#1014 - Dr Marc Brackett - The Life-Changing Skill of Emotional Regulation
In this episode of Modern Wisdom, Dr. Marc Brackett explores emotional intelligence and its five key components: recognizing, understanding, labeling, expressing, and regulating emotions. Brackett discusses his RULER program and the "How We Feel" app, which help people develop a more extensive emotional vocabulary and track their emotional patterns over time.
The conversation delves into why emotional regulation skills are crucial for success and wellbeing, even more so than intelligence alone. Brackett and host Chris Williamson examine the barriers to emotional education, particularly for men and within educational settings, and address common concerns about teaching emotional skills. The discussion highlights how proper emotional management can lead to better mental health, life satisfaction, and sense of purpose.
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1-Page Summary
The Definition and Components of Emotional Intelligence
Marc Brackett explains that emotional intelligence encompasses five key abilities: recognizing emotions in oneself and others, understanding their causes and consequences, labeling them precisely, expressing them appropriately, and regulating them to align with goals. Rather than constant emotional monitoring, Brackett emphasizes the importance of strategic emotional check-ins, particularly before important decisions.
Brackett introduces his RULER program and the "How We Feel" app as practical tools for developing emotional intelligence. The app provides users with a vocabulary of 144 emotion words and helps track emotional patterns over time, serving as a resource for developing better emotional awareness and responses.
Importance of Emotional Regulation For Success
According to Brackett and Williamson, emotional regulation, more than intelligence alone, is crucial for achieving success and wellbeing. They note that even highly intelligent individuals can struggle without proper emotional regulation skills. Research shows that people who effectively regulate their emotions experience better mental and physical health, greater life satisfaction, and a stronger sense of purpose.
Unhelpful strategies like avoidance, denial, and suppression often lead to negative outcomes such as shame and regret. Instead, Brackett suggests that communicating feelings and seeking support can lead to improved situations both personally and professionally.
Why Emotional Skills Aren't Taught and Resistance
Brackett and Williamson discuss the significant barriers to incorporating emotional skills into education. They highlight the particular challenges men face in identifying and expressing emotions, often due to societal expectations and stigma. Williamson reflects on how working-class men, in particular, often have little room for emotional expressiveness.
Parents and educators sometimes resist emotional skills education, Brackett notes, fearing it might foster self-indulgence or conflict with family values. However, he emphasizes that his approach focuses on scientific research for emotional regulation rather than imposing specific values. Despite this resistance, rising anxiety levels in society underscore the need for better emotional management education.
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Counterarguments
- Emotional intelligence is a complex construct, and some researchers argue that it is not as clearly defined as Brackett suggests; there may be more or fewer components than the five he identifies.
- The effectiveness of apps and programs like RULER and "How We Feel" in developing emotional intelligence may vary among individuals, and their efficacy might not be universally recognized or supported by all research.
- While emotional regulation is important, some critics argue that it should not be considered more crucial than cognitive intelligence in all contexts; both types of intelligence may play critical roles in different aspects of success and wellbeing.
- The idea that communicating feelings and seeking support will always lead to improved situations may be overly simplistic, as outcomes can depend on the context and the individuals involved.
- The challenges faced by men in expressing emotions are not uniform across all cultures or societies, and there may be instances where men do not face such barriers or where women face similar or greater challenges.
- Some critics might argue that resistance to teaching emotional skills in education is not solely based on fears of fostering self-indulgence or conflicting with family values, but also on concerns about the effectiveness of such programs or the potential for them to take time away from other academic subjects.
- The claim that rising anxiety levels underscore the need for better emotional management education could be challenged by those who believe that anxiety is a multifaceted issue that requires a broader range of interventions beyond emotional intelligence education.
Actionables
- You can create a personal "emotion journal" to track your feelings throughout the week, noting what triggered them and how you responded. This practice helps you recognize patterns in your emotional responses and identify areas for improvement in emotional regulation. For example, if you notice frustration often arises during your commute, you might explore new routes or podcasts to make the experience more enjoyable.
- Develop a "feelings vocabulary" by listing new emotion words you encounter in books, articles, or conversations each day. Expanding your emotional vocabulary can enhance your ability to label and express your feelings more accurately. For instance, instead of saying you're "upset," you might discover that "disappointed" or "overwhelmed" better describes your state.
- Initiate a peer-led emotional intelligence book club where members read and discuss literature on emotional skills. This can foster a supportive community for sharing strategies and experiences related to emotional regulation. You could start with a book like "Permission to Feel" by Marc Brackett and discuss how the concepts apply to your daily lives, encouraging open communication about emotions.
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The Definition and Components of Emotional Intelligence
Understanding and effectively managing emotions is integral to emotional intelligence (EI), a concept that's increasingly recognized as crucial to personal and professional success.
Emotional Intelligence: Recognizing, Understanding, Labeling, Expressing, and Regulating Emotions to Achieve Goals
Emotional intelligence encapsulates recognizing emotions in oneself and others, understanding the causes and consequences of those emotions, labeling them precisely, expressing them appropriately, and finally, regulating them in a way that aligns with one’s goals. Marc Brackett emphasizes that emotional intelligence is not about constantly monitoring feelings but about strategically checking in with emotions, particularly before key actions or decisions.
Emotional Regulation, the Top Emotional Intelligence Skill, Involves Goal-Driven Emotion Management Strategies
According to Brackett, emotional regulation is the crown jewel of emotional intelligence, encompassing goal-driven emotion management strategies that vary based on one's emotions, personality, and context.
Emotional Regulation Needs Awareness and Application of Strategies Based On Emotion, Personality, and Context
Marc Brackett stresses the importance of regulating emotions through a growth mindset, considering oneself an "emotion scientist" rather than an "emotion judge." This entails an endless curiosity about one’s emotional states and the impact of how one manages them. Brackett highlights that unexpressed emotions might accumulate and lead to problems, so it's critical to express emotions to prevent issues like relationship avoidance or health troubles.
Brackett further emphasizes the importance of giving oneself permission to feel without judgment. He urges acknowledging emotions and taking appropriate action if they feel too intense or persist for too long. Marc Brackett and Chris Williamson discuss the importance of correctly identifying complex emotions such as anxiety, stress, and pressure, which people often confuse. Brackett provides strategies for each: for anxiety, rethink the perspective; for stress, get help or reduce tasks; for pressure, negotiate deadlines.
Williamson likens recognizing and differentiating emotions to the discernment a sommelier has for wine, noting the need to accurately label emotions to manage them properly. Brackett points to the necessity of being empathetic, compassionate, and creating room for others in conversation as facets of emotional intelligence.
Marc Brackett has developed the RULER program, aimed at teaching individuals in schools to recognize, understand, label, express, and regulate the ...
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The Definition and Components of Emotional Intelligence
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Counterarguments
- Emotional intelligence is a complex and multifaceted concept, and there is debate about how it should be defined and measured.
- Some psychologists argue that emotional intelligence is too broad a concept and that its components can be better understood and addressed individually.
- The effectiveness of programs like RULER in improving emotional intelligence has been questioned, with some studies suggesting that the improvements may not be long-lasting or transferable to other contexts.
- The idea that emotional regulation is the "top" emotional intelligence skill could be seen as oversimplifying the interplay and importance of the various components of emotional intelligence.
- The notion of being an "emotion scientist" rather than an "emotion judge" may not be practical or beneficial for everyone, as some individuals may benefit from different approaches to emotional understanding and regulation.
- The claim that unexpressed emotions always lead to problems can be contested, as some research suggests that emotional suppression can be an effective strategy in certain contexts.
- The comparison of recognizing and differentiating emotions to a sommelier's discernment of wine may not resonate with everyone and could be seen as trivializing the complexity of emotional experiences.
- The assertion that em ...
Actionables
- Create an "Emotion Diary" where you jot down your feelings throughout the day and the context in which they arise to better understand and manage your emotions. By tracking your emotional experiences, you can start to notice patterns and triggers, which can inform how you might want to respond to similar situations in the future. For example, if you notice you consistently feel anxious before meetings, you might decide to practice deep breathing exercises beforehand.
- Develop a "Mood Playbook" with personalized strategies for different emotional states that align with your goals. This could include activities like going for a walk to clear your head when stressed, or calling a friend when you're feeling down. The key is to have a set of pre-determined actions that you can turn to when experiencing certain emotions, making it easier to regulate them in the moment.
- Engage in "Emotion Role-Playing" with a trusted ...
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Importance of Emotional Regulation For Success
Emotional regulation, rather than intelligence alone, is key to achieving success and wellbeing. Marc Brackett and Chris Williamson emphasize how crucial it is to manage emotions effectively in order to navigate life’s challenges.
Emotional Regulation, Not Just Intelligence, Is Key to Success and Wellbeing
Brackett suggests that without the skills to regulate their emotions, even intelligent people can struggle with success and wellbeing. He asserts that success relies on more than just intelligence — recognizing and effectively managing emotions are crucial.
Unmanaged Emotions Can Hinder Creativity, Achievement, Decisions, and Relationships, Even for Intelligent People
Unhelpful strategies like avoidance, denial, overeating, and suppression are common but often lead to more shame, regret, and self-hatred. Brackett notes that these strategies do not contribute to wellbeing, good relationships, or achieving real goals. He shares his own experience of personal dysregulation, illustrating that managing emotions is essential for everyone, even experts. Unmanaged emotions can also lead to maladaptive behaviors and various problems, such as anxiety or depressive disorders.
Effective Emotion Regulation Leads To Better Decisions, Stronger Relationships, and More Effective Goal Achievement
Research indicates that individuals effective at regulating emotions have better mental and physical health, life satisfaction, and a greater sense of purpose. Brackett suggests that we can have all the external measures of success, but they are meaningless without a positive self-regard and sense of purpose. Effective emotion regulation can redefine success for both individuals and organizations.
Emotion Regulation: Redefining Success for Individual and Organizational Performance
Williamson suggests that acknowledging and managing emotions is part of effective emotion regulation. Brackett adds that c ...
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Importance of Emotional Regulation For Success
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Clarifications
- Maladaptive behaviors are actions that are harmful or counterproductive to an individual's well-being or goals. These behaviors often stem from ineffective coping mechanisms and can exacerbate emotional distress or lead to negative outcomes. Examples include substance abuse, self-harm, avoidance, or aggression, which can hinder personal growth and functioning. Understanding and addressing maladaptive behaviors is crucial for promoting mental health and overall well-being.
- Emotional regulation involves the ability to manage and control one's emotions effectively in various situations. It includes recognizing, understanding, and responding to emotions in a healthy and constructive manner. Individuals who are skilled in emotional regulation can navigate challenges, make better decisions, maintain healthier relationships, and achieve their goals more effectively. Strategies like mindfulness, self-awareness, and seeking support play crucial roles in developing emotional regulation skills.
- Emotional regulation is the ability to manage and control one's emotions effectively. Success is often linked to emotional regulation as it can impact decision-making, relationships, and goal achievement. By regulating emotions, individuals can experience better mental and physical health, leading to a more fulfilling and purposeful life. Understanding and mastering emotional regulation can redefine success by enhancing over ...
Actionables
- You can create an "emotion journal" to track your feelings and their triggers throughout the day. Start by jotting down the emotions you experience, what caused them, and how you reacted. Over time, you'll notice patterns and can plan proactive strategies to manage those emotions better.
- Develop a "support circle" by identifying friends or colleagues who are good listeners and willing to provide feedback. When you're facing emotional challenges, reach out to someone in your circle to discuss your feelings and brainstorm solutions together, which can help you feel less isolated and more capable of handling difficult situations.
- Integrate "emotional checkpoints" into your daily routine to practice mindfulness and gratitude. Set alarm ...
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Why Emotional Skills Aren't Taught and Resistance
Marc Brackett and Chris Williamson explore the complexities and societal hurdles that prevent emotional skills from being incorporated into educational curriculums and the resistance that accompanies such attempts.
Emotions Deemed Irrational: Excluded From Education and Training
Marc Brackett has noted the stark absence of what he calls an "emotion education" in traditional learning environments, pointing out a deficiency in the curriculum where emotional skills are often disregarded.
Stigma and Shame Surrounding Emotions For Men
Brackett specifically brings to light the difficulties men face in identifying and expressing their emotions, hinting at the underlying stigma and shame that men often grapple with in relation to emotional expression. He shares personal anecdotes that exemplify this stigma, like men at his talks expressing reluctance to show vulnerability. For example, he recalls a conversation with a man who, instead of sharing experiences of anxiety as Brackett does, prefers to suppress their feelings and use alcohol as an emotional crutch.
Chris Williamson delves into the societal expectations imposed on men to suppress emotions such as sadness, anxiety, grief, and fear. He stresses the difficulties for men in reconciling emotional mastery with the expected persona of competence and dominance. Williamson also reflects on his upbringing, where there was little room for emotional expressiveness, especially among working-class men, indicating a cultural resistance based on shame and stigma.
Brackett highlights the shame men often feel about being anxious and the scarcity of nonjudgmental figures, such as fathers, in the lives of men growing up. This reflects the taboo surrounding men expressing or handling emotions in a nurturing manner.
Parents, Educators Resist Emotional Skills in Curriculum, Fear Value, Identity Shift
Brackett points out that parents are often afraid to engage in conversations about feelings with their children for fear of hearing something they can't handle. This reflects a broader cultural resistance to integrating emotional intelligence into curricula due to potential shifts in values or personal identity. Some parents, as Brackett indicates, wish to maintain control over emotional learnings, worried that their children might be influenced away from family values, even though his methods are based on scientific research for emotional regulation and do not impose values.
Williamson mentions a generational shift where future parents, more emotionally aware, might alter how men engage with ...
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Why Emotional Skills Aren't Taught and Resistance
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Counterarguments
- Emotional education might not be absent but rather integrated in other subjects or activities, such as literature or team sports, where emotional skills are implicitly taught.
- Some argue that emotional expression in men has evolved and that there are cultural and individual differences in how emotions are expressed and perceived.
- The expectation for men to suppress emotions may be changing, with more diverse role models and public figures showing emotional vulnerability.
- Parents might have legitimate concerns about emotional conversations with children, fearing they might not have the right tools or knowledge to handle complex emotional disclosures.
- Resistance to integrating emotional intelligence in curricula could stem from concerns about the effectiveness and scientific basis of the programs, rather than fear of value or identity shifts.
- The notion that future parents will be more emotionally aware is speculative and may not account for the diverse ways families and cultures handle emotional education.
- Some may argue that emotional intelligence is indeed a practical skill, but question whether it should be prioritized over academic or vocational skills in educational settings.
- Concerns about fostering self-indulgence through emotional education could be ...
Actionables
- You can start a personal emotion journal to track your feelings and triggers, which can help you identify patterns in your emotional responses. By writing down your emotions daily, you can gain insights into what causes certain feelings and how you typically react. For example, if you notice that you feel anxious every Sunday night, you might link it to the anticipation of the upcoming workweek and can then explore strategies to manage this anxiety.
- Create a "Feelings Wheel" for your home or office to help articulate emotions that are difficult to express. A Feelings Wheel is a visual tool with a core circle of primary emotions and outer layers of related, more specific feelings. When you're struggling to pinpoint how you're feeling, spin the wheel and choose the word that best fits your current state. This can be particularly helpful for men who have been conditioned to suppress certain emotions, as it provides a vocabulary to start conversations about their feelings.
- Develop a family "Emo ...
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