Masculinity Debate: Are Dating Apps Creating A Generation Of Incels?! Lonely Men Are More Dangerous Than Ever!
In this episode of The Diary Of A CEO podcast, the discussion centers on the multifaceted challenges facing young men in modern society. Experts explore the high rates of educational struggles, mental health issues like depression and suicide, as well as unemployment and a general lack of purpose that disproportionately impact young men.
The conversation delves into societal pressures and misguided ideals of masculinity, the lack of positive male role models and father figures, and how technology like dating apps and pornography may contribute to alienation and disengagement. Potential solutions are also examined, including initiatives for male mentorship, emotional intelligence education, and policies aimed at bolstering economic viability and purpose for young men.
This is a preview of the Shortform summary of the Mar 31, 2025 episode of the The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
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1-Page Summary
The Challenges Facing Young Men in Modern Society
Experts discuss the myriad issues plaguing young men in today's society, including struggles in education, mental health, and employment.
Men Struggling In Education, Mental Health, and Employment
Young Men Likelier to Face Challenges in Education
Scott Galloway highlights young men's higher likelihood of being suspended and falling behind in education compared to women. This trend contributes to more men aged 16-24 being neither in education nor employment.
Mental Health Issues: Depression, Anxiety, and Suicide
Galloway and Bartlett examine the high rates of depression and suicide among young men, often stemming from feelings of worthlessness and lack of life meaning. Men's reluctance to express emotions compounds the issue.
Unemployment and Lack of Purpose
Young men face unemployment rates nearly double those of young women. Galloway discusses the broader lack of purpose and life fulfillment that many unemployed young men experience.
Societal Pressures and Misguided Models of Masculinity
Galloway critiques how society portrays ideals of masculinity, from the right's equation with coarseness to the left's push for feminine traits. He argues these fail to serve young men. Overall, society overlooks young men's needs while overemphasizing monetary success over character development.
Role of Male Role Models and Father Figures
The lack of positive male influences notably impacts young men's development and behavior.
Absence of Fathers Linked to Higher Risk Behaviors
Research links fatherlessness to increased risks like crime, substance abuse, and poor mental health among young men, according to Galloway and Bartlett. Up to 25% of boys lack a father figure.
Lack of Male Teachers Compounds Void for Young Men
With only about 24% of teachers being male, Ury and Galloway note the absence of male role models in schools and extracurriculars where boys spend significant time.
Need for Male Mentors and Emotional Development
Galloway advocates providing young men access to male mentors who can advise on relationships and emotional growth. Programs for male peer support could foster emotional intelligence.
The Impact of Technology and Changing Social Dynamics
Experts raise concerns about technology intersecting with evolving social norms around dating and gender roles.
Online Dating's "Winner-Take-All" Leaves Many Men Disadvantaged
Galloway and Ury describe how online dating favors a subset of wealthy, attractive men while leaving average men struggling to find matches amid heightened female standards.
Pornography and Entertainment Enabling Disengagement
Some warn that rejected men may retreat into pornography and digital entertainment, further disengaging from pursuing real relationships and social participation.
Potential Solutions and Programs to Support Young Men
Experts propose targeted efforts to support young men's emotional and practical development.
Men's Groups and Peer Support for Emotional Growth
Initiatives like men's groups could provide community and emotional skills training where men often lag, while being more accessible than therapy.
Life Skills and Emotional Intelligence in Education
Galloway recommends classes on interpersonal skills, handling rejection, and emotional awareness to better prepare young men for adulthood.
Policies for Economic Viability and Purpose
Potential policies discussed include vocational training, national service, and tools to understand finances - addressing pressures on male economic identity.
The overall emphasis is proactively supporting young men's growth through understanding and empathy, not detracting from women's progress.
1-Page Summary
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- While young men may face higher rates of suspension and falling behind in education, it's important to consider that educational challenges can affect individuals of any gender, and there may be underlying factors such as socioeconomic status, learning disabilities, or school policies that contribute to these disparities.
- Mental health issues are a significant concern for young men, but it's also critical to recognize that depression, anxiety, and suicide affect people of all genders. Efforts to address mental health should be inclusive and not overlook the needs of young women and non-binary individuals.
- The unemployment rates for young men are concerning, but it's also true that young women and other genders face unique employment challenges, such as wage gaps, discrimination, and barriers in male-dominated fields.
- The critique of societal portrayals of masculinity is valid, but it's also worth noting that these portrayals can be harmful to people of all genders by reinforcing restrictive gender norms and expectations.
- The impact of fatherlessness is significant, but it's also important to acknowledge the value of diverse family structures and the positive influence that other figures, such as mothers, grandparents, and non-parental mentors, can have on young men's development.
- The lack of male teachers is a concern, but it's also essential to recognize the positive impact that female teachers and educators of all genders can have on students, including young men.
- Online dating challenges are not exclusive to men; women and non-binary individuals also face difficulties, such as harassment, unrealistic standards, and the pressure to conform to societal expectations of beauty and behavior.
- The retreat into pornography and digital entertainment as a response to rejection is not limited to men; individuals of all genders may use these outlets as a form of escapism or coping mechanism.
- While men's groups and peer support can be beneficial, it's also important to foster mixed-gender environments where emotional intelligence and interpersonal skills can be developed through diverse interactions.
- Policies aimed at improving economic viability for young men should be designed to benefit all young people, ensuring that they do not inadvertently reinforce gender stereotypes or create new forms of inequality.
- Supporting young men's growth is crucial, but it should be done in a way that complements and does not detract from the ongoing efforts to support the growth and empowerment of young women and other marginalized groups.
Actionables
- You can volunteer as a mentor for young men in your community to provide guidance and support. By joining or creating a mentorship program through local schools, community centers, or non-profit organizations, you offer a positive influence and a listening ear to young men who may lack male role models. For example, you could dedicate a few hours each week to mentor a young person, helping them with schoolwork, discussing life skills, or simply being there to talk about their day.
- Start a book club focused on male personal development and invite young men to join. This can be a space where participants read and discuss literature that challenges traditional notions of masculinity and promotes emotional growth. You might select books that encourage vulnerability, empathy, and resilience, and meet regularly to explore these themes together, fostering a supportive community.
- Create a simple blog or social media page sharing stories of diverse male role models. Highlight men from various backgrounds who exemplify positive attributes beyond monetary success, such as kindness, creativity, or community service. This can inspire young men to see a broader spectrum of what it means to be successful and provide them with relatable figures to look up to. Share interviews, short biographies, or even fictional stories that celebrate these values.
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The Challenges Facing Young Men in Modern Society
Galloway and Bartlett delve into the myriad of issues plaguing young men in today’s society, including their struggles in education, mental health, and employment.
Men Struggling In Education, Mental Health, and Employment
Young Men Are Likelier to Be Suspended, Fall Behind, and Forgo Higher Education Than Women
Scott Galloway addresses the inequality faced by young men in the education system, where boys are twice as likely to be suspended for the same infraction as girls. For black boys, the likelihood is five times higher. Galloway also notes the shift away from traditional subjects that offered a middle-class path, such as wood, auto, or metal shop, to subjects like computer science, which do not cater to boys not pursuing college degrees. As a result, the number of males aged 16 to 24 who are not in education and employment has shot up by 40%.
Depression, Anxiety, and Suicide in Young Men due to Worthlessness and Lack of Meaning
Galloway and Bartlett discuss the endemic of depression and suicide in young men. Galloway mentions men's reluctance to openly share feelings, which is further compounded by society's standards that equate emotional expression with weakness. With suicide being the leading cause of death for young men under 35, and feelings of being "worthless" and "useless" prevalent in suicide notes, the connection between self-worth and financial provision becomes apparent. Bartlett and listeners Liam and Jeffrey offer personal accounts of dealing with substance abuse, sleep issues, and suicidal thoughts, emphasizing the profound struggle for meaning and the difficulty of expressing emotional vulnerability without feeling emasculated.
Unemployment and Lack of Purpose Among Young Men
The discussion also touches on the high unemployment rates among young men, almost twice that of young women. Bartlett talks about the broader issue of lack of purpose that young men face. Galloway discusses his experience coaching young men who are unemployed and living at home, emphasizing the societal pressure on men to be economically viable. He criticizes the pervasive belief that financial success is paramount, and suggests that economic factors and lack of targeted policy programs contribute significantly to young men's struggles.
Societal Pressures and Misguided Models of Masculinity
Galloway offers a critique of how both political sides portray masculinity, with the right conflating it with coarseness and cruelty and the left possibly urging men to emulate more traditionally feminine traits. He doesn't see either as beneficial for young men and notes that the Democratic National Convention seemed to overlook the needs of this demographic. ...
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The Challenges Facing Young Men in Modern Society
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Counterarguments
- Young women also face unique challenges in education, such as gender bias in STEM fields, which can impact their educational choices and opportunities.
- Mental health issues are not exclusive to young men; young women also experience high rates of depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts, and the gender differences in mental health outcomes can be complex.
- The unemployment rate for young women may be lower, but this does not account for the quality of employment, wage gaps, or underemployment, which can also affect young women significantly.
- Societal pressures regarding masculinity are evolving, and there are movements and discussions that promote a more inclusive and flexible understanding of masculinity that is not tied to traditional stereotypes.
- While young men may face a lack of guidance, there are numerous mentorship programs, community initiatives, and educational reforms aimed at supporting young men and helping them find purpose.
- The assertion that young women are out-earning young men may require more nuanced analysis, considering factors such as job type, hours worked, and career progression over time.
- Character and integrity continue to be valued by many in society, and there are educational programs and social campaigns that emphasize these qualities over monetary success.
- Not all soci ...
Actionables
- You can mentor a young man in your community to provide guidance and support. By becoming a mentor, you offer a positive role model and a listening ear, which can help address the lack of guidance and purpose. For example, volunteer at a local youth center or school program, and focus on building character and integrity rather than just academic or financial success.
- Start a book club focused on male characters who embody diverse definitions of success. This encourages reflection on societal pressures and models of masculinity. Choose books that showcase men in various roles and life paths, and use these stories as a springboard for discussions on personal values and self-worth.
- Create a personal development plan that emphasizes char ...
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Role of Male Role Models and Father Figures
The absence of male role models and father figures significantly impacts the development and behavior of young men, contributing to various social and psychological struggles.
Lack of Fathers and Male Role Models Contributes To Young Men's Struggles
Research and anecdotal evidence underline the importance of positive male influences in the lives of boys.
Boys Lacking a Male Role Model Risk Higher Crime, Substance Abuse, and Poor Mental Health
Scott Galloway refers to Richard Reeves' research, highlighting the absence of a male role model as a significant factor in the struggles faced by boys. With statistics indicating that boys in single-parent homes are more prone to criminal activity, incarceration, and self-harm, the severity of the issue is stark. Steven Bartlett points to figures showing about 25% of boys live without a father figure and underscores the mental health consequences and increased propensity towards drug-related activities in fatherless homes. It's evident that the absence of a father can lead to depressive symptoms and an increased chance of depression in boys, with young men being 300% more likely to carry guns and deal drugs in such scenarios.
Fewer Male Teachers in Schools Leave Void In Young Men's Lives
Logan Ury addresses another critical issue: the decline of male presence in the education system, where only about 24% of teachers are male. The lack of male teachers and role models in school settings, where children spend a significant amount of their time, has a profound impact on young boys.
Scott Galloway raises further concerns about the void created by this absence, particularly in after-school programs and coaching roles that are often filled by women due to lower compensation. Bartlett points out that with 72% of middle school teachers being female, boys at home and at school lack male role models. Galloway also mentions that for many boys, a prison guard might be the first male role model they encounter, highlighting the desperate need for more positive male figures in boys' lives.
Creating Opportunities for Young Men: Role Models and Emotional Intelligence Development
The panel agrees on the vital role mal ...
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Role of Male Role Models and Father Figures
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- The role of male role models is important, but it is not the only factor in a young man's development; other factors such as socioeconomic status, community resources, and educational opportunities also play significant roles.
- The presence of a positive role model, regardless of gender, can be beneficial for young men, suggesting that the focus should not be solely on male role models but on the quality and consistency of mentorship.
- The emphasis on male role models may inadvertently undervalue the contributions of single mothers or female figures in a boy's life, who can also foster resilience and positive outcomes.
- The correlation between the absence of male role models and negative outcomes does not necessarily imply causation; other underlying issues may contribute to these challenges.
- The narrative that boys are inherently at risk without male role models can perpetuate stereotypes and may not reflect the diverse experiences and resilience of boys growing up in various family structures.
- The focus on the need for male teachers may overlook the importance of promoting diversity and inclusivity in teaching staff, which benefits all students.
- The idea that men are hesitant to engage with boys due to social ...
Actionables
- You can volunteer to read at your local library's storytime, providing a positive male presence for children. Libraries often have reading programs for kids, and by volunteering, you offer a male role model during these formative experiences. For example, you could read books that feature strong male characters who display emotional intelligence and discuss the themes with the children afterward.
- Start a hobby group that includes a mix of ages, fostering mentorship opportunities. By creating a group centered around a common interest, such as model building, coding, or sports, you encourage intergenerational connections. Older members can naturally become mentors to the younger ones, offering guidance and support in both the hobby and life skills.
- Offer to assist with homework or tutoring ...
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The Impact of Technology and Changing Social Dynamics
Experts are raising concerns about the intersection of technology with social dynamics, particularly how online dating and digital entertainment are shaping young men's experiences of forming relationships.
Online Dating's Rise and "Winner-Take-All" Dynamic Challenges Young Men In Finding Partners
Online dating has transformed the landscape of romantic interactions, with significant effects on young men's ability to find partners.
Women's High Dating Standards Leave Many Men Rejected
Experts like Scott Galloway and Logan Ury are noting a "dating crisis" where a gap is emerging between the kind of men that women seek and the kind of men that are actually available. Galloway points to a winner-take-most-if-not-all environment in digital dating platforms which benefits attractive, wealthy men and leaves others at a disadvantage.
Additionally, women's increased economic independence and higher standards have intensified hypergamy—seeking partners with more economic or social status—making it difficult for average men to compete. According to Galloway, Tinder statistics show that an average man needs to swipe right 200 times for just one coffee date, often resulting in ghosting.
Pornography and Digital Entertainment Lead Some Young Men to Disengage From Real-World Relationships and Social Interaction
Steven Bartlett and Logan Ury warn that as men face rejection in the dating world, they may turn towards pornography and other forms of digital entertainment as stress relief or because they feel society is rigged against them. Ury observes that such men often engage less with society at large, including em ...
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The Impact of Technology and Changing Social Dynamics
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Counterarguments
- Online dating platforms may also create opportunities for people to meet who otherwise wouldn't cross paths in their daily lives, potentially increasing the diversity of relationships.
- High dating standards could be seen as a positive development, reflecting that individuals feel more empowered to seek what they truly want in a partner.
- The "winner-take-all" dynamic might be more nuanced, with different individuals valuing different attributes in potential partners, not just attractiveness or wealth.
- Hypergamy could be challenged as an oversimplification of women's preferences, ignoring the complexity of what individuals value in relationships.
- The statistic about men needing to swipe right 200 times could be misleading without context, such as the quality of the profiles or the effort put into interactions.
- The use of pornography and digital entertainment is not inherently negative and can be a healthy part of some individuals' lives when consumed responsibly.
- Disengagement from society could be due to a variety of factors, not just challenges in the dating world, such as mental health issues or broader societal problems.
- The assertion that easy access to pornography reduces motivation for real-life relationships may not apply universally and could be influenced by other factors ...
Actionables
- You can diversify your social interactions by joining hobby-based groups or classes that align with your interests. By doing so, you'll meet people with common interests in a more natural setting, which can lead to more meaningful connections. For example, if you enjoy cooking, sign up for a cooking class where you can interact with others who share your passion.
- Consider volunteering for community service projects to build social networks outside of the dating scene. This approach not only helps you contribute to meaningful causes but also puts you in touch with a diverse group of people, potentially leading to friendships or relationships based on shared values. Look for local community centers or nonprofits that resonate with your interests and offer your time.
- Reflect on and adjust your own dating profile and approach to ensure you're presenting yourself authentically and with your best qualiti ...
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Potential Solutions and Programs to Support Young Men
In a conversation with various experts including Scott Galloway, Logan Ury, and Steven Bartlett, the importance of supporting the development of young men in society is emphasized. They touch on various solutions and programs that could be beneficial in addressing the issues young men face.
Supporting Young Men's Development With Targeted Programs
Experts suggest that targeted programs to help young men develop both emotionally and in terms of life skills could have a positive impact on society as a whole.
Men's Groups and Peer Support for Emotional Growth
Men’s groups and peer support are proposed as potential solutions to bridge the emotional intelligence gap in young men. Logan Ury points out that men often lag behind women in terms of emotional skills, comparable to women in "graduate school" and men in "third grade." Groups like Man Talks offer men a supportive community to hold each other accountable and support personal growth. Therapy can be effective but may not be accessible to all, making men’s groups an alternative for emotional growth. There’s also a suggestion that humor in male gatherings should not overshadow the opportunity for deeper emotional engagement, and that in-person connection is vital for relationship development.
Incorporating Life Skills and Emotional Intelligence Into Curriculums
Galloway proposes an "adulting" high school course that would teach young men to express romantic interest respectfully and handle rejection appropriately. The necessity for men to have someone to express their emotions to is also emphasized, signaling the need for improved emotional intelligence skills to be included in curriculums. This aligns with the growing emphasis on emotional intelligence in relationships and dating.
Policies and Initiatives ...
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Potential Solutions and Programs to Support Young Men
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- While targeted programs may help, they must be carefully designed to avoid reinforcing gender stereotypes or stigmatizing young men who may not fit traditional masculine norms.
- Men's groups and peer support could inadvertently create echo chambers if not properly moderated, potentially reinforcing negative behaviors rather than promoting emotional growth.
- The effectiveness of incorporating life skills and emotional intelligence into curriculums may vary depending on the quality of the programs and the willingness of schools to adapt their teaching methods.
- An "adulting" course could be seen as patronizing or could fail to address deeper systemic issues that affect young men's ability to navigate relationships and adulthood.
- Policies and initiatives like vocational programming and national service may not appeal to all young men and could be seen as a one-size-fits-a ...
Actionables
- You can mentor a young man in your community by offering to share your experiences and skills in managing emotions and life challenges. By becoming a mentor, you provide a safe space for young men to discuss their feelings and learn practical life skills. For example, you could volunteer at a local youth organization or offer to help a neighbor's son with his resume, while also discussing how to handle job interview anxiety.
- Start a book club focused on emotional intelligence and life skills for young men in your social circle. Choose books that focus on these topics and facilitate discussions that allow members to reflect on their personal growth and share strategies for handling life's hurdles. This could be as simple as meeting once a month at a coffee shop or hosting virtual sessions where each member discusses their takeaways from the reading.
- Create a peer accountability group with friends or colleagues where you set ...
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