Let's Talk Back-to-School
In this episode of Good Inside, Dr. Becky Kennedy explores the complex emotions and challenges that arise during the back-to-school transition period for both parents and children. She examines how parents' own unresolved school memories can affect their responses to their children's experiences, and discusses the common parental tendency to delay preparation for the new school year.
Kennedy shares strategies for supporting children through this transitional period, particularly those who are sensitive or prone to anxiety. She outlines practical approaches for handling school refusal without power struggles, building children's resilience, and helping them develop frustration tolerance. The episode balances the importance of providing children with appropriate information about the upcoming school year while avoiding overwhelming them with excessive details.
This is a preview of the Shortform summary of the Aug 19, 2025 episode of the Good Inside with Dr. Becky
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1-Page Summary
Back-To-school: Challenges, Stresses, and Emotions For Parents and Kids
The transition from summer to the school year brings complex emotions and stresses for both parents and children. Becky Kennedy notes that parents often find themselves in denial about the approaching school year, wanting to savor the remaining summer freedom. This denial can lead to inadequate preparation, particularly affecting sensitive children who might experience increased anxiety, clinginess, or meltdowns during the transition.
Parents' Unresolved School Memories Impact Present Experiences
Kennedy introduces the concept of "fast forward error," where parents' unresolved school memories can influence their responses to their children's current situations. She shares her own experience of being left out at recess to illustrate how these memories can affect parents' reactions to their children's similar experiences, emphasizing the importance of addressing these historical emotions to better support their children.
Becky's Personal Evolution in Parenting
Kennedy describes her transformation from a meticulously organized parent to one who embraces flexibility and adaptation. She emphasizes the importance of providing children with appropriate information about the upcoming school year while maintaining a balance that prevents excessive worry. For her "deeply feeling" child, Kennedy focuses on anticipating and normalizing strong emotions rather than trying to eliminate them completely.
Strategies for Navigating Back-To-school Season
Kennedy advocates for a "do nothing" approach when dealing with school refusal, suggesting parents maintain their normal routine without engaging in power struggles. She emphasizes building children's "frustration tolerance" over immediate academic success, consistently affirming their ability to handle challenges. Through activities like tummy time, puzzles, and tackling difficult math problems, Kennedy demonstrates how parents can foster resilience and a growth mindset in their children.
1-Page Summary
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- While normalizing strong emotions is important, some children may require more structured support or intervention to manage their anxiety effectively.
- The "do nothing" approach to school refusal may not be suitable for all situations, and some children might need active engagement and support to overcome their reluctance to attend school.
- Emphasizing frustration tolerance over immediate academic success could potentially overlook the need for early intervention in children who may have learning difficulties or other educational needs.
- The transition from a meticulously organized to a more flexible parenting style may not work for all families, as some children thrive on routine and predictability.
- Parents' unresolved school memories may not always negatively impact their responses; in some cases, these memories could provide valuable insights and empathy towards their children's experiences.
- The concept of "fast forward error" might oversimplify the complex dynamics between past experiences and present reactions, and not all parental responses are directly tied to their own school memories.
- The balance between providing information about the upcoming school year and preventing excessive worry is delicate, and some parents may struggle to find the right amount of information to share.
- Activities like tummy time and puzzles are beneficial, but they may not be universally applicable or interesting to all children, and parents may need to find alternative ways to foster resilience and a growth mindset.
- The idea of maintaining a normal routine without engaging in power struggles may not address the root causes of a child's school refusal or other behavioral issues.
- The advice provided may not take into account the diverse socio-economic, cultural, and individual differences that exist among families and children.
Actionables
- You can create a "Back-to-School Emotion Board" with your child to visually map out and discuss feelings about the new school year. Use a poster board and have your child draw or write different emotions they associate with school, then talk about each one and brainstorm ways to handle them. This activity encourages emotional literacy and provides a platform for addressing concerns.
- Develop a "Parental Reflection Journal" where you note any school-related anxieties from your own past that may affect your parenting. Set aside time each week to write down memories that surface and how they might be influencing your reactions to your child's school experiences. This self-awareness practice can help you separate your emotions from your child's and support them more effectively.
- Start a "Frustration Challenge" game with your child where you both take on a new, mildly challenging activity each week, like learning to juggle or solving a new type of puzzle. Keep a shared journal to record your progress, setbacks, and strategies for overcoming frustration. This shared experience can build resilience and demonstrate the value of perseverance in a fun, bonding way.
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Back-To-school: Challenges, Stresses, and Emotions For Parents and Kids
Back-to-school season brings a complex set of emotions and stresses for both parents and children as they transition from the freedom of summer to the structured demands of the school year.
Summer's Freedom vs. School Year's Demands Creates Stress For Parents and Children
Parents Often Deny School Start, Wanting to Savor Summer and Avoid Upcoming Challenges
Becky Kennedy notes that parents may be in denial about the start of the school year, wanting to savor the remaining summer days. This denial can lead to children having a challenging first week at school due to a lack of preparation. Kennedy clarifies that while summer’s lack of schedule can be tough for parents, there's a certain enjoyment in the freedom and agency it offers.
Sensitive Children May Feel Anxiety, Clinginess, and Meltdowns During Transitions, Increasing Parental Stress
Sensitive children, in particular, might find the transition from summer to school stressful, leading to increased anxiety, clinginess, or even meltdowns. These reactions can further amplify parental stress as families navigate the shifting routines.
Back-To-school Season Triggers Parents' Unresolved School Memories and Emotions
Parental Anxiety From Unresolved School Memories Can Impact Children's Experiences
Kennedy discusses how back-to-school season can trigger parents' unresolved school memories and emotions, which she terms the "fast forward error". Parents may project their past experiences and unresolved issues onto their children, responding to their own historic ...
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Back-To-school: Challenges, Stresses, and Emotions For Parents and Kids
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- While some parents may deny the start of the school year, others might embrace it as an opportunity for their children to grow and learn new things.
- The lack of schedule in summer can be refreshing and beneficial for both parents and children, providing a necessary break from the rigors of the academic year.
- Not all sensitive children experience negative emotions during transitions; some may find excitement and joy in the prospect of new experiences and learning opportunities.
- It's possible for parents to have positive school memories that they look forward to sharing with their children, which can create a positive outlook on the back-to-school season.
- Parents can be aware of their past experiences without projecting them onto their children, using their history to empathize and guide rather than to control or influence unduly.
- Some ...
Actionables
- Create a "summer-to-school" transition box with your child to symbolize the shift from vacation to school mode. Fill it with items that represent school readiness, such as a calendar with important dates, a book related to their upcoming grade, and a fun school supply. This tangible activity helps both you and your child acknowledge the end of summer and the beginning of a new school year, making the transition more concrete and less abstract.
- Start a family journal where each member, including parents, can express feelings about the upcoming school year. This can be a safe space to discuss hopes, fears, and memories related to school. By sharing and acknowledging each other's emotions, you can address any negative projections and support each other through the transition. ...
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Becky's Experiences and how They Inform Her Approach
Becky Kennedy shares her personal evolution in parenting, and how her unique experiences have shaped her approach to dealing with her children's back-to-school transitions and the challenges faced by her deeply feeling child.
Becky's Parenting Shift: From Organized to Last-Minute Scramble
Becky has made a significant shift in her parenting style, moving from meticulously packing her children's backpacks well in advance to scrambling at the last minute.
Becky Learns to Adapt Flexibly Instead of Sticking To one Perfect Strategy
Originally, Becky was the type of parent who packed the perfect backpack multiple nights before school. However, she evolved into a parent who might find out at the last minute that important items were missing—an experience that led her to become more flexible and adaptable rather than striving for perfection.
Children's Unique Back-To-school Transition Needs
Kennedy highlights how parents, who can sometimes be in denial about the school year start, may forget to provide their children with the necessary information in advance that could help smooth the transition back to school. She notes that kids may not hold the details about what to expect for the new school year in their minds as parents do, leading to a more challenging start if not well-prepared.
Becky's Insight Into Her "Deeply Feeling" Child Shapes Her Approach To Managing Separation Anxiety and Resistance
Becky discusses the unique challenges her deeply feeling child faces during transitions and how she tailors her approach accordingly.
Heading: She Anticipates and Normalizes Her Child's Strong Emotions Rather Than Eliminating Them
Recognizing that her sensitive child dislikes surprises and focuses on control, Becky provides just enough information to prevent excessive worry but not so little that her child feels out of control. This balanced approach helps her child adapt to transitions without overwhelming them.
Becky Focuses On Regulat ...
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Becky's Experiences and how They Inform Her Approach
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- While flexibility is important, consistent last-minute scrambling could lead to unnecessary stress for both parent and child.
- Adapting flexibly should not preclude the benefits of preparation; finding a balance between the two could be more effective.
- Providing necessary information for back-to-school transitions in advance is important, but overloading children with too much information could be overwhelming.
- Tailoring approaches to individual children is crucial, but it's also important to ensure that other children in the family do not feel neglected or that their needs are less important.
- Anticipating and normalizing strong emotions is beneficial, but it's also important to teach coping strategies to help children manage their emotions independently.
- Foc ...
Actionables
- You can create a "backpack station" at home with labeled bins for each school day, allowing children to choose and prepare their backpacks the night before, fostering independence and reducing morning stress. This approach encourages children to take responsibility for their own preparations and can be a fun activity if they get to pick items for their bins, like their favorite snacks or books.
- Develop a family "emotion thermometer" where each family member can visually represent their feelings on a scale from cool to hot, promoting open communication about emotions. By using colors or emojis to represent different emotional states, this tool can help children articulate their feelings and understand that it's normal to experience a range of emotions, thus normalizing strong emotions.
- Start a tradition of "bravery b ...
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Strategies and Mindsets For Navigating the Back-To-school Season
As children and parents navigate the back-to-school season, Becky Kennedy offers strategies to help manage the transition, focusing on maintaining composure, developing frustration tolerance, and fostering a growth mindset in children.
Becky Endorses a "Do Nothing" Approach For School Refusal
Kennedy suggests a "do nothing" strategy when a child expresses school refusal, emphasizing a calm continuation of the daily routine without engaging in a power struggle.
Guiding Her Child Calmly Through Routine
Becky Kennedy explains that when her child says they're not going to school, she casually acknowledges the statement and proceeds with the morning routine. By not reacting immediately to the refusal and continuing with normal interactions—such as choosing breakfast or deciding on a water bottle—Kennedy avoids a confrontation and guides her child through regular patterns. This method allows her child to experience resistance in a structured context without escalating to a crisis.
Child Experiences Resistance Without Crisis, Moves Forward
Through the "do nothing" approach, Kennedy steers clear of a power struggle, allowing the moment of resistance to pass. The child can continue their routine and move forward, demonstrating the effectiveness of her calm demeanor in handling school refusal.
Becky Focuses On Developing a Child's "Frustration Tolerance" and Self-Efficacy Over Academic Outcomes
Instead of focusing on immediate happiness or academic success, Kennedy centers on building her child's capacity to deal with frustration and challenge.
By Affirming Her Children's Ability to "Do Challenging Things," Becky Fosters a Growth Mindset and Resilience
Becky Kennedy consistently affirms her children's ability to take on and overcome challenges. From a young age, she has instilled this mindset through activities like tummy time, puzzles, and learning to read. She communicates that handling difficulty is an integral part of their identity as learners, ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
Strategies and Mindsets For Navigating the Back-To-school Season
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- The "do nothing" approach may not address underlying issues that cause school refusal, such as anxiety, bullying, or learning difficulties, which may require proactive intervention.
- Some children may interpret the lack of immediate response to school refusal as a lack of concern or engagement from the parent, potentially exacerbating feelings of isolation or distress.
- Routine and structure are important, but some children may need more active and empathetic engagement to feel supported and understood during challenging times.
- While fostering frustration tolerance is beneficial, it's also important to recognize when a child's frustration may be a sign of a mismatch between the child's needs and the environment or task demands.
- A sole focus on self-efficacy and resilience might overlook the importance of teaching children to seek help when needed, which is also a critical life skill.
- Emphasizing the ability to "do challenging things" could inadvertently pressure some children, especially if they start to feel that the ...
Actionables
- You can create a "challenge jar" for your family where each person, including adults, writes down a small challenge they face and places it in the jar. At a designated time each week, everyone draws a challenge and discusses strategies to approach it, fostering a shared understanding that facing challenges is a normal and manageable part of life.
- Develop a "frustration journal" where you record moments of frustration and the steps you took to overcome them. This can be a personal tool to reflect on your growth in handling difficult situations and to recognize patterns in your responses that you might want to change.
- Start a routine of ...
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