Evan Rachel Wood on Surviving Her Abusive Relationship with Marilyn Manson

Evan Rachel Wood shares her harrowing experiences of being groomed and abused by a much older man when she was just 18. She recounts the detailed process of her relationship from the initial phases of grooming to the extreme measures she took to end the abuse.

Details of how she was groomed at age 18 by an older man, and the abuse that occurred

Evan Rachel Wood described an intense and manipulative relationship with Brian Warner, known publicly as Marilyn Manson. When she met him, she was a vulnerable 18-year-old, and he was 37. Warner groomed her by creating a sense of trust and safety initially and capitalized on her feeling controlled by the entertainment industry. The relationship turned romantic after several months, leaving Wood shocked given the stark difference in their celebrity statuses and her self-perceived immaturity.

She recalls how the older man's world appeared to offer freedom, expression, and a noble cause. This love bombing and grooming made her feel special and that there was something unique that he saw in her. Wood was groomed to see him as her savior and the only one she could trust—especially as she faced public shaming when their relationship became known.

The abuse escalated to physical and sexual violence, which Wood detailed in her testimony before Congress, including being tied up, beaten, and threatened with death. Even her inner circle, concerned about the relationship, did not explicitly address the issue of her being preyed upon. Moreover, the groomer systematically isolated Wood from her mother by scripting conversations and recording them, further cementing control.

Her process of escaping the relationship by "grey rocking"

What grey rocking is and how it can work to detach an abuser

To escape the abuse, Wood learned that exhibiting her pain only fed her abuser's control over her. Unaware at the time that "grey rocking" was a recognized method, Wood instinctively used this response as a strategy. Thi ...

Evan Rachel Wood opens up about the far-reaching consequences of abuse on her emotional state, her relationships with others, and her sense of self-trust, revealing the profound and complex repercussions of such traumatic experiences.

Losing years of emotional development

Wood discusses the psychological manipulation and torment she went through as a teenager, a time when she was not fully psychologically developed to deal with the abuse. Experiencing stress seizures, stemming from her silence on the abuse causing her physical illness, signaled the severe impact on her health. Wood explains that she was unable to cry or emotionally process what had happened to her for about seven years, not acknowledging what had happened to her as rape or assault until well into her trauma therapy. She felt she had a lot of catching up to do in terms of life skills, communication skills, and relationship skills after exiting the abusive relationship, indicating that she fell behind her peers.

The grief she experienced in losing who she was before the abuse

Wood felt grief for the loss of her former self and the life she could have led if the abuse had not happened. She found it difficult to watch films or look at photographs from before, as they reminded her of what was lost. She expressed deep grief over the change in her life trajectory and the unsettling feelings that came with realizing the relationship was a violation, rather than what she once believed it to be.

How she lost trust in herself and her intuition

After the relationship, Wood struggled with trusting herself. She was programmed to behave as though her abuser was still around, causing confusion and distress in subsequent relationships. Feeling shut down, self-sabotaging, impulsive, and having difficulty being honest with her partner, she questioned why she reacted in certain ...

Evan Rachel Wood recounts the challenges and emotional toll she endured as she spoke out about her experience with sexual assault, emphasizing the importance of therapy and support from other survivors.

The backlash she faced and doubting reactions from others

Wood chronicles the period leading up to her decision to speak out on her sexual assault, which preceded the viral spread of the "Me Too" movement. The societal expectations that survivors immediately react and report sexual assault contrast starkly with the reality of the trauma response and can lead to further re-traumatization due to disbelief and dismissal, especially influenced by race, social class, and circumstances of the incident.

Initially, Wood did not name her abuser when she first spoke up publicly. However, after sharing her story with other survivors and trusted individuals on set, she gained validation and began to speak more openly. Despite the validation from others like Eve Ensler, Wood grappled with backlash and accusations, often being characterized as crazy or as seeking attention. Her abuser held power over her with the threat of blackmail, which contributed to the backlash she faced when speaking out.

When Wood shared her experiences before seeking therapy, she was often met with shaming questions that implied she was at fault due to her past actions and the nature of her relationship. These reactions, according to Ramani Durvasula, parallel the injury that comes from self-blame.

How trauma therapy and connections with other survivors gave her confidence

Wood explains the irony of those who claimed she sought money and attention, clarifying that she is, in fact, losing money and would rather not be in the limelight. She emphasizes the losses she had to make peace with, including her reputation, career, and public perception, as a result of speaking out. By detaching from these values, which her narcissistic abuser held dear, she feels she takes away the power her abuser had over her.

Wood's decision to come forward was influenced by realizing that the abuse was a recurring pattern affecting others and not only her. She resorted to social media to warn and protect people as law enforcement did not offer the help she needed. Wood mentions how every survivor who comes forw ...

Through the conversation, it is apparent that Evan Rachel Wood has been on a profound journey of healing and discovering resilience in the aftermath of her traumatic experiences.

Learning self-empowerment and setting boundaries

Wood describes starting from scratch as a pivotal part of her healing journey, indicating that she had to rebuild her sense of self-worth and learn self-empowerment after her abuse. Part of this process involved relearning basic human emotions and states, such as walking or empathizing, which encapsulates the intentional setting of boundaries and the intricate process of recovery. Durvasula likens this careful emotional recovery to the way one might navigate life following a significant physical surgery—slowly and with great care, slowly restoring the soul.

Wood compares her growth to that of a shelter dog learning to trust again, illustrating that healing is a gradual process. She speaks to major life decisions, like moving away from Los Angeles, as conscious choices to prioritize her health and well-being, even though they affected her living arrangements with her child. In these ways, she elucidates the deep work undertaken to rebuild her life and the importance of flourishing post-trauma.

Wood emphasizes self-forgiveness for the circumstances that were beyond her control and shares her determination to be healthy and happy for her child. She also discusses educating her child on the importance of leaving unhappy and unsafe situations, hoping they will understand her decisions in the future.

Finding peace and joy after the trauma

Wood now feels happier than she has been in a long time, attributing this to her consistent work on addressing her trauma. She acknowle ...