Parenting During the LA Wildfires

Becky Kennedy addresses the critical necessity of supporting parents as they navigate their own emotional journey, especially when dealing with overwhelming events and grief.

Validating and Giving Voice to Parents' Difficult Emotions

Struggling Is Natural, Not a Weakness

Kennedy recognizes that feeling heartbroken or unmoored after facing an inconceivable event is a natural emotional response. She reminds parents that struggling is not a sign of weakness but a natural reaction to horrific situations. By doing so, Kennedy aims to normalize the wide range of intense emotions parents may experience, urging them to approach such feelings with self-compassion and without judgment.

Providing Strategies For Self-Care and Emotion Regulation

Preventing Parent Burnout Through Self-Care

Kennedy encourages parents to partake in a self-awareness exercise where they take a moment to identify their strongest emotion, verbally acknowledge it, and give themselves explicit permission to feel that way. This validation serves as an important step to begin regulating emotions.

Normalizing Grief and Joy Coexistence For Parents

She also emphasizes how crucial it is for parents to allow themselves to grieve any violated expectations by telling themselves, "I didn't expect this to happen" and "I didn't want this to happen." Doing so respects the emotional healing process and acknowledges the complexity of emotions, including the coexistence of grief and joy.

Importance of Self-Compassion and Permission to Feel

Encouraging Parents to Validate Feelings By Saying "It Makes Sense I Feel This Way"

Kennedy strongly advocates for parents to practice self-va ...

Becky Kennedy talks about the difficulties and strategies involved in discussing traumatic events and uncertainties with children, like the California wildfires.

Honest Explanation Suited To Child's Development

Kennedy advises giving honest information to children, based on their developmental stage, about traumatic events such as a house burning, then pausing to allow them to respond, even with seemingly trivial concerns. She notes that it's not the detailed information that causes fear in children, but rather the lack of it, emphasizing that without explanation children can imagine scenarios worse than the facts. She recommends explaining events in terms of what is known and unknown and differentiating between the loss of objects and the continuity of the family, stating that the family did not burn down to comfort the child.

Lack of Information Distresses Children More Than the Information Itself

Kennedy cautions that a lack of information leads to children making up their own, often scarier, stories. Noticing environmental changes or overhearing conversations without context can be more distressing than the truth. She suggests engaging in discussions that offer both known facts and acknowledged uncertainties.

Encouraging Parents to Share Knowledge and Provide a Coherent Narrative

Kennedy also underlines the need for parents to provide a coherent narrative to help children understand what is happening. She compares it to adults wanting the truth about potential layoffs to avoid running wild with their imagination. It's crucial to start with "Here's what I know and here's what I don't know," to provide clarity during uncertain times.

Supporting Children's Emotional Processing Through Validation and Connection

Kennedy underscores the importance of serving as an emotional container for children, validating their reactions, and acknowledging their feelings. She also stresses the need for parental repairs, such as addressing yelling at children afterward and assuring them they're not at fault. This not only helps children understand their parents' emotions but reassures them that their care is not impaired.

Validating Children's Reactions

Kennedy points to the importance of validating and connecting during emotional processing, emphasizing the value in following their lead and reassuring children that their emotions, even if they seem trivial, are valid and understood.

Reassuring Kids: Parents' Emotions Don't Impair Their Care

Parents should reassure their children that despite their emotions, the parental role remains stable. For example, explaining the reasons for crying, sadness, or uncertainty ...

Finding balance between self-care and embracing joy is highlighted as essential, especially for parents who face overwhelming emotions and responsibilities.

Essential Self-Care Supports Parenting

Kennedy stresses the importance of self-care for parents, which becomes a cornerstone in maintaining their well-being and parenting successfully.

Empowering Parents to Set Boundaries For Well-Being

Kennedy acknowledges that parents will sometimes be overwhelmed by their emotions, but she points out the importance of getting good at repair and taking responsibility afterward, implying the necessity for parents to set aside time for validation as part of self-care. By managing their own emotions, they support not only themselves but also their children. Kennedy also mentions that parents should focus on their own range of emotions and not rely on their children to perform any particular emotional response, even in serious situations. This indicates that prioritizing oneself is essential for robust parenting.

Furthermore, Kennedy suggests a grounding exercise as a self-care practice to help transition from calmer moments to the frantic pace of the day and the required caregiving. This practice includes ensuring both feet are flat on the ground and making physical contact with one's body, like a hand on the heart, to foster stability and presence.

Validating Joyful Moments Amidst Grief

Acknowledging and embracing joy in times of grief can be complex, but it is a necessary aspect of emotional well-being.

Joy Does Not Invalidate Grief Despite Feeling Out of Place or Guilt-Inducing

Kennedy addresses the conflicting emotions ...

Becky Kennedy provides insights on how traumatic events affect children and emphasizes the role of caregivers in fostering resilience and minimizing the effects of trauma.

Differentiating Between Traumatic Events and Trauma

Kennedy clarifies that trauma is not the event itself but how the body processes and stores the event. Trauma involves intense emotions that become trapped in a state of aloneness, without an outlet or understanding.

Supporting Children With Coherent Narratives and Emotional Guidance

Kennedy discusses the importance of supporting children through the development of coherent narratives and provides guidance on how parents and caregivers can emotionally support their children.

Kennedy mentions that discussing traumatic events with children will involve both short and long conversations over time, acknowledging that processing will not be immediate and planting the seeds for a coherent narrative. By threading together their sensations and experiences, children can build resilience through the understanding and connection provided by caring adults.

She notes that children benefit from stories that lend meaning to their experiences, which is crucial for dealing with sensations of chaos and incoherence. These coherent narratives provide structure and make sense of chaotic events, which supports children's emotional processing and resilience building.

Kennedy advises not to force feelings such as empathy on children, as this can create a power struggle and impede natural emotional development. She stresses that understanding and connection will naturally foster children's resilience and empathy over time.

Importantly, Kennedy emphasizes the detrimental role of aloneness in dealing with trauma. She insists that connecting with children, perhaps through grounding techniques or providing stable environments, i ...