Podcasts > NPR's Book of the Day > 'Never Enough' and 'Roctogenarians' examine the culture of success

'Never Enough' and 'Roctogenarians' examine the culture of success

By NPR (podcasts@npr.org)

In this episode of NPR's Book of the Day, the podcast explores how our culture's emphasis on achievement and success can take a toxic turn. Students and experts discuss the immense pressures to excel—particularly in affluent communities—and how a mindset that equates self-worth with accomplishments can harm mental health. The podcast examines the staggering statistics on anxiety, depression, and substance abuse among high-achieving students.

While acknowledging economic pressures that lead parents to push their children to overachieve, the episode highlights the need for balance. It contrasts the toxic achievement culture with "healthy strivers"—parents who teach their kids to find meaning beyond just resume-building and value them inherently, not solely based on accomplishments. This approach can help inoculate youth against the darker side of our achievement culture.

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'Never Enough' and 'Roctogenarians' examine the culture of success

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'Never Enough' and 'Roctogenarians' examine the culture of success

1-Page Summary

The Dark Side of Achievement Culture

According to the podcast, a "toxic achievement" culture exists where personal worth is deeply tied to success and achievement, with failure viewed as a personal flaw rather than a learning experience.

Constant Striving at the Cost of Self-Worth

In this mindset, individuals believe they are valued only when succeeding. This leads to unforgiving perfectionism, where setbacks become signs of inadequacy instead of opportunities for growth.

Heightened Pressures in Affluent Communities

The podcast notes that toxic achievement thrives in wealthy communities where parents can provide extensive academic and extracurricular support. Students describe living in a "gilded pressure cooker," where fun activities are just resumé-builders.

Mental Health Crisis Among High Achievers

National reports classify high-achieving students as officially "at risk." Studies show they are:

  • 2-6x more likely to have clinical anxiety/depression
  • 2-3x more likely to abuse substances

An alarming impact is estimated to affect 1 in 3 such students.

Students' Plea for Balance

Students express feeling their worth is tied to grades/achievements. They wish parents understood it's okay to be imperfect, citing the need for rest and non-résumé activities.

Economic Pressures Driving Parental Fears

The podcast suggests many parents, haunted by millennial economic struggles, push their children to overachieve to secure their futures amid growing inequality.

Intense Pressure Harms Mental Health

However, this overachievement pressure often undermines mental health. While motivated by protection, the podcast notes this mindset can harmfully equate success with self-worth.

Balanced Parenting as a Solution

As a solution, the podcast highlights "healthy strivers" - parents who:

  • Teach work-life balance, with ample relaxation time
  • Value children for who they are, not just achievements
  • Give children chances to "matter" by contributing meaningfully

This sense of "mattering" can shield against toxic achievement's effects.

1-Page Summary

Additional Materials

Counterarguments

  • Achievement culture can foster resilience and a strong work ethic, which are valuable traits in personal and professional life.
  • Perfectionism, while potentially harmful, can also drive innovation and high-quality standards in various fields.
  • Affluent communities may offer more resources, but this does not inherently create a toxic environment; it can also lead to greater opportunities and success.
  • High-achieving students may experience mental health issues, but correlation does not imply causation; other factors could contribute to these challenges.
  • Some students may thrive under pressure and find motivation in linking self-worth to grades and achievements.
  • Economic pressures are a reality, and preparing children to succeed in a competitive environment can be seen as a form of responsible parenting.
  • The concept of overachievement is subjective; what is excessive for one may be normal for another, and striving for excellence can lead to significant personal fulfillment and societal contributions.
  • Balanced parenting is ideal, but there is no one-size-fits-all approach; different children may require different levels of encouragement and support.
  • Emphasizing relaxation and non-academic activities may not always align with the realities of highly competitive fields where continuous achievement is necessary for success.

Actionables

  • You can create a "failure resume" to normalize and reflect on setbacks as part of growth. Write down instances where you didn't achieve your desired outcome, what you learned from each, and how it helped you develop resilience or new skills. This exercise can help reframe failure as a stepping stone rather than a flaw.
  • Start a "joy journal" where you record activities that bring you happiness regardless of their productive value. By dedicating time to activities that you enjoy for their own sake, you can cultivate a sense of self-worth that is independent of achievements and external validation.
  • Engage in volunteer work that aligns with personal values rather than resume building. Choose a cause you're passionate about and commit to regular, no-strings-attached service. This can help shift the focus from personal success to community contribution and provide a sense of fulfillment that isn't tied to personal achievement.

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'Never Enough' and 'Roctogenarians' examine the culture of success

The definition and characteristics of "toxic achievement" culture

"Toxic achievement" culture refers to a mindset where one's success and achievement are so deeply tied to their self-worth that failure or a setback is viewed as a personal flaw rather than a normal part of the human experience.

"Toxic achievement" and self-worth

The toxic achievement culture creates an unhealthy focus on constant achievement and perfectionism. Individuals caught in this mindset believe they are only valued and loved when they are succeeding. This leads to an unforgiving standard where inevitable failures and setbacks are not seen as ordinary or learning opportunities but rather a reflection of worthlessness and inadequacy.

Prevalence in resource-rich environments

This culture of toxic achievement is especially rife in wealthy communities. Parents in these environments often have the means to provide extensive academic and extrac ...

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The definition and characteristics of "toxic achievement" culture

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Clarifications

  • "Toxic achievement" culture is a mindset where a person's self-worth is closely tied to their success, leading to viewing failure as a personal flaw. It fosters an unhealthy emphasis on constant achievement and perfectionism, creating a belief that one is only valued when succeeding. This culture is prevalent in affluent communities, where the pressure for success is high, and even leisure activities are often seen as tools for enhancing one's resume.
  • In toxic achievement culture, individuals link their self-worth closely to their success and accomplishments. This means that failure or setbacks are viewed as personal failings rather than normal experiences. The pressure to constantly achieve and be perfect stems from the belief that one's value and acceptance are contingent on their success. This mindset can lead to a harmful cycle where any setbacks are seen as reflections of one's worth, creating a toxic relationship between achievement and self-esteem.
  • In toxic achievement culture, failures and setbacks are often seen as personal flaws rather than normal learning experiences. Individuals may internalize these failures as reflections of their worth, leading to feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness. Instead of viewing setbacks as opportunities for growth, they are often interpreted as evidence of inherent shortcomings. This mindset can create a cycle of fear of failure and perfectionism, further reinforcing the toxic relationship between achievement and self-worth.
  • In wealthy communities, the prevalence of toxic achievement culture is high due to the resources available for academic and extracurricular support. This support can lead to intense pressure on individuals to constantly achieve and excel. Leisure activities in these ...

Counterarguments

  • The concept of "toxic achievement" culture may overgeneralize the experiences of individuals in resource-rich environments, as not all individuals in these communities experience or contribute to this culture.
  • The pressure to succeed is not exclusive to wealthy communities; individuals from a variety of socioeconomic backgrounds may also experience intense pressure to achieve.
  • The link between self-worth and achievement can sometimes drive positive outcomes, such as motivation and resilience, when balanced with a healthy perspective on failure.
  • Some argue that a strong focus on achievement and success is necessary in a competitive world and can lead to significant personal and societal advancements.
  • The idea that leisure activities are only used as tools for college acceptance and resume-building may not account for the genuine enjoyment and personal growth that these activities can provide.
  • The narrative of toxic achievement culture might overlook the role of individual agency and ...

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'Never Enough' and 'Roctogenarians' examine the culture of success

The prevalence of mental health issues like anxiety and depression among high-achieving students

Recent findings by prominent organizations have signaled an alarming trend in the mental health of students attending top-performing schools.

Studies show that students at these high-achieving schools are two to six times more likely to suffer from clinical levels of anxiety and depression, and two to three times more likely to have substance abuse issues, compared to the average American teenager.

National reports by the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation and the National Academies of Sciences have classified students at high-achieving schools as officially at risk. These students are shown to be two to six times more likely to exhibit clinical levels of anxiety and depression. Additionally, they are two to three times more likely to experience substance abuse disorders when compared to the average American teenager.

Researchers estimate that ...

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The prevalence of mental health issues like anxiety and depression among high-achieving students

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Counterarguments

  • The correlation between high achievement and mental health issues does not necessarily imply causation; other factors may contribute to or exacerbate these issues.
  • The studies may suffer from selection bias if they disproportionately focus on students from high-achieving schools without a comparable analysis of students from a broad range of educational environments.
  • The definition of "high-achieving" can be subjective and may not account for the diversity of student experiences within that group.
  • The reports may not adequately consider the role of protective factors, such as social support, coping strategies, and access to mental health resources, which can mitigate the impact of academic pressure.
  • The findings may not be generalizable to all high-achieving schools or students, as they could be influenced by regional, cultural, or socioeconomic variables that are not representative of the broader population.
  • The emphasis on the negative aspects of high achievement could inadvertently stigmatize students from these environments or create a self-fulfilling prophecy.
  • The data might not reflect recent changes in educational policies or mental health interventions that have been implemented to address these issues.
  • The impact of substance abuse issues m ...

Actionables

  • You can create a balanced schedule that includes downtime to combat the pressure of high achievement. Start by mapping out your week, ensuring you allocate time for relaxation and hobbies alongside your study or work commitments. For example, if you're a student, you might schedule an hour each day for activities like reading for pleasure, going for a walk, or practicing meditation.
  • Develop a support network of peers who understand the pressures of high achievement. Organize regular meetups or online check-ins where you can share experiences, offer mutual support, and discuss coping strategies. This could be as simple as a bi-weekly coffee with classmates or a virtual group chat where members can vent and advise each other.
  • Engage in volunteer work to gai ...

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'Never Enough' and 'Roctogenarians' examine the culture of success

The perspectives and experiences of students dealing with this pressure

The experiences of students under academic and extracurricular pressure reveal a landscape of high stress and anxiety, with many feeling their worth is pegged to performance.

Students express that their worth feels tied to their grades and achievements, and they wish their parents knew it's okay to not be perfect.

Students across the country have described their lives as being inside a "gilded pressure cooker," where the exterior may shine with achievement but the interior is full of punishing expectations. They report that every win, rather than a cause for pure celebration, simply raises the bar for the next challenge, creating an endless cycle of escalation. This cycle includes not only academic pursuits but also extracurricular activities that were once grounds for fun and relaxation, like sports and music, which have become stressful in their own right as they are seen as a means to pad a college resume.

A striking sentiment among many students is the belief that their personal worth is directly linked to their g ...

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The perspectives and experiences of students dealing with this pressure

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Counterarguments

  • While students may feel their worth is tied to grades, it's important to recognize that this perception is not universally held, and many families and educational systems emphasize personal growth over grades.
  • The pressure to excel can sometimes act as a motivator, pushing students to achieve more than they thought possible and preparing them for competitive environments later in life.
  • Not all extracurricular activities are stressful or resume-driven; many students find joy and relaxation in these pursuits, and the stress may be more related to individual personality traits than the activities themselves.
  • The cycle of escalating expectations can also be seen as a way to encourage continuous improvement and resilience, qualities that are valuable in personal and professional life.
  • While rest and recuperation are important, it is also necessary to balance them with a strong work ethic and dedication to one's goals, which can sometimes require sacrifice and ...

Actionables

  • You can create a "Good Enough" journal where you document daily activities or tasks you've completed, regardless of their perceived success, to reinforce the idea that effort and progress are more valuable than perfection. By regularly noting down instances where you've put in effort, regardless of the outcome, you'll start to dissociate your self-worth from achievements and grades. For example, write about a group project where you contributed ideas, even if the project didn't get top marks, or a hobby you enjoyed even though you haven't mastered it.
  • Develop a "joyful activity" habit by choosing one extracurricular activity that you engage in purely for pleasure, without considering its impact on college applications or your resume. This could be something like drawing, playing a casual sport with friends, or learning to play a musical instrument without the intention of performing. The key is to participate in this activity regularly and mindfully, focusing on the enjoyment it brings rather than any potential external rewards.
  • Initiate a weekly "unwind hour" with friends o ...

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'Never Enough' and 'Roctogenarians' examine the culture of success

The factors driving parents to push their children to be overachievers

In a time of increasing economic challenges, many parents are feeling the pressure to ensure their children achieve early success, particularly through admission to prestigious colleges, viewing this as a measure to secure their futures in an uncertain economic landscape.

Modern parents facing greater economic uncertainty and inequity

Parents today are haunted by the economic trials facing millennials, who often struggle to attain the financial stability of previous generations. Observations of millennials not performing as well as their parents add to the current generation's anxiety. With the middle class being squeezed by mounting economic inequality, these concerns are intensified.

Consequently, early success and admission to prestigious colleges have become critical targets for parents who are desperate to offer their children a "life vest" against these surging challenges. This heightened state of alert is driving parents to encourage their children to become overachievers, seeing it as a safeguard that could protect their children’s futures from economic uncertainty.

Intense pressure undermining mental health

However, this push toward overa ...

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The factors driving parents to push their children to be overachievers

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Counterarguments

  • While economic challenges are real, not all parents subscribe to the idea that overachievement is the only path to success; some advocate for a more balanced approach to child-rearing.
  • The correlation between attending a prestigious college and achieving economic stability is not absolute; many individuals find success through alternative educational paths or entrepreneurial endeavors.
  • The assumption that millennials are not performing as well as previous generations financially may overlook the successes and different measures of success valued by the millennial generation.
  • Economic uncertainty is not a new phenomenon, and parents have historically used a variety of strategies to prepare their children for adulthood, not solely academic overachievement.
  • The pressure to excel academically can sometimes stem from societal expectations and the education system itself, not just parental anxiety.
  • Overemphasis on the negative aspects of striving for success may overlook the positive outcomes of healthy ambition and resilience in children.
  • The mental health of students is a complex issue that can be influenced by a variety of factors beyon ...

Actionables

  • You can create a family values charter that emphasizes well-being over achievement to foster a balanced perspective on success. Sit down with your family and discuss what values are most important to you, such as happiness, health, and personal growth. Write these down as a charter and refer to it when making decisions about education and extracurricular activities. This helps ensure that your family's actions align with your core values rather than external pressures.
  • Develop a 'future-proof' skills workshop for your children that focuses on adaptability and resilience rather than traditional measures of success. Identify skills like critical thinking, creativity, and emotional intelligence that are valuable in any economic climate. Use online resources or local community programs to find activities that build these skills, such as problem-solving games or mindfulness exercises, and incorporate them into regular family time.
  • Organize a peer support group for parents to share e ...

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'Never Enough' and 'Roctogenarians' examine the culture of success

Potential solutions and ways to address the problem of toxic achievement culture

With a rising concern about the negative impacts of toxic achievement culture, exploring potential solutions to mitigate these effects is crucial. Parents play a key role in guiding their children toward a more balanced life, free from the pressures of constant achievement.

Parents can help by teaching their children how to build a balanced life, with ample time for relaxation and doing activities that are genuinely enjoyable, not just resume-builders.

The concept of "just chilling" has emerged as a necessity for teens, signifying the importance of unstructured time that doesn't bear the weight of achievement or performance. This shift toward a lean-back approach combats the trend of teens gravitating towards their phones or social media during free moments, which ostensibly introduce another layer of pressure and comparison.

Parents of "healthy strivers" differentiate in their approach by prioritizing the teaching of balance to their children. These parents implement and enforce downtime, insist on quality family time, and encourage spending time outdoors. Within this framework, activities pursued are not just for embellishing a resume but are genuinely enjoyable and intrinsically rewarding.

Instilling a sense of "mattering" in children - valuing them for who they are, not just their achievements, and relying on them to contribute meaningfully to their community - can act as a protective shield against the harmful effects of toxic achievement culture.

A fundamental principle adopted by the parents of “healthy strivers” lies in instilling a deep sense of "mattering" in their children. The concept of "mattering" involves valuing children for their intrinsic wo ...

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Potential solutions and ways to address the problem of toxic achievement culture

Additional Materials

Counterarguments

  • While encouraging unstructured time is beneficial, it's important to recognize that some structured activities can also provide valuable skills and experiences that contribute to a child's development.
  • Prioritizing balance and downtime is important, but it's also necessary to ensure that children are adequately prepared for the competitive nature of certain academic and professional environments.
  • Not all activities that enhance a resume are devoid of intrinsic value; many can be both enjoyable and beneficial for future opportunities.
  • The concept of "mattering" is subjective and may be difficult to instill if the child's environment outside the home (such as school or social circles) emphasizes achievement over personal value.
  • While valuing children for who they are is important, it's also essential to recognize and celebrate their achievements, as this can be a source of m ...

Actionables

  • Create a "Family Adventure Jar" where each family member can contribute ideas for fun, low-cost activities that focus on togetherness and exploration. Every week, draw an activity from the jar to ensure you're dedicating time to unstructured, enjoyable experiences that aren't achievement-oriented. This could include things like a nature scavenger hunt, a themed movie night, or a DIY craft project using recycled materials.
  • Start a tradition of "Special Skills Sundays" where each family member teaches the others something they love that isn't academically driven, like baking a favorite recipe, demonstrating a magic trick, or showing how to take care of a plant. This emphasizes the value of sharing personal passions and learning for enjoyment, reinforcing the idea that everyone has unique contributions that go beyond traditional achievements.
  • Implement a "Mattering Map" for your family, a visual representation ...

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