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180. "We have $30k in cc debt but insist on sending our son to private school"

By Ramit Sethi

In this episode of the "I Will Teach You To Be Rich" podcast, the host discusses the case study of a couple who face challenges in communicating openly about finances and managing their spending. Despite a substantial net worth, the couple's financial habits, driven by a desire to provide opportunities for their son, result in significant debt and minimal savings.

The conversation explores the dynamics of the couple's relationship, where one partner avoids financial discussions due to past negative experiences, while the other feels burdened by managing their finances alone. The host delves into the role of wealth - whether acquired through diligent saving or luck - in shaping the couple's attitudes towards money management and long-term financial planning.

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180. "We have $30k in cc debt but insist on sending our son to private school"

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180. "We have $30k in cc debt but insist on sending our son to private school"

1-Page Summary

Communication and relationship dynamics around money

Olivia and Alexis struggle to communicate about finances, with Olivia wanting open discussions, but Alexis avoiding the topic due to discomfort and past negative experiences, as she describes feeling "financially exploited" by former partners. Alexis has kept financial activities secret from Olivia for over 17 years, only recently disclosing an undisclosed bank account and credit cards. Olivia feels alone managing their finances, while Alexis' avoidance stems from insecurities and lack of confidence.

Spending habits and lifestyle

Olivia and Alexis spend lavishly, allocating $2,500 monthly for their son's private school and tutoring, $800 on his activities, $1,000 on dining out, and $800 on entertainment. Their fixed costs consume 88% of their $17,000 monthly income, leaving little for savings or investments. They make impulsive purchases driven by a desire to provide their son every opportunity, rather than aligning spending with goals. Their financial advisor, Ramit Sethi, notes they live like they earn $500,000 annually despite making $204,000.

Sources of wealth (luck vs. diligent saving)

Most of Olivia and Alexis' $3.1 million net worth resulted from luck rather than diligent saving. Alexis' $1.2 million 401k grew largely from Costco stock gains ($985,000) rather than contributions. Olivia received a $736,000 inheritance covering their overspending. Sethi observes their "lucky" wealth has bred complacency in financial skills and intentional management of resources to meet long-term goals.

1-Page Summary

Additional Materials

Clarifications

  • Olivia desires open financial discussions, while Alexis avoids the topic due to discomfort and past negative experiences. Alexis kept financial activities secret from Olivia for over 17 years, revealing undisclosed accounts recently. Olivia feels isolated in managing their finances, while Alexis' avoidance stems from insecurities and lack of confidence.
  • Alexis' 401k growth was significantly impacted by the gains from Costco stock. This means that the value of Alexis' 401k increased substantially due to the positive performance of Costco stock within the investment portfolio. Such gains contributed significantly to the overall growth of Alexis' retirement savings within the 401k account.
  • Olivia received a $736,000 inheritance that helped cover their overspending. This means that the inheritance money was used to offset the excess expenses incurred by Olivia and Alexis. The inheritance essentially acted as a financial cushion to support their lifestyle and manage their overspending.
  • Ramit Sethi is a financial advisor who provides guidance on personal finance matters. In this context, Sethi notes that Olivia and Alexis are overspending significantly, living beyond their means despite their income. He highlights that their spending habits are not aligned with their financial goals and that their current lifestyle is unsustainable given their actual income level.

Counterarguments

  • While Olivia desires open financial discussions, it's possible that Alexis' discomfort is not solely due to past experiences but may also stem from a lack of financial literacy or understanding, which could be addressed through education and supportive dialogue.
  • Alexis' secrecy about financial activities could be a defense mechanism rather than a sign of distrust, and it might be addressed through couples' financial counseling.
  • Olivia feeling alone in managing finances could indicate a need for a more structured approach to financial responsibility sharing within the relationship.
  • Alexis' spending on their son's education and activities could be seen as an investment in their child's future rather than mere lavish spending.
  • The high percentage of income consumed by fixed costs could be a reflection of high living costs in their area or a deliberate choice to prioritize certain lifestyle elements over savings.
  • Impulsive purchases might be driven by more than the desire to provide opportunities for their son; they could also be a way to cope with stress or to keep up with social expectations.
  • Living beyond their means could be a temporary phase or a calculated risk based on expected future income increases or financial windfalls.
  • The growth of Alexis' 401k through Costco stock gains could be attributed to a well-chosen investment rather than pure luck.
  • Olivia's inheritance could be seen as a legitimate component of their net worth, which they are free to use as they see fit.
  • The complacency in financial skills might be a misinterpretation of their financial behavior, which could alternatively be viewed as a relaxed approach due to their substantial net worth.

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180. "We have $30k in cc debt but insist on sending our son to private school"

Communication and relationship dynamics around money

Olivia and Alexis face significant communication hurdles when it comes to discussing their finances, with their different approaches leading to a sense of isolation and frustration within their relationship.

Olivia and Alexis struggle to have open and productive conversations about money in their relationship.

Olivia wants to frequently discuss and plan their finances, aspiring to hold a "money meeting" once a month. However, Alexis often avoids or shuts down these discussions, preferring to bury her head in the sand regarding financial matters. Olivia feels alone and frustrated by Alexis' reluctance, as she finds herself eager to talk about money, but Alexis does not want to engage.

Alexis not only avoids these discussions but has also kept certain financial activities secretive, such as her paycheck going into a separate account and possessing undisclosed credit cards. This behavior stems from a deep discomfort around money talks, especially with Olivia, who she perceives as a "spreadsheet person."

Olivia and Alexis have not meaningfully discussed their finances in over 17 years, despite being a long-term couple with shared financial goals.

Olivia feels the burden of managing or thinking about finances solely rests on her. She attempts to involve Alexis by bringing a journal to dinner, hoping to progress their financial understanding, but admits to not being receptive in past attempts of discussing their finances. Despite Olivia's attempts, Alexis admits to avoiding financial discussions due to a dynamic of inequality rooted in earnings and the associated judgment that comes with financial decisions.

Alexis has a history of secrecy and protectiveness around money stemming from past negative experiences.

Olivia and Alexis's divergent approaches to money are punctuated by a deep-seated protectiveness that Alexis harbors over her finances. Alexis recounts past experiences of feeling financially exploited, which has led to her secretive behavior. Her formative years involved supporting her family and dealing with partners who spent excessively without consideration for shared financial responsibility. These experiences have left Alexis feeling secretive and protective; she only recently disclosed her secret bank account and credit card to Olivia.

Despite this, Alexis acknowledges the importance of the podcast opportunity to help address these issues and is open to change. She invites Olivia to challenge her if she reverts to her old habits of avoidance. This recognition of the podcast's potential indicates that discussing finances has been a substantial issue for both of them, and the podcast represents a chance to address it.

Olivia feels alone and frustrated by Alexis' reluctance to engage w ...

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Communication and relationship dynamics around money

Additional Materials

Clarifications

  • Olivia and Alexis have struggled with communication about finances for over 17 years. Olivia takes the lead in managing their finances, while Alexis has a history of secrecy and protectiveness around money due to past negative experiences. Alexis's avoidance of money discussions stems from insecurities and a lack of confidence in her financial skills, leading to a dynamic of inequality in their relationship. Despite these challenges, both Olivia and Alexis are open to addressing their issues and improving their financial communication.
  • A "money meeting" is a designated time set aside by individuals or couples to discuss their finances in a structured manner. It typically involves reviewing income, expenses, savings goals, and financial plans. These meetings help improve communication, transparency, and alignment on financial matters within a relationship. The goal is to ensure both partners are on the same page regarding their financial situation and work together towards shared financial goals.
  • A "spreadsheet person" typically refers to someone who is very detail-oriented, organized, and meticulous when it comes to managing finances or any data that can be structured in a spreadsheet format. This term implies a methodical and analytical approach to handling financial matters, often focusing on tracking expenses, budgeting, and planning in a systematic manner. In the context of the text, Alexis perceives Olivia as a "spreadsheet person," suggesting that Olivia may be more inclined towards structured financial discussions and planning compared to Alexis, who may find such detailed conversations overwhelming or unappealing.
  • The journal mentioned in the text serves as a tool for Olivia to document and track their financial discussions and decisions over time. It helps create a structured approach to managing their finances and encourages ongoing communication and reflection on their financial goals and progress. By bringing a journal to their discussions, Olivia aims to enhance their financial literacy, pr ...

Counterarguments

  • While Olivia feels burdened by managing finances alone, it's possible that Alexis contributes to the relationship in other valuable ways that aren't financially oriented.
  • The lack of financial discussions over 17 years might indicate a level of financial stability that has allowed the couple to avoid confronting their issues directly, rather than solely a communication failure.
  • Alexis' secretive behavior regarding finances could be a coping mechanism developed from past trauma, and while not ideal, it might have been her way of maintaining a sense of security and control.
  • Olivia's feeling of solitude in financial matters could be partially due to her approach to discussions, which may not be conducive to Alexis's communication style or comfort level.
  • Alexis' avoidance of financial discussions might not only stem from insecurities but could also be influenced by differing values around money or a desire for autonomy within the relationship.
  • The fact that Alexis has kept financial activities secretive does not necessarily imply malinten ...

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180. "We have $30k in cc debt but insist on sending our son to private school"

Spending habits and lifestyle

Olivia and Alexis are facing a financial conundrum due to their high-spending lifestyle that significantly exceeds their monthly income of $17,000. Their fixed costs, along with their discretionary spending, leave them with little room for savings and investments, which is concerning given their substantial net worth of $3.1 million.

Olivia and Alexis maintain an extremely high-spending lifestyle, significantly exceeding their monthly income.

They spend lavishly on their son's private school, activities, and other discretionary expenses like eating out and entertainment.

Olivia and Alexis allocate significant funds toward their son's education and extracurricular activities. They are spending $2,500 per month on private school and tutoring and an additional $800 per month on various activities. Additionally, they spend around $1,000 per month on eating out and $800 per month on miscellaneous activities such as Topgolf. Their decision to send their son to a private school and sleepaway camp costing $10,000, coupled with a school fee of $30,000, reflects their aspiration to provide the very best experiences for their child. These expenses are influenced by their own aspirations as well as concerns about safety and well-being.

Their fixed costs consume 88% of their monthly income, leaving little room for saving and investment.

Despite a high income and significant net worth, Olivia and Alexis find themselves losing money each month due to their spending habits. Their fixed costs alone account for 88% of their monthly income, which only leaves 13% for savings and absolutely nothing for investments. This imbalance is evident as they have been carrying credit card debt for years without adjusting to income fluctuations.

Olivia and Alexis lack a clear, intentional approach to their spending and budget management.

They make impulsive purchases and fail to align their spending with their long-term financial goals.

Olivia and Alexis are confronted with their excessive spending when their financial advisor, Ramit Sethi, points out that they live as though they are making $500,000 a year, despite actually earning $204,000. They lack discipline in spending and often indulge in impulsive purchases. For example, they spend $800 per month on "random stuff" and have multiple entertainment streaming subscriptions, even planning to budget $1,000 per month for renovations. They are not strategic about their costs, and as Sethi sugg ...

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Spending habits and lifestyle

Additional Materials

Clarifications

  • The financial figures mentioned in the text, such as the $17,000 monthly income and $3.1 million net worth, provide a clear picture of Olivia and Alexis's financial situation. These numbers help illustrate the disparity between their income, expenses, and overall wealth, highlighting the challenges they face in managing their finances effectively. Understanding these figures is crucial in assessing the extent of their financial struggles and the need for immediate changes to their spending habits.
  • Ramit Sethi is a well-known personal finance advisor, author, and entrepreneur. He is recognized for his practical financial advice and strategies to help individuals manage their money effectively, save more, and achieve their financial goals. Sethi often emphasizes the importance of conscious spending, investing wisely, and building wealth over time through his books, courses, and online platform. His work focuses on empowering people to take control of their finances and make informed decisions to secure their financial future.
  • Topgolf is a sports entertainment complex that combines golf with elements of a bar and restaurant. It offers a high-tech driving range experience where players hit microchipped golf balls at targets on the range. Topgolf venues typically feature various games and activities for guests to enjoy while socializing and dining. It has gained popularity for its unique blend of golf, entertainment, and social experiences.
  • The fixed costs mentioned in the text are the regular, predictable expenses that Olivia and Alexis have to pay each month, such as mortgage or rent, utilities, insurance premiums, and car payments. These costs are typically stable and do not fluctuate based on usage or consumption. In Olivia and Alexis's case, these fixed costs are consuming a significant portion of their monthly income, leaving them with limited funds for savings and investments. The specific breakdown of these fixed costs is not provided in detail in the text, but they are highlighted as a major factor contributing to their financial challenges.
  • A sleepaway camp is a type of summer camp where children stay overnight for a certain period, typically ranging from a few days to several weeks. It offers a variety ...

Counterarguments

  • While Olivia and Alexis do spend more than their monthly income, it's possible that they have other sources of income or assets that are not mentioned, which could be liquidated or leveraged if necessary.
  • The investment in their son's education and activities could be seen as a long-term investment in his future, potentially leading to better opportunities and a higher earning potential.
  • The 88% of income going to fixed costs might include mortgage payments on properties that are appreciating in value, which could be a form of investment.
  • Without knowing the full details of their financial situation, it's possible that Olivia and Alexis have a financial strategy that isn't immediately apparent or that they have made conscious decisions to prioritize certain aspects of their lifestyle over immediate savings.
  • Impulsive purchases are not inherently negative if they bring joy and fulfillment to their lives and if they can afford them without jeopardiz ...

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180. "We have $30k in cc debt but insist on sending our son to private school"

Sources of wealth (luck vs. diligent saving)

The case of Olivia and Alexis serves as a compelling illustration of how significant wealth can often be attributed to fortunate circumstances rather than strictly disciplined financial habits and deliberate planning.

The majority of Olivia and Alexis' substantial net worth is the result of lucky circumstances, rather than diligent saving and investing.

It is evident that luck has played a substantial role in the accumulation of Olivia and Alexis' wealth.

Alexis' retirement account has grown primarily due to the strong performance of Costco stock, rather than her own contributions.

Alexis' 401k, containing $1.2 million, saw remarkable growth largely due to the increase in value of Costco stock. While Alexis contributed around $10 to $11 thousand per year, with the employer's contributions being accounted for as well, the overwhelming growth of the account—$985,000 of the total $1.2 million—came from stock gains rather than these contributions.

Olivia received a significant inheritance from her mother, which has been a major source of their accumulated wealth.

Olivia's financial situation was greatly impacted by the inheritance from her deceased mother, amounting to approximately $736,000. This inheritance has been critical in covering the couple's overspending of $30,000 to $40,000 more than their annual income.

Olivia and Alexis have not engaged in active, intentional financial planning and wealth-building strategies.

Despite their substantial net worth, Olivia and Alexis lack the financial acumen necessary for proactive management of their funds.

They lack the financial skills and discipline to effectively manage their resources and align their spending with their long-term ...

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Sources of wealth (luck vs. diligent saving)

Additional Materials

Clarifications

  • Alexis' 401k account grew significantly due to the increase in value of Costco stock, with $985,000 of the total $1.2 million coming from stock gains. While Alexis contributed around $10 to $11 thousand per year, the majority of the account growth was attributed to the stock's performance rather than her contributions.
  • Sethi's perspective in the text highlights how Olivia and Alexis have relied heavily on fortunate events like stock market gains and inheritance, rather than active financial planning. He emphasizes that their wealth accumulation has been more due to luck than intentional ...

Counterarguments

  • While luck has played a role, it should not diminish the value of Alexis' decision to invest in her 401k, which is a form of financial planning and discipline.
  • The consistent contributions to Alexis' retirement account, even if smaller compared to stock gains, represent a disciplined saving habit that should not be overlooked.
  • Olivia's inheritance, while fortunate, may also reflect a family history of saving and financial planning, suggesting that wealth accumulation might not be solely due to luck.
  • The text does not provide information on whether Olivia and Alexis have made any wise financial decisions with the inherited wealth, such as investing or paying off debt, which could be considered active financial planning.
  • The ability to save enough to contribute to a retirement account and manage an inheritance effectively requires some level of financial literacy and skill.
  • The text does not account for the possibility that Olivia and Alexis may have made strategic decisions to allow for their overspending, such as investing in assets with expected appreciation or other wealth-building strategies.
  • The reliance on fortunate events does not neces ...

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