Revisit - Wait, What? You Used to Love This.
In this episode of Good Inside with Dr. Becky, the host explores common parenting struggles related to personal hygiene and toilet training in young children. Dr. Becky offers a child-centered approach, encouraging parents to validate their child's perspective during bath time aversion. She also provides guidance on fostering independence during potty training by following the child's lead and celebrating their progress.
Dr. Becky also examines the impact of parental attitudes on children's perceptions of bodily functions and messiness. She emphasizes the importance of adopting a calm, matter-of-fact stance when discussing these topics to help normalize them for children and promote self-acceptance.
This is a preview of the Shortform summary of the Jul 2, 2024 episode of the Good Inside with Dr. Becky
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1-Page Summary
Addressing a child's resistance to bath time
According to Becky Kennedy, parents should validate a child's aversion to baths and express confidence in future changes. Adjusting bathing frequency or exploring alternatives like "bird baths" or "scrub downs" can lessen tension and grant the child autonomy. Kennedy affirms it's acceptable for children not to bathe daily.
Navigating potty training with a child-led approach
Kennedy recommends observing and responding to a child's natural interest and readiness for potty training. Celebrating a child's emerging curiosity about the potty without pressure fosters independence. Involving the child by offering underwear and acknowledging their successes reinforces autonomy.
The impact of parental attitudes towards mess and bodily functions
Kennedy stresses the importance of parents examining their own discomfort with bodily functions like poop, as children internalize these attitudes. Adopting a calm, matter-of-fact approach and using straightforward terms helps normalize these processes. Kennedy advises thinking about mess on a spectrum to encourage self-acceptance.
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Counterarguments
- While validating a child's aversion to baths is important, it's also necessary to teach children about hygiene and the importance of regular cleaning, which might sometimes require firmness from parents.
- Granting autonomy in bathing frequency must be balanced with the need to maintain a basic level of hygiene, especially in situations where the child is getting dirty regularly or could be at risk of infections.
- While it's acceptable for children not to bathe daily, this should be contingent on their activity level, age, and individual needs, as some children may require more frequent bathing.
- A child-led approach to potty training is beneficial, but some children may need more structured guidance and encouragement to make progress, especially if they show no interest or readiness on their own.
- Celebrating a child's curiosity about the potty is positive, but over-celebration or too much focus on the process can inadvertently pressure the child or create anxiety around potty training.
- Involving the child by offering underwear and acknowledging their successes is good, but it's also important to ensure that the child is developmentally ready for this step to avoid setbacks or frustration.
- While parents should examine their own attitudes towards bodily functions, it's also important to teach children appropriate social norms regarding these functions, which may sometimes require setting boundaries and rules.
- Using straightforward terms to normalize bodily processes is helpful, but parents should also be sensitive to the child's comfort level and readiness to discuss these topics.
- Thinking about mess on a spectrum is a useful concept, but it's also important to teach children about cleanliness and organization as life skills, which may sometimes involve setting expectations about tidiness.
Actionables
- Create a "bath time story" where your child is the hero who conquers the "dirt dragons" with various bathing methods, allowing them to choose their adventure and making bath time a creative and empowering experience.
- By crafting a narrative around bath time, you turn a potentially stressful routine into an interactive and enjoyable activity. This not only validates your child's feelings but also gives them a sense of control. For example, one night they might choose the "magic sponge" to fight off the dirt, and another night they could opt for the "invisible shield" of a quick washcloth wipe-down.
- Design a "potty progress poster" where your child can add stickers or draw symbols each time they show interest in or use the potty, celebrating their curiosity and successes visually.
- This visual tool serves as positive reinforcement and makes the process of potty training more engaging. For instance, a star sticker could represent a successful potty attempt, while a smiley face might signify when they express curiosity about the process. This reinforces their autonomy and acknowledges their achievements without pressure.
- Organize a family "messy day" where everyone engages in activities that involve getting a bit dirty, like gardening or finger painting, followed by a group clean-up, normalizing mess and bodily functions in a fun and relaxed setting.
- By participating in activities that are inherently messy, you demonstrate that getting dirty is a natural and manageable part of life. Afterward, everyone cleans up together, showing that messes aren't a big deal and can be dealt with calmly. This can help alleviate any tension around messiness and encourage self-acceptance in your child.
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Addressing a child's resistance to bath time
Dealing with a child's sudden aversion to bath time can be challenging for any parent. Addressing this issue involves validating the child’s feelings and evaluating the need for daily baths.
Validate the child's feelings about the bath and hold hope for a future change
Caller #1 shared their struggles with their daughter's newfound aversion to baths. Despite previous enjoyment, the child began resisting, only able to express a simple dislike or refusal to bathe.
Acknowledge the child's difficulty with bathing
It’s important to acknowledge the child’s feelings about the bath. Affirm that their aversion is valid and real, even if the exact reason isn't clear. Becky Kennedy emphasizes showing the child that the parent understands there is something they do not like about the experience. It’s key to respect the child’s feelings while focusing on maintaining safety and a basic level of hygiene.
Express confidence in future changes
Parents can express optimism that the child's feelings toward baths may evolve in time. By positively affirming that the situation will get better, parents can help alleviate some of the child’s resistance. Kennedy advises working collaboratively with the child to come up with a temporary solution that recognizes their current perspective and feels like control.
Evaluate the frequency of required bathing and adjust as needed
Upon realizing that children do not necessarily need daily baths, parents can discuss and set a reasonable bathing schedule that caters to the child’s basic hygiene needs and their comfort level.
Adjust bathing frequency and approach
If traditional baths cause contention, presenting alternatives like a "bird bath" with just a was ...
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Addressing a child's resistance to bath time
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Counterarguments
- While acknowledging a child's difficulty with bathing is important, it's also crucial to ensure that this acknowledgment doesn't inadvertently reinforce the aversion.
- Validating feelings is essential, but it should be balanced with gentle encouragement to help the child overcome their aversion.
- Expressing confidence in future changes is positive, but it may create expectations that could lead to disappointment if the child's aversion persists.
- Adjusting bathing frequency and approach should be done carefully to avoid establishing a habit that might be difficult to change later on.
- Discussing and setting a reasonable bathing schedule is good, but it's important to ensure that the child still learns about the importance of regular hygiene.
- Offering alternatives like a "bird bath" or "scrub downs" can be helpful, but they might not always be as effective as a full bath in cleaning the child thoroughly.
- Lowering the bathing frequency could potentially lead to hygien ...
Actionables
- Create a personalized bath time storybook that includes the child as a character overcoming their reluctance to bathe, which can be read together before bath times. This can make the experience more engaging and give the child a sense of adventure and achievement related to bathing.
- Design a "bath time progress chart" with fun stickers or markers for the child to track their bathing experiences, providing a visual incentive and a sense of accomplishment. This can help the child see their progress and feel proud of each step they take.
- Introduce a " ...
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Navigating potty training with a child-led approach
Adopting a child-led approach to potty training, which emphasizes observing and responding to a child's natural interest and readiness, can be a rewarding and effective way to ease the transition out of diapers.
Observe and respond to the child's natural interest and readiness
Parents are encouraged to recognize and celebrate their child's emerging interest in the potty—such as their desire to sit on it, discuss it, and observe other children using it—without applying pressure. The concept of "potty learning" is preferable to "potty training" because it suggests that the child is in control of their own body functions, which is one of the few areas they have autonomy over.
For example, a caller shared how their daughter showed a natural curiosity for potty-related activities and expressed an interest in underwear—behaviors supported by the parents without added pressure. When the child mimics others at daycare using the potty or shows a preference for standing during diaper changes, it indicates a wish for more independence. The host suggests that when children exhibit such readiness signs, like talking about potty use or showing a desire for underwear, parents should respond appropriately by offering the necessary tools and support.
Involve the child in the process and celebrate their autonomy
By encouraging the child's desire to stand up and participate in the diaper-changing process, parents can foster a sense of independence, signaling their readiness for potty training. Providing children with underwear and involving them actively in the potty training journey can make a significant difference.
Becky Kennedy stresses the importance of listening to what the ch ...
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Navigating potty training with a child-led approach
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Counterarguments
- While a child-led approach respects a child's autonomy, it may not be suitable for all children, as some may require more guidance and structure to successfully transition out of diapers.
- The concept of "potty learning" might inadvertently delay the process for some children who do not show a clear interest or readiness, potentially leading to challenges such as starting school still in diapers.
- Observing and responding to a child's cues is important, but parents also need to provide clear expectations and consistent routines to help children understand new concepts, including potty training.
- In some cases, children may not show an interest in potty training until they see their peers doing it, suggesting that a balance between child-led and peer-influenced approaches might be beneficial.
- Celebrating a child's autonomy is important, but overemphasis on independence can overlook the need for parental involvement and guidance in potty training.
- While involving the child in the process is beneficial, some children may become overwhelmed by too many choices or responsibilities too soon, which could hinder their progress.
- Acknowledging and reinforcing attempts and successes is good practice, but it's also important to handle accidents and setbacks in a way that doesn't discourage t ...
Actionables
- Create a "potty progress" scrapbook with your child to document their journey, using photos, drawings, and stickers to mark milestones. This scrapbook can serve as a visual and interactive way for your child to see their achievements and feel proud of their progress, making the learning process more engaging and memorable.
- Designate a "potty corner" in your home where your child can have privacy and access to potty-related books and toys. This space can help your child feel comfortable and relaxed, associating positive feelings with the potty. Ensure it's a cozy, inviting area that they can personalize with their favorite colors or characters.
- Introduce a "potty time" signal, such as a spe ...
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The impact of parental attitudes towards mess and bodily functions on the child
The way parents react to messes and bodily functions can heavily influence a child’s development and their attitudes toward such natural processes.
Examine personal reactions to "messy" bodily functions
Becky Kennedy speaks on how critical it is for parents to reflect on their personal discomfort or aversion to certain bodily functions, like poop, as it can be communicated to the child. One caller reflects on the discomfort associated with the terms "doody" and "sissy" from their childhood, revealing that the word "doody" still grosses them out. This discomfort, along with a teasing incident using the word "sissy," exemplifies how parental reactions and emotions can impact a child’s view of their bodily functions.
Reflect on how this influences the child's perception
Kennedy emphasizes that children often pick up on whether it's acceptable to be messy, particularly with the process of pooping. She notes that children might withhold poop or demonstrate resistance to potty training as a reflection of their own internalized discomfort with messiness.
Foster a healthy, matter-of-fact attitude towards bodily functions
To promote a healthier relationship with bodily functions, parents should adopt a calm, pragmatic approach without showing strong emotional reactions or judgments.
Encourage positive bodily function attitudes
Caller #1 named Ian, for instance, talks about concealing his revulsion for a children's book about bodily functions from his daughter to maintain a neutral stance. By ...
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The impact of parental attitudes towards mess and bodily functions on the child
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Counterarguments
- While reflecting on personal discomfort with bodily functions is important, it's also necessary to teach children about appropriate contexts for discussing these functions, balancing openness with social norms.
- Some cultural or religious beliefs may place different values on cleanliness and bodily functions, and these perspectives can also contribute positively to a child's development within that cultural context.
- Overemphasis on being non-reactive to mess and bodily functions might inadvertently downplay the importance of hygiene and cleanliness, which are also critical lessons for children.
- Children are individuals and may react differently to parental attitudes; what works for one child in terms of fostering a healthy attitude may not work for another.
- There may be underlying medical or psychological reasons for a child's resistance to potty training or discomfort with bodily functions that are not solely related to pa ...
Actionables
- You can create a "bodily function storytime" with your child using age-appropriate books that address bodily functions in a fun and educational way. By reading together, you're showing that these topics are normal and can be talked about openly. For example, find books that talk about the digestive system with colorful illustrations and characters, making the learning process engaging.
- Start a family "messy day" where you engage in activities that are inherently messy, like finger painting or mud pie making, to demonstrate that messiness can be part of play and learning. This can help you and your child become more comfortable with mess in a controlled environment, reinforcing that it's a natural part of life.
- Develop a "bodily function vocabu ...
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