Podcasts > The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck Podcast > How to Change Your Mind Without Losing Yourself

How to Change Your Mind Without Losing Yourself

By Mark Manson

In this episode of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck Podcast, host Mark Manson reflects on the challenges of maintaining intellectual consistency when inviting guests to share their perspectives freely. The discussion explores how beliefs can evolve over time and the value of understanding the reasons behind those shifts.

Manson and guest Drew Birnie examine the complex relationship between religion, atheism, and community, delving into the benefits and drawbacks of religious unity and dogmatism. They also analyze evolving views on personal growth - from advocating boundless transformation to a more nuanced acceptance of one's innate nature. Embracing both self-acceptance and managing inherent strengths and weaknesses is highlighted as a key aspect of growth.

Listen to the original

How to Change Your Mind Without Losing Yourself

This is a preview of the Shortform summary of the Mar 26, 2025 episode of the The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck Podcast

Sign up for Shortform to access the whole episode summary along with additional materials like counterarguments and context.

How to Change Your Mind Without Losing Yourself

1-Page Summary

Maintaining Intellectual Consistency In an Interview-Based Podcast

Mark Manson highlights the challenge of inviting popular guests while ensuring their unchallenged claims do not compromise the podcast's intellectual consistency. He expresses concern about hosts allowing guests to speak freely without critically examining their ideas.

Guests Discuss Changing Beliefs Over Time

Manson is interested in producing an episode focused on how hosts or guests have evolved their beliefs over time. He sees value in understanding the reasons behind shifts in viewpoints, suggesting that a refusal to change perspectives can signal closed-mindedness. According to Manson, exploring why individuals have updated their beliefs provides valuable insights.

Perspectives on Religion, Atheism, and Community

Drew Birnie and Mark Manson explore the complex relationship between religion, atheism, and community, examining the balance between the benefits of religious unity and the drawbacks of dogmatism and tribalism.

Host's Rejection of Religion due to Perceived Issues and Desire to Align With Atheists

Birnie was drawn to intellectuals like Sam Harris and Christopher Hitchens, aligning with their critiques of religion. While appreciating the community aspects of religion, Birnie dislikes its dogmatism and hopes to find ways to enjoy those benefits without dogma and mysticism.

Benefits of Religion Without Dogma and Tribalism

Manson finds the strong bonds in dogmatic religious sects troubling due to their exclusivity, but recognizes that religion often fosters deep community and purpose through shared supernatural beliefs. Both speakers acknowledge the difficulty in replicating the community and purpose provided by religion in non-religious contexts.

Evolving Views on Growth, Self-Acceptance, and Change Limits

An examination of how one's understanding of personal growth and self-acceptance evolves from beliefs in boundless transformation to a nuanced acceptance of one's innate nature.

From Optimism in Transformation to a Nuanced Understanding of Nature

Once an advocate for endless possibilities of personal change, Manson now has a more tempered view, acknowledging that genetics and early environment shape core personality traits. He cites studies showing peer groups and cultural milieu exert more influence than parenting styles.

Self-Acceptance and Managing Strengths and Weaknesses

Manson cautions against the self-defeating desire for constant self-reinvention rooted in self-loathing. He argues growth involves leveraging one's enduring qualities rather than attempting to overhaul them, with self-acceptance being key. According to Manson, self-acceptance is the ultimate aim of self-improvement.

Questioning Trauma As the Root of all Psychological Issues

Manson challenges the prevalent view that trauma causes all psychological issues. While not belittling trauma's impact, he notes most people exhibit resilience and post-traumatic growth after difficulties, suggesting growth is more common than decline.

1-Page Summary

Additional Materials

Counterarguments

  • While intellectual consistency is important, it can be argued that a diversity of unchallenged perspectives can also be valuable, allowing listeners to hear a range of ideas and form their own judgments.
  • Critical examination of ideas is crucial, but it's also important to create an environment where guests feel comfortable sharing their thoughts without fear of confrontation, which can lead to more open and honest discussions.
  • The idea that changing beliefs over time is a sign of open-mindedness could be countered by the notion that some individuals may have well-founded, stable beliefs that withstand changing trends and new information.
  • The benefits of religious community might be seen as inseparable from its supernatural beliefs and practices, suggesting that attempts to create similar communities without these elements might lack the same depth of connection and meaning.
  • Some may argue that dogmatism and tribalism are not exclusive to religious sects and can be found in secular ideologies and communities as well.
  • The view that genetics and early environment are more influential than parenting might be challenged by research emphasizing the significant impact of parental involvement and attachment on child development.
  • The concept of leveraging one's enduring qualities for growth could be criticized for potentially underestimating the capacity for significant personal change and transformation in some individuals.
  • While self-acceptance is important, some might argue that it should not be the ultimate aim of self-improvement, as it could lead to complacency and hinder the pursuit of further growth and development.
  • The challenge to the view that trauma is the root of all psychological issues could be met with evidence from psychological research that underscores the profound and lasting impact of trauma on mental health, even if resilience and post-traumatic growth are common.

Actionables

  • You can reflect on your belief changes by keeping a "Belief Timeline" journal where you note significant shifts in your opinions and the reasons behind them. Start by jotting down a list of beliefs you held one, five, and ten years ago, and compare them to your current views. For each belief that has changed, write down what influenced this change, such as a book, conversation, or life event. This exercise will help you understand your intellectual evolution and may reveal patterns in how you adapt and grow.
  • Create a "Community Building" group with friends or neighbors focusing on shared interests rather than beliefs. This could be a book club, a gardening group, or a volunteer team that meets regularly. The key is to establish a sense of belonging and purpose without the need for dogmatic views. Over time, this group can provide a sense of community and support similar to religious congregations but based on common passions and activities.
  • Develop a "Traits Leverage Plan" by identifying three core personality traits you possess and brainstorming ways to use them to your advantage. For example, if you're naturally curious, you might commit to learning something new each week. If you're highly organized, you could volunteer to coordinate events for a local charity. This plan encourages you to embrace and utilize your innate characteristics for personal growth, rather than trying to change them.

Get access to the context and additional materials

So you can understand the full picture and form your own opinion.
Get access for free
How to Change Your Mind Without Losing Yourself

Maintaining Intellectual Consistency In an Interview-Based Podcast

Mark Manson raises the issue that podcast hosts, including himself, must navigate the challenge of inviting popular guests while ensuring they do not allow unchallenged claims to compromise the show’s intellectual consistency.

Hosts May Allow Guests to Speak Freely Without Challenging Assumptions

Manson expresses concern that podcast hosts sometimes invite well-known figures to speak on their shows without critically engaging with their ideas. This can result in guests speaking freely without challenge, potentially spreading unexamined claims to listeners and undermining the intellectual rigor of the podcast.

Guests Discuss Changing Beliefs Over Time

Understanding why Guests Have Updated Their Perspectives Offers Valuable Insights

Manson also discusses the significance of having guests who have evolved in their beliefs over time. He points out public figures like Sam Harris and Richard Dawkins, known for maintaining consistent views on subjects such as religion. He suggests that a refusal to change one’s ...

Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary

Registered users get access to the Full Podcast Summary and Additional Materials. It’s easy and free!
Start your free trial today

Maintaining Intellectual Consistency In an Interview-Based Podcast

Additional Materials

Counterarguments

  • While inviting popular guests can attract a larger audience, it may not always lead to a lack of critical examination. Some hosts may have a strategy to engage with controversial ideas in a non-confrontational manner that encourages open dialogue.
  • Allowing guests to speak freely can sometimes be a deliberate choice to let the audience form their own judgments rather than the host imposing their views.
  • Guests who maintain consistent beliefs over time might not necessarily be closed-minded; they could have well-considered reasons for their steadfastness, and their consistency could be a result of rigorous testing of their ideas.
  • Intellectual growth and authenticity are not solely dependent on changing one's mind; they can also come from deepening one's understanding of a consistent viewpoint.
  • Focusing an episode on changes in beliefs or assumptions might not ...

Actionables

  • You can start a personal 'belief audit' by listing out your core beliefs and the evidence that supports them, then actively seek out credible counterarguments to challenge and test these beliefs. This exercise encourages you to critically examine your own assumptions and consider alternative viewpoints, fostering intellectual growth.
  • Create a 'mind-change' journal where you document instances when you've changed your opinion on a topic. Note what influenced the change and how it felt. This practice not only tracks your intellectual evolution but also reinforces the value of being open to new ideas and adapting your perspectives.
  • Engage in conversations with friends or colleagues ...

Get access to the context and additional materials

So you can understand the full picture and form your own opinion.
Get access for free
How to Change Your Mind Without Losing Yourself

Perspectives on Religion, Atheism, and Community

Drew Birnie and Mark Manson discuss the complex relationship between religion, atheism, and community, exploring the challenging balance between the benefits of religious unity and the drawbacks of dogmatism and tribalism.

Host's Rejection of Religion due to Perceived Issues and Desire to Align With Atheists

Drew Birnie grew up in a religious environment, but as he matured, he became critical of religion due to the problems he saw it cause both individually and societally. Influenced by vocal atheists like Sam Harris, Christopher Hitchens, and Richard Dawkins, he was drawn to their intellectualism and the broader intellectual community they represented.

Community and Support in Religion For Non-believers

Birnie admits finding value in the community aspects of religion but dislikes its dogmatism. He hopes to understand if it's possible to enjoy the community-binding aspects of religion without dogmatic and mystical elements. Birnie acknowledges the difficulty in replicating the community and deep sense of purpose that religious people often have.

Benefits of Religion Without Dogma and Tribalism

Mark Manson finds the strong bonds in more dogmatic and judgmental religious sects troubling due to their exclusivity. He points out that religion often binds people together through shared supernatural beliefs, creating strong commitments and spawning a deep sense of community.

Replicating the Community and Purpose Provided by Religion Is Difficult

The challenge of building a community without the downsides of religion, such as dogmatism and tribalism, is recognized. Birnie refers to Tim Urban’s suggestion that humans may be inherently religious, with community belonging being a fundamental feature of religious practice.

Manson shares his experiences with Buddhist groups, which, while less dogmatic, la ...

Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary

Registered users get access to the Full Podcast Summary and Additional Materials. It’s easy and free!
Start your free trial today

Perspectives on Religion, Atheism, and Community

Additional Materials

Counterarguments

  • While Birnie and Manson critique dogmatism and tribalism in religion, some argue that a certain level of shared belief and group identity is necessary for a community to thrive and that these are not inherently negative.
  • The idea that humans may be inherently religious could be countered by pointing out the existence of secular societies and individuals who find community and purpose without religious or spiritual beliefs.
  • The assertion that Buddhist groups lack the tight-knit community of traditional churches could be challenged by highlighting examples of Buddhist communities that are indeed close-knit and supportive.
  • The notion that replicating the community and purpose of religion is difficult might be met with examples of secular organizations and movements that have successfully fostered strong communities and a sense of purpose among their members.
  • The loss of communal and purposeful aspects of religion in society ...

Actionables

  • You can explore secular humanism to find a community that values ethical living without religious dogma. Secular humanist groups often focus on human rights, ethical self-development, and community service, which can provide a sense of purpose and belonging similar to religious communities. Look for local chapters or online forums to connect with like-minded individuals and participate in community projects or discussions.
  • Start a book club focused on philosophical and ethical discussions to replicate the community and intellectual stimulation found in religious study groups. Choose books from a variety of perspectives, including those by authors who question or reject religious beliefs, to foster a space for open dialogue and shared learning. This can help build a tight-knit community centered around exploring life's big questions together.
  • Create a personal ritual ...

Get access to the context and additional materials

So you can understand the full picture and form your own opinion.
Get access for free
How to Change Your Mind Without Losing Yourself

Evolving Views on Growth, Self-Acceptance, and Change Limits

An examination of how one's understanding of personal growth and self-acceptance can shift from a perspective of boundless transformation to a more nuanced acceptance of one's nature.

From Optimism in Transformation to a Nuanced Understanding of Nature

Genetics and Early Environment Shape Core Personality Traits

Mark Manson, once an advocate for the endless possibilities of personal change, now carries a more tempered view. He acknowledges that genetics and the environmental context in which we are raised sculpt much of who we become. Citing twin studies from Minnesota, he notes that peer groups and the broader cultural milieu exert more influence over an individual than do parenting styles and education systems. Aspects of personality, such as high anxiety or a tendency towards perfectionism, tend to persist over time and are inherent to our being.

Self-Acceptance and Managing Strengths and Weaknesses

Cautioning Against the Self-Defeating Desire for Constant Self-Reinvention Rooted In Self-Loathing

Manson has observed that individuals do not radically change but instead improve their management of inherent traits and their related behaviors. His experiences with people over the years have shown him that while attitudes towards inherent traits can evolve, the core traits often remain untouched. He argues that self-acceptance and an understanding of one's innate tendencies are key, asserting that growth is about leveraging one's enduring qualities rather than attempting to overhaul them. Manson points out that a relentless pursuit of self-transformation can stem from a place of self-loathing, which is ultimately counterproductive. He concurs with the paradox in self-help that self-acceptance is the ultimate aim of self-improvement, and though one may feel transformed upon reaching acceptance, the essence of the person remains unchanged.

Questioning Trauma As the Root of all Psychological and Behavioral ...

Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary

Registered users get access to the Full Podcast Summary and Additional Materials. It’s easy and free!
Start your free trial today

Evolving Views on Growth, Self-Acceptance, and Change Limits

Additional Materials

Clarifications

  • Twin studies from Minnesota are research projects that involve studying identical and fraternal twins to understand the influence of genetics and environment on various traits and behaviors. These studies help researchers differentiate between the effects of nature (genetics) and nurture (environment) on individuals' development. In the context of personal growth, these studies highlight how genetic factors and early environmental influences play a significant role in shaping core personality traits and behaviors. By examining twins raised in different environments, researchers can assess the relative contributions of genetics and upbringing to individual differences.
  • In the realm of self-help, the paradox lies in the idea that true self-improvement often begins with self-acceptance. This means acknowledging and embracing one's current state, strengths, and weaknesses without judgment. By accepting oneself as they are, individuals can then work towards growth and improvement from a place of understanding and compassion. It emphasizes that transformation and progress stem from a foundation of self-awareness and self-compassion.
  • Post-traumatic growth is the positive psychological change experienced as a result of struggling with ...

Counterarguments

  • While genetics and early environment are influential, the role of individual agency and the capacity for change at any age should not be underestimated.
  • Parenting styles and education systems may have a more significant impact on individual development than the text suggests, as they can provide critical support, values, and skills.
  • The persistence of personality traits does not preclude the possibility of significant personal change, as individuals can learn new behaviors and coping strategies.
  • The concept of self-acceptance is complex, and what constitutes self-loathing versus a healthy desire for self-improvement can vary greatly among individuals.
  • The idea that growth involves leveraging enduring qualities might overlook the potential benefits of developing entirely new skills or aspects of one's personality.
  • The assertion that self-acceptance is the ultimate aim of self-improvement may not resonate with everyone, as some may prioritize other goals such as achievement or contribution to society.
  • The relationship between trauma and psychological issues is multifaceted, and while not all issues stem from trauma, ...

Get access to the context and additional materials

So you can understand the full picture and form your own opinion.
Get access for free

Create Summaries for anything on the web

Download the Shortform Chrome extension for your browser

Shortform Extension CTA