187. “We’re worth $87M, Why are we arguing over credit card bills?”

David and Victoria's upbringings and scarcity mindsets ingrained from their immigrant parents are impacting their ability to fully enjoy and recognize their financial success.

David and Victoria have deeply ingrained scarcity mindsets and frugality habits from their immigrant upbringings that are holding them back from fully embracing their financial success.

David and Victoria, despite their considerable wealth, struggle with a scarcity mindset due to their upbringings. Victoria owns a skincare brand valued at around $80 million but perceives her vast wealth as unreal. She's hesitant to introduce her audience to her new lifestyle, indicating discomfort with acknowledging her financial success. Despite optimizing his take-home pay, David focuses on his monthly salary rather than considering his broader financial status.

Both also carry the trauma of having seen their parents' businesses fail, which has made them overly cautious with spending, even on insignificant items. David, for example, still lives the trauma of focusing on immediate salary, while Victoria limits her spending, aiming to future-proof herself financially because her company's valuation doesn't feel tangible to her.

Ramit encourages them to shift their mindset to one of abundance, recognizing that their means are much larger than their current lifestyle.

Financial expert Ramit Sethi challenges Victoria and David to transform their scarcity mindset into one of abundance. He underscores the importance of allowing themselves to enjoy their success through experiences and beauty that inspire, rather than just seeking the lowest cost.

Expressing surprise that Victoria’s salary is only $250K from her $80 million business, Ramit suggests she could be earning around $500K or more. He notes that taking a higher salary could make her feel more secure and ...

In the financial dynamic between David and Victoria, issues arise due to their largely separate handling of finances after two years of marriage, revealing underlying tensions and the need for a unified approach.

David and Victoria currently maintain largely separate finances, splitting expenses 50/50 even though Victoria makes significantly more

David and Victoria's choice to maintain largely separate finances and split expenses equally has led to feelings of resentment and a lack of connectedness around money. Despite their marital status, they resemble roommates in how they manage shared expenses like groceries and utilities. David, in particular, has faced situations where his checking account could not cover these costs, signaling a disconnect in how they handle their separate finances.

Their decision to split expenses 50/50 by design was based on David's desire not to take advantage of Victoria's success and to maintain a fair balance despite the disparity in their incomes. This approach, however, has led to a financial relationship characterized by miscommunication, resentment, and an ongoing series of Venmo transactions to settle shared expenses. They have limited financial discussions, which results in making financial decisions based on assumptions and personal upbringing, rather than as a unified couple. During a trip to London, this division was exemplified when Victoria flew business class using points, while David flew coach, prioritizing a good deal over traveling together—further illustrating the divide in their financial practices and comfort levels with spending.

Friction from lack of dialogue, assumptions, and Venmo surprises

The couple's separate financial paths and lack of open discussions about money matters have fueled a pattern of indirect communication, assumptions, and friction. For example, David finds himself unexpectedly surprised by a backlog of Venmo requests for his share of three months’ worth of joint credit card bills. Decisions on what expenses to charge to their joint credit card are based on assumptions rather than joint discussion, leading to further conflict. Moreover, the couple's disparity in income and net worth feeds into the friction, with larger purchases like a home raising concerns about fair contributions based on each partner's financial status.

Ramit recommends they move to a more integrated financial system, combining their income into joint accounts

Ramit Sethi advises David and Victoria to consider an integrated financial system where their incomes are combined into joint accounts. He suggests that this shift would not only eliminate the need for transactional Venmo exchanges but would also enable them to make financial decisions as a team. To strengthen their connection around money, Ramit recommends a monthly "money date" ...

David and Victoria are a couple with aspirational lifestyles but have yet to fully embody their dreams due to self-imposed financial constraints.

When prompted, David and Victoria are able to vividly describe the lifestyle they want to enjoy together, including luxury travel, a custom-designed home, and hosting gatherings for their community.

Caller #2, Victoria, envisions owning a house on each continent, a reflection of their status as immigrants—spaces in the UK/Europe, New York, Korea, and Australia. She imagines a life where she effortlessly orders Whole Foods online, engages a nutritionist to tailor her meal plans, enjoys optimized personal training sessions, and has an executive assistant to handle the bulk of her administrative tasks. Caller #1, David, shares the desire to fly business class to enjoy travel with his wife.

However, David expresses concern that their current frugal habits may limit their relationship's growth and their ability to reach their full potential. Despite these dreams, there's no direct mention of the couple discussing these shared visions in detail or agreeing to implement them.

Ramit encourages them to define a "worry-free" spending number that allows them to freely enjoy the rich life they envision without anxiety.

Ramit Sethi suggests that David and Victoria create a shared vision of their "rich life" and plan towards making it a reality, beginning with modest steps to build their connection over monetary matters. Ramit advises the couple to establish a "worry-free number," a spending threshold under which they wouldn't stress over expenses, thus allowing them to savor their wealth sans anxiety. He intimates that they are on the cusp of achieving this lifestyl ...

Ramit offers guidance to David and Victoria with suggestions for strengthening their financial partnership through structured practices and open communication.

Set up joint bank accounts and personal discretionary spending accounts

Caller #1 and Ramit agree that proportionally adjusting fixed costs to salary and setting up multiple joint accounts, including ones for shared expenses like vacations, could be a way forward. Ramit adds that couples often combine their finances and then allocate a certain amount for individual discretionary spending, which allows for personal financial freedom within the structure of a joint financial life.

Establish savings accounts for shared goals

While there's no direct discussion of this particular advice in the content provided, the concept of having multiple joint accounts for distinct purposes aligns with the idea of establishing savings accounts for specific goals. This practice would enable David and Victoria to allocate funds for mutual priorities such as the house and travel.

Conduct regular "money dates"

Caller #2's desire to map out finances together and Caller #1's recognition of the limitations of their current approach suggest the need for regular financial planning sessions. A structured sit-dow ...