184. Are You Doing Too Much?
In the latest installment of 'No Stupid Questions', Angela Duckworth, alongside Mike Maughan, delves into the intricate web of striving for excellence and the pitfalls of perfectionism. Grappling with this dilemma, they shed light on why the quest for flawlessness might be sabotaging our chances at success and contentment. With a growing trend of perfectionism taking a toll on personal well-being, the speakers dissect the nuanced distinction between the healthy pursuit of excellence and the obsessive chase for the unachievable that defines perfectionism.
Navigating through the complexities of self-imposed and socially prescribed perfectionism, Duckworth and Maughan expose the harsh truth that the relentless drive for perfection could be born from a place of inadequacy and unrelenting external pressures, exacerbated by the echo chambers of social media. The spirited conversation advocates for an 80% rule as a balanced approach, while dismissing the notion that perfectionism is a requisite for triumph. Offering a refreshing perspective, the speakers underscore the essence of unconditional positive self-regard, paving a path for high achievers to thrive without the bindings of self-defeating perfectionist tendencies.
This is a preview of the Shortform summary of the Feb 25, 2024 episode of the No Stupid Questions
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1-Page Summary
Striving for Excellence vs. Perfectionism
Angela Duckworth and Mike Maughan articulate the differences between striving for excellence and perfectionism, noting the increasing prevalence of perfectionism and its negative impact on success and happiness.
Self-Oriented Perfectionism
Self-oriented perfectionism involves setting unattainable standards, as reflected by statements such as "It makes me uneasy to see an error in my work." Duckworth's reference to Thomas Curran's meta-analysis indicates a growing trend of self-oriented perfectionism over time.
Socially Prescribed Perfectionism
This form of perfectionism is influenced by external expectations, typified by thoughts like "My family expects me to be perfect." Maughan identifies it as the most troubling type, with its rise partly attributed to social media influence. Curran's findings support the notion that socially prescribed perfectionism is surging with technological advancements.
Perfectionism Not Leading to Success
Perfectionism is debunked as a pathway to success by Duckworth, who stresses it does not correlate with achievement. Supporting this, personal anecdotes illustrate that perfectionism can emerge from insufficient challenges, advocating for moderation in pursuit of goals.
Finding Balance
Duckworth and Maughan suggest aiming for "pretty good" using the 80% rule, contrasting it with the 80/20 rule. They stress the need for unconditional positive self-regard, which aids in self-acceptance and supports a healthy approach for high achievers to excel without being ensnared by perfectionism.
1-Page Summary
Additional Materials
Clarifications
- Striving for excellence involves setting high but achievable standards and focusing on personal growth and improvement. Perfectionism, on the other hand, entails setting unrealistic and unattainable standards, often leading to negative consequences like anxiety and dissatisfaction. The key difference lies in the mindset: excellence is about progress and learning, while perfectionism is about unattainable ideals and fear of failure. Embracing excellence allows for growth and resilience, while perfectionism can hinder success and happiness.
- Self-oriented perfectionism involves individuals setting excessively high standards for themselves and being overly critical of their own performance. It often leads to feelings of dissatisfaction and anxiety when faced with mistakes or perceived failures. This type of perfectionism can stem from internal pressures and a strong desire to meet unrealistic expectations. Self-oriented perfectionists may struggle with self-compassion and tend to focus on flaws rather than achievements.
- Socially prescribed perfectionism involves feeling pressured to meet external standards of perfection, often driven by expectations from family, peers, or society. Individuals experiencing this type of perfectionism may believe that others demand flawless performance from them, leading to anxiety and self-doubt. Social media can exacerbate this phenomenon by showcasing unrealistic ideals and fostering comparison. It is considered the most concerning form of perfectionism due to its detrimental effects on mental well-being and self-esteem.
Counterarguments
- While perfectionism can be detrimental, a certain level of high standards can drive innovation and significant progress in various fields.
- The rise in self-oriented perfectionism might also reflect a greater awareness and self-reporting of these tendencies rather than an actual increase in the trait itself.
- Socially prescribed perfectionism, while influenced by external factors, can sometimes be a misinterpretation of others' expectations, and individuals might benefit from communication and clarification of these expectations.
- The assertion that perfectionism does not lead to success may overlook instances where high achievers who exhibit perfectionist traits do indeed succeed in their endeavors.
- The relationship between perfectionism and achievement might be more complex than stated, with some forms of perfectionism potentially correlating with high achievement in certain contexts.
- The recommendation of the 80% rule might not be suitable for all situations, especially in fields where precision is critical, such as in medical or safety-critical industries.
- Unconditional positive self-regard, while beneficial for mental health, might not always lead to the best outcomes if it prevents individuals from accurately assessing their performance and areas for improvement.
- The idea that perfectionism stems from insufficient challenges could be an oversimplification, as it may also arise from personality traits, upbringing, or other psychological factors.
- The emphasis on moderation might not resonate with individuals who thrive under high-pressure situations and who find fulfillment in pursuing exceptionally high standards.
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Striving for Excellence vs. Perfectionism
Angela Duckworth and Mike Maughan delve into the concept of perfectionism, distinguishing between self-oriented and socially prescribed perfectionism, and discuss its prevalence and impact on success and happiness.
Self-Oriented Perfectionism
Definition and examples
Self-oriented perfectionism is defined by Duckworth as an impossible goal of striving to achieve perfection. From a perfectionism scale, she provides examples such as, "It makes me uneasy to see an error in my work," and "One of my goals is to be perfect in everything I do."
Prevalence increasing over time
Duckworth refers to a meta-analysis by Thomas Curran that included over 41,000 people who answered questions about perfectionism at different times in history, which showed an upward trend for all types of perfectionism.
Socially Prescribed Perfectionism
Definition and examples
Socially prescribed perfectionism is defined through examples from the perfectionism scale, like "My family expects me to be perfect," and phrases Duckworth herself uses such as "as well as you do, you're going to be expected to do more."
Most concerning type
Maughan views socially prescribed perfectionism as deeply unhealthy and expresses a desire to reassure people that they are enough without needing to be perfect.
Prevalence increasing rapidly over time
Curran found that socially prescribed perfectionism, in particular, is increasing rapidly.
Potential link to social media
Duckworth suggests that social media has contributed to a culture of perfectionism and notes that this is reflected in the impact she sees on her daughters through platforms like Instagram. Curran correlates the rise of this type of perfectionism with technological advancements like the release of the first iPhone.
Perfectionism Not Leading to Success
Duckworth asserts that perfectionism does not lead to success and is not positively correlated with achievement. Echoing this, Scott Hugo's personal experience as a student shows that perfectionism can result from not challenging oneself enough, suggest ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
Striving for Excellence vs. Perfectionism
Additional Materials
Clarifications
- Self-oriented perfectionism involves setting high standards for oneself and striving for personal perfection, often driven by internal motivations. Socially prescribed perfectionism, on the other hand, involves feeling pressured by external sources such as family, peers, or societal expectations to meet unrealistic standards of perfection. These two types of perfectionism can have different impacts on an individual's well-being and behavior, with self-oriented perfectionism being more internally driven and socially prescribed perfectionism being influenced by external factors. Understanding these distinctions can help individuals recognize and address the sources of their perfectionistic tendencies.
- The perfectionism scale is a tool used to measure different aspects of perfectionism in individuals. It includes statements or questions that individuals respond to, reflecting their tendencies towards perfectionism. Examples from the scale include statements like "It makes me uneasy to see an error in my work" and "My family expects me to be perfect."
- The potential link between social media and perfectionism suggests that the rise of social platforms like Instagram may contribute to a culture of perfectionism by showcasing idealized versions of life. This can lead individuals to compare themselves unfavorably and feel pressured to present a flawless image online. Research indicates that the constant exposure to curated content on social media may influence individuals to strive for unattainable standards of perfection, impacting their mental well-being. The accessibility and prevalence of social media platforms have coincided with an increase in socially prescribed perfectionism, where individuals feel compelled to meet external expectations of perfection fueled by what they see online.
- The 80/20 rule, also known as the Pareto Principle, suggests that roughly 80% of outcomes result from 20% of causes ...
Counterarguments
- While self-oriented perfectionism can be problematic, it can also drive individuals to produce high-quality work and foster personal growth when managed effectively.
- The increase in perfectionism over time might not solely be negative; it could reflect higher standards and a greater drive for improvement in various fields.
- Socially prescribed perfectionism, though often unhealthy, might sometimes motivate individuals to achieve societal goals or meet certain standards that can lead to success in specific contexts.
- The role of social media in promoting perfectionism could be overstated; other factors such as parenting styles, educational systems, and cultural values might also significantly contribute to the rise of perfectionism.
- Perfectionism might have a complex relationship with success, where in certain cases, perfectionistic tendencies could lead to exceptional achievements, provided they are coupled with resilience ...
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