Financial Abuse and Resilience with Mary Bonnet of Selling Sunset
In this episode of the Money Rehab podcast with Nicole Lapin, Mary Bonnet from Selling Sunset opens up about her journey to financial independence after overcoming financial abuse and bankruptcy early in life. Mary reflects on her humble beginnings and the determination instilled in her as a teen mom to prioritize financial stability.
She shares how her first husband's reckless spending and mismanagement ruined her excellent credit, forcing her into bankruptcy. Mary then recounts the persistent efforts it took to rebuild her standing over many years. The episode also explores Mary's protective approach in her current marriage, keeping finances separate with a prenup, and the boundaries she's established in her professional life as a result of her past financial trauma.
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1-Page Summary
Mary's Early Life and Determination
Mary Bonnet reminisces about her modest Midwestern childhood and how becoming a mother at 15 spurred her drive for financial stability. Despite her early dream of working with animals, Mary pursued radiography to support her son, exemplifying maturity and foresight.
Per her mother's advice, Mary focused early on establishing good credit. Nicole Lapin notes Mary's financial prudence from a young age.
Overcoming Financial Abuse and Rebuilding
Irresponsible Partner Ruins Mary's Credit
In her first marriage, Mary's excellent credit (around 815) was exploited by her financially reckless then-fiancé from the UK. As their stucco business faltered, she accumulated $100,000 in debt under her name due to her ex-husband's overspending and mismanagement. This forced Mary into bankruptcy.
Persistent Efforts Restore Her Standing
After her bankruptcy filing, Mary dedicated years to rebuilding her sub-500 credit. Through low-limit secured cards, minimal spending, and on-time payments, she raised her score to the 750s - still below her pre-bankruptcy standing but a vast improvement.
Mary's experience left her with a "deep appreciation for financial security and independence." She admits to being "extremely cautious and proactive" managing finances now.
Protective Approach in Current Marriage
Separate Finances and Legal Protection
Mary keeps finances separate from her current husband Romaine, having a prenuptial agreement to protect her assets. Though trusting Romaine, she insists on preserving independence after her "trauma" and details how the prenup provides fairness and clarity.
Lapin notes Mary navigates this carefully, as Romaine can get "offended if she offers to pay for certain things," highlighting the relational dynamics involved.
Setting Professional Boundaries
Mary's financial past has impacted her work life. After managing the stress of the Selling Sunset cast's drama, she now schedules them to avoid interactions at her events - safeguarding her mental health and business focus.
1-Page Summary
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- While Mary's early motherhood may have influenced her career choice, it's also possible that other factors played a significant role in her decision to pursue radiography over working with animals.
- Establishing good credit is important, but it's not the only aspect of financial prudence; savings, investments, and insurance are also critical components of a well-rounded financial plan.
- Nicole Lapin's recognition of Mary's financial prudence is subjective and may not fully account for the complexities of Mary's financial decisions.
- The narrative suggests that Mary's ex-husband was solely responsible for the financial downfall, but it could be argued that financial literacy and joint decision-making in a marriage are shared responsibilities.
- Rebuilding credit is commendable, but a credit score in the 750s, while lower than her original score, is still considered very good by most standards and may not represent a significant compromise in financial standing.
- The emphasis on financial security and independence is important, but it's also valuable to recognize the role of emotional support and trust in financial partnerships.
- Keeping finances separate in a marriage can be wise, but it might also be argued that joint financial planning can strengthen a relationship and provide opportunities for mutual growth.
- The use of a prenuptial agreement is a personal choice, but some might argue that it could potentially undermine the trust and unity in a marriage if not handled sensitively.
- Scheduling work events to avoid certain interactions may be good for mental health, but it could also be seen as avoiding conflict resolution and potentially hindering professional development or team dynamics.
Actionables
- You can create a "financial autobiography" to reflect on how your past influences your current financial habits, writing down key life events and how they've shaped your approach to money. This exercise can help you understand your motivations for financial decisions and identify areas where you might want to make changes, such as setting up an emergency fund or adjusting your spending habits.
- Develop a personal credit monitoring ritual by setting calendar reminders to check your credit score and report every four months, rotating between the three major credit bureaus. This habit ensures you stay informed about your credit status and can catch any inaccuracies or fraudulent activities early on, helping to protect your financial health.
- Establish a "financial boundaries" conversation starter kit for relationships, including topics like credit health, debt management, and financial goals. Use this kit to initiate open discussions with your partner about money, which can lead to agreements on maintaining separate accounts, setting joint financial objectives, or drafting a prenuptial agreement if necessary. This proactive approach fosters transparency and mutual respect around finances in the relationship.
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Mary's Background and Early Life
Mary Bonnet reflects on her life's journey, recounting her modest upbringing, early challenges, and the tenacity that propelled her into a stable career.
From Midwestern Childhood to Young Motherhood
Mary Bonnet shares her story with simplicity, reminiscing about her traditional Midwestern childhood. "Oh, just a normal Midwest upbringing," Mary says. "I had a really great childhood. We were by no means rich. We were very frugal, but we were happy." Mary's days were filled with the carefree pleasures of small-town life—playing outside, catching tadpoles by the lake, and coming home when the evening street lights flickered on.
As for her dreams, young Mary aspired to be a veterinarian or perhaps a dolphin trainer. But at the tender age of 15, an unexpected pregnancy meant her aspirations took a sudden backseat to the pressing need to support her son.
Focused Career Move to Radiography
The responsibilities of motherhood prompted Mary to swiftly adjust her life's trajectory. "I just needed to find a job after I got out of high school. I went to college," Mary explains. Despite the unanticipated turn of events, Mary was adamant about not becoming a statistic of struggle. "I wasn't going to be struggling for money," she affirms. Her resolve to provide for her son and prove to her family and herself that she could still achieve a good life was unshakeable.
With her son as her motivation, Mary hustled through a demanding schedule and pursued a career as a radiographer—a decision influenced by the field's financial stability and sign-on bonuses, ensuring she could properly support her child ...
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Mary's Background and Early Life
Additional Materials
Actionables
- You can start a "Dream Fund" savings account specifically for your child's aspirations, whether it's for education or unique experiences, to encourage and support their dreams in a tangible way. Open a savings account and set up automatic transfers for a small amount each month, labeling it as your child's "Dream Fund." This can help you systematically save for your child's future goals, much like Mary might have appreciated for her own dreams.
- Create a "Credit Mentorship" program within your family, where older members who have experience with credit and financial management mentor the younger ones. Pair up a younger family member with an older one who has demonstrated financial responsibility. Schedule regular check-ins for them to discuss credit-building strategies, share resources, and review credit reports together, fostering a culture of financial literacy and support.
- Develop a "Stability Checklist" that outlines the key fa ...
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Experiences with financial abuse and rebuilding finances
Mary Bonnet shares her journey through financial abuse at the hands of a financially irresponsible partner during her first marriage and the dedicated process to rebuild her financial standing.
Mary's first marriage was to a financially irresponsible partner who took advantage of Mary's excellent credit, ultimately ruining her financial standing.
Mary Bonnet had remarkable credit, boasting a score around 815, which she had worked hard to achieve. However, her then-fiancé from the UK lacked sufficient credit in the United States, compelling Mary to make several business purchases in her name. As they managed their stucco company together – Mary handling the office and payments and her husband the fieldwork – financial troubles soon emerged. Their business suffered a major setback when a client failed to pay for a big job, leading to a significant financial loss.
Despite this, they took on another sizeable job, which Mary felt was unwise and which only exacerbated their financial troubles. During their marriage, Mary observed her husband's penchant for needless, extravagant spending, believing he could always make more money to cover costs. These were early warning signs given his tendency for showy behavior before their shared finances. By the time their relationship ended, Mary had accumulated around $100,000 in debt in her name due to her ex-husband, and she was forced to confront the humiliating decision of filing for bankruptcy as all the accounts had gone into collections.
When Mary left the relationship, she was faced with the daunting task of rebuilding her credit from under 500, having to file for bankruptcy and start from scratch.
Upon ending her marriage, Mary discovered her credit score had plummeted to under 500. Reluctantly, after attempting to address the debt herself, Mary "sucked it up" and proceeded with the bankruptcy filing. She embarked on the long journey of credit repair, keeping her credit utilization minimal and making multiple payments each month. Mary started rebuilding her credit with a secured card, progressing from low credit limits and ensuring consistent on-time payments to rebuild her financial trustworthiness. After about ten years of diligent effort, Mary raised her credit score to the 750-760 range, a vast improvement but still below her pre-bankruptcy score.
Mary's experience with financial abuse left her with a deep appreciation for financial security and independence, leading her to be extremely cautious and proactive in managing her finances.
Mary now keeps her finances ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
Experiences with financial abuse and rebuilding finances
Additional Materials
Actionables
- You can safeguard your financial future by creating a "financial fire drill" plan that outlines steps to take in case of economic hardship, such as job loss or unexpected expenses. Start by listing your essential expenses, identifying potential areas for cost-cutting, and researching local resources for financial assistance. Practice this drill every six months to ensure you're always prepared.
- Establish a personal "credit health" day each month where you review your credit report, track your credit score, and set goals for improvement. Use free credit monitoring tools available online to stay informed about changes in your credit status and to catch any potential errors or fraudulent activities early on.
- Develop a habit of condu ...
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Approach to finances in her current marriage
Mary's past experiences with financial abuse have shaped her approach
Given Mary's past experiences with financial abuse, she has adopted a particularly thoughtful and deliberate approach to managing finances in her current marriage to Romaine.
Protective measures and maintaining independence
Even though Romaine has proven himself to be trustworthy, Mary insists on maintaining a level of financial independence and caution. She has taken active steps to ensure that her financial security is always prioritized by insisting on a prenuptial agreement to protect her assets and provide peace of mind. She describes paying a significant amount for a very detailed prenuptial agreement, and they are amending it to include specifics like the division of the down payment for their house and how future profits should be split. Romaine agrees to these amendments, reiterating the importance of fairness and clarity in their financial arrangements.
Mary discusses how her insistence on a detailed prenup is not just about protecting her assets but also about deciding on the division of those assets while both parties are on good terms. Despite her trust in Romaine, she emphasizes the importance of having these financial agreements in writing to preempt any future disputes.
Additionally, Mary points out the dynamics of their relationship, noting that Romaine sometimes gets offended if she offers to pay for certain things. This implies that she navigates her financial independence carefully, managing not just the practicalities of their joint finances but also the interpersonal aspects that come with them.
Impact of financial trauma on work life and professional ...
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Approach to finances in her current marriage
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- While Mary's insistence on a detailed prenuptial agreement is a protective measure, it could be argued that it might create an atmosphere of mistrust or pessimism about the future of the marriage.
- The act of amending a prenup to include very specific financial details could be seen as undermining the flexibility and mutual trust required to adapt to unforeseen changes in a marriage.
- Mary's approach to maintaining financial independence could be perceived as not fully embracing the partnership aspect of marriage, which often involves a more integrated financial relationship.
- The strategy of scheduling the Selling Sunset cast's shifts to avoid interaction might not address underlying issues and could potentially lead to a lack of resolution or growth among the cast members.
- Resigning from a managerial position due to the mental toll ...
Actionables
- You can create a personal financial agreement template to use in relationships, detailing how you would manage shared expenses, savings, and investments. Start by researching common financial clauses and tailor them to your comfort level, ensuring you cover scenarios like cohabitation, joint purchases, or separation. Share this template early in a serious relationship to establish clear financial expectations.
- Develop a self-care plan to mitigate the impact of stressful work environments on your mental health. Identify activities that reduce stress for you, such as exercise, meditation, or hobbies, and schedule them regularly. If a job begins to take a toll on your mental well-being, have a plan in place for seeking professional advice or considering a career change that aligns better with your personal boundaries.
- Imp ...
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