Say “I Do” To a Joint Bank Account? Sharna Burgess on Wedding Planning and Financial Planning
In this episode of Money Rehab, Sharna Burgess joins Nicole Lapin to explore the intersection of personal finance and relationships. They discuss mindful spending habits, financial literacy, and how past behaviors—like convenience spending and luxury purchases—can impact long-term economic health. Burgess shares her journey from depleting substantial income to adopting a structured approach to money management.
The conversation delves into practical aspects of combining finances in relationships, including methods for managing joint accounts and approaching prenuptial agreements. Burgess and Lapin examine strategies for maintaining financial transparency while preserving individual autonomy, and they address approaches to teaching children about money management. The discussion includes specific financial vehicles parents can use to secure their children's financial future.
This is a preview of the Shortform summary of the May 6, 2025 episode of the Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
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1-Page Summary
Personal Finance and Money Management
Nicole Lapin and Sharna Burgess share their expertise on mindful spending and developing strong financial habits for long-term economic well-being.
Developing a Mindful Spending Mindset
Sharna Burgess reflects on her past convenience spending habits, including frequent valeting and airport shopping, which negatively impacted her financial health. She draws parallels to her father's similar habits of prioritizing luxury over living within his means. To combat unnecessary spending, Burgess recommends regularly reviewing credit card statements and subscription services, noting how small purchases can accumulate into significant expenses over time.
Building Financial Literacy and Healthy Money Habits
After nearly depleting her funds despite a substantial income, Burgess adopted a 'share, spend, save' philosophy. She emphasizes the importance of strategic saving and prioritizing long-term financial goals, particularly when it comes to providing for her children's future.
Financial Planning and Decision-Making in a Relationship
Burgess and Lapin discuss managing joint finances through percentage-based contributions rather than fixed amounts, allowing for fairness despite income differences. On the topic of prenuptial agreements, Lapin frames them as prudent financial planning rather than preparation for failure, comparing them to insurance policies. She suggests involving professionals to facilitate these sensitive conversations.
Navigating Financial Discussions and Transparency
In her own relationship, Burgess describes maintaining a balance between financial transparency and individual autonomy. She and her partner share information about their general financial situation while respecting each other's personal financial management. They approach financial challenges through clear communication and collaborative problem-solving.
Regarding children's financial education, Burgess emphasizes teaching money management through age-appropriate lessons. Lapin adds that parents can contribute to their children's financial future through vehicles like custodial Roth IRAs, noting how some celebrities creatively incorporate their children into their work for financial benefits.
1-Page Summary
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Counterarguments
- Reviewing credit card statements is helpful, but it may not address the underlying psychological or emotional triggers that lead to overspending.
- The 'share, spend, save' philosophy is a solid framework, but it may not be suitable for everyone, as personal financial situations can vary greatly.
- Percentage-based contributions to joint finances can be fair, but they may also lead to tension if partners have different attitudes towards money or disagree on what constitutes 'fair' contributions.
- Prenuptial agreements are practical, but they can also create a sense of mistrust or pessimism about the marriage before it begins, which some couples may find off-putting.
- Financial transparency in relationships is important, but too much transparency can sometimes lead to unnecessary stress or conflict, especially if one partner is much more financially literate than the other.
- Teaching children about money management is crucial, but the effectiveness of age-appropriate lessons can vary depending on the child's interest and the parents' ability to teach these concepts.
- Custodial Roth IRAs and other financial vehicles are beneficial, but they may not be accessible or practical for all families, and they require a level of financial knowledge that not all parents possess.
Actionables
- You can automate your savings by setting up a monthly transfer to a dedicated account for long-term goals, ensuring you consistently save without having to think about it each time.
- By automating your savings, you remove the temptation to spend that money elsewhere. For example, if you're saving for a down payment on a house, set up an automatic transfer to a high-yield savings account every payday.
- Create a personalized financial game for your children using real money to teach them about budgeting, saving, and spending.
- For instance, give your child a small amount of money and three jars labeled 'Share,' 'Spend,' and 'Save.' They can allocate their money as they see fit, and you can discuss the outcomes and lessons learned from their choices, such as the joy of sharing, the benefits of saving for a bigger purchase, or the immediate gratification of spending.
- Develop a personal finance date night where you and your partner discuss money matters in a relaxed, non-confrontational setting.
- Once a month, plan a night where you review your financial goals, discuss any concerns, and celebrate successes. This keeps the lines of communication open and ensures both partners are engaged and informed about their joint financial health. For example, you might review your budget, discuss upcoming expenses, or plan for future investments.
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Personal Finance and Money Management
Experts Nicole Lapin and Sharna Burgess emphasize the significance of a mindful approach to spending and the development of strong financial habits to ensure economic well-being.
Developing a Mindful Spending Mindset
Impact of Convenience Spending on Long-Term Financial Health
Sharna Burgess opens up about her past habits of convenience spending and the negative impact on her long-term financial health. She recalls spending on unnecessary things such as frequent valeting and excessive shopping, particularly at airports, without considering the long-term implications. Nicole Lapin stresses the importance of living below one's means, a key practice in sound financial management.
Sharna also reflects on her father's habits of spending on luxury and convenience despite not living within his means, which resulted in him having nothing in his later years. Sharna recognizes a similar pattern in her own life and how having children has significantly shifted her spending priorities. She points out that these small convenience expenditures, often overlooked, can accumulate and substantially detract from one's savings.
Tracking and Reducing Unnecessary Spending: Review Credit Card Statements and Subscriptions
Sharna Burgess advises vigilance in managing one's finances by regularly reviewing credit card statements to identify and eliminate unnecessary spending. She discovered through this practice, and with the help of a business manager, that small purchases had summed up to a large expense. She also found redundancies in household subscriptions, such as multiple streaming service accounts, which led to "stupid money being spent." She acknowledges that if she had been more attentive to her expenses, significant savings could have been achieved. Sharna underscores the importance of being conscious of every expense, no matter how small, and the benefits of cutting out surplus spending to improve one's financial standing.
Building Financial Literacy and Healthy Money Habits
Learning From Financial Mistakes to Improve Money Management
After finding h ...
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Personal Finance and Money Management
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Counterarguments
- While mindful spending is important, it's also necessary to balance frugality with quality of life; excessive frugality can lead to a scarcity mindset and diminish enjoyment of life.
- Living below one's means is a sound principle, but it should be adaptable to different life stages and circumstances; sometimes investing in oneself or taking calculated risks can lead to greater financial rewards.
- Tracking every small expense can be time-consuming and may not be cost-effective; for some, focusing on larger strategic changes may be a more efficient use of time.
- The 'share, spend, save' philosophy is a good starting point, but it may be too simplistic for complex financial situations; a more nuanced approach may be required for different individuals.
- Emphasizing savings over personal convenience assumes that all convenience spending is wasteful, which may not be the case; some convenience expenditures can increase productivity or provide necessary self-care.
- Financial goal setting is important, but rigid planning can sometimes be counterproductive; flexibility is often required to adapt to unexpected life events or financial opportunities.
- The advice given may not be one-size-fits-all; individuals with different incomes, family situations, and financial goals may need to tailor these principles to fit their unique circumstances.
- The n ...
Actionables
- You can create a visual spending tracker by using a clear jar and two sets of colored beads: one color representing your income and another your expenses. Each time you receive income, add beads to the jar, and each time you spend, remove the corresponding number of beads. This tangible method makes you more aware of your spending habits and can discourage unnecessary expenses as you physically see your resources diminish with each purchase.
- Implement a 48-hour rule for non-essential purchases where you wait two days before buying anything that isn't a necessity. During this waiting period, evaluate if the item is truly needed or if it's a convenience purchase. This pause can help you avoid impulse buys and ensure that your spending aligns with your long-term financial goals.
- Start a monthly 'finance ...
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Financial Planning and Decision-Making in a Relationship
Sharna Burgess and Nicole Lapin delve into how couples can navigate financial planning and decision-making, addressing shared finances, joint accounts, and sensitive topics like prenuptial agreements.
Navigating Shared Finances and Joint Accounts
Burgess and Lapin provide insights on managing joint finances and ensuring effective communication about money in a relationship.
Managing Joint Finances: Percentage vs. Fixed Allocation
Sharna Burgess discusses that she and her partner ensure they have more than enough money to cover monthly shared expenses by adjusting contributions based on varying incomes in their industry. In terms of joint accounts, they contribute percentages of their income rather than fixed amounts, which allows flexibility and fairness proportional to their earnings.
Nicole Lapin echoes this sentiment by suggesting a "yours, mine, and ours" approach where a percentage-based contribution can feel more equitable than a fixed dollar amount. This approach accounts for different income levels and maintains fairness.
Financial Transparency and Open Communication
Both Lapin and Burgess stress the importance of open communication and transparency about financial matters in a relationship. Lapin recommends consolidating shared expenses like Netflix accounts and discusses making smart money decisions together as an investment in the relationship.
Addressing Sensitive Financial Topics, Such as Prenuptial Agreements
Lapin believes in protecting love and money, dispelling the myth that prenups signify distrust and promoting them as wise financial planning.
Prenups As Financial Planning and Protection, Not Distrust
Lapin compares a prenup to having health or car insurance, not as a plan for divorce, but as a form of prudent planning and protection. She encourages reframing the prenup discussion around hopes and dreams rather than fears. In California, for example, default state laws act as a prenup, so crafting a personalized agreement gives couples control over these decisions.
Sharna Burgess has evo ...
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Financial Planning and Decision-Making in a Relationship
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- While percentage-based contributions can be fair, they may not account for the non-monetary contributions one partner may make, such as childcare or household duties, which could warrant a different financial arrangement.
- Open communication about finances is important, but some individuals may have past financial traumas or anxieties that make these discussions particularly challenging, requiring more sensitive approaches or professional help.
- Prenuptial agreements can be practical, but they may also introduce tension or discomfort, especially if one partner is more enthusiastic about the idea than the other, potentially undermining trust if not handled delicately.
- The involvement of professionals in prenup discussions is beneficial, but it can also add to the cost and formality of the process, which migh ...
Actionables
- You can create a "relationship financial health checklist" to ensure you and your partner cover all bases in your financial discussions. Start by listing topics like income, debts, savings goals, and investment preferences. Schedule a monthly "finance date" to go through the checklist together, updating and discussing each item to maintain transparency and make necessary adjustments to your financial plans.
- Develop a "fair share calculator" tool using a simple spreadsheet to determine percentage-based contributions to joint expenses. Input each partner's income and the calculator will suggest how much each person contributes to shared costs like rent, utilities, and groceries. This helps maintain fairness and can be adjusted as financial situations change.
- Organize a "prenup party" with your partner where you both research and list out assets, deb ...
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Navigating Financial Discussions and Transparency in a Relationship
Sharna Burgess shares insights on managing finances within a relationship, highlighting the balance between individual autonomy and joint responsibilities, and modeling financial behaviors for children.
Balancing Individual Financial Autonomy and Joint Financial Responsibilities
Sharna Burgess and her partner, Brian, demonstrate financial communication and joint decision-making. While they have individual financial lives and shared accounts for common expenses, Burgess respects her partner's financial autonomy. She is aware of his financial situation generally but does not intrude, as she does not believe in managing her partner's finances, likening such management to a parental role which she finds unromantic.
Burgess and Brian aim for transparency in their financial situation, sharing concerns such as tight months or needing each other's support, but they maintain respectful distance from managing each other's personal finances. For instance, when planning their wedding, they discussed the scale of the event and the implications of a destination wedding, which required thoughtful financial planning. However, as they navigate parenthood and other responsibilities, they decided to put wedding planning on hold.
Clear Communication and Collaborative Problem-Solving for Financial Challenges
Sharna discusses the importance of discussing financial challenges with transparency and finding solutions together with her partner. They prepare for potential periods of reduced income by consulting with their financial advisor and adjusting their spending to maintain stability. This approach involves open conversations about stresses or needs within their financial life, leading to collective strategies to improve their situation.
Modeling Healthy Financial Behaviors and Habits For Children
Involving Children in Age-appropriate Financial Education and Discussions
Burgess acknowledges that children observe and learn from their parents' money habits. She aspires for her children to avoid the financial fears she had growing up and ha ...
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Navigating Financial Discussions and Transparency in a Relationship
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- While financial autonomy is important, some couples may find that a more integrated approach to managing finances works better for their relationship dynamics.
- Transparency is key, but there may be situations where too much financial transparency could lead to unnecessary stress or conflict within a relationship.
- Discussing financial challenges openly is generally positive, but it's also important to have personal boundaries and privacy, even with a partner.
- Consulting with a financial advisor is a good practice, but not all couples may have the means to do so, and some may prefer to manage their finances independently or use free resources.
- Involving children in financial discussions is beneficial, but there should be careful consideration of the child's maturity and understanding to ensure the information is age-appropriate and not overwhelming.
- Teaching children about spending and saving is important, but it should also be balanced with lessons about generosity and the non-material aspects of life.
- The idea of including children in work for financial benefits can be positive, but it's also crucial to ensure that it doesn't exploit ...
Actionables
- You can create a "financial date night" with your partner to discuss money matters in a relaxed setting, such as a monthly dinner where you review your budget, upcoming expenses, and financial goals. This can help foster a habit of open communication and joint decision-making without the stress of daily life intruding.
- Start a family savings challenge where each member, including children, contributes to a collective goal, like a vacation fund or a new family computer. This not only teaches kids about saving and working towards a goal but also brings a sense of teamwork and shared responsibility to financial planning.
- Develop a crea ...
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