Moment 204: How To ALWAYS Have Great Sex: The Orgasm Queen, Susan Bratton
In this episode of The Diary Of A CEO podcast, sex and relationship expert Susan Bratton shares her advice for fostering emotional intimacy and revitalizing sexual relationships between partners. She emphasizes the importance of open communication through a "Sexual Soulmate Pact" that creates a judgment-free space for couples to express their needs and desires. Bratton also discusses eliminating guilt and unrealistic expectations, prioritizing non-sexual affection, and injecting excitement through new exploration.
The episode touches on practical tips for deepening physical and emotional bonds, such as the benefits of non-sexual touch, creating relaxing environments for affection without pressure, and maintaining strong foundations of trust, safety, and open dialogue. Whether seeking to improve intimacy or reignite passion, Bratton's insights provide valuable guidance for couples looking to strengthen their romantic connections.
This is a preview of the Shortform summary of the Mar 14, 2025 episode of the The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
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1-Page Summary
Improving Communication and Emotional Intimacy
Susan Bratton emphasizes open dialogue between partners through a judgment-free "Sexual Soulmate Pact." This creates an atmosphere where both can safely share desires and needs, fostering deeper emotional connection.
Eliminating Guilt and Unrealistic Expectations
Bratton advises against using phrases like "should" that induce guilt or set unrealistic expectations based on comparisons. Instead, she encourages focusing on the unique dynamic of the relationship, prioritizing companionship and trust over performance goals.
Prioritizing Physical Affection
The Importance of Non-Sexual Touch
Bratton highlights the crucial role of non-sexual physical touch in deepening partners' bonds. Simple acts like holding release [restricted term], promoting feelings of safety and closeness.
Taking Pressure Off Sexual Activities
Rather than focus solely on intercourse, Bratton endorses creating relaxing environments for partners to give and receive affection through non-sexual actions like cuddling and massage, without expectations of sex.
Revitalizing Sexual Relationships
Injecting Excitement Through New Exploration
Bratton advises introducing excitement through fun, new erotic activities like using toys, roleplaying, or having sex in novel locations - not just learning new techniques.
Fostering Trust and Open Communication
Bratton stresses maintaining strong foundations of trust, safety, and open communication about desires. This allows partners to freely express needs and build emotional/physical bonds.
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Counterarguments
- While open dialogue is important, some individuals or couples may find that a formal pact like the "Sexual Soulmate Pact" feels contrived or inauthentic to their style of communication.
- The concept of avoiding "should" statements is generally positive, but in some cases, discussing expectations can be important for understanding and meeting each other's needs within a relationship.
- Non-sexual touch is indeed important, but the emphasis on it might inadvertently minimize the importance of sexual intimacy for some couples who value this aspect of their relationship highly.
- Encouraging non-sexual affection is beneficial, but it's also important to recognize that for some individuals, sexual fulfillment is a significant part of feeling connected and loved.
- Introducing new erotic activities can be exciting, but it's also important to acknowledge that some individuals or couples may find satisfaction and excitement in consistency and familiarity rather than novelty.
- Trust and open communication are crucial, but it's also necessary to recognize that building trust and communication skills can be a complex process that might require professional guidance or therapy for some couples.
Actionables
- You can deepen your emotional connection by starting a shared journal with your partner where you both write down your feelings and desires related to your relationship. This creates a private, non-confrontational space for open dialogue and can help in expressing things that might be difficult to say out loud. For example, each partner can take turns writing in the journal once a week, and then they can read each other's entries during a dedicated 'journal time' to discuss and understand each other better.
- Enhance your non-sexual intimacy by scheduling regular 'cuddle sessions' that focus solely on touch without the expectation of it leading to sex. Set a timer for 20 minutes, find a comfortable spot, and simply hold each other in silence or while listening to calming music. This practice can help release [restricted term] and strengthen your bond.
- Introduce a 'mystery date' concept where you and your partner take turns planning surprise outings or activities that are new to both of you. The key is to keep it a secret until the moment it happens, which can range from a dance class to a pottery-making session. This not only brings excitement into the relationship but also allows you to explore new facets of your connection in a fun, pressure-free environment.
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Improving Communication and Emotional Intimacy in Relationships
Susan Bratton shares advice on enhancing communication and deepening emotional intimacy in relationships through open dialogue and mutual understanding.
Communicate Desires, Needs, and Feelings With Your Partner
Bratton stresses the importance of a judgment-free exchange of desires and needs within a partnership under the umbrella of the "Sexual Soulmate Pact." This pact is designed to create a space where partners are encouraged to openly communicate what they want and need. The goal is to have these communications received positively, creating an atmosphere where both partners are glad for the shared intimacy that comes from such open and accepting dialogue.
Create a Judgment-Free "Sexual Soulmate Pact"
The "Sexual Soulmate Pact," as outlined by Susan Bratton, is a commitment between partners to openly discuss anything they want concerning their relationship, especially their sexual needs and desires. Bratton explains that in the context of this pact, the reception of communication is key—with the responder being thankful for the vulnerability and honesty of their partner, fostering a deeper emotional connection.
Remove Pressure and Comparison From the Relationship
To cultivate a healthier emotional connection, Bratton and Steven focus on the problems that arise when partners compare their relationships to others or use language that introduces guilt and unmet expectations.
Avoid Statements Introducing Guilt or Expectations
Susan Bratton and Steven discuss the negative impact of the word "should" in relationship dialogue and emphasize the importance of eliminating comparisons that might induce guilt or set unreal ...
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Improving Communication and Emotional Intimacy in Relationships
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Counterarguments
- While open communication is important, some individuals may not be comfortable sharing every desire or need, and their boundaries should be respected.
- The concept of a "Sexual Soulmate Pact" might not resonate with everyone, as it could be seen as overly formalizing what many believe should be a natural progression of intimacy.
- The emphasis on always receiving communication with gratitude may not be realistic, as some discussions might trigger negative emotions or require time to process.
- Avoiding the word "should" and other guilt-inducing language is generally good advice, but there may be situations where partners need to address unmet needs or responsibilities in the relationship, which can involve discussing expectations.
- While comparisons to other relationships can be harmful, sometimes they can also provide valuable insights or inspiration for imp ...
Actionables
- Create a personalized "affection menu" with your partner to express preferences in non-verbal ways, like a list of gestures that you both find comforting or exciting. This could include things like a specific type of hug, a code word for needing space, or a surprise coffee in bed, allowing for a tailored approach to intimacy that doesn't rely solely on verbal communication.
- Develop a "relationship roadmap" together, which is a visual representation of your relationship goals and the steps you'll take to achieve them. This can be a collage, a drawing, or a simple chart that includes milestones like trying a new activity together or scheduling regular check-ins about your relationship, helping to keep both partners aligned and focused on shared objectives without the pressure of performance.
- Implement a "daily gratitude pra ...
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Prioritizing Physical Affection and Non-sexual Touch
Reframe Intimacy Beyond Just Sexual Intercourse
Susan Bratton emphasizes the crucial role of non-sexual physical closeness in deepening the connection between partners. She advocates for the importance of starting with holding and being held as methods to generate [restricted term], which acts as an antidote to stress and promotes feelings of safety and closeness.
Importance of Non-sexual Physical Closeness
Bratton underscores the significance of simple acts of physical affection that do not lead to sexual activity. The release of [restricted term], often called the "cuddle hormone," underscores the vast influence non-sexual touch has on creating a strong emotional bond between partners.
Take Pressure Off of Sexual Activities
In a world that often reduces intimacy to sexual intercourse, Bratton encourages partners to create environments that facilitate relaxation and affection without sexual expectations.
Encourage Partner to Relax and Receive Care Without Expectations
Susan suggests practical steps to reduce the pressu ...
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Prioritizing Physical Affection and Non-sexual Touch
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Counterarguments
- While non-sexual touch is important, some individuals or couples may prioritize sexual intimacy as their primary way of connecting, and this preference is also valid.
- The emphasis on non-sexual touch might not resonate with everyone, as different people have different love languages, and for some, acts of service or verbal affirmation might be more important than physical touch.
- The idea of reducing pressure on sexual performance is beneficial, but it's also important to address and work through any underlying issues that may be causing the pressure, rather than just avoiding sexual intimacy.
- The concept of creating a stress-free environment is idealistic and might not be practical for all couples, especially those with demanding jobs, children, or other stressors that cannot be easily controlled.
- The focus on non-sexual touch as a means to foster intimacy might inadvertently minimize the importance of addressing other aspects of a relationship that could be contributing to a lack of closeness, such as communication issues or unresolved conflicts.
- Encouragi ...
Actionables
- You can integrate affectionate touch into daily greetings and farewells with your partner, like a longer hug when saying hello or goodbye, to reinforce emotional connection without words. This simple routine can become a comforting ritual that both of you look forward to, and it can be especially meaningful if you spend long hours apart during the day.
- Create a 'comfort menu' that lists non-sexual touch preferences, such as back scratches, foot massages, or hand-holding, and share it with your partner. This allows both of you to understand and fulfill each other's needs for physical closeness in a way that's clear and consensual, making it easier to provide comfort without miscommunication.
- Schedule a regular ...
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Reframing and Revitalizing the Sexual Relationship
Experts Susan Bratton and Steven Bartlett offer insights into how couples can inject excitement into their sexual relationships while maintaining a strong foundation of trust, safety, and communication.
Experiment With New Erotic Play and Adventure
Bratton endorses the idea of erotic play dates, highlighting how partners are looking for fun and erotic adventure together, rather than simply seeking new techniques or skills. She suggests different activities for couples to explore, such as finding the G-spot, using a sex toy, doing a lingerie photo shoot, or having sex in a new location, like on the dining room table. She emphasizes that introducing fun and variety into the relationship, rather than focusing solely on intercourse, can actually lead to having more intercourse.
Discover Exciting Activities On Your Bucket List
To keep the sexual relationship exciting and evolving, Bratton advocates for creating a "Sex Life bucket list" with one's partner. This list would include all the sexual activities they are interested in trying, which encourages open communication about one's desires and facilitates the growth of the sexual relationship.
Maintain a Foundation of Trust, Safety, and Communication
It's critical, Bratton notes, to have a foundation of trust and safety and good communication. This allows partners to freely express their needs and to be appreciated for it. Good sex for her is equal parts safety and security, meaning a partner should not be risky in terms of STIs and should be enjoyable to be with.
Enhance Your Emotional and Physical Bond
Physical closeness and holding each other, according to Bra ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
Reframing and Revitalizing the Sexual Relationship
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- While experimenting with new erotic play and adventures can be exciting, it may not be suitable for all couples, especially those who have deeply held personal or religious beliefs that limit their sexual practices.
- The concept of a "Sex Life bucket list" might put undue pressure on one or both partners to engage in activities they are not comfortable with, potentially leading to stress or resentment.
- Trust, safety, and communication are indeed crucial, but the text does not address how couples should navigate situations where these elements are lacking or have been damaged by past actions.
- The emphasis on physical closeness and holding each other may not take into account relationships where one or both partners have a lower need for physical touch or where physical closeness is not the primary way they experience emotional connection.
- The idea that introducing variety can lead to more intercourse assumes that more intercourse is a universally desired outcome in sexual relationships, which may not be the case for all couple ...
Actionables
- You can create a personalized "Intimacy Adventure Map" by charting out a series of steps or goals that lead to new intimate experiences, ensuring each step requires mutual consent and comfort. For example, start with a simple goal like sharing fantasies, and gradually progress to more adventurous activities, marking each achievement on the map as a visual representation of your journey together.
- Develop a "Connection Ritual" by setting aside a regular time each week where you and your partner engage in non-sexual physical touch, such as massages or cuddling, to build trust and emotional closeness without the pressure of sexual performance. This could be a 30-minute session where phones are off, and the focus is solely on the physical and emotional presence with each other.
- Initiate a "No Judgment Zone" during sp ...
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