The Manipulation Expert: Most People Don't Realise They're Narcissists! You're Setting Your Child Up For Misery!

The discussion led by Robert Greene and Steven Bartlett delves into the intricacies of human narcissism and the need for self-awareness, acknowledging the shadows within and learning to use them constructively.

Accepting Our Narcissistic Tendencies and Dark Side

Robert Greene recognizes that all humans possess some degree of narcissism and manipulativeness, suggesting that these traits can be utilized productively rather than being viewed only as negative. Steven Bartlett divulges his "dark side," including feelings of insecurity, shame, and a yearning to belong, which he credits as a driving force behind his achievements.

Embracing Your Manipulative, Self-Absorbed Side Can Be Productive

Bartlett describes how embracing our less desirable traits can be harnessed for productive outcomes rather than destructive ones. He recounts a conversation with an entrepreneur who used shame and embarrassment from their past as motivation for success. Admitting to these feelings is a crucial step towards progress, with Greene and Bartlett highlighting the productive power of envy and the motivation it can provoke when channeled constructively.

Greene discusses the transformative process of converting envy into emulation, advocating for the positive engagement with successes of others through "mitfreude"—feeling happiness for others' accomplishments. This, he suggests, can be practiced by pretending, or acting "as-if," until the emotion becomes authentic.

Furthermore, Greene points out our inherent attraction to topics that revolve around us, demonstrating our natural self-centric nature. This ranges from everyday situations where our interest peaks upon personal mentions, to observing self-absorbed traits in even the most revered leaders.

The Difference Between "Deep Narcissists" and "Healthy Narcissists"

Problematic Deep Narci ...

Robert Greene and guests such as Steven Bartlett discuss the intricate balance of exercising the "Laws of Power" without becoming a manipulator and how to leverage personal demeanor to achieve success.

Using "Laws of Power" Without Becoming a Manipulator

Greene talks about the law, "let others do the work but take the credit," sharing his own Hollywood experience where his contributions to a screenplay were never credited. This industry practice is what he calls "the law of the jungle." When Greene realized he wasn't credited, he got upset but chose not to act, reflecting that a wiser approach would have been to accept this as part of the game. Greene advises applying the laws of power based on position; as an underling, taking credit could backfire.

Steven Bartlett relates to his discussion, mentioning a company team member whose reputation suffered for complaining about not receiving public credit. Bartlett also gives credit to an investor's advice, focusing on building deep skills by concentrating on one task, and Greene debates whether narcissistic traits found in successful individuals lead to professional success, advising that one mustn't let feelings of inferiority internalize.

Choosing When to Outmaneuver or Defer With Self-Awareness and Purpose

Greene suggests choosing when to outmaneuver someone or to remain composed and defer, depending on the situation. He also talks about strategic decision-making in response to workplace injustice. If necessary, one must stay in a toxic job environment, focusing on their own performance. Alternatively, showing that unethical behavior has consequences through a "deterrent strategy" is essential. One must choose their response based on what is best for them, whether that means quitting, outperforming, or demonstrating that they cannot be targeted easily.

Greene discusses the psyhchology behind powerful people using appearance and everyone having a dark side for their success.

Leveraging Appearances, Posturing, and Communication to Gain Influence

Powerful People Value Body Language, Restraint, and Authority

Greene compares power to sports, emphasizing that unlike sports, power dynamics are based on psychological judgments rather than clear metrics. He uses Trump's election as an example of how decisions are often based on appearances.

Greene discusses how powerful people such as CEOs are often hired based on their optics and political skills rather than their performance track record and advise the Democratic Party to showcase strength and confidence even if it means upsetting some groups.

Greene also discusses the significance of speaking less, as a person who controls their speech projects power since being talkative is seen as lacking self-control. Speaking less frequently but with an impact can command a room's attention—this was exemplified by 50 Cent in meetings.

Management of one's appearances—whether strategically allowing others to take credit or pre ...

Robert Greene and Steven Bartlett delve into the essence of finding one's true calling and the importance of resilience and emotional control in navigating life's challenges.

Finding Your True Calling and Life's Task

Today's Youth: Looking Inward to Discover Purpose

Greene recognizes that many young people are confused about their life's task due to the complexity of modern times, especially with distractions like technology and social media. These distractions pull them away from necessary self-reflection and self-awareness, leaving them estranged from their unique purpose. He empathizes with their plight, having experienced similar confusion in his 20s. To mitigate the torment of feeling without a meaningful direction, Greene suggests a journey of self-discovery must be undertaken, urging young people to resist cultural influences and think deeply about their personal interests. This search is akin to archaeological work, where one digs into their past to discover their true passions and aversions.

Greene speaks to individuals around age 30 who are unhappy in their current job situations, advising them to carve out time to explore new fields and consider further education, like night school, as a step toward change. The importance of self-reflection is paramount in this process, as individuals are encouraged to resist the noise of others and reconnect with passions present since childhood.

Balancing Reflection and Action: Avoiding Paralysis Through Over-Planning

Success Comes From Doing and Failing, Not Just Contemplation

Greene warns against the desire to live solely in a world of possibilities that inhibit growth and real skill-building. He suggests that success and learning come from doing and failing, rather than mere contemplation. In-action can be due to a fear of success and the responsibilities that come with it. Taking purposeful action, even if it means failure, can lead to admiration and success, as illustrated by Greene through the example of a magazine called "Bad Ideas."

Bartlett outlines the allure for many people to believe the grass is greener on the other side, necessitating a focus on building a strong foundation in one area before diversification. Greene and Bartlett stress the importance of bold actions in pursuit of dreams and goals, with Greene reminding that skill development through hands-on experience is more valuable than immediate financial rewards.

Developing Emotional Control and Resilience to Navigate Challenges

Emotional Mastery Key to Decision-Making and Avoiding Self-Sabotage

Greene discusses the importance of developing a thick skin to survive in the cruel aspects of the world. He underscores experiences of actors who face constant rejection, noting that their resilience stems from not internalizing failure as personal unworthiness. Instead, they learn from past mistakes and proceed to the next opportunity with emotional toughness.

To ...

Steven Bartlett and Robert Greene discuss the paradoxical effects of technological and social media advancements on the individual, highlighting concerns about increased loneliness, aimlessness, and the potential negative impact on personal growth and social skills.

How Social Media Intensifies Loneliness and Aimlessness

Social Isolation and Online Comparison Hinder Personal Growth

Steven Bartlett mentions people, especially youths, are reporting higher levels of loneliness, comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. He points out that many young people live alone, feeling lonely and without support in times of crisis. Young women, in particular, are struggling with anxiety heightened by social media comparisons.

Robert Greene sees social media as taking us away from our intrinsic social nature. Overuse can lead to feelings of emptiness and disconnection, making it seem like we are not behaving as true humans. He also contends that social media amplifies a sense of helplessness and powerlessness, making the present moment more dangerous than past periods of chaos.

Greene advises against paying too much attention to social media as it can lead to social isolation and stunt personal growth. He describes social media platforms as creating false appearances, leading to envy that can mislead individuals. He terms social media a "nuclear bomb of envy," explaining how it can exacerbate feelings of jealousy and loneliness.

Additionally, Greene critiques the current cultural aimlessness for not providing essential skills or a sense of purpose and direction. He emphasizes the decline in social skills since swiping on dating apps doesn't build social muscles as face-to-face interactions do. As a result, the deterioration of social skills furthers loneliness.

Robert Greene recommends interpersonal interactions over virtual experiences and compares improving one's social abilities to working out in a gym. He warns of the dangers of isolation due to electronic devices, citing one of his "laws" about the perils of being cut off from valuable information, allies, and opportunities.

Greene distinguishes between the positive solitude and the detrimental loneliness heightened by an inability to be without a phone. He suggests that one must experience solitude to turn inward and figure out their uniqueness, which is hindered by the constant pull of technology and social media.

Resist the Pull of High-[restricted term] Distractions

Pornography and Social Media Overuse Dulls Motivation and Physical Connection

Steven Bartlett discusses the unintentional encounter with explicit content on social media and the increase in addiction, which includes chemical addictions and addictions to social media. Robert Greene explains that being overly engaged in activities such as watching pornography or social media use prevents us from being fully present in the world and undermines meaningful human connection. He suggests these high-[restricted term] distractions can dull motivation and inhibit the formation of tangible connections.

Greene also touches on the pervasiveness of envy generated by social media in every aspect of life, including politics. The implication is that distractions from social media can reduce the drive for meaningful endeavors and genuine human connections. Though the provided content does not specifically mention how high-[restricted term] activities affect motivation and connection, the overarch ...