#905 - William von Hippel - Why Modern Life Can Feel So Empty

von Hippel explores the fundamental human tensions between autonomy and connection, arguing that both have been essential in our evolution.

Humans Evolved a Tension Between Autonomy and Connection

von Hippel discusses how human evolution has created a unique capacity to plan for the future, which has factored into our social connections. He explains that planning and cooperating have been key elements contributing to human connection and societal success.

Autonomy Leads To Success and Selection, but Often Costs Connection

Humans have evolved to desire autonomy in order to stand out and be selected as desirable partners, be it for hunting, romantic relationships, or social settings. Autonomy allows humans to choose paths that best align with their personal motivations, interests, and capabilities, which is essential in human societies where multiple paths to success exist.

von Hippel explains that autonomy evolved as a means to become successful so that others will want to connect with us, contrasting humans with many animals that do not require autonomy for connection or success. He uses the example of famous athletes who spend hours alone training to become successful, which in turn makes them highly connected and desirable companions.

However, the pursuit of competence often requires a focus on self-oriented actions rather than on others, at the cost of sacrificing connections. As individuals develop their sense of autonomy to become competent, they may opt for paths that go against the wishes of others or forego social opportunities to hone their skills.

The episode discusses the trade-off between competence and prosocial behavior, illustrating that sometimes having a compatible personality is favored over pure skill. This highlights the tension between being autonomous and having good connections.

Balance Competing Needs For Happiness and Fulfillment

von Hippel mentions that men are often seen as more focused on autonomy while women are viewed as more connection-oriented. This psychological difference in inclination towards autonomy versus connection is tempered by the fact that both genders require autonomy and connection.

He also notes the possibly of cultural influences on the importance placed on autonomy versus connection. Different cultures may therefore provide various levels of fulfillment for individuals depending on personal and cultural values regarding autonomy and connection. This variability among people's feelings toward their culture can impact their happiness.

von Hippel references a study by Phil Tetlock that challenges the value of au ...

Hunter-gatherer societies demonstrate a profound balance between individual autonomy and interdependence within their communities, with strict resource-sharing rules and strong social connections maintained by rituals and gift-giving.

Hunter-Gatherers Lived In Groups With Strict Resource-Sharing Rules

William von Hippel explains how hunter-gatherer societies functioned without a formal protection network. The societies enforced informal laws and had rules that could not be violated, such as the mandatory sharing of the proceeds of the hunt. This was crucial for survival because the majority of hunts were unsuccessful, so sharing ensured everyone was fed.

Individuals Had Little Autonomy but Were Fiercely Interdependent

Hunter-gatherers owned few possessions, due to the difficulty in creating and the necessity of transporting them. If someone had more than one of an item, they were expected to share. This rule extended to all possessions, leading to a society characterized by a high degree of equality. Each member, deeply dependent on the group, was expected to contribute to collective safety, showing fierce interdependence. An old man from the Hadza community exemplified the lack of individual autonomy when he sought to retain a sweatshirt for personal comfort, demonstrating the prevailing norm of sharing even the most basic items.

Von Hippel notes that hunter-gatherers might consume honey on the spot, instead of taking it back to share, suggesting limited autonomy in individual gains. Yet, when others join the search, it underscores the collaborative nature inherent in the society. He also remarks that hunter-gatherers value amicable personalities over sheer competence, further underscoring the importance of interdependence within the group.

Gift-Giving and Rituals Maintain Connections Across Networks

Gift-giving and traditions played essential roles in sustaining connections, even if not explicitly mentioned under this heading. Von Hippel discusses the tradition in Papua New Guinea of strangers sharing lineage to establish connectio ...

Modern conditions have tipped the scale towards autonomy, challenging the balance with human connection, as observed by William von Hippel and other commentators.

Wealth, Education, and Urban Living Boost Autonomy Opportunities

The discussion touches on a shift toward individualism in modern society, contrasting sharply with the group-oriented existence of our hunter-gatherer ancestors. Despite no direct mention of how wealth, education, and urban living have specifically disrupted this balance, the overall trend suggests that these factors contribute to a preference for independence.

Wealthy, Educated Individuals Are Less Community Reliant, More Disconnected

Von Hippel draws attention to the reality that wealthy individuals are less reliant on community. They can solve problems with money instead of mutual aid from neighbors—engaging in modern conveniences such as ordering goods online and expecting prompt delivery. This leads to less knowledge about those living nearby, as wealthy individuals spend less time with neighbors and are more than twice as unlikely to get together with them regularly compared to poor people.

Urbanization, too, has encouraged autonomy. City dwellers often do not know their neighbors and are less likely to trust others with their house keys compared to people in rural areas. This suggests that even when surrounded by many other individuals, people can remain disconnected.

Von Hippel also notes that attending religious services may increase happiness more for the wealthy than the poor, hinting that the rich, despite their abundant autonomy, might be more disconnected and benefit more from structured connections like those found in religious communities.

Choices Abound: Autonomy Over Connection

Modern life presents numerous choices that tend to prioritize autonomy over connection. Von Hippel points out that every time autonomy is chosen over connection, this balance is disrupted. For instance, people often prefer personal convenien ...

The narrative contrasts modern individuals’ focus on personal outcomes with hunter-gatherers’ consistent consideration for their group's needs. This shift suggests that modern conditions could result in less emphasis on social bonds, leading to potential negative psychological and social outcomes such as anxiety, loneliness, and unhappiness.

Autonomy and Disconnection Cause Anxiety, Loneliness, and Unhappiness

Despite the comfort, safety, and entertainment offered by the modern world, happiness levels have remained flat, implying a disconnect that is causing a lack of an increase in happiness. The discussion implies that prioritizing competence and autonomy can lead to disconnection from others. Chris Williamson proposes that during periods of conflict, competence and autonomy might be valued more, while in peaceful times, the need for connection might be greater. von Hippel suggests that a lack of balance between autonomy and connection may lead to negative psychological outcomes.

Achievement Drives Fulfillment, but Social Bonds Lack

Success from an evolutionary perspective involves forming connections, such as a good reputation and being valued for skills and companionship. While striving for autonomous achievements can lead to evolutionary success, it may come at the cost of social bonds. The necessity to learn material independently in education can foster competence at the expense of social connections. Warmth and the ability to connect can sometimes be seen as compromising competence. Soldiers may feel exceptionally close during conflict, but outside of those intense experiences, a sense of disconnection may arise.

Habits and Routines For Balancing Autonomy and Connection

von Hippel describes the "sad success story" of those w ...