In this episode of Good Inside, Dr. Becky Kennedy and Dr. John Delony explore how fathers can move beyond traditional disciplinary roles to become more emotionally supportive parents. They examine how fathers can validate their children's emotions and create safe spaces for emotional expression, rather than immediately trying to solve problems or offer advice. Through real examples, they demonstrate how empathy and understanding can lead to better cooperation between parent and child.
The discussion also covers the challenges fathers face when their sense of value is tied to having answers or fixing situations. Dr. Delony shares personal experiences about supporting his son's interests and building a support network of fellow fathers. The conversation emphasizes the importance of showing children that seeking help and being vulnerable demonstrates strength, not weakness.
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Becky Kennedy and John Delony discuss the evolution of fatherhood from traditional disciplinary approaches to more emotionally supportive parenting strategies. They emphasize the importance of empathy and understanding over strict discipline.
Kennedy shares how one father successfully connected with his school-resistant son through empathy and shared experiences, rather than anger or punishment. This approach led to better cooperation and understanding between parent and child.
Both Kennedy and Delony advocate for validating children's emotions during difficult times. Delony explains that simply acknowledging disappointments with phrases like "that sucks" can be more effective than trying to fix situations or offer unsolicited advice. This approach extends beyond parenting to other relationships, including partnerships.
Delony describes his personal journey of supporting his son's interest in theater over baseball, despite his own expectations. He emphasizes the importance of validating children's choices and helping them process emotions without immediately trying to fix situations or redirect their interests.
Delony addresses the challenge many fathers face in feeling their value is tied to having the right answers or fixing problems. He shares his wife's insight that presence matters more than solutions, encouraging fathers to create safe spaces for emotions rather than focusing on problem-solving.
Delony emphasizes the importance of building a trusted circle of fellow fathers and maintaining open communication with partners about parenting challenges. He describes how his college friends serve as accountability partners and how his wife's expertise contributes to their home's emotional environment. Through his own experience with therapy and seeking help, Delony demonstrates to his children that asking for support shows strength rather than weakness.
1-Page Summary
Becky Kennedy and John Delony advocate for a transformation in fatherhood approaches, emphasizing the shift from rigid discipline to emotional availability and understanding.
The dialogue revolves around transitioning from strict "tough love" practices to more empathetic and supportive parenting strategies.
Kennedy shares a story about a father who, rather than reprimanding his son for delaying getting ready for school, empathized with him by recounting his own reluctance to attend school as a child. This approach of relating and connecting rather than resorting to anger promoted a positive exchange where the child felt comprehended and willingly prepared for school without further postponement.
Kennedy and Delony discuss the significance of validating children's emotions in times of distress, like not being selected for a sports team.
Delony addresses the importance of validating his child's feelings without attempting to immediately resolve their issues or imparting unsolicited advice. He also applies this understanding to interactions with his partner, suggesting that simply acknowledging their disappointments with phrases like “that sucks” can be more supportive than trying to fix the situation.
Kennedy and Delony talk about the importance of being present and supportive for a child upset about not making a soccer team, employing phrases like “that’s the worst,” rather than attempting to offer solutions or criticize their effort.
Delony discusses the benefits of sitting with a child through a disappointment, which can build emotional resilience. This foundation allows a child to recognize their parent as a source of emo ...
Shifting Fatherhood Mindsets From Discipline To Emotional Support
John Delony discusses the challenges fathers face in modern parenting, advocating for vulnerability and emotional presence rather than an emphasis on always being right or solving problems.
Delony addresses an issue that many men face: feeling their value is tied to their utility, such as having the right answer or fixing problems. However, Delony shares a revelation from his wife: she values his presence over his ability to provide solutions. This realization helped him understand that a father's worth isn't just in the answers or solutions provided, and that being wrong shouldn't be an existential threat. He urges fathers to move away from the urge to solve problems and instead create a safe space for emotions, as demonstrated by his response to his wife's struggles and his son's disappointments.
Delony recognizes that many fathers, including his own, were brought up with a limited "parenting toolkit" focused on being right. He understands the importance of acknowledging and learning from the limitations of past generations to improve modern fatherhood.
John Delony fosters an environment where vulnerability is normalized and not shamed. By discussing his own disappointments openly with his children, he sets an example by not shying away from his truths, even if they aren't flattering. Delony decries the lack of public modeling for admitting errors and reflects upon the harmful message it conveys to both sons and daughters when a father's reaction is to correct or solve rather than to listen and validate.
Delony emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and personal growth for fathers. He notes that discomfort in men often translates to anger or withdrawal. Moving past these feelings and fostering open communication are essential steps. He aims to create a safe family environment where connection is prized over providing answers, instilling confidence in children to express themselves.
De ...
Modeling Vulnerity and Accountability For Children
In a candid discussion, Delony underscores the significance of cultivating a trusted circle of fellow fathers and communicating openly with a partner about the idiosyncrasies of parenting, thereby teaching children the strength that lies in seeking help.
Delony discusses how his inner circle includes college friends who can read him well enough to recognize when something is off and can offer their perspective. Although not explicitly stated in the transcript, it's inferred that these connections play a key role in his life as a source of wisdom and accountability. Delony mentions the importance of surrounding oneself with "a gang" of older and wiser men who can serve as mentors and support system. This group can help guide and provide wisdom, highlighting the value of mentorship in strengthening fathers in their roles. Becky Kennedy also acknowledges the positive impact of Delony's actions, hinting at a community of supportive fathers that benefits from mutual influence.
Delony implies that personal growth is necessary and this might involve seeking advice from seasoned individuals or professionals. He admits to having to see a therapist to work through his issues, which is indicative of the practical steps a father might need to take in seeking mentorship and personal development.
Delony’s narrative touches on the importance of collaborative parenting, implicitly acknowledging that no parent possesses all the answers. His example of his wife reaching out to a friend on his behalf suggests a degree of communication about his parental challenges. Moreover, Delony credits his wife's education and expertise in contributing to their home’s emotional environment, thus embracing the value of open dialogue and teamwork with his co-parent.
The conversation implies that developing a unified strategy for emotional support within a family requires honest partnership between parents. Delony's acknowledgment of the need to move away from his older, solitary methods of problem-so ...
Building a Support Network As a Father
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