In this Hidden Brain episode, Shankar Vedantam and Ken Sheldon delve into the conflict between pursuing societal expectations and staying true to one's intrinsic motivations. They explore how individuals often chase external markers of success like wealth and status, even when it clashes with their core values and fails to bring fulfillment.
The discussion examines the role of the conscious and unconscious mind in setting meaningful goals. Sheldon highlights the creative process of self-discovery, where mindfulness can reveal evolving desires and enable realigning choices with personal values over time. The conversation illuminates the journey of finding purpose by listening to one's authentic aspirations.
Sign up for Shortform to access the whole episode summary along with additional materials like counterarguments and context.
Shankar Vedantam and Ken Sheldon explore the conflict between pursuing goals dictated by external societal pressures versus aligning with one's intrinsic values and desires.
Sheldon recalls how after college, he followed external advice like EST training while unconsciously feeling adrift from his true passions. His research found that people often chase conventional success metrics, like wealth and status promoted by society, despite lacking fulfillment once attained. Sheldon cites the example of Amy, a lawyer pursuing a lucrative career path despite her early interest in environmental work, leaving her deeply unhappy.
While extrinsic motivators like money seem prevalent, Sheldon emphasizes intrinsic motivations related to personal growth and connections are more crucial for fulfillment. Research by Deasy showed that external rewards can undermine intrinsic motivation. Sheldon also found law students' initial idealism gave way to self-centered motivations as they achieved success motivated by extrinsic factors like status.
Sheldon's studies reveal that when individuals list their aspirations, it often uncovers motivations that don't align with their values. Mindfulness meditation can reveal subtle preferences by surfacing unconscious inclinations, as seen when Amy reconnected with her early environmental interests.
However, Vedantam notes that our deeply ingrained upbringing makes evaluating true values difficult. Goldwitzer's research suggests we rationalize committed paths to avoid psychological discomfort, preventing re-evaluation of choices that potentially conflict with inner motivations.
Sheldon explains that while we consciously set goals, significant motivations occur unconsciously. The creative process bridges this divide through preparation (conscious inquiry), incubation (unconscious processing), illumination (insight into desires), and verification (evaluating fulfillment).
Sheldon advocates for ongoing self-discovery through mindfulness, which can reveal evolving motivations and allow realignment with personal values over time. Amy's recognition of unhappiness prompted unconscious revelations about her true passion, though acting on this insight proved challenging due to her existing situation.
1-Page Summary
Shankar Vedantam and Ken Sheldon discuss the common predicament where individuals feel stuck because their pursued goals don’t align with their intrinsic values and desires.
Ken Sheldon recounts his own journey of self-discovery and the conflict of guidance that comes from within versus from society. After graduating from Duke University, Sheldon grappled with uncertainty and societal pressures regarding the path to success. He turned to external sources like the Erhard Seminar's Training (EST Training) to find direction.
Sheldon recognized he was adrift, unsure of what he truly wanted from life. He felt compelled to explore various pursuits such as joining a band, enrolling in a master's program, and attending EST workshops, only to find that these paths did not resonate with his personal aspirations or values. This brought him to the realization that the choices one makes in life are deeply personal and shouldn’t be left to external advice or pressures.
Observing how individuals simply echoed societal or familial expectations while writing down life ambitions in a study, Sheldon questioned the authenticity of these goals. He suggests that people often chase misconceptions about happiness, thinking certain achievements will bring fulfillment, only to realize their happiness remains unchanged upon goal attainment.
The deceptive voices of society, epitomized by characters like Gordon Gekko from "Wall Street," often glorify wealth, power, and status as the ultimate success metrics. In a consumer culture promoting materialism, individuals like Amy—who was convinced by a college friend to work for the environment—may end up chasing external success. Amy’s path led to a lucrative position as a partner in a big law firm. However, despite attaining convention ...
Challenges In Choosing Meaningful Life Goals
Sheldon's research and findings shed light on the delicate balance between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation and how each influences long-term fulfillment and interest in one's work and pursuits.
Sheldon emphasizes that while extrinsic motivations like money and status may seem prevalent, intrinsic motivations related to personal growth, relationships, and connections play a more significant role in one’s fulfillment.
Ed Deasy’s experiments highlight that intrinsic motivation, driven by interest and curiosity, is essential for engagement but is easily disrupted by external rewards. The studies further illustrate that when participants were paid to solve puzzles, they quickly disengaged from the activity, indicating that external rewards diminished their intrinsic interest.
Sheldon also explains that intrinsic motivation can wane during long-term tasks but can be replaced by identified motivation. This is rooted in the belief that a task is meaningful, aligns with one’s values, and is personally important, even if the process becomes challenging.
Sheldon found that law students with initial idealistic motivations performed well but then shifted their focus from helping others to acquiring status. Similarly, practicing lawyers were more satisfied when their work aligned with intrinsic motivators rather than income or status.
Sheldon observes that extrinsic rewards and incentives, such ...
Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic Motivation
Exploring the intricacies of personal goals and desires, researchers like Sheldon and Goldwitzer uncover the hidden motivations that guide our life choices and the difficulty in reconciling these with externally imposed expectations.
Sheldon’s study on personality reveals that when individuals jot down their aspirations, it can lead to an exploration of whether these goals truly resonate with their values. This questioning often uncovers that many of our chosen objectives do not necessarily steer us toward long-term contentment.
For students wrestling with separating what they genuinely long for from the anticipated scripts handed down by their parents, mindfulness becomes a tool for discovery. For example, Amy’s internal questioning activated her unconscious mind to remember a significant person from her past who embodied her early environmental passions. This process suggests that mindfulness can be a catalyst in recognizing one’s authentic preferences.
As Ken Sheldon illustrates with his personal history, recognizing one's true inclinations is challenging and demanding due to the profound impact of culture and upbringing.
Shankar Vedantam indicates that from a young age, influences from parents, culture, and education mold one's perception of what is valuable. This indoctrination persists, making it increasingly difficult for individuals to assess whether their actions align with their genuine desires.
After committing to a path, Goldwitzer’s research suggests that we enter an implementation phase where the inclination is to follow through on choices rather than question them. Once a decision is made, we avoid the psychological discomfort of cognitive dissonance by rationalizing our chosen path, often a ...
Discovering One's True Desires and Values
Psychologist Ken Sheldon delves into the concept of self-concordance, reflecting on how our goals hinge on both our conscious choices and subconscious inclinations.
Sheldon discusses the profound problem of being consciously aware of only a limited amount of our psychological processes. While we engage in conscious decision-making, a significant part of our mind operates non-consciously, harboring habitual inclinations and emerging motives that often escape our awareness.
Sheldon also connects goal-setting with the four stages of creativity: preparation, incubation, illumination, and verification. By consciously grappling with questions, we stimulate the non-conscious mind to mull over these concerns, leading to illumination—unexpected insights that reveal our true desires. Shankar Vedantam emphasizes that the preparation phase is critical in setting the stage for subconscious processing. Sheldon mentions a review article linking conscious choice with neuroscience, suggesting that when we question ourselves, it engages brain networks beyond our conscious awareness, aiding in problem-solving. After preparation and illumination, the verification stage entails discerning whether these insights genuinely fulfill us, which Sheldon describes as an iterative process of thought.
An example given is Amy's recognition of her unhappiness led her non-conscious mind to surface an image related to her original passion, after a period of subconscious processing.
Sheldon suggests that mindfulness and asking probing questions about one's own happiness and des ...
Role of Conscious and Unconscious Mind in Goal-Setting
Download the Shortform Chrome extension for your browser