice in the future, it can’t keep you from making a decision you’ll regret in an unfamiliar situation. (Shortform note: Some experts describe regret as a time machine: an emotion we feel in the present about something that happened in the past that helps us to make better choices in the future.)

(Shortform note: Stanley contends that you should try to avoid making decisions you regret. Yet some experts say that not only are regrets inevitable, but it’s crucial to build the skill of learning from your regrets. In If Only..., psychologist Robert L. Leahy writes that we often regret things we did and [things we...

Better Decisions, Fewer Regrets Summary Why Do We Make Bad Decisions? And How Can We Make Better Ones?

So we’re good at making bad decisions—great at it, even! But why does it come so naturally to us to make choices that we’ll regret, choices that undermine how we want to spend our time and what we want to accomplish in our lives? According to Stanley, there’s a fundamental explanation for all of this: that we make bad decisions because we lie to ourselves. In this section, we’ll explore what Stanley means when he says that we deceive ourselves in ways that undermine good decision-making. We’ll also look at the reasons we aren’t truthful with ourselves and examine his advice for how we can break this destructive habit.

We’re Bad at Decisions Because We’re Good at Lying to Ourselves

Stanley explains that when we make a choice, we tell ourselves a story about the situation we’re facing and the options we have in front of us. But we tend to tell ourselves stories that aren’t true, and Stanley contends that this is the problem at the heart of our bad decisions. He points out that we often make up stories to deceive ourselves (and sometimes others, too) so that we can feel good about choosing what we feel like doing over what we should be doing. But failing to be...

Shortform Exercise: Practice Being Honest With Yourself

Stanley contends that one of the biggest obstacles to good decisions is our tendency to lie to ourselves so that we can feel better about ourselves and our choices. Now that you’ve read about how Stanley recommends making better decisions, think about how you might start applying his advice to your life.

Think about a situation where you tend to let yourself make a less-than-ideal decision. For example, you might allow yourself to order takeout on nights you told yourself you’d cook at home.