#221 Joe Pyfer - UFC 17-Sec KO Secrets, Meeting Mike Tyson and Terrifying Childhood Stories
In this episode of the Shawn Ryan Show, UFC fighter Joe Pyfer discusses his experiences with childhood abuse, including regular physical violence from his father starting at age one. The conversation covers how his father paradoxically introduced him to combat sports at age four, and explores Pyfer's complex emotions about their relationship, including his attempts at reconciliation influenced by his Christian faith.
The episode also details Pyfer's path to becoming a professional fighter, including periods of homelessness during high school and a career-threatening elbow injury. Pyfer shares how key mentors helped him overcome these obstacles, including his teacher Will Harmon, who provided him housing for four years, and his long-time coach Sam Morpisa, who guided his development both in and out of the ring.
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Joe's Abusive Upbringing and Family Dynamics
In a candid discussion with Shawn Ryan, Joe Pyfer shares his story of severe childhood abuse. Starting from age one, Joe endured brutal beatings from his father at least five times per week, often using objects like metal fly swatters and jump ropes. The abuse extended to his siblings and mother, creating a toxic family environment where siblings were pitted against each other.
Despite his father's violent behavior, Joe reveals moments of conflicting emotions, including rare positive experiences and a desire for reconciliation driven by his Christian beliefs. Eventually, Joe accepted that his father wouldn't change, allowing him to begin healing from his trauma.
Joe's Path to Professional Fighter: Obstacles and Setbacks
Joe's journey into combat sports began at age four when his father introduced him to jiu-jitsu and MMA. Despite early success in competitions, his training was marked by his father's continued abuse. Joe faced numerous challenges, including homelessness during high school and a devastating elbow injury that threatened to end his career. However, his determination never wavered, and his persistence would eventually lead to earning a UFC contract.
Key Mentors and Supporters Who Helped Joe
Will Harmon, Joe's school teacher and coach, played a crucial role in Joe's development by providing four years of free housing and unwavering support. Sam Morpisa, who knew Joe since he was 10, helped shape him as a fighter and guided him through personal development. Filmmaker Chandler Henry captured Joe's emotional journey in an award-winning documentary, "Journey to the UFC," helping to share his story with a wider audience and inspire others facing similar challenges.
1-Page Summary
Additional Materials
Actionables
- You can explore the therapeutic power of storytelling by writing a personal memoir or journal entries that detail your own challenges and triumphs, much like Joe's story was shared through a documentary. This process can help you reflect on your past, recognize your growth, and potentially share your journey with others who might find solace or inspiration in your experiences.
- Start a small support network by reaching out to friends or acquaintances who have faced similar adversities, creating a space for mutual encouragement and sharing coping strategies. This could be as simple as a monthly coffee meet-up or a private online group where you can celebrate each other's successes and offer support during tough times, akin to the support Joe received from his mentor and coach.
- Engage in a physical activity or sport at a beginner level, using it as a means to build resilience and discipline, just as Joe did with combat sports. Whether it's a local running club, a yoga class, or martial arts, the key is to find an activity that challenges you physically and mentally, fostering a sense of accomplishment and personal growth.
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Joe's Abusive Upbringing and Family Dynamics
Joe Pyfer’s harrowing childhood, marked by rampant abuse and complex family relationships, emerges as an unforgettably painful story.
Joe Suffered Severe Abuse From His Father
Joe's Father Brutally Beat Him, His Siblings, and His Mother
Shawn Ryan discusses the generational curses of abuse and celebrates Joe Pyfer as a beacon of hope for children enduring similar suffering. Joe Pyfer openly reveals his abusive past with the intent to give voice to children who cannot articulate their own pain.
Joe Pyfer recalls the escalating violence of his father after a surgery that led to narcotics use. Beatings became a regular occurrence for Joe, starting as early as one year old when child services became involved. The father would use whatever means he had at his disposal, such as the metal end of a fly swatter or a jump rope, to beat Joe and his siblings. These beatings would occur frequently, a minimum of five times a week, and would be so severe they could split skin. Confined to their room for hours or days, Joe and his siblings lived in fear of further punishment.
Joe describes being beaten naked in front of his siblings and witnessing his father strangle his mother, moments that filled him with hatred for his father. Additional violence was present, from beatings for homeschooling lessons to the father's joy in the act of punishing. Joe also recalls being beaten before he ran away when his father was with a new woman, describing it as a prideful act for his father.
Abusive, Demeaning, Controlling Father Crushed Joe's Self-Worth and Hope
Joe suffered from his father's demeaning and controlling behavior, which crushed his self-worth and led to suicidal thoughts. His father would threaten to shoot him frequently and made sure Joe knew he had access to guns. After a fight with his stepsister, Joe's father came home specifically to beat him up, adding to Joe's trauma. Joe describes the physical assaults for minor issues like being late, punctuated by a particularly cruel beating over a video game that caused Joe to contemplate either killing his father or himself due to the hopelessness and anger he felt.
Dysfunctional Family Dynamics: Sibling Conflicts Fueled by Father
Joe's Sisters Often Blamed Him or Sided With Their Father, Causing Strife and Isolation
Joe describes his family dynamics as "boys versus girls," with clear divisions and animosity fueled by his father's abusive behavior. His sisters would sometimes blame him or rat him out to their father, deepening his sense of resentment towards them. The siblings were taught to fight each other viciously, leading to mistrust and isolation. This dysfunctional dynamic persisted into their adult lives, with Joe noting the malicious behavior and feud between his sisters, Rachel and Amy. Joe reflects on the lack of loyalty and the difficulty of rebuilding those relationships following years of estrangement.
Joe's Mother Couldn't Protect Her Children From Abuse Due to Her Own Victimization
Joe also reflects on the role his mother played — or couldn't play — due to her own victimization. He exp ...
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Joe's Abusive Upbringing and Family Dynamics
Additional Materials
Actionables
- You can start a personal journal to process complex feelings about family members, writing about both the love and the pain associated with them. This helps in acknowledging conflicting emotions and can be a step towards healing. For example, dedicate a few minutes each day to write about your feelings towards a family member, focusing on understanding your emotions rather than judging them.
- Create a simple, private online forum or chat group for people who have experienced family trauma to share stories and support each other. This can be done using free platforms like Discord or Slack. By sharing your story, you can find solace in the community and help others feel less isolated. Make sure to establish ground rules for respectful and supportive communication. ...
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Joe's Path to Professional Fighter: Obstacles and Setbacks
Joe’s journey from an abused child to a professional fighter is marked by numerous obstacles and setbacks that showcase his resilience and dedication to his dream.
Joe's Interest in Combat Sports Began Early, Introduced by His Father
Joe's father began learning jiu-jitsu and MMA from Steven Hegg when Joe was about four years old. Joe himself was introduced to these combat sports by his father, and by the age of five had competed in his first tournament, where he submitted all his opponents. He has memories of his father’s pride during these early successes. Despite the abuse he later suffered, which clouded these successes, Joe nevertheless attributes his early interest and proficiency in martial arts to his father's influence. This introduction to combat sports sparked what would become a lifelong passion and pursuit for Joe.
Joe's Jiu-jitsu Success Marred by Father's Abuse
Despite the early success Joe experienced in jiu-jitsu, his journey was deeply marred by his father's abusive behavior. Training sessions often involved intense and abusive methods, with Joe being slapped, hit, and screamed at, frequently practicing while crying. This abuse became intertwined with his identity in the sport, a place where he excelled but also where he suffered greatly at the hands of his first and primary coach, his father. The beatings intensified with Joe's improvement, indicating that even his successes could not escape the shadow of abuse.
Joe's Journey to Professional Fighter Faced Setbacks
Joe’s financial struggles led to unstable living situations, including periods of homelessness and living in toxic environments. He recalls sleeping in a park for two weeks during his high school years. His emotional state during this time was characterized by deep anger and a lack of filter. Joe faced negativity and backlash after losing a fight, with people telling him he ought to kill himself, illustrating the toxic environments he had to confront. Furthermore, financial hardships such as owing money and taking fights for free as an amateur created additional pressure.
Joe's Devastating Elbow Injury Threatens MMA Career, Requires Surgeries and Recovery
A particularly significant setback came when Joe suffered a devastating elbow injury during a fight ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
Joe's Path to Professional Fighter: Obstacles and Setbacks
Additional Materials
Actionables
- You can channel resilience from personal challenges by journaling your experiences and reflecting on how you've overcome past difficulties. Start by writing down a tough situation you've faced, describe the steps you took to handle it, and note the strengths you discovered in yourself. This practice can help you recognize your own perseverance, similar to Joe's determination to reach the UFC despite hardships.
- Develop a support network by reaching out to friends or online communities with shared interests or struggles. For instance, if you're passionate about a hobby or facing a particular challenge, find a group or forum where you can exchange stories, advice, and encouragement. This mirrors the idea of drawing strength from a community, as Joe might have found support outside his toxic living en ...
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Key Mentors and Supporters Who Helped Joe
Will Harmon, Joe's Coach, Offered a Supportive Home and Unconditional Encouragement
Harmon's Support Was Key to Joe's Development and Success
Joe Pyfer expressed deep gratitude towards his school teacher and coach, Will Harmon, whom he credits for saving his life. Harmon provided Joe with four years of free housing, a stable life, and unconditional love and support, crucial elements Joe believes were necessary for him to make it to the UFC. Joe lived with Harmon after his living situation collapsed, during which Harmon gave Joe money to reclaim his repossessed car and taught him a lesson about being a man of his word. Harmon's belief in Joe’s potential was evident as he acknowledged Joe as the best in the high school wrestling team and openly expressed his love, which Joe had not heard from someone in a long time.
Harmon's Support Helped Joe Heal From Trauma and Focus On Goals
Harmon created an environment that allowed Joe to stay in school and participate in wrestling, thereby focusing on his goals. Harmon's support included intervening to prevent Joe's suspension on multiple occasions and repairing damages Joe caused to avoid him getting in trouble. Joe confided in Harmon about the abuse at home but did not discuss his suicidal thoughts or depression, implying a significant level of trust and support between them. By shielding Joe from disciplinary actions at school, providing a haven after Joe’s graduation, and engaging Joe in activities such as playing chess and discussing life, Harmon was pivotal in providing stability and healing.
Sam Morpisa, Joe's Coach, Crucially Honed Joe's Skills and Pushed Him To New Heights
Morpisa's Role Crucial to Joe's Growth as a Fighter
Joe Pyfer also recognizes Sam Morpisa for his significant role in Joe's development as a fighter, having known him since he was 10 years old. Morpisa helped Joe understand his emotions and anger, influencing him to read books to address fears and insecurities, and guiding him through personal development and overcoming setbacks. He also got Joe his first fight and was pivotal in honing Joe's hands for combat. Morpisa tested Joe's dedication by making him show up for early training, which Joe consistently did, showing his rigorous commitment and close bond with his coach.
Morpisa's Support Helped Joe Overcome Self-Doubt and Setbacks
Joe credits coach Sam Morpisa, along with Will Harmon, as saviors who transformed his life. Morpisa's support helped Joe deal with ego-driven fears and insecurities and guided him through personal development. Sam Morpisa is remembered for his influence on Joe, urging him to take opportunities and not be shy about asking for t ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
Key Mentors and Supporters Who Helped Joe
Additional Materials
Actionables
- You can create a support network by identifying friends or family members who believe in your potential and regularly engage with them to discuss your goals. For example, set up a monthly coffee meetup with a mentor or a weekly call with a supportive friend to keep you focused and motivated.
- Develop a personal growth plan that includes addressing emotional challenges by finding a local or online support group that focuses on personal development. This could be a group that focuses on building confidence, overcoming fears, or developing resilience, where you can share experiences and learn from others' journeys.
- Capture your personal pro ...
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