In the latest episode of "This Is Woman's Work with Nicole Kalil," empowerment coach Amy Green Smith joins Kalil to unpack the complexities of owning your voice. The conversation ventures beyond just articulating thoughts—it enters the realm of setting boundaries, asserting preferences, and managing the repercussions of speaking out in a world where self-censorship often wins. Emphasizing on personal integrity and the weight of societal expectations, they dissect what it truly means to claim one's voice amidst external pressures.
With a focus on the ways people-pleasing and perfectionism impede self-expression, the episode highlights the different manifestations of silencing one's desires. Nicole and Amy discuss the psychological underpinnings of these behaviors, touching upon self-worth and defensive mechanisms, while presenting practical steps to combat them. They stress on the small yet impactful ways to assert opinions and encourage listeners to respect their preferences in daily life, suggesting that through embracing our voice authentically, we can gradually undo the need for external validation.
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Owning Your Voice constitutes more than expressing oneself; it's about establishing boundaries, asserting preferences, and effectively managing the consequences of speaking up. Amy Green Smith and Kalil delve into the nuance of this concept, addressing its multifaceted nature in terms of personal integrity and the societal pressures that often constrain it.
Amy Green Smith insists that finding one's voice involves addressing the issues that cause one to complain but are often met with silence. For Smith, raising one’s voice is an act of confronting the problems head-on, suggesting that if a matter is significant enough to complain about, it should be equally important to invoke action about.
On the topic of people-pleasing, Smith connects it to an inherent lack of self-worth, where individuals prioritize others over themselves, damaging their integrity and suppressing their genuine desires. This behavior is deeply ingrained in the belief of not being worthy or adequate. Additionally, Smith throws light on the aspect of people-pleasing as a "fawn response," a defensive mechanism rooted in past traumas, used to evade conflict and maintain security.
Smith and Kalil explore how perfectionism stymies individual expression. Kalil reveals her personal struggles with muting her voice from the fear of being perceived as overbearing, which is particularly prevalent in femmes due to cultural pressures.
The expression of people-pleasing varies amongst individuals – some may withhold their thoughts, others over-compensate in expressing them, or become overly accommodating, neglecting their own needs. Smith notes that the dread of being criticized as "too loud" or "too quiet" coerces many into self-censorship.
Smith advocates for the simple act of expressing disagreement or taking offense as a way of asserting oneself. She also encourages recognizing one's inclinations even in trivial matters, like choosing a restaurant, to reinforce the importance of one's preferences. Further, she urges people to own their statements and apologize only for poorly chosen communication, not for the stance itself, with Kalil underscoring the significance of respectful communication while holding firm to one’s opinions.
Through introspection, a conscious effort to combat people-pleasing tendencies, and the practice of daily assertiveness, one can truly own their voice. This process, as presented by Smith and Kalil, is an endeavor to live authentically, free from the confines of constant external approval.
1-Page Summary
Amy Green Smith and Kalil delve into the concept of finding one's voice, highlighting that it's not just about self-expression but also involves setting boundaries, asserting preferences, and dealing with the aftermath of speaking out.
Amy Green Smith discusses how to find your voice by identifying areas where you consistently complain but remain silent about the issues that truly bother you. If something is important enough to complain about, it's worth speaking up and taking action to address it, she argues.
Smith explains that people-pleasing often stems from a lack of self-worth, highlighting how people habitually put others' needs before their own. This tendency sends a harmful message to oneself that others' desires are more important, thereby diminishing one's integrity and suppressing one's true desires.
Amy Green Smith discusses how people-pleasing behaviors negatively impact personal integrity and desire. These behaviors can reflect a deep-seated belief of not being deserving or enough.
Smith further outlines that people-pleasing can also be a "fawn response," a survival tactic to avoid conflict and ensure safety. It can trace back to childhood experiences, like pacifying an abusive parent, and manifest later in life as a strategy to prevent discord.
Smith and Kalil discuss the adverse effects of being a perfectionist. Kalil shares her struggle with dimming her voice for fear of being seen as "too much," a tendency especially common among femmes due to societal expectations.
People-pleasing can manifest in various forms: some may silence themselves, while others may become overly vocal or take on the role of caretaker to the detriment of their own needs. Smith emphasizes that the fear of being labeled as "too loud" or "too quiet" leads many to self-censor.
Smith suggests that simply stating when you find something offensive or disagree with an opinion is a form of assertiveness.
Owning Your Voice
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