Dealing with Feelings: A Conversation With Dr. Marc Brackett

Mark Brackett shared his personal journey, which has deeply impacted his professional focus on the study of emotions and emotional literacy.

Mark Brackett's Challenging Childhood Inspired His Study of Emotions and Emotional Literacy

Discussing his difficult childhood, which involved abuse and bullying, Brackett revealed how his early emotional experiences felt robbed and led him to unhealthy coping mechanisms.

Uncle Changed Brackett's Life At 11 By Asking "how Are You Feeling?"

His life took a significant turn at the age of 11 when his Uncle Marvin, who was writing a curriculum to teach kids about feelings, gave Brackett the "permission to feel" by simply asking him how he was feeling. This question transformed Brackett's life, as it was the first time someone had shown a genuine interest in his emotional state.

Despite improvements following the crucial interaction with his uncle, Brackett continued to face struggles and uncertainties about his future. With a major in psychology in college, he fostered various interests that laid the groundwork for his emotional intelligence career.

Brackett's Struggles Drove His Psychology and Emotional Intelligence Career, Despite Yale Rejection

Brackett's early experiences fueled his ambition and eventually led him to pursue a career in psychology and emotional intelligence. Inspired by the book "Emotional Intelligence," Brackett sought to further his education with the authors, but faced rejection from Yale University. Determined, he started his rese ...

Marc Brackett and Becky Kennedy explore how emotions serve as valuable signals that guide our attention, decision-making, relationships, mental health, and overall performance.

Emotions Guide Attention, Decisions, Relationships, Mental Health, and Performance

Emotions Convey Important Data About Inner Experiences and the Environment

Marc Brackett views emotions as signals that drive our attention, influence our decision-making, impact our relationships, and are closely connected to our mental health and performance. He explains that how we feel can indicate whether to approach or avoid, which is essential for survival and thriving. For instance, feeling bored during a conversation suggests a lack of engagement, prompting our brain to redirect focus elsewhere. Brackett points out that emotions can precipitate automatic responses in decision-making, as when anger leads to regrettable utterances. Furthermore, facial expressions and body language are crucial emotional components within relationships, and emotions play a significant role in the creative process, where emotional intelligence and regulation can determine the materialization of creativity.

Suppressing Emotions Stifles Creativity and Growth

Brackett and Kennedy argue against viewing emotions solely as positive or negative; instead, they describe emotions as informative, regardless of comfort level. Brackett notes that people often struggle with feeling uncomfortable and may try to suppress or deny emotions rather than harnessing them constructively. He stresses that emotions should be engaged to pursue objectives rather than discarded. The act of emotional regulation is about using all feelings wisely to achieve goals, not about controlling or eliminating them.

Brackett addresses the misconception that being self-aware is self-indulgent and potentially harmful. On the contrary, he clarifies that self-awareness involves a quick check-in process to ensure one is emotionally well-positioned to tackle the tasks at hand, rather than endlessly ruminating.

Brackett highlights that emotions are always meaningful, indicati ...

Emotional literacy and regulation skills are often neglected both in education and at home, yet Marc Brackett's work reveals these skills are foundational for achieving one's aspirations.

Emotional Literacy and Regulation Skills Are Essential yet Often Lacking

Research by Marc Brackett highlights the dire need for strategies to deal with emotions effectively. He finds that without proper strategies to handle emotions like disappointment, anxiety, and shame, people's dreams may not be realized. Brackett shares that his own experiences demonstrate the necessity of emotional literacy and regulatory skills, pointing out that having high credentials does not ensure success without these skills. Brackett further emphasizes the need for co-regulative responses from adults to help children articulate emotional turmoil, an element sorely missing in his own childhood. Emotional understanding at home is severely lacking, as reflected in Brackett's statistics showing that only about 10 percent of people had any meaningful education about emotion regulation at home, and a mere 6 to 7 percent were educated on this at school.

Education on Emotions: 10% at Home, 6-7% at School

During and post-pandemic research reveals the scarcity of emotional education. Brackett underscores the importance of teaching emotional regulation as a paramount component of emotional intelligence, which is inadequately addressed both at home and at school. Dr. Becky Kennedy notes the misnomer of calling emotional skills "soft skills," emphasizing that emotional regulation is the bedrock for effective cognitive functioning. Such skills need developing from a young age through real-life challenges, not through avoidance or quick fixes.

Teaching Emotional Awareness Takes Practice, Not Quick Fixes

Brackett asserts that emotional awareness and regulation should be a concise and purposeful practice, akin to a quick mental check rather than a protracted deliberation. He criticizes overprotective responses to emotional events and advocates instead for constructive coping skills indicative of mature emotional intelligence. He argues for balancing the belief in a child’s capacity with validating their emotions, striving for both resilience and recognition of feelings.

Brackett emphasizes the significance of role modeling ...