197 / Fear & Failure (Part 1) with Amy Green Smith
Join Nicole Kalil and her guests JJ Kalil and Amy Green Smith on the podcast "This Is Woman's Work," as they delve into the profound relationship between fear, failure, and the building of confidence. This episode offers a thought-provoking exploration of the impact that facing our fears repeatedly can have on our personal growth and self-assurance. Using tangible examples and strategies, the speakers dissect the often-mistaken interpretation of fear as danger and provide listeners with the tools to differentiate between genuine threats and the natural discomfort of new experiences.
Highlighting the psychological research of Amy Cuddy, the podcast reveals how adopting certain body language, such as power poses, can measurably boost one's confidence. Smith advocates conversing with our fears as a tactic to acknowledge their presence without allowing them to control our actions, and stresses the importance of not mistaking emotions as reflections of self-worth. Meanwhile, Kalil discusses the positive outcomes of reframing our response to failure, underscoring the necessity of learning from missteps as a cornerstone of 'failing forward.' The episode encourages embracing the "and statements" approach, allowing for bravery in the midst of fear, and concludes by redefining what it truly means to be 'fear optimized' instead of 'fearless,' championing the consistent, courageous response to fear as the key to sustained confidence.
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1-Page Summary
Facing fear repeatedly builds confidence over time
Nicole Kalil and Amy Green Smith explore how repeatedly facing fear is crucial for building confidence. They clarify that fear often signifies entering unfamiliar rather than dangerous territory. By asking whether a situation is truly dangerous or just new, people can better manage their fears.
By reframing fear as excitement, individuals can use physical cues like power poses to inspire courage, drawing upon Amy Cuddy's research which shows that body language affects confidence levels. Smith promotes talking to one's fear, recognizing its protective intent, but not letting it dictate actions.
Smith warns against interpreting emotions as facts about self-worth, suggesting that they are merely indicators of areas needing attention. She urges people to identify the underlying beliefs that trigger their fears to manage them effectively.
Embracing "and statements" is another strategy Smith uses, which accepts that one can feel scared and still act courageously. This mindset helps people to act bravely even when feeling nervous.
Kalil discusses how responding to failure positively can build confidence. Learning from mistakes is critical for long-term success and confidence. High achievers might find this challenging, but it's essential for 'failing forward.'
Finally, Kalil and Smith emphasize the importance of consistently confronting fears and choosing courage to develop confidence. They cite successful figures like Michelle Obama, Tina Fey, and Meryl Streep, who have thrived by acting courageously in the face of fear. Instead of aiming to be "fearless," Smith promotes being "fear optimized," meaning to acknowledge fear and respond with bravery. This proactive engagement with fear over time is pivotal for continuous confidence growth.
1-Page Summary
Additional Materials
Clarifications
- Power poses are expansive body postures that are believed to convey confidence and power. Research by social psychologist Amy Cuddy suggests that adopting these poses can lead to increased feelings of confidence and courage. By striking power poses, individuals may influence their own psychological state and approach challenging situations with a greater sense of empowerment. This practice is based on the idea that body language can impact emotions and behaviors.
- Amy Cuddy's research focuses on how body language can impact confidence levels. She is known for her work on power posing, which suggests that adopting expansive postures can lead to increased feelings of power and confidence. Cuddy's research suggests that nonverbal behaviors can influence how individuals feel about themselves and their abilities. By changing body language to convey confidence, individuals may experience a positive shift in their mindset and behavior.
- Embracing "and statements" involves accepting conflicting emotions or thoughts simultaneously. It means acknowledging that it's possible to feel fear and still act courageously. This strategy encourages individuals to recognize and validate their complex emotions without letting them hinder their actions. By embracing "and statements," people can navigate their fears more effectively and make decisions based on courage rather than solely on fear.
Counterarguments
- While facing fear can build confidence, it is not the only method, and for some individuals, repeated exposure without proper support or coping mechanisms can lead to increased anxiety or trauma.
- Reframing fear as excitement may not work for everyone, as individual psychological differences can affect how one perceives and processes fear.
- Amy Cuddy's research on power poses has faced replication issues, and some scientists question the strength of the evidence supporting the claim that body language directly affects confidence levels.
- Talking to one's fear assumes a level of introspection and self-awareness that not everyone may possess, and without guidance, some individuals may struggle to effectively engage with their fears.
- Emotions may sometimes be indicators of deeper issues, but they can also be transient and not necessarily always signal areas needing attention.
- The concept of "and statements" may not be sufficient for individuals with certain mental health conditions, such as anxiety disorders, where professional intervention might be necessary to manage fear.
- Positive responses to failure are important, but the text does not acknowledge the complex emotional and psychological impact of failure, which can vary greatly among individuals.
- Learning from mistakes is important, but the pressure to always find a lesson in failure can sometimes lead to self-blame and an unhealthy focus on personal shortcomings.
- The examples of successful figures may not be relatable to everyone, and such comparisons can sometimes lead to feelings of inadequacy rather than inspiration.
- The idea of being "fear optimized" may not resonate with or be achievable for everyone, particularly those with phobias or severe anxiety, for whom fear can be debilitating.
- Proactive engagement with fear assumes a level of agency and control that may not be possible in all situations or for all individuals, especially in cases of systemic issues or trauma.
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Facing fear repeatedly builds confidence over time
Nicole Kalil and Amy Green Smith discuss the complex relationship between fear and confidence, emphasizing the importance of engaging with fear repeatedly to build confidence.
Fear signals new or unknown territory, not actual danger
Kalil and Smith emphasize that fear often arises not from actual danger but from stepping into unfamiliar territory. Smith suggests asking oneself, "Am I in danger or is this just new?" to qualify feelings of fear and differentiate between true threats and the discomfort of new experiences.
Reframing fear as excitement conjures courage
Smith recommends physically using power poses to inspire courage and refers to Amy Cuddy's research on the topic. She suggests that changing one's physical body geography through power posing can help to conjure courage and encourages exploring Cuddy's TEDx talk for more in-depth understanding.
Power poses and body language alter confidence
Amy Cuddy's research on power posing
Amy Green Smith highlights Amy Cuddy's research, which suggests that body language, particularly power posing, can significantly affect confidence and courage levels.
Talk to your fear; acknowledge but don't let it control decisions
Smith discusses the importance of acknowledging fear when it arises and having a conversation with it. She talks about thanking her fear for its protective intent while reassuring herself that she is safe and not in danger, a method that allows her to proceed despite feelings of fear.
Examine emotions without jumping to conclusions
Emotions provide messages, not facts
Smith admonishes the tendency to interpret emotions as facts or assessments of self-worth. She points out that emotions are simply messages indicating something that deserves attention, not definitive truths about one's value.
Identify root issues and beliefs underneath surface fears
By examining emotions closely, Smith believes we can identify underlying issues that trigger fear, such as the fear of speaking up or what others think if one fails to overachieve.
You can feel afraid while still behaving courageously
Leverage "and" statements
Smith champions the use of "and statements," which allow individuals to acknowledge and accept the coexistence of fear and courage. She suggests affirmations such as, "You are allowed to be nervous, and we're going to behave from courage," helping people behave bravely even in the presence of fear.
Failure is inevitable; it's how we respond that builds confidence
Nicole Kalil talks about failure as a confidence builder, suggesting that how one responds to failure, fear, doubt, and mis ...
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Facing fear repeatedly builds confidence over time
Additional Materials
Clarifications
- Power poses are expansive body postures that are believed to affect hormone levels and increase feelings of power and confidence. Research by Amy Cuddy suggests that adopting these poses can lead to psychological changes that enhance confidence and reduce stress. By consciously adjusting body language to convey power and confidence, individuals may experience a positive impact on their mindset and behavior. This practice is about using physical cues to influence mental states and can be a tool for boosting self-assurance in various situations.
- Amy Cuddy's research on power posing explores how body language can influence confidence levels. Power posing involves adopting expansive postures to convey power and confidence. Cuddy's work suggests that engaging in power poses can lead to physiological changes that may increase feelings of confidence and reduce stress. This research gained attention after her popular TED Talk on the su ...
Counterarguments
- While facing fear can build confidence, it is not the only method; other strategies such as cognitive-behavioral therapy, mindfulness, and skill development can also enhance confidence without directly engaging with fear.
- Fear can sometimes signal actual danger, and it is important to accurately assess risks rather than dismiss all fear as a response to the unknown.
- Reframing fear as excitement may not work for everyone, and some individuals may require more substantial interventions to manage their fears effectively.
- The efficacy of power poses has been debated in the scientific community, with some studies failing to replicate Amy Cuddy's findings, suggesting that the impact of power poses on confidence may not be as significant as initially thought.
- Talking to one's fear is a metaphorical strategy that may not resonate with everyone, and some people may find more structured psychological techniques more effective.
- Emotions can sometimes be based on accurate assessments of situations, and it may be unwise to dismiss them as mere messages without considering their potential validity.
- Identifying root issues is important, but it can be complex and require professional help; self-analysis may not always lead to accurate conclusions or effective solutions.
- The concept of "and state ...
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