How to Get Out of a Rut, Pain and Boredom, and Knowing When to Quit
In this episode of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck Podcast, Mark Manson shares his perspective on embracing routine versus succumbing to unhealthy ruts. Manson describes his own shift toward valuing consistency, a process sparked by quitting drinking, while navigating tensions with his wife's desire for novelty. The conversation delves into the debate surrounding routines, exploring the benefits of tolerating healthy boredom and achieving balance through scheduled bursts of spontaneity.
Manson also touches on the importance of realistic self-assessment when pursuing long-term goals. He recounts how recognizing his musical limitations led him to pivot to a more suitable writing career. Whether seeking equilibrium in daily life or reassessing ambitions, this episode offers insights into navigating the interplay between routine, novelty, and self-awareness.
This is a preview of the Shortform summary of the Oct 30, 2024 episode of the The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck Podcast
Sign up for Shortform to access the whole episode summary along with additional materials like counterarguments and context.
1-Page Summary
From Novelty to Routine
Mark Manson shares how he shifted from a lifestyle seeking constant novelty and excitement to one revolving around routine and consistency, a process triggered by quitting drinking, according to Manson.
Manson's newfound inclination toward routine has brought a sense of peace. However, it has caused some tension with his wife, who still desires novelty and adventure.
The Routine vs Rut Debate
Manson draws a distinction between healthy routines - practices that optimize and invigorate one's life - and unhealthy ruts driven by fear and avoidance.
Manson and Birnie discuss the human aversion to boredom, as seen in studies where people administered mild electric shocks to avoid sitting idle. Yet they posit boredom tolerance can boost focus, discipline, and engagement with difficult tasks.
They argue embracing boredom isn't necessarily an impediment to creativity, citing examples like philosopher Immanuel Kant's lifelong adherence to routine while remaining productive.
Balancing Routine and Novelty
To balance routine and novelty in their marriage, Manson and his wife "flip the card," alternating between stable routine and scheduled bursts of spontaneity.
Manson emphasizes the importance of realistic self-assessment when pursuing long-term goals. He shares how realizing his musical talents paled in comparison to peers led him to pivot to a writing career better suited to his strengths.
1-Page Summary
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- While routine can bring peace, it's important to recognize that what works for one person may not work for another; Manson's approach may not be universally applicable.
- The tension between Manson and his wife over routine versus novelty suggests that a one-size-fits-all approach to routine may not be suitable for all relationships, and continuous negotiation and compromise are necessary.
- The distinction between healthy routines and unhealthy ruts is subjective and can vary greatly between individuals; what may be invigorating for one person could be stifling for another.
- The argument that boredom can boost focus and engagement might not hold true for everyone, as some individuals may find that a lack of stimulation hinders their productivity and well-being.
- While Kant is cited as an example of creativity within routine, this does not necessarily mean that routine is conducive to creativity for all; some may find that too much routine stifles their creative impulses.
- The strategy of "flipping the card" to balance routine and novelty might not be effective for all couples, as different people have varying thresholds for stability and change.
- Manson's pivot from music to writing based on self-assessment might not be the right advice for everyone; some individuals may find fulfillment in persisting with their passions despite not being the best in their field.
Actionables
- You can create a "novelty jar" with your partner where each of you writes down activities that bring you joy or new experiences you want to try, and take turns drawing one to do together weekly. This can help balance the need for routine and novelty in your relationship, ensuring that both partners' needs are met and that you both have something to look forward to.
- Develop a "boredom challenge" where you dedicate a set time each week to sit without any distractions, allowing yourself to experience boredom. Use this time to observe your thoughts and feelings, which can lead to increased focus and potentially spark creative ideas when you return to your tasks.
- Conduct a monthly self-assessment where you reflect on your goals and the routines you've established to achieve them. Write down what's working, what isn't, and any fears that might be holding you back. Adjust your routines accordingly to ensure they're healthy and aligned with your long-term aspirations.
Related Shortform Content
Get access to the context and additional materials
The personal journey from prioritizing novelty to embracing routine
Author and speaker Mark Manson shares his transformation from a life seeking novelty and excitement to one that values routine and consistency.
Mark Manson's transition from a lifestyle focused on novelty and excitement to one centered around routine and consistency
For much of his life, Manson aimed to optimize his experiences to be as unique and engaging as possible. He chased what many would call an interesting life, filled with spontaneous and fun activities. However, after he quit drinking, Manson noticed a distinct shift in his desires and perspective. The change was so profound that the once-endless craving for new experiences started to fade. Manson found himself questioning the actual value of these spontaneous activities, pondering their contribution to his long-term goals and personal growth.
This newfound inclination towards routine has resulted in a sense of peace and liberation that Manson hadn't found in his previous lifestyle, which prioritized constant novelty. While this may seem counterintuitive, Manson has discovered satisfaction in what others might consider the mundanity of regular, disciplined practices. Through his embrace of consistency, each day has become a deliberate step towards his broader ambitions rather than a haphazard leap from one experience to another.
After quitting drinking, Manson experienced a shift in his mindset, where he became less inclined to seek out new experiences and more inclined to prioritize established routines
This significant lifestyle shift, triggered by Manson's decision to stop drinking, highlights the underlying impact that our habits and choices can have on our life paths. The decision to remove alcohol from his life was a pivotal moment, bringing forth a reevaluation of how he engaged with the world around him. Manson's focus on established routines indicates a deeper understanding of the imp ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
The personal journey from prioritizing novelty to embracing routine
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- While routine can bring peace and a sense of progress, it's important to balance it with occasional novelty to prevent stagnation and maintain flexibility in adapting to life's unpredictable changes.
- Embracing routine might not be the optimal approach for everyone, as some individuals may thrive in dynamic environments that offer continuous novelty and stimulation.
- The idea that quitting drinking leads to a preference for routine might not apply universally, as people's responses to such lifestyle changes can vary greatly based on personal circumstances and psychological makeup.
- The tension in Manson's marriage could suggest that a unilateral change in lifestyle might not be sustainable in a partnership unless both parties can find common ground or a way to respect and accommodate each other's needs.
- The narrative implies that routine is inherently more valuable than novelty, which could be challenged by the perspective that both have thei ...
Actionables
- You can create a "habit roadmap" by outlining small daily routines that align with your long-term goals, ensuring each day contributes to your ambitions. Start by identifying your main goals and then break them down into daily or weekly habits that are manageable and directly contribute to those goals. For example, if you aim to write a book, establish a daily writing habit of 500 words.
- Develop a "novelty scale" to balance the need for routine with the occasional craving for new experiences, especially if you share your life with someone who values adventure. This could involve rating potential activities on a scale from one (routine) to ten (high novelty) and aiming for activities that fall in the middle range. This way, you can introduce manageable doses of novelty that won't disrupt your routine but will satisfy the desire for something different, like trying a new recipe every Friday instead of dining out.
- Initiate a "mindset shift challenge" where you absta ...
Related Shortform Content
Get access to the context and additional materials
The philosophical debate around routine, ruts, and boredom
Manson and Birnie tackle the nuanced philosophical debate surrounding the concepts of routine, ruts, and boredom, exploring their implications on life satisfaction and creativity.
The philosophical distinction between a healthy routine and an unhealthy rut
Manson and Birnie reflect on their daily routines and the fear of these routines morphing into unfulfilling ruts. They address concerns about whether the repetition in their lives signifies a meaningful existence.
A routine is a set of practices that optimizes and invigorates one's life, while a rut is a set of habits driven by fear and avoidance
Manson defines a routine as a set of practices that add meaning, purpose, and efficiency to one’s life, thereby optimizing and invigorating it. In contrast, a rut is characterized by habits driven by fear or a desire to avoid something. He points out that while he no longer craves variety as he used to, he does not fear it, suggesting he maintains healthy routines rather than falling into ruts.
Boredom can be a painful experience, and the human aversion to boredom is demonstrated by studies showing people's willingness to administer mild electric shocks to themselves rather than sit in silence
A study illustrating the human aversion to boredom found people preferred to administer mild electric shocks to themselves rather than sit alone with their thoughts. Manson and Birnie expand on this idea by exploring a form of voluntary boredom through “raw dogging” flights, which involves refraining from electronic engagement to tolerate and embrace the stillness.
The potential benefits of embracing boredom and developing a tolerance for it
Manson and Birnie discuss the potential advantages of embracing boredom and develop a tolerance for it to focus, maintain discipline, and engage with difficult tasks.
Boredom tolerance can lead to advantages in areas like focus, discipline, and the ability to engage with difficult or unpleasant tasks
By restricting options to either writing or doing nothing, writers like Manson use boredom as a tool to sharpen focus and productivity, turning discomfort into a motivational force. In a similar vein, embracing the boredom inherent in meditation ret ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
The philosophical debate around routine, ruts, and boredom
Additional Materials
Clarifications
- Immanuel Kant, an influential 18th-century German philosopher, was known for his strict adherence to a daily routine. This routine was so precise that locals in his town reportedly set their clocks by his daily walks. Kant believed that a structured life helped him maintain focus and productivity in his philosophica ...
Counterarguments
- While routines can optimize life, they can also become confining and stifle spontaneity and adaptability.
- The distinction between a routine and a rut can be subjective and vary greatly between individuals.
- Some people may find that a certain level of fear or avoidance can be motivating rather than indicative of a rut.
- Boredom is not universally painful; some individuals may find solitude and quiet reflection enjoyable and rejuvenating.
- The benefits of embracing boredom are not guaranteed; some individuals may find that it leads to negative emotions or decreased productivity.
- The idea that boredom tolerance enhances focus and discipline may not apply to everyone, as some people thrive in varied and stimulating environmen ...
Related Shortform Content
Get access to the context and additional materials
Strategies for balancing routine and novelty in one's life
The tension between routine and novelty is a common issue in personal development. Mark Manson, along with his wife, have navigated this challenge in their own lives and offers strategies for achieving a balance.
The concept of "flipping the card" to introduce periodic bursts of novelty and spontaneity
Mark Manson and his wife have found an interesting way to balance their contrasting preferences for routine and novelty. They employ what Manson describes as a Brazilian steakhouse approach, flipping the card to alternate between periods of comfortable routine and phases of saying "yes" to new experiences. This compromise allows for scheduled bursts of spontaneity amidst stable periods of consistency.
Manson explains that the commitment phase of life is when one concentrates on perfecting the important aspects of life that they've deemed valuable after an intense period of personal discovery. His wife, who revels in trying new dishes and visiting museums, represents the craving for novelty, while Manson himself has reached a point where routine is more to his preference. The concept of "flipping the card" acknowledges both sides, ensuring both routine and novelty have a place in their lives.
The importance of being realistic about one's skills, talents, and natural advantages when pursuing long-term goals
Manson's own experiences highlight the need to be realistic about individual skills and talents when pursuing long-term goals. He recounts attending music school and doing well, but realizing that the most talented musicians were leagues ahead. This competitive environment, where a select few reap the rewards, made Manson question his choice. He felt that the hard work necessary to maybe succeed in this field was unreasonable and decided to find a different path, pivoting toward a writing career.
This decision didn't come lightly; it was after Manson noticed that significantly increasing his practice hours in music school didn't yield the results he hoped for. In contrast, writing felt effortless, underlining that sometimes what feels like hard work might not be the right work for you. He concludes that when an activity feels difficult and draining after only a few hours, it might be a sign that you're not on the right path. Realizing this can lead to pivotal moments, such as Manson leaving music school in favor of writing.
Manson also discusses using momentum as a heuristic for decision-making. I ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
Strategies for balancing routine and novelty in one's life
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- The "flipping the card" strategy may not be suitable for everyone, as some individuals may thrive on more consistent novelty or routine than the balance proposed by Manson.
- Scheduled spontaneity might feel contrived to some people, who believe that true spontaneity cannot be planned and that the most authentic experiences come from unscheduled moments.
- Being realistic about skills and talents is important, but this perspective could potentially discourage taking risks or pursuing challenges that require one to stretch beyond their current abilities.
- The idea that if something feels difficult and draining it's not the right path could be misleading, as many worthwhile endeavors require pushing through difficulty and discomfort.
- Using momentum as a heuristic for decision-making might not always be reliable, as some projects or skills have a steeper learning curve and may not show immediate progress even though t ...
Actionables
- You can create a "spontaneity jar" where you write down activities that are out of your usual routine and pick one at random to do each week. This could include trying a new restaurant, taking a different route on your walk, or even just cooking a meal you've never attempted before. The key is to make sure these activities are easily achievable so that you can integrate them without disrupting your routine too much.
- Develop a self-assessment tool to gauge your energy and enthusiasm levels after different tasks. Use a simple scale from 1 to 10 to rate how you feel after completing various daily activities. Over time, you'll gather data on what drains you and what invigorates you, helping you to make more informed decisions about where to focus your efforts for personal growth.
- Start a "momentum journal ...
Related Shortform Content
Get access to the context and additional materials
Create Summaries for anything on the web
Download the Shortform Chrome extension for your browser
