The Public Speaking Expert: This Speaking Mistake Makes People Ignore You! These Small Mistakes Make You Unlikeable!
In this episode of The Diary Of A CEO, communication coach Vin Giang shares his journey overcoming social anxiety and discovering the power of effective communication. He recounts his personal stake in teaching these skills to not only help others but also to assist his son, who is on the autism spectrum.
Giang delves into the core principles of his training, focusing on mastering vocal elements like rate, volume, and tonality. He provides practical exercises for improving one's voice, emphasizing self-awareness and ongoing practice. The episode also explores cultural and psychological barriers to communication, as well as finding balance between work ambitions and personal priorities.
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1-Page Summary
Vin Giang's Journey In Teaching Communication Skills
Vin Giang, a gifted communication coach, had a challenging childhood marked by crippling social anxiety and feeling invisible due to his inability to communicate effectively. He turned to magic as a way to engage others, as he felt confident only when performing tricks. Vin recounts facing isolation, bullying, and language barriers growing up in Vietnam.
Discovering the Power of Communication Skills
Vin realized that technical skills like magic were not enough—he needed superior communication skills that top performers possessed. A vocal coach taught him how to use his voice like an instrument to convey emotions, emphasizing variety. This concept of "contextual confidence" highlighted the impact of mastery over voice, body language, and storytelling.
Personal Stake In Improving Communication
Vin has a deep personal investment in enhancing communication skills. When his son Zander was diagnosed with autism in 2017, Vin recognized the importance of improving his own communication expertise to better assist his son. He teaches communication not only to educate others but also to get better himself, helping Zander overcome challenges like when he bravely spoke on stage during one of Vin's classes.
Core Principles of Vin's Communication Training
Vin emphasizes five vocal foundations—rate, volume, melody, tonality, and pause—as integral to communication development. He treats the voice as an instrument to be mastered through practice, encouraging people to expand beyond their default vocal style.
Practical Vocal Exercises
Vin recommends the "record and review" process to gain self-awareness about one's strengths and weaknesses. He teaches techniques like the "siren" and "high-low-buffalo" exercises to improve vocal range and conversational skills.
Benefits and Applications
According to Vin and Vinh Giang, enhanced communication skills lead to improvements in work performance, relationships, personal confidence, leadership abilities, presentations, and collaboration. Better communication also deepens connections with family and children. They advise adapting one's communication style to be culturally and situationally appropriate while balancing authenticity.
The Cultural and Psychological Aspects
Vin discusses how accents and speech patterns can face discrimination and judgment based on societal preconceptions. Both he and Giang share their struggles to overcome ingrained communication patterns shaped by cultural norms. They acknowledge psychological barriers like fear of inauthenticity and self-consciousness when trying new vocal techniques.
Vin and Giang emphasize intentionality in communication—recognizing and addressing non-functional habits while treating communication as a refinable skill through ongoing practice.
Work-Life Balance and Personal Growth
Vin reveals his struggle to balance entrepreneurial ambitions with being present for his family, leading him to re-evaluate priorities. He learns from his parents' contentment in becoming monks after exhaustion from material pursuits.
Vin believes in embracing change and personal transformation, demonstrated by his commitment to renegotiating his reality for well-being. He encourages an adaptable mindset, constantly improving his work to facilitate growth.
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Actionables
- You can use a mirror to practice facial expressions and body language while having conversations to build non-verbal communication skills. Stand in front of a mirror and simulate a conversation or a presentation, paying close attention to your facial expressions, gestures, and posture. Adjust them to appear more open, friendly, and confident, which can help you in real-life interactions.
- Create a personal storytelling journal to refine your narrative skills and enhance your communication. Write down daily experiences, focusing on the emotions and lessons learned, and then practice telling these stories to a friend or family member. This exercise will help you become a better storyteller, making your communication more engaging and relatable.
- Develop a habit of adapting your vocabulary and speech patterns to different audiences by role-playing various scenarios. For instance, practice explaining a complex topic using simple terms to a child, and then switch to a more technical explanation for a professional peer. This flexibility can help you communicate more effectively across diverse groups and situations.
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Vin Giang's Journey In Teaching Communication Skills
Vin Giang has a powerful journey in mastering and teaching communication skills, a path defined by personal struggles, profound realizations, and a commitment to help others, including his own son, overcome communication barriers.
Vin's Childhood Struggles With Communication and Invisibility
As a child, Vin Giang felt invisible, unable to fit into groups like the cool or funny kids. Vin turned to magic as a crutch, believing that he needed to be amazing at something to be considered valuable by others. Magic became his way of communicating, as it was the only time he felt confident enough to engage with others—crippling social anxiety prevented him from speaking up without his deck of cards.
Vietnam-Born, Vin Faced Isolation, Communication Barriers, Bullying, and School Challenges
Vin was invisible at school due to his inability to communicate effectively with other kids, which led to him being ignored and bullied. The language barrier exacerbated his seclusion, prompting him to hide away in places like the toilet to avoid being seen alone. Learning English did not solve his problems, as his accent subjected him to further bullying and the derogatory label "FOB," making him fearful of speaking.
Vin also shares a painful memory from his childhood when a bully stole his bike, a crushing event since his parents had worked hard to afford it.
Vin's Discovery of the Power of Communication Skills
Vin reflects on his early discovery of magic as one of his "diamonds" and realizes that technical skill wasn't enough; he needed to combine it with the sort of showmanship that top performers like Darren Brown exhibited. He understood that this showmanship was largely due to superior communication skills.
Vin Learns Communication As a Skill From a Vocal Coach
Miss Stanley, Vin's vocal teacher, used a piano to illustrate how different sounds impact emotions and taught him to speak with variety, akin to music. This lesson emphasized the importance of having a rich, varied voice in effective communication.
Vin talks about the concept of "contextual confidence" and realizes the difference that mastery of voice, body language, and storytelling can make. These skills create omnipresent confidence, allowing one to be confident in any context.
Vin's Personal Stake In Improving Communication Skills
Vin has a deep personal investment in enhancing and teaching communication skills. Drawing on the concept of useful beliefs, Vin recognizes how his ability to "negotiate an incredible reality" is tied to his adeptness in communication.
Vin's Son's Autism Spurred Vin to Enhance Communication Expertise
The diagnosis of Vin's son Zander with autism in 2017 was a crit ...
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Vin Giang's Journey In Teaching Communication Skills
Additional Materials
Actionables
- You can enhance your communication by practicing storytelling with everyday experiences, turning mundane events into engaging tales to share with friends or family. Start by choosing a routine event, like a trip to the grocery store, and craft a narrative around it, focusing on vivid descriptions, emotional reactions, and a clear sequence of events. This exercise will help you understand the power of storytelling in communication and allow you to experiment with voice and body language to convey your message effectively.
- Improve your non-verbal communication skills by recording yourself in a mock presentation or conversation, then watch to analyze your body language. Pay attention to your gestures, facial expressions, and posture, and note areas for improvement. Practice in front of a mirror to become more aware of your body language and make adjustments to appear more confident and engaging.
- Develop your vocal variety by reading aloud different gen ...
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Core Principles of Vin's Communication Training
Vinh Giang emphasizes the vital role vocal foundations play in enhancing personal and professional communication. He presents a holistic approach to voice training, encapsulating not only vocal attributes but also the emotional, physiological, and psychological aspects of communication.
Five Vocal Foundations: Rate, Volume, Melody, Tonality, Pause
Vin stresses the importance of mastering different aspects of vocal expression, treating them as integral components of an individual's communicative repertoire.
Foundations Crucial in Communication Development
Giang teaches five core elements—rate, volume, melody, tonality, and pause—as foundational to communication development. Rate refers to the speed of speech, where using a slower rate can create emphasis, and a faster pace can convey enthusiasm. Volume plays a critical role, as varying it can carry different emotions and highlight important points. Giang points to melody as an underutilized aspect affecting perception and emotion within communication. He illustrates that tonality, deeply tied to facial expressions, has the power to evoke emotions. Lastly, he likens pauses to musical rests, granting the audience time to digest the information shared.
Treating the Voice As an Instrument to Master
Vin introduces the idea that the voice is more than just a tool; it's an instrument with a range and flexibility that require practice to master.
Vin's Voice as an Instrument, Not Just a Tool
According to Giang, his vocal teacher impressed upon him the importance of varying pitch and tone. He suggests that these changes can resonate differently with the audience, much like playing different keys on a piano. Vin challenges the notion of a "natural voice," arguing that adults have lost touch with their original vocal range and clarity around the age of two or three. Rather than considering the default voice as intrinsic, Vin advocates for experimentation and adaptability.
Enhancing Vocal Range and Flexibility Beyond Default Style
Vin emphasizes that people often dress up their speech melodically without realizing it, and practicing and playing with their vocal abilities can uncover a wider range of expression. This range allows a speaker to adjust their delivery for different contexts. Giang points out that by utilizing the voice as an instrument, tailored to the 'stage' of life, one can present the best version of oneself.
Practical Exercises and Strategies For Improving Communication Skills
Vin proposes specific practices and strategies aimed at refining communication skills through active engagement and review.
"Record and Review" for Self-Awareness and Improvement
Vinh Giang suggests an iterative process of recording oneself speaking and reviewing the footage to gain self-awareness. By assessing one's communicative strengths and weaknesses, including pitch, v ...
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Core Principles of Vin's Communication Training
Additional Materials
Actionables
- You can create a voice journal to track your vocal progress and identify patterns in your speech that you want to change. Start by recording a short speech or conversation each day, noting the rate, volume, and pitch you use. Over time, review these recordings to observe how your control over these elements improves with practice and which areas still need work.
- Develop a game with friends where you communicate using only variations in tone and pitch, without relying on words. This can be a fun way to practice your vocal range and expression. For example, try to convey different emotions or messages, like excitement or caution, and have your friends guess what you're trying to express.
- Implement a "vocal workout" routine into your daily sc ...
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The Benefits and Applications Of Improving Communication Skills
Experts Vin and Vinh Giang discuss the multitude of advantages that come with enhancing communication abilities and their far-reaching effects on various aspects of personal and professional life.
The Far-reaching Impact of Enhanced Communication Skills
Improvements in Work Performance, Relationships, and Personal Confidence
Better communication skills contribute to improvements in work performance, relationships, and personal confidence. Vin observes that technically brilliant individuals often remain in back-office roles due to their lack of communication skills, missing promotions to less technically skilled people who communicate better. Giang notes the change in adults' behaviors when they communicate with more vitality, which benefits personal relationships by demonstrating positive reactions from those around them.
Connect and Influence Others
Giang suggests that by first engaging an audience with a story and building rapport, individuals can connect with them and influence them more effectively when providing tips or advice. Vin implicitly states that viewing one's voice as an instrument rather than a mere tool can have a significant impact, which is why he continues to learn and improve this skill.
Impact of Better Communication Skills
Effective Leadership, Presentation, and Collaboration in Professional Settings
Improving communication skills can lead to more effective leadership, presentation, and collaboration in professional settings. Giang discusses how enhancing vocal and physical presence can prevent interruptions, which bolsters leadership and presentation skills. Effective communication is crucial in video calls and Zoom meetings, which are common in professional settings.
Improving Connections With Family, Friends, and Children
Vin advises involving one's partner in the process of improving communication by being open about the desire to change and asking for support, highlighting that better communication benefits personal relationships. Giang specifically notes the positive feedback from parents who use their improved skills to read to their children, which deepens connec ...
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The Benefits and Applications Of Improving Communication Skills
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Counterarguments
- While better communication skills can lead to improvements in work performance, they are not the only factor; technical skills, experience, and industry knowledge also play significant roles.
- Technically skilled individuals may choose back-office roles by preference, valuing their technical work over the visibility that comes with strong communication skills.
- Communicating with vitality is subjective and may not always be appropriate or effective in certain professional or cultural contexts.
- Storytelling and building rapport are important, but they must be genuine and relevant to the audience; otherwise, they can come across as manipulative or insincere.
- Viewing one's voice as an instrument is a useful metaphor, but it may not resonate with everyone, and some may find other metaphors or techniques more helpful for improving communication.
- Leadership and presentation skills are multifaceted, and while communication is a key component, other factors like decision-making and subject matter expertise are also critical.
- The effectiveness of communication in video calls and Zoom meetings can also depend on technical factors, such as internet connectivity and familiarity with the technology, not just communication skills.
- Improving communication with family and friends is important, but it should also be balanced with listening and understanding their perspectives.
- Involving partners in the process of improving communication is beneficial, but it should not be assumed that the par ...
Actionables
- You can practice active listening by summarizing what others say in your own words during conversations, which ensures you understand their message and shows them they're being heard. For example, after a friend tells you about their day, you might respond with, "It sounds like you had a challenging day at work, but you also found a way to solve the problem with your team."
- Start a communication journal where you reflect on daily interactions and identify areas for improvement, like tone, clarity, or body language. This could involve writing down a conversation you had and noting what went well and what could be better, such as realizing you need to make more eye contact during discussions.
- Create a 'vocal variety challenge' where you recor ...
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The Cultural and Psychological Aspects of Communication
Vin and Giang delve into the intricate relationship between culture, psychology, and the way we communicate, shedding light on how our identity and preconceptions shape our communication habits, and the barriers we face in improving our communication skills.
Identity and Preconceptions In Shaping Communication Habits
Accent and Speech Patterns: Sources of Discrimination and Judgment
Vin discusses the role of visual and vocal image in forming assumptions, noting that accents and speech patterns can be sources of discrimination and judgment. He shares his experience of being labeled "FOB" (Fresh Off the Boat) by his peers and how his fear of sounding different hindered his confidence in speaking English. This discrimination is not just anecdotal; a 2006 survey found that 76% of employers admitted to discriminating against candidates based on their accent.
Vin acknowledges that accents are not the core issue but rather articulation and pronunciation. He recalls negative reactions to the "sing song voice" often associated with real estate agents in Australia, emphasizing the connection between speech patterns and societal judgments. Giang similarly details his struggle with changing his accent, which was perceived as an attempt to be British, and faced judgment for trying to change his identity.
Overcoming Ingrained Communication Patterns and Embracing Change
Giang touches on his past inability to express emotions, hinting at cultural norms about maintaining composure at all times. He also shares how he worked to improve his pronunciation, seeking help from a speech pathologist to learn the specific mouth movements of the English language. Vinh Giang discusses the challenge of altering ingrained communication patterns, highlighting the psychological blocks and comfort with certain "keys" or ways of speaking that make change difficult.
The Psychological Barriers To Improving Communication Skills
Fear of Seeming Inauthentic With New Communication Behaviors
Vin describes feelings of inauthenticity as a common barrier when attempting to change communication styles. He explains that new vocal exercises often feel fake, indicating a psychological barrier to embracing new communication behaviors. Giang acknowledges this fear and underscores the importance of handling such changes gradually and authentically.
The Need to Overcome Self-Consciousness and Embrace Vulnerability
Trying new vocal techniques, such as changing pitch, may induce feelings of self-consciousness, a challenge Giang has experienced himself. He also suggests the habit of using filler words can be replaced by learning to pause, which requires overcoming the discomfort with silence.
The Im ...
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The Cultural and Psychological Aspects of Communication
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Counterarguments
- While accents and speech patterns can lead to discrimination, it's also important to recognize that they can be a source of pride and identity for individuals and communities, and efforts to change them should be balanced with respect for cultural diversity.
- The 2006 survey mentioned may not reflect current attitudes towards accents, as societal views can evolve over time, and more recent data might show different trends in employer discrimination.
- While articulation and pronunciation are important, focusing too much on them can overshadow the importance of content and the message being communicated.
- Changing one's accent does not necessarily equate to changing one's identity; it can also be seen as a form of adaptation or skill development, similar to learning a new language.
- Cultural norms regarding the expression of emotions are complex and can vary widely even within a single culture, so generalizations about cultural influences on communication should be made cautiously.
- Psychological blocks to changing communication patterns are significant, but they can sometimes be overstated, and some individuals may find it relatively easy to adapt their communication styles.
- The fear of feeling inauthentic when changing communication styles can be a barrier, but for some, authenticity may come from aligning their communication style with their personal growth and values, rather than maintaining a consistent style.
- While learning to pause instead of using filler words is beneficial, filler words can sometimes serve a purpose in natural speech, such as giving the speaker time to think or signaling engagement in a conversation.
- Self-awareness is crucial, but there is also a risk of becoming overly self-critical or self-conscious, which can hin ...
Actionables
- You can practice accent-neutral communication by joining a virtual language exchange where you focus on clarity over accent. Engage with a partner who speaks a different language and aim to communicate ideas as clearly as possible, disregarding accent in favor of articulation and pronunciation. This will help you become more comfortable with diverse speech patterns and reduce unconscious biases.
- Develop a personal storytelling toolkit by recording daily experiences with sensory details in a journal. Each day, write down an event or conversation, including sights, sounds, smells, and textures, then practice retelling these stories to a friend or family member. This exercise will enhance your ability to include sensory elements in storytelling, making your communication more engaging.
- Create a 'communica ...
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Work-Life Balance and Personal Growth
Vin's Struggle to Balance Entrepreneurial Drive With Fatherhood
In grappling with the tension between his entrepreneurial ambition and family commitments, Vinh Giang reveals the choices he's faced and the sacrifices involved.
Balancing Career Success and Family Presence
Vinh has coached CEOs but chose to stop to prioritize his two children, signaling his dedication to family over career at this time. This reflects his struggle to balance career success with being physically present for his family. He has experienced the cost of his ambition firsthand, being away 180 days a year and missing key moments in his son's life. This has prompted Vinh to re-evaluate his priorities, especially with the birth of his daughter, as he aims to not repeat the same mistake of absence.
Vin's "Recalibration" to Align Actions With Evolving Priorities
To navigate the tensions between professional and parental responsibilities, Vinh undergoes a biannual "recalibration" with his friend, Ali. During this time away, they analyze the past six months, reflecting on joys and difficulties to better align future actions with current priorities. This practice is vital for Vinh to consciously choose paths that resonate with the latest version of himself.
Vin's Parents' Shift to a Mindful, Detached Lifestyle
Vinh's parents underwent a profound lifestyle change that greatly influences Vinh's outlook on success and contentment.
Vin's Parents Becoming Monks: Impact on Vin's Perspective
Vinh describes his parents' transition from entrepreneurship to monkhood, a decision made after they experienced exhaustion from "the money game and status game." Their newfound freedom and contentment in detachment now guides Vinh’s perspective on life, as he learns from their journey about the limits and traps of material pursuits.
Vin's Lessons: Limits of Material Pursuits and the Importance of Contentment
From not providing an inheritance to teach the value of self-made success to conversing about the pitfalls of endless desires, Vinh's father has imparted wisdom that shapes Vinh's view of success. His father's words, "a king that knows the limits to his desires will rule a lifetime," resonate with Vinh as he seeks a balance between ambition and contentment.
Vin's Growth Commitment and Willingness to Evolve
Vinh's ...
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Counterarguments
- While Vinh's decision to prioritize family over career is commendable, it's important to recognize that not everyone has the financial or professional flexibility to make such a choice without significant consequences.
- The concept of "recalibration" is beneficial, but it may not be practical for individuals who lack the resources or support to take time away for reflection.
- The transition of Vinh's parents to monkhood and their detachment from material pursuits is a personal choice that may not align with everyone's values or desired lifestyle.
- The wisdom imparted by Vinh's father regarding the limits of material pursuits might not resonate with those who find fulfillment in their careers or who believe in the positive impact of wealth creation and economic growth.
- The belief in personal transformation and adaptability is valuable, bu ...
Actionables
- Create a "priority matrix" to visually map out your commitments and decide where to allocate your time. Draw a simple grid with four quadrants labeled "Family," "Career," "Personal Growth," and "Other." Assign your weekly activities to each quadrant and adjust until you find a balance that reflects your values, ensuring family time is visibly prioritized.
- Schedule a "life audit" session with a trusted friend or mentor every six months. During this session, discuss your life goals, current actions, and feelings of contentment. Use this as an opportunity to realign your actions with your values, similar to a business review, but focused on personal priorities.
- Develop a "conten ...
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