How to Stop Letting Fear Control Your Life (ft. Dr. Julie Smith)

Mark Manson spotlights Dr. Julie Smith, an online mental health influencer, who is navigating the complexities of social media’s influence on mental health while fostering a community grounded in positive, evidence-based information.

Balancing Social Media's Mental Health Impact With Julie's Positive, Evidence-Based Content

Julie Countered Skepticism By Creating a "Positive Corner" on Social Media to Share Accurate Mental Health Information

Julie Smith disclosed that entering the social media space was against the professional norm for therapists and psychologists at the time she began. She saw an opportunity to counter the poor mental health advice online by creating a helpful and positive online space with decent information for people who were scrolling on social media.

"Internet Famous" Julie Sets Boundaries, Says No, and Prioritizes Self-Care For Public Exposure Discomfort

Julie faced difficulties in setting boundaries and saying no when her online fame seemed fleeting. Realizing her visibility was there to stay, she eventually learned to operate sustainably. Early on, she sacrificed sleep to produce content nearly daily, manage household responsibilities during the lockdown, and work on a book. Now, her detachment from fame allows her to say no more ...

In an enlightening episode, Mark Manson, Julie Smith, and Drew Birnie delve into strategies for reframing negative thoughts and self-criticism, distinguishing between emotions and facts, and fostering the resilience needed to move forward.

Reframing Negative Self-Talk and Self-Criticism Through Self-Compassion

Julie Empowers Clients To Self-Coach, Offering Support and Perspective Over Judgment

Julie Smith talks about changing her inner monologue from harsh to supportive, much like a coach's guidance. She equips her clients to manage their own setbacks confidently and with the right perspective, rather than spiraling into self-judgment.

Cultivating a Growth Mindset to View Setbacks As Opportunities

Smith promotes a growth mindset, encouraging her clients to see setbacks not as failures but as opportunities for growth. She explains that therapy focuses on helping clients recognize destructive cycles, especially in relationships, and develop strategies to break free from them. The transformation desired is one from feeling overwhelmed to confidently facing challenges.

Distinguishing Emotions From Facts

Helping Clients See Emotions Aren't Objective Truth

During the session, Julie Smith stresses that emotions are not an embodiment of our identity but an experience we navigate. She educates her clients that emotions do not necessarily convey the objective truth. Smith and Manson agree that recognizing emotions as a normal part of human experience allows individuals to observe their feelings without getting overwhelmed by them.

Encouraging Clients to Assess Emotion Proportionality and Respond Thoughtfully

Smith underscores the importance of not fully believing emotions every time they emerge since they are influenced by various factors. Drew Birnie adds that equating fleeting emotions with the entirety of one's life can be misleading. Smith li ...

In a discussion led by Julie Smith, the podcast explores why emotions are reflections from the past, the importance of self-compassion, and building resilience without treating feelings as facts.

Recognizing Emotions as Past Echoes, Not Present Facts

Julie Smith delves into how our emotions are influenced by a variety of factors, including past experiences, and emphasizes that these feelings are not necessarily reflective of current realities. She suggests that when individuals experience emotions like guilt or shame, or feel lost in approval needs, these may stem from past experiences. For instance, behaviours aimed at pleasing others that were necessary in one's childhood to avoid danger might no longer serve a purpose in adulthood. Smith encourages listeners to approach such emotions with curiosity and openness, allowing an understanding of what genuinely matters to emerge.

Clients May Struggle With Guilt, Shame, or Approval Needs Due to Past Experiences

During the podcast, Smith touches on the complexity of emotions in relationships and the vulnerability that can emerge from an externally oriented judgment. She explains how such an orientation can lead to difficulties in advocating for oneself and increase the risk of exploitation and abuse. Furthermore, Julie suggests that the constant barrage of external influences, such as marketing, can contribute to feelings of disconnection and raise issues stemming from past conditioning and needs.

Importance of Self-Compassion and Self-Care In Building Resilience

Julie Smith stresses the vital role of self-compassion and self-care in weathering the challenges of life.

Julie's Experiences Highlight the Need For Self-Support and Avoiding Self-Criticism

Smith commits to being self-supportive, especially during high-pressure situations like live television appearances. She elaborates on how nurturing a supportive inner dialogue and preparing to be compassionate to herself, even in the face of mistakes or shame, is key. Julie reflects on how focusing on the things that matter most—such as close relationships—can provide a foundation for resilience.

Julie goes on to discuss her approach to her career and identity, highlighting the significance of not pl ...

Modern life significantly affects how people connect with each other, leading to challenges in maintaining meaningful human relationships and potential increases in loneliness.

Decline of Traditional Community Spaces and Social Interaction

Julie Smith notes that in England, traditional community spaces like pubs, which once served as hubs for congregation and conversation, are rapidly disappearing. She reminisces about her own childhood experiences of playing and talking outside in communal green spaces, emphasizing how such interactions seem to become increasingly rare.

Digital Connections Haven't Filled the Void of Meaningful Human Interaction

She argues that modern life puts up barriers to connecting with people. To overcome these barriers, individuals must make extra efforts, such as reaching out and creating opportunities for interactions and addressing social anxiety.

The Need For Effort to Maintain Healthy Relationships

Julie Smith discusses the negative impact of social comparison on personal relationships. She argues that when comparison involves friends and family, it can damage these relationships by bringing in a competitive dynamic. She notes that comparing oneself to others based on external success can transform relationships from supportive to threatening, hindering genuine connections.

Helping Clients Shift From Approval-Seeking to Focusing On Values and Desired Relationships

Smith emphasizes the importance of focusing on what truly matters to the individual and the role of values in recalibrating these focuses. She suggests that self-comparison in unwanted situations is unconstructive and introduces her values exercise to help individuals understand their own values and goals better. This understanding can guide individuals to focus on relationships and objectives that align with their values rather than seeking approval or comparing themselves to others with different values and lives.

Advocating Needs in Relationships Through Assertive Communication Skills

Moreover, Smith talks about the futility of trying to make sure others think you are helpful, kind, and worthwhile to feel accepted. She explains that this purs ...